A/N: I started this when I got mad at everything... Meh, now I'll just finish it to get it done.
Disclaimer: I don't own KH blah.
Sora/Kairi and... yes, Riku/Sora. To quote Mr. Bender from Futurama, "Bite my shiny metal--"
Riku: (smacks with a controller) You're avoiding using bad language, remember?
Genki: OW. THAT FREAKING HURT. What did you hit me with anyway?
Riku: (holding a GameCube controller)
Genki: ...If it's damaged... I will kill you.
Riku: PLAYSTATION PWNS NINTENDO! (runs)
Don't Think About the Future So Much
--A One-shot--
"Hey... Riku!" I steadied a hand upon the dock, gracefully jumping and running towards the silver-haired teenager. "Riku! Come on, why didn't you reply?"
He finally turned to me, a smile brightening as he looked to me. "I couldn't tell if it was you or just the unimaginable heat playing tricks on me... and I'd rather not make myself look like a fool."
"You liar," I joked, shoving his shoulder playfully. "You just ignored me."
"Hm... did I?" He gave me a joshing push back. From there, it turned out into a full-fledged fist fight. Of course, I was never good at hand-to-hand combat, I was more of a weapons person...
I flung out an open palm to catch his fist, but I missed the left arm that pulled it out of the way and left me open for a good old smack in the face. An extreme pain met with my skull, and I was down and out. I could barely hear the shouting of Riku as he kneeled to my side.
"Oh, Sora! I didn't mean to hit quite that hard... I'm sorry, are you okay?"
I cursed under my breath for him to take the hint. I was hurt enough to use words I wouldn't want my mother hearing, but fine enough to actually say them. "That hurt, man. Ouch..."
"I really didn't mean for you to get hurt. Here, let's go back over to the main island... I can get you some ice for that."
"No, no, I'm okay. I just need a few seconds for the pain to go..." I peered up at him-- well, I tried to-- but I was met with an onslaught of a dizzy, spinning world. "GEEZ, maybe I'm not okay after all..." I looked back down, feeling the pounding of my heart in my head. I knew Riku hadn't meant it, but I had to keep reminding myself of that as I was tempted to give him a good hit myself.
"Please, let me get you something for that, Sora. Just wait here, I'll--" I held his vest before he could even start to get up and walk away.
"If you tried to bring ice here in this summer heat, it's going to melt before you get back."
I heard him sigh. Yes, I know you better than you think.
"I need like... just a few more minutes, Riku. I'll be okay."
"Not in this heat, you won't, you'll just faint. I'm taking you to the main island, no matter what. Come on." He lifted me up, and I had to cling on to him with everything I had just to keep from falling from the sudden dizzy spell. I think he felt this, because his grip on me became stronger. "See, you're going to fall over."
"You didn't even give me a minute to recover," I explained, trying to defend myself.
We got back to the main island, and I was dragged over to Riku's house. I was sitting in the kitchen chair, an ice pack that may have well been glued to my skull and left cheek bone. I was surprised he hadn't shattered my whole face. I knew Riku could whallop a punch, but he really had let me had it.
But his mother was really letting him have it as I sat in the kitchen, helpless to do anything but listen... so the score was basically even.
"You punched him because you two got in a fist-fight?"
"It was all in good fun, Mom, I swear! I didn't mean for him to get hurt!"
"You think fighting is good fun?"
"We were just playing around--" A smack resounded. Geez, she was in a bad mood today. "Ow!"
"I thought that would have been fun, seeing as how you thought--"
"That's not what I meant!"
They continued to argue, but I was getting pretty bored and slightly awkward listening to it. Switching my left hand for my right to hold the ice to my face, I let the feeling come back to my numb fingers as I rose from the table. Surely Riku wouldn't care if I just went to his room, right?
I ascended the stairs from the foyer and made my way to Riku's room. Opening the door, I walked in for the first time in... two years, almost.
It was almost as I remembered it before we left...
The scattered clothes on the floor, a few papers here and there scattered about on his desktop, the bookshelf cluttered with tons of thick, paperback novels, the keyboard that had a corner peeking out from under the bed, and the purple sheets that covered the mattress in complete disarray. Even through time, some things refused to change.
