If He Went First, an alexander fanfic

Title: "If He Went First"

Author: Baliansword

Type: One Shot

Rating: T

A/N: I don't know about everyone else, but I've wondered what would have happened if Alexander had died before Hephaestion. Do you think that it would have changed Alexander's Empire? Now, of course we don't really know. But this is definitely what I think may have happened. It is sappy, but sweet, and something for everyone to read while I take a short break from writing my longer fictions. Enjoy, even though it is not accurate, it is sort of interesting. Drop a review when you are done!

"Alright," Hephaestion said as he wrapped an arm around Alexander's waist to stable him. Alexander laughed and muttered something incomprehensible. Hephaestion knew it had something to do with what he planned to do later. All he could do was laugh at Alexander under his breath. He'd be in no shape to do anything within a few moments. Holding him against him, he pried the wineglass out of Alexander's hand, then set it down. Carefully he drug him out of the room. No one else noticed, not truly, for they were all in the same condition. Hephaestion was the only sober one in the room.

"Hey," the king protested as Hephaestion took him to his room, laying him against the bed. Silently Hephaestion pulled the sheets back, leaving Alexander at the end of the bed. Alexander protested, but didn't move. Instead, he lay there like a beaten rag doll. Hephaestion grabbed him, sliding him under the sheets, and then rearranged the sheets over him. Alexander muttered something and Hephaestion smiled down at him as he pulled a lock of hair away from his face.

"You need to get some sleep," Hephaestion informed him, pressing a kiss to his forehead. He said nothing then, just stared at Alexander for a moment. Sighing, he then let his smile fade slightly. "You really shouldn't drink as much as you do Alexander. It will catch up with you."

"Stay," Alexander asked, as he wrapped fingers around Hephaestion's wrist as the other stood, preparing to leave him. Hephaestion glanced over his shoulder. Turning, he carefully pried Alexander's fingers away from him. Alexander was about to protest, his eyes already shutting, and sleep claiming him. "Please, stay?"

"Until you sleep," Hephaestion agreed. He lay down next to Alexander, above the sheets, and ran a finger from his forehead to the tip of his nose. He stroked him gently, staring at him as he drifted away. Alexander was asleep soon, his breathing slowed, all worry leaving him. He was so serene when he slept. Hephaestion pressed a final kiss to his cheek before he stood, leaving the room quietly. The night was beautiful and Hephaestion was slightly saddened that Alexander was not awake to share it with him.

Everything burned, no matter how much they fanned him, and no matter how much they wet his forehead with a damp cloth. It was burning. It was too bright as well. It was either bright, or dark. He was slipping in and out of conciseness. Yet he heard everything. As his eyes watered he wanted to reach up and wipe them, but he couldn't. Then, just as he thought he was going to let go, the door opened. He heard it, and he knew instantly, that it was him. His mind told him to hold on, just for a moment, he would make it better.

"Alexander," Hephaestion said as he pushed his way through the doctors. One informed him that Alexander had asked to see him, yet now was unable to speak. Alexander wanted to shake his head, yell at the idiot maybe, but he didn't have the strength. Instead he was glad, for Hephaestion sat next to him on the bed, reaching out and putting a hand on his forehead. "He's burning."

"It is the fever," the physician said. His voice was shaking. Alexander wondered if he was really that afraid of Hephaestion. Or was he afraid for another reason? "We are trying to keep him cool. I fear that the wine was not the best for him last night. I assure you though, he will be better, I believe….."

"Get out," Hephaestion finally ordered. He was loud. He was unafraid of the tone he took with them. Alexander, had he felt better, would have smiled and praised him. As they left Hephaestion looked him over. There was concern in his eyes, pain on his face, fear overtook both emotions though. "Alexander? Tell me what to do, tell me what to do."

Alexander was about to say something. Instead Hephaestion's tears interrupted him. He felt Hephaestion take his hand in both of his, pressing, tears welling and falling down his cheeks.

