Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this story. I would list them individually, but that would be a waste of my time and your eyesight.
Author Note: I've been watching oodles of horror flicks lately, and I felt like doing some sort of gigantic crossover starring Hollywood's top boogeymen. Seeing as how I didn't feel like putting forth the effort to write some gigantic, 30-chapter saga, I decided to go for a shorter, more comedic plot. Anyway, here 'tis. Bon appetit!
Once upon a fair winter's night, a terrible evil came to dine at Leatherface's Bar and Grill. Actually, make that several evils. Freddy Krueger, Chucky, Candyman, Michael Myers, Norman Bates, and Leprechaun had all finished sequels to their movies recently, and they decided to get together at their favorite hangout.
As soon as they arrived at the restaurant, Michael Myers smashed through the glass door without bothering to open it.
"The lad sure knows how to make an entrance," Leprechaun laughed.
"Yeah, and it doesn't do bad as an exit, either," said Freddy as he stepped over the broken glass.
Leatherface, the owner of the restaurant, just shook his head and sighed.
"Not these clowns again…" he thought. "If they weren't such good customers, I'd turn them into entrees…"
Shrugging his shoulders, Leatherface asked, "Hmmmmnahee?" ("How many?")
Norman Bates replied, "Four adults and two... (looks down at Chucky and Leprechaun) uh... children."
"What? 'Children' my ass!" Chucky snarled. "I may be short, but your mother knows just how much of a grown man this doll is! Heh, heh... She told me so last night!"
Norman turned red, then purple, then orange, then green with rage as he thought about the little fellow's insult to his dear old mom. Finally, he erupted, "HOW DARE YOU TALK ABOUT MY MOMMY?"
Pulling a butcher knife from his hip pocket, he dove toward the killer doll. Of course, this maneuver would have been much more successful if Chucky hadn't ducked behind Michael Myers. The butcher knife went deep into Michael's chest, but he didn't seem to notice.
"Uh, oh..." Norman whispered. "Oops. Heh, heh. Sorry about that..."
Michael pulled the knife out, looked at it for a second, and then looked at Norman as if to ask, "Is this yours?" When Norman nodded, Michael buried the knife deep within the psycho's heart. He collapsed into a heap on the floor, streams of black-and-white blood pouring out of him.
"So much for the mama's boy..." Candyman muttered. Looking at Leatherface, he said, "Make that three adults."
"Ohhhheeeedddke," ("Okie-dokie,") said Leatherface. "Rrrtttiswrrr." ("Right this way.")
He led the remaining five serial killers to their table. After looking thoughtful for a moment, he retrieved two booster chairs and placed them on the ends.
After they all sat down, Leatherface said, "Yyyyrwrtrwwwwrrrbeeewtyrrssssshhhrty."
Everyone looked at him in confusion. Finally, Freddy said what they were all thinking: "What the hell did you just say?"
Although he looked rather grumpy about it, Leatherface finally wrote his message on a post-it note.
"Oh, the waiter is on the way, huh?" Freddy laughed. "Why didn't you say so, ugly? Send him along!"
As Leatherface made his way to the kitchen, Leprechaun muttered, "I'll never be oonderstandin' a word that lad says. A body would think that his English would be prooper an' sheeny as a goold coin. Instead he be a sportin' this odd accent so's ye dannae know what he be a wantin' to say. 'Tis a silly thing to have sooch a loorge accent and be in this wee actin' business, eh?"
After staring for a second, everyone present yelled, "Shut up!"
Before the green-hatted dwarf could think up a good comeback, their waiter arrived. He was a creepy-looking old creature with green skin and yellow eyes, garbed in a dingy brown cloak.
"Aaaaaw, damn... it's Wishmaster!" Candyman gulped.
His eyes twinkling in evil anticipation, the wish-granting ghoul pulled out a pen and notepad and asked, "So, gentlemen... what can I get you tonight?"
ALL: "..."
Twenty minutes later...
"Curse you all!" screamed Wishmaster. "Why don't you answer me?"