'Maybe I would feel better if I slept it away,' I thought, walking to the bed and crawling in. I laid on my right side and balanced the ice pack on my face with a hand. I could smell Riku's scent in this bed... a comfort for my pain.
Before I really knew what I was feeling, tears swelled, but I had no intention to fight them as they rolled down my face and onto Riku's pillow. But what exactly was this ache in my chest? Was it happiness? Sadness? Maybe a little bit of both, I supposed, as I closed my eyes to the world around me.
'What if I had never found Riku? Would I still be able to go on? Would I be here?'
More tears rolled as my thoughts drifted elsewhere.
There was still a slight throb in my head as I sat on the shore, staring at the little island beyond. The thought of, 'Riku did try to kill me!' rang through my head as I prayed for the pain to leave.
"I'm really sorry... I never meant for you--"
"This is the seventh time you've apologized, Riku. It's really okay, I got the point."
Yes, I knew he felt really sorry for it, because he wouldn't stop saying it. But maybe he just cared that much.
"So... what'll I tell my mom when she sees the bruise?"
"'Riku punched me while he were fighting,' I guess."
"That sure worked out well for you, didn't it?" I chuckled.
"Your mom will understand better than mine. You're the one who got hurt, you don't have a reason to lie."
"Yeah, I guess."
There was an emptiness that greeted us as neither of us spoke, the roar of waves and calling of seagulls filling our eardrums. Something in me wanted to speak for both of us, say something to get us talking again. It's not really that it was awkward, but for some reason, I just wanted to hear Riku's voice again.
"Hey... Riku?"
"What is it, Sora?"
The look in his eyes was unreadable. Was he happy? Sad? Or both?
There was a moment's passing before I finally replied, "Aren't you more glad you came back to the islands with me and Kairi?"
"So I could punch your lights out, sure," he laughed softly. "Speaking of Kairi..."
"What about her?" I asked curiously, raising a single brow.
"Are you going out with her yet?" A smirk danced on his face.
"Going... out? You mean, like dating?"
"Yeah. Are you?"
"No." Why would he ask me a question like that?
"I'm kind of surprised. You two are perfect for each other." His silver brows were knitted into an expression of confusion.
"Not... exactly. I mean, she's really a great friend and great person... she's kind, outgoing, pretty..." I bit my lip and stared at the sand as I finished. "But for reason, I just can't imagine dating her. I mean, maybe I've thought about it before, but that was years back, before I knew what love was..." Did I even know what I was saying anymore? It was more like a mindless babble to distract me from the thought that grew. Why didn't I date her?
Maybe I should have given it a shot?
Or... what if Riku was asking so he could ask Kairi to date him? Well, the best way to find out is by direct source... right?
"Why the curiousity? You like her yourself?" Hoping not to give away my true motives, I nudged him encouragingly.
He blinked at me in surprise. "No... not really. I'm not into dating, thanks." He laid down in the sand.
Now this was an interesting comment. Riku... not liking dating? As in, no girls? He was a woman's dream! Why not?
It was none of my business, so I thought not to ask.
But he confessed to not dating, so that means Kairi was free... no questions asked. Right?
I would ask her next time we were alone. I promised myself silently I would.
"Um, Riku..."
"Hm?"
"Thanks."
"For what? Giving you a headache?"
I laughed through the pain. "No. For being the best friend a guy could ever have." I saw a geniune smile on his face. I would pay a thousand bucks to see him do it again... though I knew it only came when he sincerely meant it.
"Then, I guess I should thank you too, huh?" I felt the ache in my chest rise again, but for some reason, it was what made me grin back and fall back into the sand beside him.
Three days later, news apparently had started getting around. I could hear Selphie, Tidus and Wakka talking as I walked down the path.
"Did ya hear? He finally asked her out! I never thought they would date!"
"Well, I guess he really had it in him, after all."
"Ya woulda thought by now they weren't interested in each udder, ya?"
"Well, she said yes! It's so cute!"
"Hiii guys," I drawled sarcastly, walking up from behind the lovely trio. "It's nice to hear you gossiping so early in the morning."
"Well, you know, hot stuff," Tidus crossed his arms and gave me a smirk.
"Oh, really?"
