Rise and fall
Chapter 5
confessions

don't own X-men don't shoot me! Or RitzI'm trying as hard as I can to make up these chapters… my brains still sort of fried so forgive any half-assed work. Still looking for a new BobbyJohn Beta, drop me a line if you want a shot.
the correct way to pronounce Johns name is Sinjin, not Saint John but whatever.

geek squared 1307: does this make it any easier to read?
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John's POV

Oh.My.God. Did he just? He did! Bobby just kissed me! He probably thought I was asleep already, yet another one of the seemingly useless things I learned from the Brotherhood, the illusion of sleep. A perfect surprise. But doesn't he have her? I refuse to say her name, its almost as venomous as her mutation was. She's one of the main reasons I left, but that's beside the point. Bobby "I-have-a-girlfriend-I'm-straight" Drake just kissed me! I can still sense him right there leaning over me, I've always wondered what he tastes like… Yes. I, St. John Allerdyce, love Bobby Drake. I'd never admit it first though. Oh.my.God. Hey have I always sounded like a love sick girl?

Whatever, I only have one shot at this. I crack me eye open slightly, he doesn't even notice, he's still there in a daze. Now! I manage to lean up, mostly painless. Thank God for painkillers. He barely registers that I'm awake before its too late, I recapture his lips with my own. I inwardly smirk at his expression, its priceless. I feel groggy, damn it! those pills are starting to take effect, reluctantly I pull away.

"Thought you were afraid to make a move, Frosty." Oh man his expression is priceless, he's just stuck there, jaw practically touching the floor.

"John" Ah, he speaks.

"Yeah?"

"Was that real or are you just pulling my chain?" he asks deadpan, his cobalt eyes probe deep, trying to find the truth.

"Why? Are you?" what? He kissed me first.
"Because if memory serves me right, you've dated every girl in the mansion." He ignored my second question, he's avoiding eye contact now… ugh, he's being such a hypocrite!

"yeah well in case you've forgotten you have a girlfriend." I spit semi-venomously. He finally looks at me, his blue eyes seem conflicted. I guess that saying bout eyes being windows to the soul was true after all. My eyes begin to close. His expression softens after I guess finding whatever he was looking for. Damn I'm tired.

"Well, Popsicle. Before I pass out, I might as well tell you," I pause, trying to keep myself awake, he stares at me intently.

"that was real, and I can't tell you how long I've waited to do it." it felt like a sort of burden was lifted from me as I said that. I shift back down in my bed. He visibly relaxes, eyes brighten. Man, I guess it's the same for him.

"Me too John, me too." he grabs the covers and pull them over me, I notice that he's extra careful about my ribs. "Go to sleep John." I try in vain to stifle a yawn. "and no faking." he adds. Yeah like I could. My eyes close as I finally fall asleep.

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Where the hell…Goddamn it, not this place. I glance around, its my old place, you cant really call it a home, no, home is where you belong, this place was just hell. I tread down the hall, everything's the same as before I got kicked out, see; there down the hall's the broken mirror my so called 'father' punched( because he missed me). I practically gag at the stench of cheap whiskey. that's filling the room, great he's home. You could always tell my 'father' was home by that smell, back from another night drinking. "Sinjin, where the hell are you boy!" Damn I almost forgot about this. Him calling me by my real name is never a good thing.

He staggers down towards the hall, and I hide in the closest room, my room. There's not many rooms in this dump, we're broke. I hold my breath, he passes right by my door. That's weird, normally my rooms the first room he looks in. I push my fold up chair over the doorknob just in case. This is my room, barely anything to it, just an old bed, closet, few posters to cover up some of the dingy tan paint, desk and the fold up chair. The lock to my door doesn't work anymore, from getting some of the brunt of his drunken ass. I look down to the floor, the bloodstains still there, I shudder at that thought. "Sinjin, get yer ass out of yer room!" his Australian accent slurred. I freeze. "open this damn door before I break it down!" that wasn't a threat, but I cant move. A quick shoulder ram and my flimsy excuse for a door falls, like I said we're poor.

