The Card

Because no one deserves a Father's Day card quite like Erik Lensherr

Wanda, who did not generally spend her free time outside of her room, was in the kitchen scraping the last remnants of peanut butter from an already expired jar when Pietro appeared beside her, waving a marker and a colorfully painted piece of cardboard in her face.

"Be a sweety and sign this?" he asked in a tone that was much to innocent to be sincere.

"Go away," she responded easily, pushing his flailing arm aside and walking out into the living room.

Freddy, who was sitting on the floor beside the couch, looked up as Pietro followed his sister into the room, still waving the card.

"Come on, Wanda!" he wheedled. "Doesn't Erik deserve to know how much we appreciate him"

"Give it up, man," Freddy said with a sigh, and turned the TV up louder.

"Waaaaanda!" Pietro continued to whine, plopping down beside her on the couch. "Please"

"Not a chance," she said easily, and took a bite of her sandwich.

Two commercial breaks and fifteen minutes of an Unsolved Mysteries rerun later, Wanda couldn't help but wonder how long she would have to choke Pietro to get him to shut up. When he started poking her in the ribs with his marker, a jumbo sharpie, she got fed up and punched him in the arm. He let her, not even bothering to dodge.

"Feel better?" he asked, rubbing the bruised area with his free hand.

"A little," she answered.

"Sign the card"

"No"

"Wanda!" Pietro exclaimed, throwing an arm around her shoulders. "Father's Day is an auspicious occaision! How can you possibly pass up this chance to poke fun at Magneto's dreadful parenting skills?"

Shrugging his arm off as if he wasn't all but preaching in her ear, she rose from the couch and made her way out of the room. He followed, of course, out of the kitchen and up the stairs to her bedroom door, yammering all the way about why making fun of Erik Lensherr would vastly improve her outlook for the day. As tempting as the offer was, Wanda slammed the door in his face.

"But I made it myself!" he yelled through the wood paneling, as if it would have any affect on her decision.

Wanda grew suspicious when the rest of the day, and much of the evening, passed without incident. Someone ordered a few (dozen) pizzas and amidst much clamoring the boys sat down to watch Escape from LA - much to Wanda's disappointment, but their other choices had been When Harry Met Sally and Casablanca, both of which were quickly overruled. She watched the first thirty minutes of the movie, got fed up with Snake Pliskin's corny rehashed dialogue, and went to take a shower.

When she emerged nearly an hour later and retreated back to her room, she found the accursed card and the jumbo black sharpie sitting on her pillow. Taped to her headboard was a note that read "PLEASE?" in bold black lettering.

Throwing her towel across a chair, Wanda picked the card up and was completely prepared to shred it into tiny pieces when she caught sight of the drawing that adorned the inside. She closed it then, and took a good look. The cover was comprised of a happy, colorful drawing complete with stick figures and poorly drawn flowers and a sun in bright watercolor - lots of yellows and pinks and greens - and the words "To Erik, our Dad." Opening the card revealed a bloody landscape in which a large stick figure, clothed in red and purple and wearing a ridiculously large helmet, was eating children. Red watercolor flecked across the page in an imitation of gushing blood and entrails. At the top was the phrase, "The last man on Earth who should be raising children."

Laughing, Wanda signed her name under the tiny scrawl that was Pietro's signature. She put the card on her dresser, where she could see it when she woke up, and went to bed smiling.

AN: I almost wish I had a crappy dad so I coudl give him this card!