Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. But one day I will, because I'm going to take over the world. All who write fan-fiction will bow before me, the ultimate Fullmetal Obsesser!

Damn Jean Havoc. And damn me while you're at it. And the Elric brothers, Mustang, and... Okay, let's stop the damnation because you don't know why I want them damned. At any rate, this is the oddest and most perverted thing I will ever write, or at least have written. And beware, if you support RoyxEd couplings, you may or may not decide to like this. The first chapter or two could be misleading. But here we go;

LET THE DAMNATION BEGIN!

--

The military was going insane, and it was all because of the Elrics.

Part of it was expected. After all, the Colonel and Ed seemed perfect for each other. Roy's cool as ice attitude would slowly (very slowly) calm down Ed, who would in turn show Roy there are other ways of burning off frustration than burning things. Sure, they had their fights. But everyone within 20 yards had the same suspicion that they weren't mad at each other when they did. Especially when they started arguing more after Roy ordered a sound-proof door for his office. (o.0)

No, the surprising part was Jean and Al. It was understandable when Al would come to the office. After finding the Philosopher's Stone, the brothers had no reason to leave Central, but to visit Winry. And since Ed was always at the office, Al was left with unlimited free time. So he would offer to help Jean with various errands and somehow they'd end up playing poker, and Al would win.

Which was all well and good, until Al got sick during a cold week in January.

It was a simple case of the flu. A week in bed, maybe two, and Al would be fine. But it seemed in those days, Jean was getting thinner, and he started smoking a little more. Riza was worried, and as Roy was off in Xing for some military reason (I'm not that creative), she ordered Jean some paid time off. Which did Jean no good. Now he had all day without interruption to worry about Al.

Finally, the distraught second lieutenant walked over to the military dorm where the Elrics were staying, with a decision to casually ask if Al was getting any better. The question was never asked, because Al was the one who answered the door, saying he'd been fine for the last three or four days. Jean sighed a long breath, realizing he'd missed Al more than he maybe should have.

The next day, Jean had come up with an idea of what he wanted to do. He arrived at work, explained to Riza that he was fine now, and went to his desk to work on some of the files Roy had him read. Ed showed up a few minutes later, trailed by his brother who was greeted with fond welcomes from all of Ed's colleagues. As usual, Al asked Jean about what he had to do today, which ended up with them carrying a rather large box of charred objects from a closet in the Colonel's office.

"So tell me something, Al." Jean started, dropping a bow into the dumpster.

"What's that, Mr. Havoc?" Al asked, following suit.

"You're what, 17 now? Why do you spend so much time in the office, you should be out living life and whatnot."

Al didn't reply for a moment, then said, "Because, I've become accustomed to some of the people here...Well, maybe 'attached' is a better word for it."

Jean said nothing, shaking slightly. "Really? And which people might that be?"

Al blushed slightly, but didn't answer.

Jean leaned against the wall, his hands taking refuge in his pockets. "C'mon Al, you and I have been buddies for a long time, you can trust me with anything."

Al sighed. "I know I can. I'm just not sure if I can trust myself..."

Jean cocked an eyebrow in the younger boy's direction. "What's up, Al?"

Al turned so he was facing the soldier dead on, and said, "There's something I've wanted to do, but I'm not sure what people would think if I did. I don't mean people in general, but specific people."

'I know exactly what you mean.' Jean thought, but chose instead to say, "Al, you should always follow your instincts, whether people like it or not."

'Maybe I should listen to myself once in a while...'

Al gave him a thoughtful stare, before he stepped forward, leaned in, and kissed Jean. Not kissed, relayed a thousand emotions through that touch. Jean blinked in bemusement, thinking that his smoking had started affecting his brain. Until Al pulled back, and said,

"I love you, lieutenant Havoc."

Jean froze. Oh yeah, he was dreaming. Until he saw the golden eyes staring up at him. Vaguely he remembered reading somewhere that it's impossible to hide emotion in your eyes. And he saw the proof in the younger Elric's open eyes, filled with fear and hope and...No, it couldn't be...Love?

Al, meanwhile, had started to regret his confession. Something made him think that lieutenant Havoc didn't care for the affections of a teenage boy. He was about to walk away and apologize, until He felt strong arms wrap around him, holding him close. A voice whispered in his ear,

"My name's Jean, and I love you too, Al."

Neither knew how long they sat there, on that cold January morning. They didn't care either. They just knew that once they were back in the building, they'd have to act as though it never happened. Jean knew, of course, that someone would find out. They did with Roy, and with almost every other relationship that had grown from the military's men.

Al knew too. He wasn't all that worried. No one cared who Al saw. They just didn't want him hurt, the upside of hanging out at the office.(One of them, at any rate) It was his brother that worried him ever so slightly. It was just a matter of how Ed would act towards Jean. Al knew that (technically) Ed outranked Jean. He knew that if he wanted to, Jean might just lose his job.

"Mr.-- Jean, what are we going to do?" Al asked.

"About what, Al?" Jean asked, in a seemingly tired voice.

"What do you think Brother will do? Or the Colonel!"

"Well," Jean started, smiling slightly, "I imagine boss would give his signature smirk, hold back your brother, and say something to the effect of good luck."

Al smiled. 'How can he do that? It's impossible to worry around this guy.'

"Why do you ask, Al?" Jean questioned in a worried way. "Do you think your brother might try and stop us?"

Al said nothing. He seemed to do a lot of that around Jean.

"Al, I'll still love you, no matter what your brother thinks." Jean said softly. "And besides, he can't talk much about it; He sleeps with his boss, which is against the law." Jean said, earning a light laugh from Al.

"It's not what he thinks I'm worried about." Al said. "It's the fact of his rank."

A short silence followed, durring which Al knew Jean was thinking about his statement.

Jean shook his head. "He'd have to clear it with boss first."

"Why wouldn't the Colonel allow it? Ed might...Well, there are things Ed could do that would put the Colonel in a pretty tight spot."

'Tell me about it.' Jean thought, but shook his head clear of this perverted thought. "You and I both know Ed wouldn't do that, because boss could do the same thing to him. Besides, I'm sure Ed would miss boss a whole lo more than boss'd miss him."

Al nodded his head slightly in agreement.

"And your brother wouldn't do something that would make you unhappy."

Al smiled, saying "You're right." but thinking 'I hope not.'

"We should head in." Jean said. "It nearly killed me when you got sick, I don't thinkI could handle it again."

Al laughed, leaning away from the older man. "Nearly killed you! I was the one stuck in that stuffy dorm room puking whatever I could eat."

Jean froze, and Al just shook his head, already knowing the thoughts forming in his head. "There was nothing you could do about it, Jean."

Jean still said nothing, causing Al to smile. He leaned back over, kissed Jean lightly, then turned to go inside. He couls hear the light footfall beside him, alerting him his plan had worked.

"You're too predictable, Jean." Al said, laughing.

"That's what happens when you surprise a guy and tell him about his love's sickness?"

'Love. I like the sound of that.'

--

I swear, this is not a one shot. Still don't see reason for the damnation of Jean and the Elrics and Mustang and maybe a few others? Just wait and see...Sorry if there are a few mistakes, my computer keeps crashing and IT'S DRIVING ME MAD!

--