Stuff
it
By Azure Orbis
Summary: Revelations can happen in the strangest places. For Ino, it's in her kitchen, with a bowl of noodles at midnight.
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue. Okay? NARUTO© belongs to Kishimoto.
A/N- Edited for grammar and content mistakes. And many thanks to my reviewers for putting substance in their reviews.
Dedication: To those who wanted InoxChou in First Kiss, well, this is for you. And also to Taxxed: I tried to keep it in the present tense as you suggested, but it was too hard! I'm a past tense writer and perhaps, it could be seen symbolically, like the present was pre-change and the past, for post-change, although it would also make more sense to switch those two around. Anyways, tenses are always hard for me. I tried!
Taking up a lone chopstick- because she's too lazy to grab a pair and later wash two instead of one- she scoops up the noodles, already cooled from the time after the completion of dinner. Miraculously, the yellow hanging threads hold onto the slippery surface and find their way to her opened mouth. She already knew she ate a lot at dinner and that she is still somewhat full, but something inside of her wants more. She digs into the bowl again angrily and chews on the noodles furiously. Screw Sasuke and screw this insane starving herself in order for him to even look at her. Love and the finding of, shouldn't be so hard and for once, she'll admit that she's tired. All that effort and no results have finally worn her down.
Using the chopstick like a fishing pole, she drags it in the large soup bowl and with some clever twisting, brings another row of dangling noodles to her face. There is something innately satisfying and even oddly comforting about stuffing herself, Ino realizes as she swallows her third bite. Perhaps this is why Chouji does it so much, to fill himself and maybe that empty feeling inside. So what if tonight, of all nights, she realizes how stupid she is? So what if she discovers her Prince Charming is nothing but a selfish child, like herself? So what if she now knows the last couple years of her life were a waste? Who cares if she has nothing now, nothing substantial and it's all her own fault? She does of course.
The tears come easily now, two fat ones rolling down her face and onto the noodles below. This seems to happen a lot now, her crying over her stupid actions. Without really thinking she puts the noodles away; the mental note of salty tear-flavored noodles doesn't seem too appealing for tomorrow's meals. Falling heavily into a nearby chair, she continues sniffling, unwilling to completely break down and feel even more foolish than she needs to be. Tonight is a night of revelations even though there isn't anything mystical or different about it that would cause it. It just dawns on her, a moment of genius or a brainwave, that everything she had worked so hard on, obsessed about and talked to death is something that is worthless, something that doesn't deserve so much attention.
Take for instance her pursuit of the very eligible and very cold Uchiha Sasuke. Sure the guy has looks that could melt the heart of any woman, old or young. He was simply stunning and for her and many of her peers, he was the epitome of male perfection. Tall, dark, handsome and complete with a face of porcelain and a vocabulary comprised of barely two dozen words. Yeah, Sasuke fit the dark and troubled hero character of romance novels almost too well and maybe that was why she went after him in the first place. She certainly wasn't interested in his personality or his keen sense of humor- did he even have any? And the worse jarring realization was that her chase was completely unwarranted. When had Sasuke ever looked at her? Or at any girls as a matter of fact? He might have shown some interest- disgust or distrust- as a kid, but now he certainly didn't do much of anything except train. Even Sakura, who was "privileged" to be on the same team as him could not make any headway into the mystery that was Sasuke. Finally Sakura had settled for friendship and being a teammate to him.
Over the long years, it seemed like everyone was giving up on him, except for the very pig-headed, such as herself. So what prompted the change? It was a little thing, but it nagged her like something terrible, like it was more important than her dismissive mind would give credit to. That day, she saw him and tried to get his attention as usual when she tripped, being too excited to watch her step and down she went. There she was, sprawled on the ground (and what a painfully solid and hard ground it was) and he didn't even stop to help her up, but walked on by with that bewitching scowl on his handsome face.
She realized later, after she got up, scratched, bruised and bleeding a little, that he did not deliberately ignore her- that would have been nicer in comparison- but that he didn't even see her. He didn't even acknowledge or know she existed; probably thinking of her as one of his countless annoying fangirls. The sad thing was that she was exactly that: another shallow girl after a pretty boy with not a chance in the world and too dense or too devoted to give up. And from that day on, everything went downhill. He didn't look at her, didn't even know her, didn't secretly care for her and he never would. And the most painful part was that she finally knew, finally understood.