"I don't know what to do," Hephaestion told him. He was clearly having a mental break down. Alexander smiled then, even though it hurt. Hephaestion put a hand on Alexander's cheek, then leaned closer. He pressed a kiss to his forehead, lingering there, his tears dropping onto Alexander's cheeks. They were cool, welcomed even, but Alexander wished he wouldn't look so sad.

"Shh," Alexander said, voice cracking, mouth dry. Hephaestion moved back, looking down at him, and without thinking kissed him again. Alexander felt his wondrous lips against his own, which were now cracked and flaking. If only he could hold him there longer. Hephaestion lifted his head though, wiping tears from under his eyes, trying to calm himself. "I'm not dying."

"I know," Hephaestion nodded. He took a breath. He looked him over once more. Alexander watched him do so. Perhaps he shouldn't try to pretend to be fine. Maybe he should tell him what he'd heard the physicians say. "I should never have left you last night Alexander. I'm so sorry."

"It is not your fault," Alexander whispered. He curled his fingers around Hephaestion's. Maybe it wouldn't be that bad, leaving him. He'd see him eventually. They could not go separated for too long.

"Here," Hephaestion said as he took a cloth and wet it in the basin next to the bed. He let it drip for a moment then wiped Alexander's face, neck, then the upper half of his chest. "You're burning up. I sent Bagoas to find ice."

"Phae," Alexander coughed, throat burning now more than the rest of his body. His voice became more serious. Hephaestion looked down at him, lips parting as if to speak, yet did not.

"I don't feel well," he added. He held Hephaestion's hand just a bit tighter. Then he looked up at him, eyes still watering. Yet now he thought it was from tears rather than from the fever. "Phae, do you know about Arabia?"

"Yes," he answered, then looked at him. "What do you mean?"

"Do you remember everything we were going to do? The battle plans. The generals, the phalanx, all of it. Do you remember it all?"

"Of course," he nodded.

"Good," he smiled slightly. "Do it then. If something should happen to me. I've left everything for you. Babylon, Greece, Macedonia, the Alexandria's, they are all yours."

"Alexander, don't say that. You've been through worse than this."

"I know, just know, incase."

The world faded out then. It became black. When he woke next, Hephaestion was lying next to him, staring at him with open eyes. He clearly hadn't slept. There were dark circles under his eyes, and he just seemed pale, another sign that he had not slept. When Alexander looked at him though, Hephaestion pushed himself up on an elbow, and immediately was looking down at him. He checked to see if the fever had lessened. It hadn't. Instead, it was worse. Alexander already felt that it would be.

"Hi," Hephaestion finally said. "How do you feel?"

"Better."

"Do you?"

"No," Alexander whispered. Hephaestion's smile fell. He then ran a hand over Alexander's cheek, trying to bring him some comfort, but really he was comforting himself.

"You can't leave me," Hephaestion whispered softly. He continued to run a hand over Alexander's face. He wiped his tears away, careful at the corners of his eyes, where the skin looked raw. "Do you remember when we were boys? You promised me Alexander. Do you remember that?"

Hephaestion picked the smooth rock up. He held it in the palm of his hand for a moment, then quickly threw it. It skipped across the water, creating hundreds of ripples by the time it reached the other side. Smiling, he glanced over at Alexander. He'd won again. Yet Hephaestion felt that the true prize was to be in Alexander's company, and only his company, no matter for how long. Alexander picked up another stone and tried again. Still, Hephaestion won.

"Someday," Alexander said cockily, "I will beat you Hephaestion."

"I await it," he laughed, then sat. Alexander sat next to him and they stared out at the lake for a moment. There could never be a silent moment with Alexander though. Hephaestion could almost hear his mind working as he sat next to him. Before long, he was speaking, telling Hephaestion dreams of the future that he wanted to desperately be a part of.

"It will be easy to cross to Persia if the waters are this calm," Alexander spoke, speaking thoughts to keep silence away. Hephaestion glanced over at him, admiring him all the while. "We will take them Hephaestion, easily, then the world shall be ours."

