SPiced hAM
This is the most pointless oneshot ever! I warn you this is not like my other stories! Meet my hyper side! I don't own Fruits Basket or www. spam. com or any of the spam related products. Yes I'm serious www .spam. com really does exist! Go check it out it's hilarious. This takes place during book 2.
Bold is what I added!
Tohru was making onigiri for the culture fest.
"I wonder what I should put in the onigiri…" hmmmmmm…" Tohru thought.
Then a fabulous idea popped into her head.
"Let's check www. wikipedia. com!" exclaimed Tohru.
She knocked on Shigure's door. There was no answer.
"Maybe he's out…" mumbled Tohru as she opened the door quietly.
"Hmmm….. I hope he doesn't mind me using his computer…" murmured Tohru entering the messy room.
"Now where could the computer be…?"
"Ah! It's over there!"
She turned on the computer and went to the wikipedia homepage. She typed in "Onigiri" waiting patiently for her results. She scrolled down to fillings.
FILLINGS
-Fish
-Salomon
-Eel
-Shirako
-Tuna
-Furikake
-Pickles
-Korean Kimchi
-Nozawana
-Seaweed
-Tsukudani
-Umeboshi
-Seafood
-Mentaiko
-Uni
-Spam
-Spam Musubi
"Ah! Spam! That's perfect! But I wonder what's in spam….!"
"I know! I'll check the spam homepage!" Tohru exclaimed clicking on the link.
Tohru glanced around the blue webpage.
"Wow! They even have a fan club!"
"Tohru-kun! What are you looking at?" asked Shigure popping out of nowhere.
"Wah!" cried Tohru accidently clicking the mouse.
"Oh…. Shigure-san you scared me! I was trying to figure out what fillings should be in the onigiri!" explained Tohru.
""That explains why your on the computer but why are you own the spam homepage?" asked Shigure.
"Oh! I was just looking!" answered Tohru.
"This website isn't for looking! It's for buying spam!" declared Shigure as he took the mouse and clicked on the container of spam purchasing several cans.
"Wow! I never realized that Spam had so many products!" cried Tohru.
"Ah, yes. Would you like to see them?" asked Shigure.
Tohru nodded with a grin. She was going to click on the products link when Shigure walked to his closet and came back with a large box.
"Here's a spam cap, the sweater, a t-shirt, a spam keychain, the spam water bottle, spam golf clubs… Ooh! My personal favorite the spam book! Here's a spam mug… Ooh look a spam bobble head, a spam pig plushie. Here's the spam swiss army knife but you have to be careful with that it's very sharp. On my bed is the spam blanket. And the most expensive…. My spam fossil watch!" sang Shigure as he emptied the box of all his spam products.
"Shigure-san, it sure looks like you like spam!" gasped Tohru staring at the pile.
"Hmmm… Does it seem that way?" Shigure asked as he put the things away.
"It's an amazing collection!" Tohru told him.
"Really? I don't have that many though. IF you look through the web you'll see that I'm lacking many products," replied Shigure as he scrolled through the spam products section.
"Amazing! They have a spam costume! We should get that for Ayame-san!" Tohru suggested.
"Hehe… Too late Tohru-kun! Aya already has five of them," Shigure laughed.
"Eh… Oh well… I guess it's too late then," sighed Tohru.
"Tohru!" called Kyo as he entered the house.
"I'm in Shigure-san's room!" Tohru responded.
"Shi- Shigure's room…."
"WHAT DID YOU DO YOU PERVERT!" yelled Kyo as he ran into the room and punched Shigure.
"Kyo-kun! Shigure-san!" gasped Tohru as she accidentally hit the mouse.
She faced the screen and shrieked covering her eyes immediately.
"What's wrong--- GAH! WHAT IS THAT! MY EYES!" screamed Kyo pointing at the screen.
Shigure snickered.
"SPAM GLOW IN THE DARK BOXERS!" That's insane!" choked Kyo.
"What's wrong with them? I have a pair too," Shigure told them as he started to untie his kimono.
"GAH! Don't show me!" hollered Kyo as he punched Shigure.
"Ow, Kyo-kun! That hurt!" whined Shigure.
"You deserved it!" shouted Kyo.
"If you wanted a pair you could of just asked me. I have a spare pair," replied Shigure.
"I DON'T WANT YOUR PERVERTED THINGS!" Snapped Kyo.
Tohru fumbled with her hands reaching for the mouse and attempting to hit the back arrow. She opened her eyes and sighed with relief.
"Here Kyo-kun! Here's my extra pair of spam glow in the dark boxers!" sang Shigure.
"GAH!" cried Kyo as he backed away leaning against the mouse.
"Uh….Kyo-kun………," muttered Tohru.
"What!" replied Kyo.
"You just joined the spam fan club…."Answered Tohru pointing at the screen.
"GAH!" screamed Kyo.