"What are you talking about?" asked an approaching Riku. Apparently he overheard them from before. "Who's going out?" I saw him glance at Selphie, but she only giggled.
"You didn't know? Sora here asked Kairi out!" I watched the amused expression on his face become dazed for a moment, and then another smile replaced it. Sincere happiness.
"I guess our little talk finally got you to thinking, huh?" he said, giving me a soft punch on the elbow.
"Yeah, yeah." I really didn't want to confess to it (how embarrassing...) but he had been the one who got the gears working in my head. Maybe Kairi and I were meant to be after all. The ache came back, but this time it wiped the smile from my face and replaced it with a frown.
"What's da matter with you, man?" Wakka asked, seeing my sudden change in mood.
I snapped back to my senses. "N-nothing! I was just thinking."
"Don't hurt yourself there." Tidus teased, knocking on my head with a fist.
"Hey!" I flung his hand away. "Last time I checked, I wasn't the one who put the candy bar in the microwave, still in it's wrapper..."
"It was fine! Well, except for the fact the chocolate pretty much tasted like burnt rubber..." (1)
"Ew, burnt rubber? Why'd you eat it?" Selphie whined, sticking out her tongue.
"It would have been a waste of a candy bar, had I not!"
"Well, I told Kairi I'd meet up with her later, so... I guess I'll see you around." There was a miniature chorus of "see ya," but somehow, I wish I hadn't heard it. Something was eating at me, but I just couldn't diagnose the disease.
It was two weeks passing by that I realized why I had been better off never asking Kairi out. Don't get me wrong-- she's a great girl. But something about dating her made me awkward... and not in that good, giddy way. Something didn't feel right about it.
It was a bright Sunday that we went our own separate ways, just for the day. If there was one thing I could be really thankful for, it was that she wasn't so clingy. We let each other have our space. Either our relationship was breaking, or we had enough trust for each other.
Silently, I hoped for the first option... as cruel as it sounded.
I fingered the cup in my hand before I sipped the artificially flavored drink again, letting the blue, yet tasty substance quench my thirst. I did not notice Riku approach, but when he spoke next to me, I could have well died from a heart attack.
"How's it going?"
It was a simple question, but the answer was so complicated. So, I just replied with, "Nothing much. How about yourself?"
"Same." The words had become so over-used in daily conversation that it was almost more like a greeting... rather than actually caring about how things were working out in each other's lives. "How are you and Kairi doing?"
"Pretty well," I lied. The relationship was dandy. I wasn't.
"That's good."
"Riku, why don't you want a girlfriend? Didn't you ever want to feel wanted? To know that somebody loved you unconditionally?" I asked suddenly.
He only shook his head. "A lot of people end up unhappy when they get themselves into a relationship. Most, actually. I find it easier just to be satisfied with my friends, hmm?" He shrugged casually.
"But... what about marrying someone for the rest of your life? Having a family? You don't want that?"
There was a flicker of darkness that reflected in his eyes-- just long enough for me to catch it. "I don't see myself being with anyone. No one could really love me if they knew me, deep down inside. Like you know me... I think you're the only one."
"Riku... that's not true. One day, I'm sure you'll find someone."
"That's what everyone says. Those are only words of comfort. It's better to know that there's no one really out there meant for me and not be heartbroken later on." I knew I had hit a soft spot in this moment. We let the topic drop.
The ache rolled in my stomach now. Why was it that I was getting myself so upset?
I buried my face in my hands, trying to stop the tears from flowing. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't seem to really love Kairi back. And I couldn't get Riku off my mind, either. It was a cruel plot twist in my life.
I was not falling for Riku, I tried to convince myself. We're friends. Nothing more, but never nothing less.
I was doing a horrific job at trying to get myself to believe this, and I choked the sob that came unexpectedly.
There was no way I could do this to Kairi. I had to break up with her. But what to tell her?
I just sucked it up and broke the news to her the next day.
"It's just not working out for me. Truthfully, I can't really... love you romantically, Kairi. It's all me, I promise." That's what I told her. She seemed to understand, but not without crying.
"You would have no reason to lie to me, Sora. Thanks... anyway. Maybe we weren't meant for each other after all, you know?" That's what she told me. And like that, we ended. It had only been a few weeks, but it kind of stung. Yet, there was a sudden relief I felt.
