It's not easy being a Horcrux, you know. Most people think it is… I mean, laid back, famous lifestyle and all that, right? Great. Just great.

Other idiots think we're evil. But, well…come off it! We're just innocent objects with bits of a soul stuffed inside. It's not like we even wanted to be this way…

The general public is, as has been realised due to several experiments on the subject, utterly insane.

I tried chatting up a nice lady stalactite once, but, seeing as I'm an inanimate item it was completely impossible. You should realise how little social life we Horcruxes have. She just completely ignored me! My pride was deeply wounded! I even tried to offer her a drink, but it didn't go down well at all! She really was beautiful… And then I watched my love marry Mr. Stalagmite. It was totally unfair that I'd never even had a chance…

See, that's another thing. Girls prefer rich guys, and the pay is terrible. I mean, please, we're helping an evil dark lord who wants to kill most people to survive here, and what do we get? £7 a year. It's terrible, isn't it? I just have about haveenough to buy clothes to get me through winter in this depressing place…

Labby (another Horcrux) and I once decided to hold a strike. We were going to have banners and pitchforks and uniforms to wear and everything! Our slogan was to be "Um…More pay." We all agreed it was very good, in fact we could just tell they couldn't have refused that! We had it all set up, what time, where, our official colour, our enlightening speech…It was all settled.

Do you want to hear our speech?

I'd get up, and start chanting our slogan! It was going to be brilliant! Then Labby would come in and say, in the most serious voice, that we were rebelling against our masters! At this part, we figured everyone would just go wild and start cheering and support us at once. It was, like, the most exciting part of my life! Then we'd dance and sing and our demands would be met! And there would be rainbows in the sky and killing in the background! It would be such fun, and then maybe, we figured, there would be a chance for us with that whole love thing. Our lives would be far better. We could see it all stretched before us… And, because our speech would be so impressive we could even win an award!

Alas, it was not meant to be. We were cruelly separated. Labby, dragged over to a toilet and I, stuck in this stupid little cave!

I can't even bare to look around me these days. Ever since Lady Stalactite betrayed me I've become more and more dragged down into melancholy. Company is something I miss so much. No one even comes down here anymore. The hours are terrible, the pay's even worse, the company not much better. No, it's not easy being a Horcrux at all.