"Don't worry about it Kyo-kun I was planning to join anyways!" Shigure told him.
"What are you guys yelling about now?" asked Yuki as he entered the house. He went to Shigure's room and froze when he saw the screen.
"Is—IS that SPAM?" Yuki choked.
"Yeah so what if it is?" retorted Kyo.
Yuki wobbled shakily grabbing hold of the door frame for support.
"Sohma-kun! What's wrong!" asked Tohru worriedly.
"My mom--- She- She- When I was little she gave me to Akito in exchange for the Spam variety pack!" gasped Yuki.
"That's horrible!" cried Tohru.
"But what a deal for Yuki's mother! Those Spam variety packs cost a fortune!" exclaimed Shigure.
"IDIOT!" yelled Yuki as he punched him through the door.
"Shigure-san!" shrieked Tohru full of concern.
Shigure weakly got up and raised his hand shakily.
"Tohru-kun, wasn't there a reason to going to the spam website?" Shigure reminded her.
"Wah! I forgot about the culture fest!" cried Tohru as she ran off to the kitchen.
Tohru molded the onigiri placing a perfectly cut slice of Spam on top wrapping it with dried seaweed like a professional Spammer would.
Culture Fest
(Yuki is not in a dress! At least not in this fic!)
"Sales aren't too good…" sighed Yuki.
"Maybe people don't like spam…" breathed Tohru.
"We only sold ten…" muttered a student.
"Not to fear! I'm here to help you increase onigiri sales!" sang Ayame appearing out of nowhere.
"Now I'm scared…" mumbled Kyo and Yuki.
"Put these costumes on I made with my own time and effort!" instructed Ayame pulling out several Spam costumes.
They all sweat dropped.
"No need to pay me back!" replied Ayame.
"THERE'S NO WAY I'M WEARING THAT!" yelled Kyo pointing to the costumes.
"But Kyonkichi, you spent all that time and work carrying those boxes here!" Ayame responded gesturing towards the large pile of boxes.
"WHAT? That's what was in them!" Kyo shouted.
"But of course! I even labeled them!" Ayame told him.
"Stupid cat you can't even read," Yuki muttered.
"WHAT DID YOU SAY YOU GIRLY MAN!" screamed Kyo.
They continue to bicker but in the end they all end up in the Spam costumes. They all stared at the walls turning away from everyone.
"Don't be so sad! I have a little surprise for you all!" announced Ayame.
"What is it now…?" asked the students.
"Haha! Come on out!" ordered Ayame.
Kisa walked out, blushing a dark red in a small spam suit.
"Kisa-chan!" cried Tohru.
"Onee-chan!"
They attempted to hug… There costumes were a little bulky.
"Eh… Hiro! You too! Don't be shy! Come on out!" commanded Ayame.
Hiro's eyes were glued to the ground. On his head was a spam hat. He had a little Spam tie too.
"Aww! How precious!" sang Ayame.
"Just because you're older you think you can make us wear whatever you want don't you? Do you ever consider anyone else's feelings? How selfish! Did you ever think that we don't like wearing this? I hate inconsiderate people! You should learn some manners!" snapped Hiro.
"Don't be ridiculous! These costumes are precious!"
"What's this gloomy aura? It's time to sing and dance to the Spam song!" announced Ayame.
"Spam song….?"
"Of course! Now everyone line up and place your hands on your hips!" ordered Ayame.
"Now everyone chant! ♫ I'm a little spam can, yummy and good! Here in a rice ball here for you all! When u come and buy me tip the student and eat me up! ♪" sang Ayame. (Parody to I'm a little tea pot!)
Everyone sweat dropped and collapsed on the ground.
"We're gonna need another demonstration," Uo told him.
"Okay, but watch carefully!" replied Ayame.
"The students removed the costumes and sold the onigiri while Ayame continued dancing and singing attracting many costumers.
The end!
I hope you like it! Hope you laughed a lot! All the spam products listed in this story exist and can be purchased at www. spam. com! Yes even the glow in the dark boxers! This story is not meant to be an insult to Spam lovers! The reason I wrote this was I went to wikipedia to find out how to spell Onigiri for The Test of Love and thought it was funny that spam was used so I clicked on spam. I found it amazing that they had a website and a fanclub and just had to check out the products! Visiting that site last night made me so hyper cuz it was so funny! I was crazy when I invented this story but am strangely calm as I write it! Well please review! Sorry if I sound like I'm advertising!
Oh! I know I said book two but Hiro, Kisa and Ayame are in it anyways!
Reasons why all the Fruits Basket characters hate me……
Yuki: Well I had his mother give him to Akito for the Spam variety package….
Kyo: joining the spam fan club
Ayame: dancing around and singing in a Spam suit….
Shigure: Kyo and Yuki beat him up, the glow in the dark boxers
Their whole class: had them dress up in Spam suits…..