It was that same day I was walking along the beach of the lone island, to see Riku standing on the sand, staring into the ocean. "Riku?"
He turned to me, a smirk planted on his lips. "Hey." That was all it took to draw me in and walk next to him.
"What are you doing here?"
"I was just standing here alone for a while. And what are you doing here? What happened to that date with Kairi?"
A wave of guilt hit me. "I... broke up with her..."
He gasped in surprise. "When?"
"A few hours ago..." I croaked, feeling the guilt rollicking in my stomach.
"Why?"
"It didn't feel right," I said before I could catch myself. "It was like I was trying to force myself into loving her, and loving is supposed to be natural."
"So... you didn't love her after all?"
"Nope." The pain of guilt subsided with the cool voice of Riku vibrating in my ear. I could hear him drawl about how great he was for hours, and just get drunk in his voice. Was that wrong? That I felt so strongly for him?
"So, what'll you do now?" I could feel myself flush as I looked into those two aqua eyes of his. Those cat-like eyes piercing daggers all through me gave me chills.
"I dunno." I sighed heavily. At least I was free to admit that maybe I was falling for Riku. Yeah, it's wrong for two guys to love each other, but love is love, right? And he said that he wasn't interested in dating, so he was completely free.
"What's on your mind?" he asked. He must have caught me thinking.
"Oh... nothing."
"It's always nothing when it's something."
"Nothing... you'd want to hear."
"Hm? Why's that? You keeping something from me?" Now I knew I had treaded down a path that I could not turn from, and my heart leapt into my throat. "Well?"
"Riku... I..." It was a now or never thing. I should tell him, he had a right to know how I felt... and even, perhaps, the feeling could be mutual. "I broke up with Kairi because she doesn't make me feel the way you make me feel."
"As best friends?..." he guessed, unknowingly. I shook my head no.
"No, I mean, she is one of my best friends. But you make me... you make me want to cry, but you make me want to laugh." He looked almost regretful, and I realized what it had started to sound like. "No! I-I mean, it's me, not you! I just..." And the words rolled before I could stop them. "I love you, Riku!"
The little words that people use daily now seemed forbidden, because Riku wore a face of complete shock. "You... what?"
"I love you! I-I want to be by your side... not as a best friend, but as a lover!"
"Sora, you're not..." he turned away, looking at the sand. No... my words were going into a brick wall...
"I know you inside and out, you said it yourself! And I love you unconditionally. No matter what you've done, or what you've thought, it's all in the past and in the end, made you a stronger person. And that just makes me love--"
"Don't say that. You don't love me... you can't. Love is between a man and a woman--"
"Love is love, no matter what form it takes, Riku. My heart feels for you the way Kairi's may have felt for mine."
He shook his head. "Well, my heart doesn't feel that way, Sora. I told you, I don't want anyone."
"No one?" It was beyond belief. He really did want to be alone?
"No one." He turned to leave, walking towards the dock where our boats bobbed in the water carelessly. I chased after him, gripping his vest.
"But you said that you only thought that to comfort yourself--"
"Sora!" he yelled, and I shuffled backwards in surprise. "Is that why you broke up with Kairi? To ask me to date you?"
There was some truth in the statement, I supposed, but I had been fair about it. I only replied with silence.
He sighed. "You're better off dating Kairi again. It's not worth your time chasing something that'll never come."
That was the end. We didn't speak to each other for a week.
And it killed me inside. My insides were twisting, my stomach retched, my hands shook, my head spun, and my body shuddered. On the eighth day, I refused to get out of bed. It was so bad I almost felt actually ill. I really did love him.
The ninth day came, and I still laid in bed. I was facing the wall, sobbing quietly, when I heard the door open without a voice. "Sora?" she finally said, standing by the bedside.
"Hey... (sniff) Kairi," I greeted, not turning to her. "You kinda came at a bad time..."
She sat on the edge of the bed and put a gentle hand on my shoulder. "So what's wrong with you and Riku?"
"How did you know it was about Riku?" I asked her, still facing away.