All the little things added up and she saw the futility of her actions and all the effort she had put into chasing after him. Everything was a lie, a self-delusion. Her so-called love life was a sham and it was her fault, completely and entirely and any other word that meant 'all'. She finally accepted that he would never know her as anything but another faceless kunoichi and it hurt. Letting go of him and her obsession, the years, the effort put in, the tears she shed for him, hurt like she was trying to cut out a part of herself and pretend all was good. Did this count as her first heartbreak? Maybe someday she'd be able to laugh about it. Not now though.
The other day, Shikamaru called her 'shallow', which was really shocking not only because of his choice of words, but also his tone of voice: cold and worse, angry. He rarely bothered trying to lecture her; it was something he would only do if she was really starting to get on his nerves or if he thought she needed it. She had been talking about Sasuke, naturally, and a new diet she was trying because she had heard about its wondrous and quick effects from some civilian girls. There was nothing so bad about that, was there? Oh, and she was harping on Chouji's weight and Shikamaru's laziness. It was nothing she hadn't said before and all she did say was that with a little effort (and dieting on Chouji's part), they would look decent and would be more likely to attract girls. The two bums were sitting on the grass, trying to enjoy the afternoon while she kept on talking, simultaneously brushing her hair with the brush that was always with her, even during missions. And then Shikamaru, angry although his facial expression didn't vary much from his usual bored one, finally told her that all this energy she was putting into herself, into chasing Sasuke was an idiotic expenditure and that it would amount to nothing and would she please just shut up.
She was silent for a long time, stunned and a little hurt from his outburst. Was she really that bad? Her guilty silence didn't last forever and soon, she angrily defended herself. Sure she liked to take care of herself and make sure she looked the best she could- didn't every girl? And who was he to judge her? Shikamaru snorted at her retort, saying that appearances did not make the person. She stormed off, annoyed and more than miffed at his words. She wasn't shallow and appearances, while not being the highest priority on everyone's mind, was still important.
It stung. His words stung like the prick of a thousand beautiful roses, all covered with their armor of tiny, but potent thorns. There was some truth in the lazy genius's words. Actually, there was only truth in his words, but she didn't want to accept everything yet. Her beauty was only skin deep and would fade in time. Her prized skills as a shinobi and a kunoichi would grow rusty as she aged and if she was lucky, retired. What would she have then? No more pretty face, pretty hair or even good body to take care of or show off. It was one of her worse fears, one that started to haunt her recently. She would soon become an old withered woman and what would she do then? The thought was too terrible to think of, which was why she shoved it as far back into her subconscious as possible. Now Shikamaru's annoying words brought them back to the surface and try as she might, she could not cover them up again.
These worries had to be dealt with or else, by the time she was old, she would be simply miserable. So, how did old people deal with it? She admitted that she had indeed seen the miserable ones who could do nothing but reminisce of their pasts and their wonderful youths- completely unwilling to face the now and more pressing present. Ino didn't want that.
And then there were others, those who were cheery despite their age and their slowed down pace of life. She had seen many of these people too. Civilians mostly, but there were also retired shinobi who were only too happy to spend the day chatting with old friends or playing the never ending match of Shoji or Go. Ino smiled a little to herself, Shikamaru was well-prepared for old age already.
The image of a very old Shika still reigning as the unofficial champion of Go in Konoha gave her unexpected hope. When she was old, she and her team, all wizened and wrinkled beyond recognition would spend the days talking or drinking tea or out enjoying a day of cloud watching. Sure their joints might ache and they would not be as limber as they once were, but they could still laugh at each other whenever someone inadvertently falls asleep mid-sentence or another tries to pass off a very old joke as a new one. It seemed to Ino that old age was not going to be very exciting, but more of a relaxing kind of rest after a hearty youth and fruitful adulthood. It would be like curling up with a good book and a cup of hot tea after a long day. The image was very appealing to her, being all wrapped up in a comforter and settled down in her favorite wicker chair on a cool autumn day. That didn't sound that bad at all. In fact, she almost wanted to get there now and enjoy a nice, long break. Not yet though, on second thought. There would be time for resting, much, much later.
