Note: this chapter has not been betaed. I do hope it's readable and apologize in advance for the syntax mistakes...

Chapter 4/4

Calleigh was driving in direction of their victim's home, knowing that she would be needed anyway since it was her scene crime to begin with, hers and Ryan's of course. She could only hope that the young man was alright because there was no way that he wasn't there. No, he had been the one to say they should go back to talk to the husband and, since he wasn't at the lab, there was no other place he would be.

She should have been with him. He shouldn't have been there alone, not with a guy that was considered a suspect. The procedure in that case was there should be at least two people, because the risks of getting hurt were too big. But he hadn't called her to come with and she had no one else to blame for that but herself. How could have Ryan come to her after the way she had treated him?

She couldn't believe that she had told him he should have taken a bullet instead of Speed. How could have she told a colleague that he should have died? A colleague whose job but him in the line of danger everyday at that!

Now she had had her wish and she was praying that Ryan was alright, no matter what she had said to him. She guessed that the fear of him being hurt – or dead, even though she couldn't bear to think about that possibility – made her realize that the kid was as human as any of them, as subject at everything that happened in their job as any of them. That was something she had forgotten in her quest to make Ryan pay for what happened to Speed when she knew, intellectually, that he wasn't responsible and that someone had to take that job anyway.

Finally, after what seemed an eternity but couldn't have been more than a few minutes, especially at the speed she was driving, she came to a halt in front of their victim's house. There was already a police patrol, with the husband in handcuff being forced into their car, while another was putting a new security perimeter. And, of course, there was an ambulance.

She barely let her car stop before she was out, walking rapidly to the red and white vehicle. The fact that they didn't seem in a hurry to depart did somehow reassure her that her colleague's condition wasn't too bad.

Effectively, as soon as she rounded the ambulance, she was able to hear him try to argue out of going to the hospital, saying that he had work to do. She nearly shook her head in annoyance. The guy had quite obviously taken a bullet, even though it just grazed him, and he wanted to go back to work. Typical from men; they always had to do the macho thing.

"Ryan!" she exclaimed and the young man's head turned to her so fast she didn't know how it was possible he did crack his spine.

"Calleigh," he began, quite embarrassed and fearful of what she was going to say. "I…"

"Went to interrogate the suspect. Turned out he was guilty, felt cornered and shot you. I gathered and I will let Horatio do the whole berating thing later. How are you?"

Ryan looked stunned by the inquiry – and didn't take make her feel good about herself? – but nodded nonetheless.

"I'm fine. It's just a scratch."

She didn't look especially convinced by that and looked at the paramedic, an eyebrow raised in question.

"The bullet didn't touch anything vital and he hasn't lost too much blood. I still would like for him to get to the hospital and have more thorough check out," he explained, ignoring the younger man's protests.

Calleigh nodded and hopped inside the ambulance, telling the paramedic to drive them there. She would call for another team to take care of the scene on the way but, for now, she would go with Ryan. First, she needed to make sure that he would actually get checked out by a doctor, because it wouldn't surprise her if he just slipped away once there. And second, she did have to make amend and the least she could do would be to stay with him while he was injured, even if it was only superficial.

"I… I can go alone," Ryan stammered, not understanding the change in Calleigh but not wanting for her to waste her time when he was perfectly fine on his own.

"We don't let our colleague alone when they're injured, Ryan. Especially since I should have been with you and prevent you from getting hurt first place."

"I'm the one who decided to go alone," Ryan reminded her, not knowing why couldn't just let it slip. "I didn't tell you what I was doing. You couldn't have known."

While the ambulance began to move, and that the two of them were sitting down inside the back, she looked at him intently, searching his eyes but he wasn't able to sustain her gaze and looked down.

"Tell me, if I hadn't acted like I did before, would you have come to me before interrogating him or would you still have wanted to prove yourself to me by going alone?" she asked and she knew the answer, even if he didn't admit it.

Ryan shrugged. Truth was, he wasn't sure. Calleigh wasn't the only not to have accepted him, so he may have done the same anyway, but on the other hand, the others weren't as important. It wasn't as if he saw them a lot and worked often with them so it wasn't the same at all.

"Look, Ryan, I know how I acted was wrong, especially what I said this morning. And trust me when I say that I didn't mean that one at all. I knew all that already, I knew that the thing with Speed wasn't your fault – hell, you weren't there! –, I knew that someone had to fill his spot; we couldn't work with a member missing. Yes, I knew all of this intellectually. But, emotionally…," she trailed down, letting her voice die down.

"It's not the same," Ryan continued for her. "I understand that," he then admitted.

"But it still hurts," she said, knowing what he was thinking with him needing to say it; it was written all over his face. "I will try, Ryan. Just… give me some time, okay?"

Ryan finally looked at her again and nodded, smiling slightly. Things may not have been totally okay, but it was already a step in the right direction and it was something, something he had prayed would happen one day.

The rest of the way was spent in silence but it wasn't as uncomfortable as it would have been a few hours ago. Both were lost in their thoughts and they almost startled when the driven opened the door.

Once inside, a nurse whisked Ryan away and told Calleigh to wait some time before coming to see him. They had to check him out and they needed him alone for that. The blonde woman used that time to call the lab, making sure that a team had already been send, and then called Eric, telling him about what happened and asking him to come to the hospital. After all, he was Ryan's friend and it would do him some good if the Cuban could be there, at least up to the results were there.

She waited for her colleague to arrive with Ryan, chitchatting with him on subjects of no importance. She may have been willing to try, willing to change her attitude, but that didn't mean that they would be immediately on the confidences and deep conversations stage. They still had a long way to go.

She said goodbye to Ryan at the moment Eric entered the room and nodded to him, smiling in apology and he smiled back, letting her know that he wasn't mad at her. She walked a bit and turned back to take a last look at the two boys, Eric obviously making sure that Ryan was okay and Ryan, smiling, trying to fend off the offending hands.

She smiled to herself and hoped they wouldn't make the same mistake she did with Speed. Life was too short to hide your feelings instead of acting on them.