Disclaimer: I don't own House … or Wonderwall by the Oasis.

A/N: This is a two-parter based on the ep where House has to do that speech for Vogler …

Questions

Even as he had stood up on the podium listening to the words that his mouth was saying, his eyes had sought her out in the audience. Her mouth had been slightly open, and her eyes were downcast. Her posture was slumped, and her entire air reeked of disappointment. He couldn't look away; he couldn't stop himself from speaking – did he honestly want to? He was pushing away at her, and she was slowly relinquishing her grip.

But now, the phantom of her presence still lingered in his apartment, and if he closed his eyes he could almost hear her voice as she stood there to hand in her resignation. He didn't shake her hand – how could he? That would have been so final … but wasn't this so final in any case?

Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now

Sure, maybe he loved her, maybe he didn't, what did it matter? He couldn't, wouldn't, would never be with her. He would hurt her, maim her, destroy her. He was too old, too disabled, too sarcastic. His barbs and taunts would break her eventually … and he didn't want to do that. So maybe it was best that she left now … before she was hurt. The pain he had just caused her was nothing to the pain that she would experience if she stayed.

Backbeat the word was on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now

She had always been the one most likely, the one most willing, the one who wanted to trust in him the most. That was why she had been so disappointed in him, he supposed dimly. Foreman had never believed he would do the speech, and Chase had nothing to worry about.

She had handed him her heart on a silver platter and he had pushed it away. Maybe it fell on the ground, and maybe it had broken into pieces, and maybe it had shattered. Maybe he hadn't dared to look. Maybe Foreman was right and he was just an uncaring ass.

And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
I don't know how

It was so confusing, he mused as he downed yet another glass of whiskey. He wasn't supposed to be confused – he was The Doctor House, wasn't he? He solved the problems no one else could solve. But when it came to communication, he was adept as … a snail is at sprints. But he had always been bad at human relations – why was this any different? Why did he feel insufficient? And why, oh why did he feel like he had just made the worst mistake of his life?

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one saves saves me?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

He leant heavily on his cane and stood up, making his way over to the kitchen to grab another bottle of whiskey. A jolt of pain flashed through his system, causing him to curse profoundly and down two Vicodins. His hand hesitated on the handle of the fridge for a moment, before he abandoned caution to the winds and took out another bottle – Scotch this time.

Limping back to the couch, he sat down heavily, closing his eyes. The night was still young.

Today was gonna be the day
But they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Cameron's PoV next …