"Shyeah, right..." thought Chucky. "We all watched the movie. First person to make a wish is going to be seriously screwed. What kind of ignorant moron would even think about ans–"
"Weeeeeellll..." Candyman said, interrupting Chucky's thought (and answering his question), "I sure would like it if you could make me a cheese sandwich."
"BWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA!" roared Wishmaster, his eyes lighting up with glee. "So be it!"
There was a bright flash of light, and Freddy found himself sitting next to a cheese sandwich with a hook sticking out of it.
"BWAHAHAHA! HEEEEHEHEHE! HOHOHOHO! Ha-ha... aha... phew," Wishmaster panted, running out of breath. "Okay. I'm better now. I've had my giggles for the night. The rest of you can order when the other waiter comes around. Toodle-loo!"
They nervously watched as the happy ghoul danced out of sight.
"This party is getting smaller by the minute," Chucky said. "Damn it, I'm still hungry!"
"Chill out, shorty," said Freddy as he (very carefully) picked his nose. "Greenie said that a new waiter will be by in just a minute. In the mean time, let's entertain ourselves with polite conversation. Michael, how's the family?"
MICHAEL: "..."
"Good to hear," Freddy said. "Bought any good knives lately?"
MICHAEL: "..."
"Yeah, I know," Freddy grumbled. "They ARE getting really expensive. Huh? What's that?"
MICHAEL: "..."
"Hahaha! That's a good one! Bwahahaha!" Freddy laughed, tears running down his face.
"I'm surrounded by idiots," Leprechaun thought.
Before Freddy and Michael could continue their "conversation," the TV in the corner of the bar turned itself on. The image was blank at first, but then the image of a ring began to form on the television screen.
Knowing what was going to happen next, the four serial killers began screaming like little girls. The screaming became even more high-pitched when the half-drowned living corpse of a young girl began clawing her way out of the TV.
"It's that chick from 'The Ring'!" they gasped in unison.
She finally pulled free, fell from the ceiling-mounted TV, and landed with a "plop!" on the floor. She dragged herself to her feet and shuffled over to where the gang of murderers shivered in terror. Suddenly, her head snapped upward to face them.
"Like, hello!" the ghoul gal bubbled, grinning from ear to ear. "My name is Samara, and I'm totally your new waitress!"
Chucky, Freddy, and Leprechaun all face-vaulted. Michael looked sort of confused for a second, but then got with the program and pulled a delayed face-vault.
Once the gang had recovered from their momentary shock, Samara said, "So tell me, what can I get you four?"
"Uh… I guess I'll take the BBQ plate," Freddy said, regaining his composure. "How about you jokers?"
"I just want a pint of Guinness and some potato soup," Leprechaun said.
Chucky looked thoughtfully at the menu. Finally, he said, "I'm feeling like something different tonight. What's this Japanese-style steak like?"
"Oh, it is so delicious!" Samara said. "The neatest thing is that the chef comes out and cooks it in front of you."
"That don't cost extra, does it?" the doll asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Of course not! Would these eyes lie?" she asked.
After staring at her yellowed, watery eyes for a few moments, Chucky involuntarily shivered and decided that he didn't care one way or the other.
He muttered, "Fine then. I'll take the steak."
"Great choice, sir," she said, scribbling his order on a water-soaked notepad. Turning to Michael, she chirped, "And how about you, Mr. Myers? Um… Mr. Myers?"
Michael didn't answer; he was too busy munching on a cheese sandwich he had found lying around. His buddies stared in silent terror as he spat a hook out onto the table. Leprechaun crossed himself.
"J-just get him some water," Freddy stammered, wiping his brow with a red and green handkerchief.
"Okie-dokie," Samara replied. "I'll have your food out in a jiffy."
END OF CHAPTER 1
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That's it for the first part of this little escapade, but the next pulse-pounding, soul-chilling, appetite-ruining chapter will be here before you know it! Will Samara keep everyone's order straight? If the BBQ is finger-licking good, could Freddy lose his tongue? Most importantly, does Michael have room for dessert?
The answer to these and many more questions will be revealed in "Boogeymen Out for a Bite – Part 2"! Leave me a review for this chapter, and stick around!