Faithfully

Chapter 21: You Can Let Go

It had been two weeks since Meredith's suicide attempt. She was about to be released from the hospital.

Flashback

Richard Weber came striding through the double doors a week after Meredith had been admitted. He'd fully expected Derek to jump to his feet and bombard him with various questions, just as he'd done the last few days.

Instead, the younger man just sat in the uncomfortable chair in the waiting room, his eyes heavy, his arms folded in front of him. His eyes met Richard's but they didn't change, he didn't react.

Richard slowed his gait and made his way over to the bedraggled man. He took the seat next to Derek and sat with him for several moments before speaking.

"She's going to be alright." He told Derek, his voice low as he kept his gaze straight ahead.

"Good." Derek choked out, not really sure of what else to say.

"You're going to pull through this." The chief said, his words strong and full of confidence, it was a command, not an observation.

"I don't think I can. I thought I was doing everything right, I was trying so hard to give her what she needed and she tried to kill herself. Richard, I don't have anything left."

Richard turned his eyes to the man next to him. "Well, you're just going to have to find more, because she needs you."

"She doesn't. I thought she did but she barely spoke to me when she came home. She doesn't need me anymore All she needs are the girls." Derek replied unhappily.

"That's odd, if all she needs are the girls, then why did she ask me to send you in?" Richard questioned.

For the first time, Derek reacted. She'd never, throughout this whole ordeal, asked for him. He sat up in his chair and his eyes flew to the chief. The older man saw hope for the first time in Derek Shepherd's eyes.

Derek got to his feet and fought the urge to run. He fought the urge to let his hopes rise, lest this just be some horrible argument.

He found himself outside her door, feeling more than a little anxious about what was about to happen.

He steeled himself and pushed through the door.

Meredith turned her blue eyes to his the moment he stepped into sight. She offered him the smallest of smiles and he felt his heart beat just a little bit faster.

"Hi." She whispered.

"Hey." He replied, taking a few cautious steps into the room. She saw his behavior and gestured for him to finish his journey and take a seat next to the bed.

He did as she requested.

For several long moments, they were silent. This was the closest they'd been, physically and emotionally, in a long time.

"I'm sorry Derek." She said at last, reaching out and covering her hand with his.

He lifted his eyes to hers and nodded. "I don't know what happened. Everything just got out of control so fast. I should have… I didn't… I wish… I didn't handle things so well, did I?" She finally managed, her voice full of tears.

"You did the best you could." He replied, squeezing her hand tightly.

"I didn't Derek. I could have tried harder. But… I stopped caring. I didn't want to die Derek. I didn't want to leave the girls, and as it was all happening I realized… I didn't want to leave you either. Please tell me there's still hope Derek."

His eyes were filled with tears now.

"There's still hope… Of course there's still hope. As lost as I felt, I couldn't just walk away. I need you, and I thought I was going to have to go on without you." He confessed, his voice full of emotion.

"Chief says say I have to stay another week and agree to take some time off, see a counselor, but I can go home next week. I thought maybe we could move my stuff out of the guest room and into our room?" She suggested, her voice soft but hopeful.

He leaned over and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "It'll be moved before you get back."

END FLASHBACK

He'd kept his word and moved all of her stuff back to his-their room. Izzie had just called and she was on her way to the house with Meredith.

As if on cue, he heard the car pull up. He strode down the hall, poking his head in the playroom to check on the girls. They were as content as ever.

He took the stairs two at a time and there she was. She'd just walked in the front door and Izzie was clutching her suitcase.

Meredith and Derek just watched each other for a moment, unsure of what to do next.

"OK well, I'm gonna go. I'll see you later." Izzie blurted out a moment later, before dropping the case and bolting out the door.

She smiled softly at him. "It's good to be home." She ventured quietly as she picked up her suitcase and started up the stairs.

"I'm glad you feel that way. The girls missed you. I missed you." He told her honestly.

She glanced in the playroom and saw the girls. They were wrapped up in their own little world and didn't even notice her.

"Don't you want to say hi?" He whispered.

"In a minute." She replied as she turned around and headed to their room.

She threw open the door and stepped in. The familiar smells and feelings washed over her. It felt good to be back in this room. It felt like she belonged there.

She set her suitcase down an d turned to face him.

"I was thinking… The spare room? Maybe we could change it back to a nursery?" She suggested.

His heart skipped a beat and he waited for her to get upset. I can't go through this again…

"I don't mean right now or anything. Maybe someday, after we get married." She finished, seeing the frightened look appear in Derek's eyes.

"You… You still want to marry me?" He questioned, floored by her words. He hadn't expected that at all.

"I do. And I know it's a ways down the road for me, and in more ways than one, but I'd like to consider… Trying again." She said, hoping he knew what she meant.

And he did. And he didn't need to tell her in words. He quickly closed the space between them and brought his lips down on hers, wrapping his arms around her waist.

There was no way he was letting go this time.

FINIS!