Disclaimer- So not mine. If it was do you honestly think I'd be writing fanfiction?

Where was Walter when you need him anyway?

Integra lay curled in a tangle of bed sheets with a sort of grimace on her face. The past six hours had been unkind to the young woman. She supposed she must be ill, but she had no fever, she just hurt. Her stomach and head ached something fierce.

The girl lay facing the window; she noticed the sun was nearly completely absent from the sky. Alucard would be up soon. Inwardly the girl sighed. There hadn't really been any unusual activity to warrant sending him out on a mission. Unfortunately, that would mean he would be home all night. It seemed he took particular joy in making her suffer. Integra decided only a few days after falling upon him in the underground chambers that she must have been a very bad person in another life, to deserve such a harsh punishment.

Integra let herself sink a little deeper into her pillow. That horrible monster always made a point to seek her out after he woke up. He would be phasing in very soon and she was determined to enjoy her last few minutes of sanity.

It seemed that his recenrt hooby was pushing her until she danced the edge of sanity. At first se resorted to physical violence to keep him away, but his lack of reaction was quickly allowing that to lose it's appeal. Her pet monster seemed to have taken on a permanent role as a temporary nuisance.

Indeed, Alucard didn't disappoint her. In all reality, she believed him a bit early on this particular night, of course it could have been her overwhelming desire not to see the undead beast that made the time go by so quickly, it was hard to tell.

She watched as his head appeared from the wall leading to the hallway. He had that insufferable grin on his face. Instantly she wished that she had her gun.

"Good evening master, not feeling well?"

Integra watched his eyes roam over her in a way he usually saved for when he strutted in on her in a state of undress.

"Obviously," she snapped back. She was in bed at an extremely unreasonably hour of the day. Why else would she be lazing about?

He simply grinned at her, in his usual manner.

Integra was about to retort when her abdomen decided to do a rather unpleasant cartwheel. Instinctively, she put a hand on her torso and sat up ato leaned over in a cringing position, her hair covering her face. But she was not to suffer long, the pain was gone as soon as it came.

She regretted her moment of weakness immediately. Undoubtedly Alucard would have some snide comment on her lack of ability to deal with something as mundane as pain.

Integra stayed in the cowering position for a moment, preparing. She mentally kicked herself. She tried to be so strong, she hated looking weak, especially in front of someone as powerful as Alucard. She was supposed to be the master, not the frail weakling girl that idly gave orders and looked pretty. She was no trophy leader, and so help her she was bound and determined that her unruly servant boy would know it.

She knew there was only one way to go about it. She started to look up; she wanted him to see her eyes, so he would think that she was not ashamed of herself. She had already shown enough vulnerability for one night.

She did not expect to feel the bed sagging under her as he laid himself down next to her on top of the covers. She frowned and looked up more quickly at his intrusion of her personal space.

"You really aren't feeling well at all, are you?" he questioned. "Well, I'm afraid all you can do is wait it out," he said smugly. Integra narrowed her eyes at him. He grinned.

"Closer," he said lowly and pulled her, blankets and all, towards him. She let eyes widen in surprise. What the hell?

He rubbed his head against hers, inhaling deeply. Integra was, remarkably, too shocked to react. What the hell?

"You smell excellent tonight, Integra." What the hell? His voice was like cold velvet; she had the sudden urge to curl up in his embrace, but quickly fought it down, like a maid beating a particularly rug.

"You smell like rot," she retorted, he knew she was lying. He smelled like…well, she didn't have a name for it. She attempted to climb out of his firm hold, but she got caught in the covers and only slipped further into the folds of his arms.

It was him that helped mold her into the fine young specimen she was discovering herself to be. To Integra Hellsing that meant there was a debt between them, one she knew she would ultimately pay, even if it was out of sheer obligation. She may have been the master, but he was the teacher.

"Let me go you insufferable coot," Integra snarled. Alucard raised an eyebrow at her as she struggled. She was cute, for prey. "Stop sniffing me, you damn cretin!"

