That's right, folks! Preventer Squall is back with a vengeance. This started out as a fic challenge that was started by Kraken's Ghost, but I like the idea I came up with, and wanted to see if anyone else thought the same. I still intend to work on Beauty of the Beasts, so for the handful of fans it has shouldn't be distressed. I have a whole slew of projects in the works, so I suggest you keep an eye on me.

At the moment, there isn't much in the way of pairings, though I may make it a Naru/Ino fic, though other pairings will be listened to be reviewers. Ya hear me? Be sure to review!

Oh yeah, before I foget. -coughs and reads from the script- I, Preventer Squall, do not own Naruto, or its characters therein. If I did, I would have had Sasuke eaten alive by highly irritated gerbils. But I digress…

On with the show!

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"Blah" Normal Speak

"Blah" Thought Speak, Letters

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Preventer Squall presents:

Son of a Monkey

"Take care of my son for me, oji-san."

Sarutobi couldn't restrain the sigh that escaped his lips as he replayed those words over and over again in his mind. It was the first time Arashi ever called him that, having been a stickler for bearing proper respect to his predecessor. Even after the Third Hokage officially retired from the position, that boy would always speak with a great deal of reverence that one would have for one's senior. Time and again, Sarutobi had all but ordered him to speak to him as if he were an equal. They were both men who had earned the Kage rank, and damned if that blonde-haired twit would at least talk like it.

But that changed the night the Kyuubi came to the gates of Konohagakure. Plan after plan to stop the beast was concocted and eventually tossed aside as the greatest tactical minds of the day tried to exploit some weakness in the seemingly unstoppable beast.

When all seemed lost, it was the newly appointed Hokage, whose face was still being chiseled into the cliff side monument, who had hatched a scheme so insanely dangerous and suicidal that only Kazama Arashi could have come up with it. And after summoning Gamabunta and preparing to face off against the deranged kitsune, with a child held in one arm and a scroll in the other, he flashed the old man a lopsided grin and spoke.

"Take care of my son for me, oji-san."

And with that, he mounted the gigantic toad and they sprang into the final confrontation with the greatest threat in Konoha history. It was that request which kept the former Hokage from trying to take Arashi's place on the chopping block, though the fact that he'd been paralyzed by the same grinning bastard cemented his decision all the more.

Dragging himself from the freshly crafted memories, he looked down at the small child that he held in the crux of his arm, silently wishing he could sleep as peacefully as the child currently was. His other hand would have been holding the boy a little more securely, but the fact was that he was using that hand to try and pen out an edict after his unpleasantly short reprieve from this abhorrent office. Unfortunately, the amalgamation of these details was currently giving him an irritating case of writer's block.

How does one properly write out an edict of silence about the demon that was sealed into a child's stomach? There wasn't a word in that sentence that didn't make his stomach churn in disgust. Everything about it was wrong, and he had the unfortunate task of trying to find a way to make it sound right.

Another sigh followed suit before he turned his attention to the slumbering blonde. "You wouldn't have any ideas, would you?" he knew the inquiry was as rhetorical as they came, but part of him still clung to the hope that someone could help him find a way of making this bearable. If not this poor boy, whose life he knew he was invariably condemning, then who?

Almost as if the gods heard his plight, the doors to his office suddenly swung open and Sarutobi Asuma practically stormed inside, tossing aside his fellow chuunin as though he was a piece of straw on his shoulder. "I heard them mention the Third Hokage, and I just had to see if they actually dragged you back into this chair." he almost growled out those words, shifting his glare back at the shinobi he had launched as the cowering man shut the doors to allow them a measure of privacy. Asuma's head quickly snapped back to his father, his glare lessened but there all the same.

The old man nodded slightly, setting the pen down and leaned back in the plush chair as he watched his eldest son rant. "I couldn't very well say no after what's happened." he held up a hand to silence his son as Asuma opened his mouth for another verbal salvo. "I don't intend to make this a permanent measure, but they need someone with leadership experience and a face that puts the people at ease. Regardless of my feelings in the matter, I meet those requirements." the old Kage stated in his best diplomatic tone, hoping it would put his well-meaning son at ease. And in case it didn't, it was time to put that boy to use. "And since you're here, I'd like your help on something. I'm afraid I've been out of this office too long to come up with a declaration on the fly anymore." he mused with a chuckle, which grew even louder as his son grumbled and put a hand through his hair.

He loved his father dearly, but this was enough to drive a man to smoke. "What kind of declaration?"

"It's about the Kyuubi, and how to protect the future of our people." the Third started to rub his chin after several moments of silence, both of them aware he was skirting around the subject of the piece of paper. But before the young chuunin could say anything, the room was suddenly engulfed in an ear splitting wail. From the look of it, even the kid in the elder Sarutobi's arms disliked the name of that demon.