"He's been acting strange himself. He hasn't been coming out as much as usual... and when he does, he has a distant look on his face. You've been upset and so much quieter. So I figured it was the two of you." She rubbed my shoulder gingerly. "You want to tell me?"
Kairi would accept the truth if I told it to her, right? She wouldn't turn into a Heartless and eat me (I smiled at such a silly thought) and sucked in a deep breath. "Well, I told Riku that I... I told Riku the truth."
"About what?"
"That I love him."
There was a silence, but Kairi did not stop rubbing my shoulder. "That's why we broke up?"
"Because I couldn't feel the same way about you. I'm sorry, it really was all just me."
"It's okay, don't regret the choice you made. It was probably the right one. I met this cute guy anyway, and now that I'm free, I have a good chance with him, right?" She chuckled softly, and I felt myself smile. "I could see in your eyes that you felt something for him, but I couldn't quite get it. But you know... it's a little weird."
"Why do you say that?"
"I never thought about it, but I really can see you two together. Maybe you two were meant for each other."
"Apparently not. He doesn't want to love me back."
"You never know, Sora. Maybe he has to realize it, yet."
I finally flipped around on my back, accidently brushing her hand off. "What do you mean?"
She sighed with a smile, shaking her head. "After he locked himself back behind Kingdom Hearts, maybe he had to convince himself that he wasn't going to have anyone. Remember he almost didn't come back to the Islands?"
"Yeah..."
"Think about it. Maybe the idea just hasn't struck him yet. That he still has a chance at love after all."
My eyes flickered back to the whiteness I had previously been staring at, then over to Kairi's shimmering blue eyes. (2) "Maybe. But I still feel--"
"Give it time," she interjected. "Give him time."
I nodded, sitting up from the bed. "So... what now?"
"Do you... wanna go get some seasalt ice cream? It's the new flavor that everyone likes," she offered.
"I know what seasalt ice cream is, Kairi," I laughed quietly. "I had it while saving the world... again."
"Hmm... so the great hero was eating ice cream while he should have been smacking Nobodies with his mighty Keyblade?"
"You know it's not like that!"
"I was just kidding, Sora. You really need to get out of your house. Come on." She stood from the bed and held out a hand to me. Not like Riku did... cool, slanted eyes staring at me, bidding me to come... but a gentle hand, offering to take it into comforted bliss. And I took the offer thankfully, ready for some sweet, yet salty ice cream.
HORIZONTAL RULE
I licked at the ice cream slowly, not really paying attention to the fact that it was melting under the blazing sun. Kairi caught this, because she said, "Sora, you're getting ice cream all over your shirt!" when there was only one small drop. I wiped it off with my thumb and middle finger rather nonchalantly.
"It's okay, Kairi."
"You're getting letting it melt all over yourself. You're such a boy sometimes."
"Well, gee, let's hope that," I replied, giving her a jokingly sarcastic smile.
"Hm, well..." She crossed her left arm across her middle, her right elbow propped on top and ice cream stick in right hand. "Giving your current situation, you would be the girl in the relationship..."
I gave her a blank stare for a moment before the meaning of the comment sunk it. I almost dropped my ice cream. "Kairi!"
Giggling, she took another lick at her sweet treat. "You're not denying it..."
I grunted as I looked towards the road ahead. Well, behold. Speak of the silver-haired devil.
He was definitely surprised to see me, because he gave me a wide-eyed stare. "Hi, Riku..." I said quietly.
Stumbling momentarily, he finally walked my way. "Hey."
"Hey, Riku, want some seasalt ice cream? My treat!" Riku opened his mouth to reply, but Kairi was up and at the ice cream stand before he could even peep.
The air became heavy around us. "Well," I said, cutting the thick silence, "How's it been?"
"Fine."
It was a lie. No... a emotionless greeting.
"Look, Sora, I'm sorry what about what I said the other day..."
"You mean last week?" I pointed out.
"Yeah, yeah. I was just... frustrated..."
"Frustrated? How so-- oh, if I may ask." I didn't want to pry too much... but we were getting somewhere and I didn't want to stop.
"Well... you see... when you asked me about having a girlfriend, I..." He sat beside me, propping his elbow on his lap and balancing his face in his palm. "I almost panicked."
"Panicked? You looked nothing like panicked... at all!"