As satisfied as she felt about her change of mind on aging and the effects of it, Ino felt something was still unresolved. What was it? She couldn't help feeling as if she had missed something and for some unknown reason her mind kept flashing back to Shikamaru's words. Why did he blow up like that? It so unusual; a first actually since he rarely did anything unless he felt it had to be done. Shikamaru was just like that: lazy to a fault. The guy would probably stop breathing if it wasn't done automatically! But what got him so mad? It was probably something she said and he also probably hinted his displeasure in his answer. She went over her memory of that day, searching for clues
She had been ranting, primarily to Shikamaru since he always could analyze stuff out for her if he chose to; which was rare of course. Chouji was wont to listening in on her ranting about her fruitless chase for the Uchiha prodigy with his usual patient smile. However unlike Shikamaru, he would never say everything that went bad that day was her fault and he would never make that annoying comment of everything being too troublesome. That day, as usual, Chouji was seated next to Shika, happily munching on his snacks with a somewhat secretive smile on his lips as if he enjoyed watching Shikamaru try his darnest to ignore Ino, who of course did not like to be ignored.
Angry at the placid pair, she turned her frustration on them instead, complaining about their faults before Shikamaru finally snapped at her. Reliving the memory, she took the time and brains to analyze it. Although everything seemed so perfectly normal, she could not help but think there was something missing. She could not put her finger on it and it annoyed her to no ends. The sun was shining and the wind had somewhat died down, but not completely. There were birds chirping and cicadas buzzing in the early summer heat and…there were no more human-made noises. No clash of metal weapons, no cries of pains after being punched by one's sparring partner; not even the crunching of gravel under an inexperienced genin's feet. Wait, crunching…chips! There were no more sounds of crunching chips either! The sound of chips was so prevalent, always somewhere in the background when she was with her teammates that she had naturally leaned to tune it out, but she could distinctly remember that moment did not have that key sound. No sound could only mean that Chouji had completely stopped eating those noisy chips or that he ran out- which was impossible because he kept a huge supply hidden on himself at all times.
Chouji stopped eating. The grave image struck her. Chouji and eating were like a beautiful summer day and the yellow sun; they went naturally together. Whenever he stopped eating, it was a telltale sign that he was deeply hurt and like a dunce, she had completely missed it. It took Shikamaru, always observant of other's emotions, to shout at her and still, she hadn't noticed until now.
At the time Chouji didn't seem to mind her words. If he did he hid it well or perhaps he was simply immune to her mindless chattering. Still something in her words must have struck a sensitive spot and she had left too quickly to notice an unusual frown sullying his cheery face or see the scene unfold between the two old friends after she had gone.
-
-
-
-
-
"Thanks Shikamaru," he said softly, a half-frown still etched uncomfortably on his face.
"No problem, but Chouji, you should really stick up for yourself, especially if you want her to notice you; although I don't know why you would want such a troublesome thing," Shikamaru teased a little with a completely serious expression on his face. To a stranger, it would look like he was simply bored, not amused at all as he went back to his favorite pastime. Chouji smiled, knowing him too well to be fooled by this serious Chuunin act. Besides he was too good-natured to argue with Shika's light-hearted tease.
Taking out another bag, he offered it first to his good friend, "Chip?" Shikamaru grunted before reaching in for a handful. The two reclined on the grassy hill, watching Shika's beloved clouds glide by. Peace had returned, thankfully, again and all was quiet.
-
-
-
-
-
Ino raced towards the Akimichi's, feeling guilty about Chouji. The memory of all she said made her feel horrible. What kind of friend was she if this was how she treated her friends, her teammates, people who protected her and expected the same? Scum, scum, scummy trash. That's what she was for treating him, both of them, like this.
Looking up, she was strangely glad to see the sun has risen in between the time she snuck into the kitchen for a late night snack and now. That also meant she had been thinking about all the mistakes of her life for several hours or that she had dozed off several times and not even noticed it. Neither was especially enticing, but she preferred to think she stayed awake the whole time contemplating and remolding her mind, even though the latter was just as feasible. Also it could count as late night training to stay awake, something she always failed at. The good thing was that her appearing at his house wouldn't seem so strange. Imagine her arriving in the middle of the pre-dawn morning, panting and disheveled, raving like a mad woman that she had to see Chouji immediately to apologize. Not a pretty picture at all, especially with her feeling humble enough. The village market and center was already bustling, so she judged it to be at least three hours after dawn, around 9 o'clock.
