FRANKIE: Hi! I'm Frances Blackwood. Welcome to the WORLD OF INSANITY.
You: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
FRANKIE: Yes. Impressive, isn't it? OK, today's agenda is: 1. Meet US. 2. Try to keep your sanity. 3. Watch us drool over Sodapop Curtis. Who – let's face it – is INCREDIBLY hott. Yes. The second 'T' IS deliberate. OK. So, here, we have my twin brother, Theodore-James Hanson.
TJ: WASSUP!
You: Blinks
TJ: Um… OK. Me and Frankie have different surnames because when Mum married Colin, Colin adopted Frankie. JUST Frankie.
FRANKIE: Because I'm cool and TJ… well, TJ isn't.
TJ: Why do you keep telling everybody that?
FRANKIE: Because it's true.
TJ: No! No it isn't!
FRANKIE: OK. Um, TJ, let me introduce you to the 21st century. No-one says "WASSUP" anymore!
TJ: (Muttering.) Whatever.
FRANKIE: Next we have Joey Wester, my on/off best friend.
JOEY: Hey, ladies!
FRANKIE: Joey. How many times do I have to tell you? NO SCARING THE FEMALE GUESTS! Next we have Elizabeth Johnson. Think Phoebe from 'Friends' and you're pretty close.
LIZZIE: I sense an overdose of insanity of insanity in your future…
FRANKIE: …OK then! Can I introduce to you Josie Beddingfield?
JOSIE: In the words of Bridget Hennessy, "Can you? Yes. May you? I don't know."
FRANKIE: Heh. I love that show.
JOSIE: God, I know, it's great!
FRANKIE: OK, now we have Mike Newman, local brainiac.
MIKE: How do you do?
FRANKIE: He's also local swot.
MIKE: Frankie, I'm standing right next to you. I heard that.
FRANKIE: Oh, I know. You were supposed to. And finally, the one, the only, the incredibly weird ANDY CATHER!
ANDY: Excuse me. It's LORD Andy.
FRANKIE: Dude. You're NOT a Lord.
JOEY: Get over it.
JOSIE: OK, now the chances are there are going to be a few love interests in this… thing. So if you don't like that sort of thing, or have a fear of getting confuzzled, now is the time to leave.
MIKE: But if you leave, we hope you enjoyed your visit.
ANDY: However short it was.
FRANKIE: OK, then. Now we'll only be using Soda –
SODAPOP: Hi.
FRANKIE: No, not yet.
SODAPOP: Oh… OK.
FRANKIE: OK, basically, Darry, Ponyboy, Dally and Johnny won't be in this… thing.
JOSIE: Yeah, Darry and Ponyboy said that we weren't paying them enough.
LIZZIE: And Dally and Ponyboy are, like… dead.
TJ: Oh, but there are a few people WE'VE added, so… that's good.
FRANKIE: Ahuh… Anyhoo. On with the insanity!
Exit all except Soda.
SODAPOP: …Bloo…