He stumbles over to me with surprising grace for a drunken dumbass, and before I can register it, he grabs my throat and lifts me up. "you did it you bastard, you killed her." he spat venomously. I struggle to reply but he's closing off my airway. "You. You…creature, you killed my wife!" my eyes widen, tears started to form. Finally I can move, I give him one swift kick where it hurts and he drops me like a sack of potatoes. "I didn't kill her you fucking idiot, she overdosed! It was not my fault." to my surprise I still have an accent. He seemed taken aback for a moment before countering. "why do you think she overdosed, she couldn't stand having a freak for a son!" anger boils inside me, I subconsciously reach into my pocket, there it is! My zippo. I flick it open I try to morph the flame to a fireball but…nothing happens. "Ha, what's a matter boy, cant do your little parlor tricks anymore? Your being punished for killing Sarah!" I duck just in time to avoid being punched in the head only to get kneed in the stomach, the pain flared as I fell to the floor, I felt like I was on fire. Tears of pain flow down my eyes. 'Wake up wake up wake up!' I please mentally. I feel a distant hand shake my shoulders. "John, wake up"… Bobby

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"John, wake up." my eyes flitter open, sure enough there he is. I'm wide awake now, how long have I been out of it?

"yeah?" my stomachs starting to churn.

"you alright?" No I'm not, I feel sick to my stomach. I take a few semi-deep breaths to stave off the nausea.

"no, bathroom." I plead. Thank God he took the hint, he helps me to my feet, taking the place of a crutch. We made it to the bathroom just in time for me to pour what little content in my stomach out. Ugh, like I haven't suffered enough already. Finally it stops, I feebly wipe my forehead with the back of my hand, my stomachs still doing three-sixties. He disappears for a moment then reappears right beside me, holding a couple of pills and a cup of what looks like ginger ale. I look at him questioningly, didn't I just have pills? "Antiemetics. They'll help with the nausea." he said calmly. What is he a mind reader?

"John, your going to have to eat something after you have those, your stomachs empty. You threw up bile" jeez what is he a doctor? Heh, Doctor Drake.

"fine. hey Bobby, how long have I been out of it? " I say roughly, my throat hurts. I take the two pills and down them with the ginger ale.

"just a few hours." He helps me walk back into the room, I sit on the side of my bed. The mere thought of eating something is enough to make me sick again. Hey, When did he get that cabinet? He kneels down and takes out a box of crackers.

"these should help a little" he holds up the box of Ritz, at least he's not expecting me to eat a full three coarse meal. I murmur a quick thanks as he passes me the box. I take a cracker out and nibble it subconsciously, what I don't want to get sick over a cracker. It settles like wet sawdust in my stomach. Ugh, why me? After a few crackers and half a glass of ginger ale I give up.

"cant eat anymore" I say simply, taking one last sip.

"that's alright, when you feel up to it, I'll get you some soup or something." good old Bobby, always looking out for me…well almost always. Cant guard someone always…well you can try. Uh, not another awkward silence…

"so… bobby how've things been since I left?" I ask awkwardly… smooth John real great conversation starter.

"not so great. Scott, Jean, the Professor…they're gone. Ororo took over as the school headmistress. We finally got new students. Logan's trying to get over Jean's death. Rogue got…cured. that's basically it" he said morosely. Damn this place has changed.

"speaking of Rogue, how are things between you two?" Ack, even saying her name sickens me.

"I don't know John, she's different. She wont leave me alone, well she wouldn't till you came back. Then she confined herself to her room, Kitty's been bringing her food." Wait why isn't he going after her? Why is he here instead of with her, I thought he liked her more…

"why are you here then? shouldn't you be out confessing your undying love for her." I growled. Wait why did I say that? He looks kinda pissed, I think.

"Bobby I have no idea why I said that, I'm sorry"

"Its fine John. Hank said you might have mood swings with the concussion." Fuck, what else does this damn thing cause?

"any other concussed crap you wanna tell me?" damn, again. He sighs. He lists off possible symptoms…what does he memorize these? Well no duh he did. Among the list was uneven pupils, headaches, irritability nausea and mood swings. Well that explains a lot. I put my hand on my head, this is so friggin frustrating. He sits beside me, snakes his arms around me carefully and pulled me into an embrace, I lean into him. I guess this concussion thing isn't so bad, I mean I'm laying here, on my bestfriend and crush. He leans over and kisses my forehead (non bandaged part).Yeah, its definitely not that bad.
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waddya think? I think I need to work on preslash better… what will happen when Rogue finds out about John's feelings for Bobby…tune in next chapter to find out salute