The more she thought, the angrier she got, at both herself and Chouji. Of course he wouldn't say anything to her face; that was his nature: to suffer quietly. And of course she had to completely ignore the subtle but latent signs he gave off. One of the almost giant Akimichi males greeted her at the door and let her pass since she was a familiar guest. She wasn't sure who exactly it was as she quickly ran down a hallway since all of Chouji's relatives were…rotund and had rather similar appearance at a glance. She silently apologized and quickly guided herself toward the kitchen where she was almost certain Chouji would be preparing himself an post-breakfast snack (it was that time of the day) or outside on the open-air porch consuming it.
She was right. There he was, eating noodles too, she noticed. White, not yellow, the stuff that was made from rice flour that was supposed to be healthier and sometimes, completely tasteless if prepared badly. Did he take her crappy advice to heart so much? Was this his version of dieting? She felt worse.
"Ino!" Chouji exclaimed and proceeded to choke on the noodles in his surprise to see her. She resisted the urge to smirk and smiled benignly instead. He pushed his bowl away. She wasn't sure if that was a sign showing he was going to give her his complete attention or if he didn't want to look like he was "pigging out" again. Yeah, she had used a particularly bad phrase. Open mouth, insert foot and gag appropriately.
"Hi, Chouji." She began, not really sure how to start. Apologies were not exactly her forte. He looked at her expectantly, with an encouraging smile. He was sweet like that. She cleared her throat, hoping to settle the uncomfortable feeling in her stomach. "Umm….about last week…" she stopped, seeing his smile falter. If even mentioning last week made him unhappy, how much worse did he feel that day? Oh, she was such an idiot!
He looked away from her for the first time since he rested his eyes on her. Staring listlessly at his food growing cold, he spoke softly, "It's okay, Ino. You were mad and…" Ino felt herself grow mad, a welcomed sensation to the uncomfortable guilt and nervousness from before. She bristled at his words, at him letting her get off so easily.
"No! It's not okay!" She interrupted him rudely. He looked at her startled, while she continued her "apology", bossy and snappy as usual. "You shouldn't forgive me so quickly! Especially since I didn't even get the chance to ask for it. I mean, wait for it first! And even after I've asked for it, you shouldn't forgive me either! Not after what I said. I had no right to say such hurtful things, even if I'm your friend and teammate. You should--" The sound of laughter stopped her in the midst of her tirade. She glanced at Chouji's amused face and looked down at herself, hand on hip and not one particle of the penitent image she had wanted to convey as she marched over here. Ino felt so embarrassed. That apology certainly had not gone as planned.
"Thank you, Ino, for those words. They mean a lot and yes, I do forgive you." He had stood up somewhere during her "apology" and smiled that patient smile he had when he was content. Ino beamed at him. He was really a sweet guy, even if he didn't have great looks. She walked over and hugged him, taking the opportunity to also kiss him lightly on the left cheek.
Chouji colored up predictably and he even stuttered a little at the unexpected touch. His reaction was almost expected since Ino would have to be really dense to not notice that recently, Chouji liked her more than a teammate. It was actually somewhat obvious with all the little signs of him deferring to her or speaking up for her- not that she really needed it since she was certainly vocal enough.
The truth was that she never really cared for the attention of any boy if he wasn't Sasuke. But now, after last night, after all her changes, perhaps she would look at the world differently and look at him differently too. Pining for Sasuke and trying to be perfect wasn't enough, she realized. She needed more. More what though? Affection? Truth? Perhaps both. And Chouji, what about him? He was still her teammate, as far as she was concerned, but could he be something more in the future? The thought was a little scary, but not completely unpleasant. Just maybe…
"Would you like some noodles?" Chouji offered, a little shyly, sliding out another chair for her. Ino weighed down her choices and options for a long minute. She hadn't changed enough in a single night to be completely indifferent to Chouji's and her own waistline. Still, it couldn't hurt to take a step in a different direction. Perhaps this was the right one.
She looked directly at his eyes and smiled, taking the proffered seat. "Sure, I'm starving."
FINIS
A/N- YAY! It's finished! The ending is a bit sappy, but I hope it's sweet and believable. I would love some feedback. So, help make a writer happy and click away!