Seppuku no You Arin-san
By Hoogiman

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Super Smash Brother characters.

Chapter One: Advert

Seated in front of the television, eyes dried and stuck at the screen were the so called 'TV Junkies', a couple of Smashers who really liked watching television.

"Why are we even watching this soapie? It's horrible! It's the worst show out of the fourteen hours of television we've seen today!" said Marth, downing his twelfth soda. "Why don't we watch something else?"

All of the other 'TV Junkies', Donkey Kong, Link, Bowser and Kirby nodded in agreement.

"Who's got the remote control?" asked Marth.

"I do," said Donkey Kong, stroking a packet of chips.

Everyone stared at Donkey Kong.

"Why am I stroking a packet of chips?" asked Donkey Kong, thinking, "Well… that only means… well… OH NO! I'VE SWALLOWED THE CAT!"

Nobody laughed.

"I'm serious," said Donkey Kong.

Everyone panicked.

"Oh, here's the remote," said Donkey Kong, lethargically passing the remote control to Marth.

"Okay," said Marth, taking the remote control, "Let's see what else is on!"

Marth pressed a button, which switched the channel.

"Hey!" laughed Kirby, "It's that Japanese game show where they make them do crazy things!"

"Cool!" said almost everyone else in unison.

"For the next challenge," said a man on the screen holding up a microphone with a badly dubbed voice, "Everyone from each team will have to walk this thin balancing beam which is situated across this active volcano! If anyone falls in and dies, they lose their team points."

"Wow, that's crazy," said Link, objecting.

"There are now only ten teams of five left in this game show. By the end of the round, the team with the least points will be eliminated!" said the same man, the presenter on the screen. "The last team remaining will win this gigantic television!"

A picture of a gigantic television appeared up on the screen.

"Cool!" said everyone in unison.

"Team Nagaki will be the first to cross the balancing beam," said the presenter.

A shy, timid man nervously walked onto the beam. He walked precariously across the bar, before falling into the active volcano, dying.

All of the smashers laughed.

"You fool, Joe!" said a female contestant on the screen, "You are a disgrace to your family, you died, and lost two points at the same time!"

"This is dangerous!" said Link, angrily, "Only in a country as crazy as Japan would they do this! In our civilised country, they would never have a game show where they put people's lives constantly in risk!"

"What about Survivor?" asked Kirby.

"Well… uh… shut up," said Link.

A collective 'aww' from the smashers was heard.

Jigglypuff, Pikachu, Pichu, Young Link and Ness walked in.

"Hey you stupid kids!" said Bowser angrily, "Isn't it past your bedtime?"

"No," replied Ness, "It's six o' clock!"

"Well… this is an adult program… with adult themes!" said Bowser.

"Yeah… for adults!" said Link. "You're not allowed! This show is too full of comedic violence- I mean… uh… drug… references…"

"Did you say… comedic violence?" asked Ness, smiling.

"No," said Link.

A guy fell into the lava in a comedic-violenty sort of way.

"Yay!" said all of the kids.

The kids sat themselves down on the large couch.

Link sighed.

An advert popped on the screen.

"Would you like to be on reality TV?" asked a voice on the screen.

"YES!" screamed everyone, as if the TV could hear them.

"We are now currently casting for the fifth season of, 'Seppuku no Youar-insan'! If you and four friends love the show, then call up now!"

Everyone cheered.

"Call this number now!"

"Hey, I've got an idea!" said Donkey Kong, "We can go on that reality TV show and win the big TV!"

"Did someone say, big TV?" asked Young Link, "Cool! I'm signing us five up!"

Jigglypuff, Pichu, Pikachu and Ness cheered.

"Hey!" said Bowser angrily, "No fair! We're the ones that watch this show! You don't know anything about the rules! You'd do horribly! They'd never let you in!"

"That's our TV!" said all of the 'TV Junkies' angrily.

"Whatever," said Young Link, calling up.

Young Link talked to a producer on the phone.

"Hey, the auditions are in Japan!" said Young Link, "And they're today! Let's go!"

Some conveniently placed suitcases packed with goodies fell out of the sky into the room, right in front of the kids. They took the suitcases, and ran out.

"Follow them!" said Link angrily.