"I'm not sniffing you, Integra. I'm memorizing that delicious little girl scent of yours." He knew it would be gone soon.

"I order you to stop!" She knew Alucard was odd, even by madman standards, but she'd never had such problems with him before. The one thing he usually kept to himself was his nose, physically speaking.

"No," he stated simply.

Integra continued to struggle when another wave of upset hit her; she was forced to shortly pause to regain her composure. Alucard took advantage, gathered her up against him, and settled down back onto the pillows.

Integra had never been a physical person. Even when her father had been alive there weren't any cuddles or intimate contact of any sort. It just wasn't proper. Neanderthals wallowed around with each other: nobles did not. That was why she when she felt herself squashed up against her pet, not only did she feel small, but it made Alucard feel vary large. Essentially Integra wasn't used to being smothered by large undead men, and it unnerved her to be in such a position. She sneered against the scratchy white fabric of Alucard's shirt.

"Relax little one, I promise I won't bite…unless you ask me to."

Integra had a limit and it had just been reached. Two could play this game.

She attempted to kick him in what she thought was probably his groin.

She was wrong, he laughed.

"Did you really think that would work?" he asked.

She frowned in a childish manner, resenting her failure.

"I believe that was a little below the belt, my dear master," he went on. "It was incredibly attractive, if not rather…cheap."

"Shut-up," she said, miserably. She was docile for the moment, waiting for an opportunity to show itself so she could get free.

"You'll be a woman soon," commented Alucard out of the blue, his voice indecipherable.

Instinctively Integra panicked. What did that mean?

"I know," he said, misjudging her sudden tension against him. "It's really very sad."

"What do you know of being a woman?" Integra asked sarcastically.

Apparently, the question was very funny because Alucard laughed.

"Well, let's just say that I've done my fair share of courting," he said, a cocky smirk playing about his lips. That's right, tell the girl that now, save the juicy stories until later.

Integra was beginning to get worried. This was a very…personal conversation. She had never been the sort to hand out or discuss this sort of thing freely. It made her nervous. It was not that she was afraid that Alucard would do anything that… permanent. She was more than aware that it would ruin her chances of becoming undead, one of Alucard's personal goals.

"I don't care about your love life, Alucard," she said grumpily.

"I didn't say anything about love, Master," he replied.

Alucard had lifted her shirt just enough to rub the white pert of her belly. She swatted his hand away. He growled in a playful manner.

"Stop that," she said, ignoring the tremor in her own voice. "It's quite inappropriate."

"Mmm," agreed Alucard.

Then, in a flash, Alucard did a swift maneuver that made Integra's heart nearly stop. He swept her around on the bed so she was no longer in his arms, but under him. He placed himself over her chest so he could listen to her heartbeat.

"Servant!" exclaimed Integra.

"Shut-Up," Alucard mimicked in her own girly voice. "Am I making you uncomfortable master? Do you want me to stop?"

She hoped her pulse wasn't going as fast as she thought it was.

"Indeed Alucard, I feel that this behavior is out of line." She phrased carefully, making her objection to the honor of the situation and not to her own fears.

She could feel him chortle.

"Are you afraid I'm going to rape you?" he asked quite bluntly.

"No," replied Integra confidently.

"Then what are you afraid of, my dear Master?"

Integra eternally cringed; she could see where this was going. Occasionally Alucard would feel obligated to teach her something, or impart on her some great life lesson. She had begun to sense them coming.

She wanted desperately to answer him, but knew that he was looking for something specific that she had not grasped yet. He had once told her that not knowing was shameful, but blindly guessing was a true sin. Either way she was at a disadvantage, so she chose the lesser of the two evils.

"I don't know," she replied, after a moment.

Alucard nuzzled against her, enjoying his momentary position.

"You," he began. "Are afraid of what you don't understand."

"Are you calling me stupid?" she asked, offended.

"No…just ignorant," he was also choosing his words carefully.

Integra was silent for a moment. It didn't feel bad to have him on top of her, his weight was almost comforting. Almost.