"That's just how good I am at hiding my emotions, I guess then. Inside I panicked..."
"Why?"
"Because... I realized I really didn't want one. I don't want a girl. I don't want children. I don't want a family."
"And that made you panic?" I asked. "I can understand sad... but panic?"
"It's more than that," he continued, shaking his head against his arm. "And I realized... that's what you wanted."
"...me?"
"You want to grow a family... don't you? It was in the way you said it."
I blinked, confused. Okay, yes, I could really get older and raise children of my own. Gosh, thinking about it, children were sweet, innocent and adorable...
But my heart stopped at a certain question.
"Why do you care?"
"Because... Sora... oh man..." He sighed heavily. "I lied. I do want someone to love. I want you. But... I wanted you to have the life you wanted... and we're not looking for the same things. That's why I lied... to drive you away and let you be with someone else."
"Riku..." Without thinking, I told his hand in my free one. "Why would you let something so little discourage you?" I shook my head. "We can work things out. Nothing is ever going to be perfect, you know. And we don't have to have kids. We can be our own family. Or... we can decide later if we want children. Don't think about the future so much. It's there, but don't let it worry you to the point of absolute fear." I squeezed his hand a little tighter... and his roughed fingers curled around my silken ones. "The point is... you're thinking too much. I think you were in the darkness too long."
He gave a long sigh before pulling his head off his arm and falling against my shoulder gently. "Maybe you're right. So... you forgive me?"
"No." Quickly, his head darted away, giving me that "WHAT?" look. "I'm kidding, of course I forgive you!"
"That was harsh," he said, giving me a grim smile.
"Sorry," I apologized jokingly. My smirk began to drop though when I realized his "grim smile" was actually a mischevious grin. "...what are you--" but two lips caught me off before I could speak.
The words were jammed in my throat as he pulled away. I could do a grand total of three things...
Stare.
Blush.
And proceed to stammer.
"N-not in public, R-Rik-- STOP THAT!" Maybe Riku had felt more for me than I originally thought... him and his dirty hands...
"Hm? Wanna take it to the house?"
"What?... NO! THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!" I screamed.
"Hey, Riku, here's your ice cream." Kairi walked onto the scene as if she had timed it. Further more, she seemed unfazed by our awkward and most suggestive position...
Riku leaning over in my lap. Oh, great.
'Wait a minute...'
"Thanks." He reached over to take the ice cream from our female friend, but did not bother to move from his place.
'She was watching us! Gah! How embarrassing!'
"Um... Sora... I just noticed... are you sunburnt?" Kairi asked, pointing an unneeded finger at me.
"...yes."
"Liar," Riku said between licks.
I felt my pretend sunburn flare a little more. "Riku, would you mind getting out of my lap?"
"Fine," he said, rising and sitting right up beside me. He enjoyed his afternoon snack as he poked my shoulder. "But you owe me."
"A nickel?" I offered, shuffling through my pocket and holding one out. He gave me a weird look. "I'll take that as a no..."
"Hi guys!" Selphie entered the scene. We greeted her with our own hellos. "So, I see you three enjoying dessert so early..."
"Yup!" Kairi laughed, getting off the last of the ice cream with her pink tongue. "Wasn't it a great idea to get ice cream, Sora?"
"Yeah, I suppose..." I suppose? I could have said 'you bet'! ...had it not been for Selphie standing there.
"Speaking of ideas... this was your idea to get ice cream, Selphie. Why'd you run off so quick?" Riku glared at her.
"Um, something came up," she giggled. Kairi joined in too.
Riku and I's faces lit as he realized what happened.
"We were set up, weren't we?" I spoke outloud for the two of us.
The girls just kept on giggling.
And I got a most horrific sunburn as Riku kissed my cheek.
S/N:
(1) - ...Yeah, I did that. I'm stupid. And it really DID taste like burnt rubber...
(2) - I've heard people say that Kairi's eyes are violet... but they're blue. Just to clarify.
A/N: ...it was not sad. And I made the ending humorous. ...AHHH! ...oh well. Did you enjoy? Surprise me with lots of REVIEWS, please. Or I'll cry, because I stayed up until 12:30AM writing it... and I need sleep tonight...