Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts

A Tale of Two Idiots

Chapter 1

Nothing But Chaos

Axel sat there, bored out of his mind as Xemnas held his meeting.

"Also, to the person who let their voodoo doll making kit in the girls bathroom, please do us all a favor and remove it. It's disturbing, and it scared Marluxia. Thank you. Now, moving on…"

Voodoo doll making kit? It's not mine! It's Larxene's! He, he, he, Axel thought as Xemnas continued to talk about unimportant things, as far as Axel was concerned.

All I want to do right now is burn something. Or make someone's life miserable with Roxas. Whichever comes first.

"…And that ends our meeting. Oh, one more thing. The day I became a Nobody will be in seven days. I cherish that day because that's when I started to take away research from Ansem the Wise and make Kingdom Hearts! So you guys better not do anything stupid. That goes for you Axel!"

Axel looked up. "What have I ever done?"

"Blow up the toilet," Roxas said while playing his Nintendo DS.

Axel looked at his best friend with an evil smile. "Oh yeah! And that one time when I got drunk and burnt all of Marluxia's dumb plants 'cause I got all carried away…"

"You did WHAT!" Marluxia cried, pulling out his pink scythe.

"Oh god," Axel yelled as he ran for his dear life.

"Get back here you murderer!"

"The meeting is now over," Xemnas said, but they didn't seem to hear him as they went back to their rooms.

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Axel stopped running, only to notice that he ran all the way to the bathroom.

"Where are you Axel? Don't worry, I won't hurt you. Much."

Axel gulped and dove into the bathroom as Marluxia came by, swinging his scythe.

Suddenly, a dark portal appeared right in front of Axel, and Demyx came out.

"So that's where you! Roxas was looking for you. Did I come at a bad time?" Demyx asked, noticing Axel's look of panic.

"So you're hiding in a bathroom? No escaping me now!" Marluxia cried from the hallway.

Axel looked at Demyx, who had already disappeared. Before Axel could react, Marluxia hit the door with his scythe.

"Mommy?" Axel muttered as Marluxia came in for the kill.

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"That's right. Daddy loves you both. But I love you better."

If you were standing outside the door, you would have thought that Roxas was crazy. But if you saw what he was doing, you'd think he was mental.

Roxas sat on his bed, polishing his two Keyblades. He had already finished polishing Oathkeeper, so now he was cleaning Oblivion. While talking to them.

All of a sudden, the door burst open to reveal a very wet Axel.

Roxas looked up and started to laugh. The only time he had seen Axel wet was either from pissing himself or from taking a bath, which he hadn't done for three days now.

"What happened to you?" Roxas asked in between laughs.

"Don't you dare laugh!" Axel yelled at Roxas.

"Why?"

"Marluxia gave me a swirly." Axel said.

That only caused Roxas to laugh harder, angering Axel.

"Don't laugh at me! It was completely unexpected. Marluxia was chasing me, so I went to hide in a bathroom. Bad mistake 'cause Demyx showed up and Marluxia found out where I was. Demyx got his butt away, but I wasn't so lucky. So I hide in a bathroom stall, about to make my courageous escape, but Marluxia attacked the door with his scythe, put his boot to my face, and stuffed my head into a toilet. Oh yeah, he flushed about a dozen times, too. He also told me to never set his plants on fire again. Got it memorized?"

Roxas nodded, trying really hard not to laugh at his fire loving friend.

"Okay, so why'd you want me?" Axel asked, trying to get the water out of his hair.

"What do you mean?" Roxas asked as he went back to cleaning Oblivion.

"Remember when I said that Demyx found me? He said you were looking for me."

"No I wasn't."

"So that rat lied to me!" Axel yelled as he took out his weapons. "When I get a hold of that rat, I'm going to-"

"I need to get back at him too, ya now," Roxas said as they ran out the room, screaming like a pair of nuts.

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Luxord reached Saix's room and knocked.

"What?" Saix said as he came to the door.