"How am I ignorant?" she asked, almost afraid of the answer.

He raised his head to look at her. His usual grin absent form his sometimes handsome features.

"You are truly beautiful master," he said.

"Answer the question," she snapped back.

He sighed and lay his head back down.

"You are like snow, Master. You're cold, you're fierce, you kill, you make people uncomfortable, but most importantly you are pure."

"That's an oxymoron," scoffed Integra. "A person can't do all those things and still be pure." She was not blind; she saw where this was going. She was not going to let him use her inexperience against her.

"You are very experienced mentally master," he agreed readily. "However, in matters of the flesh…you have not experienced true desire. You do not comprehend sharing yourself with another. You can not let yourself, you see it as weakness."

"Is it not?" she asked. "Tell me how that's not weakness."

"Oh, I didn't say you were wrong Master. Just that the concept was beyond you."

"What are you telling me, I don't understand." This was going nowhere.

"Have you been formally educated about sex Integra?"

That was a trick question.

"You know I haven't, things like that aren't spoken of in families like mine."

Alucard frowned. He did know. Stupid mortals.

"I do understand it though; I know all the mecanics-"

"It's more that a man shoving his penis into a warm hole Integra," Alucard interrupted. "It's…an important lesson."

Integra paused, what was he on?

"I thought you despised weakness Alucard," she said, a teasing note in her voice.

"Oh, some weakness is good," he replied absently. "It reminds you what real power is. Trust me, there's no better way to experience weakness then to allow yourself to give into your more carnal needs."

"What about pleasing your partner?" she asked. "Isn't that important too?"

"Well," he grinned. "It's inevitable if their with me, so I've really never needed to worry about that."

"So you've never wanted to please another out of….how many women Alucard?"

"I lost track around 984." He wasn't going to mention the men.

"I see," she replied. He really was an evil bastard.

"Although there was once a little girl I was infatuated with," he said as if reading her thoughts. "But I knew that I would please her in other ways. She wasn't interested in my…male physique."

"Are you referring to me Servant?"

"No," he lied. She couldn't help but feel an unexplainable fondness in her abdomen where the pain had been before.

"How do you suppose I become educated in this field then, Servant?"

"Masturbation?" he asked jokingly. She didn't think it was funny.

"Girls can do that?"

Alucard snorted.

"No," he said. "Forget I mentioned it."

That would be a conversation for another day.

"Are you lying to me?" the girl had a nose like a bloodhound.

"Why are you so interested?" he retorted knowing it would shut her up.

Integra felt a fair bit of blood race to her face.

Alucard looked up at Integra's red face. He loved being able to do that, although she was swiftly becoming immune.

"Alucard," she asked slowly, stroking his hair, out of a desire to drag him into a false sense of security.

He was not so easily fooled.

"Yes?" he answered, enjoying the sensation of her small hands on him. Really, why didn't he attack her in bed more often?

"Do you remember your first kiss?"

That got his attention. Oh, the prospects.

"Yes, it was most unpleasant," said, making a face.

"Well?" pressed Integra.

"Oh, you want to know?" he asked slyly.

"Yes, I do."

"Okay," he answered, his insane grin plastered on his face.

He looked up at her, this was almost too easy.

"Integra, if you find out you must never tell anyone," he said in a dead serious tone. She took the bait and nodded.

"I swear."

"Good."

And with that he swooped up and, with a hand on each side of her head and his lower body against hers, he pressed his lips against hers in a firm manner and proceeded to show her exactly what his first kiss had been like.

He was surprised when she didn't push him away or protest in any manner. After an initial shock, she even responded, pressing back. He knew better than to try anything with his tongue, she was not that willing.

When she didn't pull back he pulled her closer and put a hand behind her head, pulling her to him. Yes, he was going to make this a good memory for her, she was not going to have any second rate first kiss.

Eventually he pulled away and she opened the eyes she didn't know she'd closed.

"Well," he said, looking sheepish, wondering what she was going to do. "My first kiss was a lot like that."