"It will be yours."

"And yours as well," he assured him. "Achilles shared his glory with Patroclaus, and I shall share mine eagerly with you."

"Yes," he admitted softly, "but Achilles found Briseis in Troy. You too will find a beautiful woman to bear your children Alexander. I'll love you for always, but you know the day will come."

"Hephaestion, there is only you in my heart. I will never leave you."

"Swear it," Hephaestion laughed. "Swear to Zeus that you will never leave me. Then, maybe, I will believe you."

"Just maybe?"

"Well, Zeus is your father right?"

Alexander shoved him playfully. He then picked up a stick that sat next to him on the ground. He picked the stick up, then pressed it firmly against his index finger, puncturing the skin. Without saying a word he then took Hephaestion's hand and poked his finger. A drop of blood came to both of their fingers. Alexander pressed their fingers together.

"There," he said. "We are one, now, and forever. We can never part, never. If we do, then Zeus can curse us both, and Aphrodite will never again bless us with a love like this. Agreed?"

"Agreed," Hephaestion nodded, then leaned forward. He kissed Alexander, his lips begging him, passionately holding them together. Alexander kissed him back, slowly sliding them down. The rest of the world ceased to matter to them. They had only one another.

"Yes," Alexander whispered, remembering the moment fondly. He felt tired again. He couldn't focus his mind on anything. Hephaestion watched him, realizing that he was feeling unwell.

"Rest," Hephaestion told him. "I will not go anywhere."

"Phae, you need sleep as well."

"I know," he nodded, then kissed his forehead. He wiped a few strands of hair away from Alexander's forehead again. Then stared down at him before lying down beside him again. "I will rest when you are well."

"Alexander," he said, scrambling awake. He reached for him, pulling him close. He was so stupid to fall asleep. He promised himself he would stay awake, and care for him, but then he'd fallen asleep. Grabbing Alexander he shook him, tears welling in his eyes. "Alexander!"

"Alexander," he finally screamed. He held him, cradling him, crying hysterically. He looked down at him, running a hand over his cheek. He wasn't burning up anymore. He was cold now, lifeless, gone. "Alexander! Alexander wake up, get up, Alexander!"

Everything else happened too quickly. The physicians rushed in, but Hephaestion pushed them away. Somehow he managed to push them all back out the door. He shut it, locking it behind them. They all needed to die, all of them, but that would be brought up later. For the moment, he lay down. He curled up next to Alexander, holding him, resting his head on his chest. Then, he did the only thing he knew to do at the moment. He cried.

"Alexander," he whispered after some time. He checked again, rising, then sinking back down. It was a nightmare that he could not wake from. Tears still fell down his cheeks as he lay back against Alexander. Taking a breath, he then whispered softly. "I don't know what to do without you."

He felt a wind enter the room. In his mind he cursed it. It should have come earlier. Closing his eyes, he then wept some more. Yet soon, he was sleeping, dreaming of the past. Then, he dreamt no longer.

"Does it truly surprise you," he asked as he sat down on the chair that was offered to him. He thought for a moment, of it all. Had Alexander's Empire succeeded, of course. It was an empire, now, and for years to come. But at the same time, it would never be the same. The only two people that had ever truly wanted the empire, they were gone.

"No," she whispered as she wrapped her arms around her body. It couldn't surprise her. It made too much sense to be surprising. She turned, then sat down before Cassander. "Will it truly be divided?"

He shrugged. "Only if Ptolemy will not see reason. He can't control the empire. He doesn't have the ruthless strength."

"I suppose not."

Cassander said nothing else. Instead, he stood and went to leave. Olympias turned then, a single tear rolling down her cheek. It left a stain of her loss. When she uttered his name he stopped though.

"Do you think," she asked, the pain in her voice evident, "that he was happy?"

"He was with Hephaestion," Cassander said after a moment. "He could have been nothing else."

ENFIN.

Let me know what you think. It is very odd, I know, but it is late.