I couldn't help myself but to write this. I've read a couple of fics like this (but I stole nothing) and I had to try my hand. I just cannot refuse a challenge. But anyway you didn't click on the title of this fic to hear me rant. On with the fic!
Disclaimer first: I don't own Artemis Fowl because it is currently being owned by Eoin Colfer. But I did buy the books and I'm currently saving up to buy the rights to it. He he just kidding.
Summery: Artemis is dragged to a St. Bartleby reunion with his father. There he meets one of his father's old friends and worse, his daughter! Can they stand two weeks together when they make each other want to take refuge in an insane asylum?
Note that I am not planning on making this a romance. I'm not planning on it but then again I don't really plan anything when I write my fan fics. I just whimsily type what first comes to mind. Also note that whimsily is not a word.
In Artemis's expert opinion the person who first had the idea to have a high school reunion needed to be chased by an angry mob, caught, thrown in a cauldron of boiling tar, covered in feathers, then hung. But it was now too late as his father was taking him to one. At his own school! The last thing he needed was to see the witless idiots he was forced to sit next to in math, while he was on vacation.
They entered the school grounds and made their way to the auditorium where the celebration was held, Artemis trying to figure out a reason not to go in. But it was too late as they entered through the larger then needed doors with poorly painted banners, cheap decorations, and parents who tried to fit into their old uniforms but couldn't. So they had their kids wear it for them. Old music was blasting from speakers in every corner, so much for hiding in one of them when parents started using old slang in front of your friends.
"Hey Tim!" Yelled someone from behind them. Both Artemis's turned around and saw a tall, slim man who approached them and shook Artemis Sr.'s hand with much enthusiasm.
"John?" Said the oldest Artemis. "I didn't think you of all people would show up! Last I heard you were in America boosting your acting career."
"I was," Replied John. "But I wouldn't miss this for the world." John then turned to Artemis Jr. and smiled brightly. "Is he your boy?" He asked.
"You have to ask?" 'Tim' said smirking. "Yes, this is Artemis the Second."
"My word!" John exclaimed. "If I didn't see you first I'd of thought he was you!"
A young girl came up behind John. She was wearing a headset and lightly whistling a catchy tune.
John yanked the head set off of the girl, which earned him an angry protest and an annoyed jab in the arm.
"This darling little angel is my daughter Jennifer." He introduced as he put a hand on her head and messed up her hair, which she took down and had to put back up again in a hurried pony-tail. She then snatched her head set back and looped it around her neck.
"Hello," Artemis the first said and he held a hand out for a shake.
She took the hand and gave a nice quick shake responding with a mumbled, "Pleasure." She then turned to the younger Artemis and as the adults got all caught up introduced herself properly, "Hello, as you've heard my name is Jennifer but I would ask you not to call me that because it's annoying. Please call me Jen, it's shorter and I prefer it."
Artemis nodded, glancing at his father. He then turned back to Jen and responded, "Nice to meet you, my name is Artemis andI willask you to call me Artemis because I prefer it to the nicknames people like to come up with."
Jen smiled, more amused than happy to find a smart kid among the misbehaved brats running around.
"Two Artemis's," She thought to herself. She smirked and laughed slightly at the next thought that came to her mind. "Does anyone ever call you Junior?" She asked aloud.
Artemis's hand twitched slightly but he remained completely composed and answered, "No, because I am not Artemis 'Jr.', but Artemis the Second."
Jen could no longer hold the laugh that had been growing in the back of her throat. So she let it go. She laughed and responded, while wiping the tears from the corner of her eyes, "Oh so formal. Artemis the Second? So tell me, Junior, how'd you end up getting dragged to this reunion? Was it that you would be bored from lack of a proper hobby or was it that you're your father's son and bend to his every request?"
Artemis was beginning to become annoyed with the smart-ass (my, such harsh thoughts) brat of a girl in front of him.
"Well, before I answer your question, Jennifer, tell me how you ended up here." Artemis asked in the same annoying tone she had used.
Jen narrowed her eyes at Arty but both children went rigid when they overheard a part of the conversation that their fathers were having.
"So where will you be staying while you're here?" Artemis Sr. asked.
"Oh, just some hotel. I can't quite remember the name of it but it's just down the street there." John replied.
"Why don't you stay with us? We have plenty of rooms as you will remember."
"Why that's very kind of you. What would the Misses say though?"
"She'd be fine, she's always asking about high school friends so I'm sure she'd be happy to meet you."
"Well then I guess we're going home with you two."
"That's great!"
Jen and Artemis looked at each in disbelief.
"I can't believe I'll be spending two weeks with him." Jen thought.
"I can't believe I'll be spending two weeks with her." Artemis thought.
That'll be it for the first chapter. I know it's relatively short but it'll have to do for the first chapter.
I'd just like to inform you that Jen is not based off of myself what so ever. She has the same looks (which I forgot to mention) except for the fact that she's petite and I'm not (I'm not fat but I have a lot of muscle from swimming and playing DDR a lot). Also her attitude is totally different. While Jen is an instigator I try to make friends with everyone at first. And my name is not Jennifer. You can call me D. Yep just call me D 'cause there is no way I'm telling you my full name.
Artemis: Why do you insist upon putting me in uncomfortable positions?
D: 'Cause I enjoy watching you squirm.
Artemis: Why? What kind of childhood did you have to make you such a sadist?
D: Artemis, me a sadist? Puh-lease!
Artemis: You kill off one of my friends in another fan fiction of yours.
D: ARTEMIS! They weren't supposed to know about that!
Artemis: (sarcasm) Oops I'm so sorry.
D: Artemis do you, honestly now, want to screw around with the emotions of an author who can, oh I don't know, pull that stupid Warner Bros. cartoon cliché and drop an anvil on you fragile little head?
Artemis: …No….
D: I didn't think so now tell the readers what I told you to.
Artemis: For every reader who reviews…I can't do this!
D: Oh just review, I'll deal with you later.