"Wait..a kid?" Asuma blinked and leaned over the table to see the boy that his father was trying to coax back into slumber. It had to be a newborn, just from the size of it, though he couldn't tell the gender of it because of the swaddling cloth it was wrapped in. He did notice how its head had a full head of bright yellow hair, and almost commented on how this struck a strange chord of familiarity with the young man. That was, of course, he saw the bizarre looking streaks on its cheeks, bearing an eerie resemblance to whiskers. As far as he knew, there wasn't a family that had marks as distinctive as that. "Whose kid?" was all he could muster to ask after the wailing died down, making a mental note to keep from saying that bastard fox's name for awhile. Not that he'd complain, of course.

Sarutobi let a bemused smile appear on his lips as he turned his attention to the blonde parcel he had in hand. "He's the son of a man that once saved my life. His father died in the Kyuubi's attack." he said absently, the name of the beast causing the child to squirm in his sleep and grimace as best a baby can.

"What about his mom?" he couldn't fight back the words that were practically biting at the tip of his tongue. Asuma was sure that he already knew the answer, but that didn't mean he couldn't at least ask the question. The sight of his father grimacing and shaking his head told him more then enough. "Must not have any relatives either, since that would be too much good fortune for such a small creature." The chuunin was silent for several minutes as he tried to come up with something of use, letting out an irritated sigh as he came up with next to nothing. "There's always adoption."

The reaction was surprising to say the least. The old Hokage's eyes narrowed as his lips pulled into a deep grimace, causing the wrinkles to furrow even further in order to add the illusion of several more years to his face. "I don't think anyone would want this child, regardless of his parentage." he grumbled in irritation, pen set down on the blank page as he focused all his attention on the boy. It was unfair to shoulder so much responsibility on something so small. As much as he hated to admit it, this decree would do nothing to keep the boy from being ostracized by his elders, and possibly by his peers too. He didn't want to admit that he was ignoring Asuma's assurances as he glanced at the ceiling, wondering if he could recall exactly on that icy cold roof where he and the Fourth performed the birthing process with an irate and un-drugged woman. "I never though I'd live long enough to see Arashi blush like that. She swore like an incensed sailor, even with a kunai in her mouth." The line of thought almost caused a smile to appear on his lips, but was soon squelched as several thoughts suddenly decided to make themselves noticed.

The roof was where he was born, not the hospital.

No one else was there besides the three of them.

No real witnesses to any of it.

A smirk slowly replaced the grimace, his eyes glinting in a fashion that told his son he had been struck by a masterwork of genius. "Hold the boy for me awhile." he handed the slumbering infant to the very confused chuunin, picking up his pen before he began to write. Years upon years of cunning and skill went into his words as he wrote them down on the parchment, the hour stretching to two, then into three. He took a moment to admire his handiwork, grinning smugly as he put his signature on it. Without a word exchanged between the father and son, the elder Sarutobi went back to taking care of the baby as his son looked over the proclamation.

"Adoption?" Asuma couldn't keep the surprise out of his voice as he looked at his father, who nodded and leaned back in his chair.

"You inspired me, boy." the Third admitted with a chuckle, feeling as though a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. "With the attack of the demon, we've lost many shinobi and innocents. Just like this youngster, many are now orphans." he ran his gnarled thumb over the child's cheek, smiling warmly as the baby took hood of the warmth and refused to let it go. "This decrees that shinobi or civilian over eighteen should adopt one or more of them. They are promised a stipend for their efforts, which will keep the single parents happy, and these children should be able to keep our ANBU and jounin a little more emotionally stable." he couldn't keep the smile off his face as he sat there, pleased that he found a way to maneuver himself into keeping his promise to Arashi.

It seemed that Asuma picked up on that sentiment. "Did you make that law just to get away with adopting this kid yourself?" he crossed his arms and stared down at his father, shaking his head when the old man suddenly broke out into laughter. "He really is enough to drive a man to smoke." was all he could think to himself as he tried to piece together the puzzle of the swaddling infant that had managed to infatuate his father to the extent of writing a law for. For not even being a day old, he could sure cause a ruckus.

The Third Hokage smiled a fatherly smile at Asuma as he leaned back in his official chair. "Any why not? Perhaps when you turn eighteen, you can become the boy's legal guardian, and I can finally have myself a grandson." he fought back the urge to laugh at how his son blanched at the prospect while not objecting outright to it. There was hope for that boy yet. "But for the time being, he is my son, and newest addition to the Sarutobi clan." he said with a smile, holding up the infant for Asuma to see.

"Allow me to introduce you to Sarutobi Naruto."

So, like it? Hate it? Gives you an unexplainable rash? I want to hear plenty of reviews for this one. If you ask nicely, I may put an in omake scene in here later.