Luxord took out his favorite deck of cards. "I'm bored so I've invited Xemnas, Xigbar, Xaldin, and Lexaeus to my room to play some cards. Want to come?"

Saix thought for a moment. "Do you have any vodka?"

Luxord nodded. "Three barrels, to be exact."

"Count me in then."

As they walked to Luxord's room, Saix asked, "We gonna invite someone else?"

"Well, Vexen couldn't come because he's doing something in his room, Zexion said that it was a waste of his time to get drunk and act like an idiot, Larxene would just call all of us bloody cheaters and make plans to rule the world alone, Marluxia is just too stupid to play, Demyx and Roxas are too young, and Axel might get drunk again and blow up Marluxia's room," Luxord responded.

"Okay then, what we playing?" Saix asked again.

"Poker."

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Demyx fell on his bed, barely being able to contain his laughter. He had just played a joke on Axel, and also took pictures of Marluxia giving him a swirly!

"I should sell these to-"

Knock, knock, KNOCK.

Demyx shot up. "Who is it?"

"Your worst nightmare," Axel said, revenge in his voice.

"Don't forget me. I still have to get back at you for stealing my lifetime supply of candy." Roxas said as he came out of a darkness portal from behind Demyx.

"Damn."

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"What the-!"

"You do realize that you're playing against the greatest poker player ever?" Luxord said calmly, as Xemnas pounded the table with his fist.

"Dude, will you calm down? I mean, you won the first game," Xigbar said.

"That's not it."

"Then why are ya angry?" Saix said stupidly as he chucked down a glass of vodka.

Luxord smiled. "We made a bet. If Xemnas loses, he has to run around in his boxers, here inside The Castle That Never Was."

"What possessed you to make a bet against Luxord?" Xaldin asked Xemnas, who had a really evil look on his face.

Luxord got up and backed away once he saw his face. "Don't you dare."

Xemnas got up and followed Luxord. "Just watch me."

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"Ah, sweet revenge," Axel said as he and Roxas walked out of Demyx's room, clearly pleased with what they had done. They had jumped on Demyx and tried to rip his hair out. Unfortunatly, they couldn't, so they dropped a bucket of ice cold water on him while Roxas hit him with his Keyblades. Then they took the photos Demyx had made of Axel while he was getting beat up by Marluxia and burned them.

Roxas sighed. "What are we supposed to do now?"

"Burn something that belongs to Marluxia," Axel said.

Just then, they heard yelling and screaming coming from Luxord's room.

"Wonder what's going on?" Roxas asked as they opened the door.

They opened the door to find Luxord and Xemnas rolling on the ground beating the stuffing out of each other. Xigbar, Xaldin, and Lexaeus were cheering them on as Saix (who was wearing a dress!) was dancing on the poker table, clearly drunk.

"And they say we're immature?" Axel asked, holding back a fit of laughter.

Roxas took out his digital camera. "How much do you think this'll cost on ebay?" he asked Axel.

"Forget ebay! We can use this as blackmail material." Axel said as Roxas took about a dozen pictures.

Saix looked at the pair in the doorway. "My fans have come to take pictures of me dancing! Yay!"

The other five looked up and saw Roxas holding the camera.

"Shit. I promised my girlfriend that I wouldn't beat anyone up anymore," Xemnas said, getting up and brushing himself of.

"You have a girlfriend? Damn, I thought you hated girls!" Roxas yelled, putting his camera away.

Xigbar, Xaldin, Lexaeus, and Luxord dropped dead laughing while Saix continued to dance on the table in his pretty girly dress.

Xemnas turned to Axel and Roxas, face turning bright red. "Don't you dare do what I think your going to do."

"Hey Roxas, I have an idea," Axel whispered.

"And that would be…?"

"Lets send these to his girlfriend!"

"Hell yeah!" Roxas yelled as they opened a darkness portal, leaving Xemnas to curse them off in Luxord's room.

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