"Question"

A night of drinking takes a strange turn when Hyde decides to propose to Jackie.

All titles come from songs of the seventies. This is a Moody Blues song.

Takes place sometime after the seventh season episode "2120 Michigan Avenue". So Kelso and Fez have their apartment, Hyde's sister is gone, and forget about Eric going to Africa. It doesn't happen here.

I own nothing, so don't sue me. I'm just trying to fix the disaster that was Season 8.

ACT 1

SCENE 1

INT. HYDE'S BEDROOM MORNING. JACKIE AND HYDE ARE IN BED, HE'S ON TOP OF HER AND THEY ARE MAKING OUT. JACKIE GENTLY PUSHES HIM OFF.

JACKIE:

Steven, I have to go. If Mr. Forman catches me down here he's going to kill us.

HYDE:

Yeah, (with a devilish smile) but what a way to go.

HYDE STARTS KISSING HER AGAIN. JACKIE PUSHES HIM OFF AGAIN AND SITS UP IN BED, THEN HYDE SITS UP.

JACKIE:

Steven, I'm serious! (snuggles up to him seductively) You know, if we were married I wouldn't have to leave.

HYDE:

Yeah well, marriage is the death of sex, so that's not a very persuasive argument.

JACKIE JUST ROLLS HER EYES

HYDE: (cont')

(making his move) So, (smiling) we should have all the sex we can before we get married.

THEY KISS. SUDDENLY JACKIE BREAKS AWAY WITH A HUGE GRIN ON HER FACE.

JACKIE:

Wait, wait (excited) what did you just say?

HYDE:

(goes back to kissing her) I said we should have all the sex we can.

HE DOESN'T REALIZE WHAT HE SAID.

JACKIE:

No, you said we should have all the sex we can before we get married. (Very slowly emphasizing every word) Before we get married.

HYDE STOPS KISSING HER BUT THEIR FACES REMAIN JUST INCHES APART.

HYDE:

I didn't say that.

JACKIE:

Yes you did.

HYDE:

No, I didn't.

JACKIE:

(louder and more insistent) Yes, you did.

HYDE:

(also louder) No, I didn't

JACKIE:

(teasing in a sing-song voice) Yes you did!

HYDE:

(slowly) No I didn't.

JACKIE:

(very matter-of-fact) Steven, You're not going to win. I can do this all day. Watch, (pauses) yes you did.

HYDE THROWS HIS ARMS IN THE AIR HE GIVES UP.

HYDE:

Fine! But don't get all excited it just slipped out. I've got a lack of blood flow to the brain right now. (pointing to his head)

JACKIE:

Oh my God, Steven!

SHE GRABS HIM AROUND THE NECK AND STARTS KISSING HIM

HYDE:

All right, let's get back to business.

THEY START MAKING OUT AGAIN AND SLOWLY LAY BACK DOWN.

JACKIE:

Steven, you practically proposed to me.

HYDE:

Jackie, that was not a proposal. When I propose you'll know it.

HYDE REALIZES RIGHT AWAY WHAT HE'S JUST SAID. THEY BOTH JUMP UP OFF THE BED AND HYDE BURIES HIS FACE IN HIS HANDS.

HYDE: (at the same time) Dammit!

JACKIE: (at the same time) A-ha!

HYDE:

(pacing like a caged animal) What the hell is the matter with me?

JACKIE JUST STANDS THERE SMILING WITH HER HANDS ON HER HIPS. NEITHER OF THEM SAYS ANYTHING. JACKIE CAN'T STOP SMILING

HYDE:

Stop it, Jackie.

JACKIE:

(innocently) I'm not saying anything. (grinning from ear to ear)

HYDE:

Yeah, but I know what you're thinking. (points at her) And stop thinking it!

THEY BOTH CONTINUE TO STAND THERE STARING AT EACH OTHER. JACKIE IS BEAMING AND HYDE LOOKS VERY UNCOMFORTABLE.

HYDE:

(warning her) Stop it, Jackie!

JACKIE:

(shrugs) I'm not doing anything.

HYDE:

Yes, you are.

JACKIE:

No, I'm not.

HYDE:

Yes, you are.

JACKIE:

No, I'm not.

HYDE:

(yells) Jackie!

NEITHER OF THEM SAYS ANYTHING. UNCOMFORTABLE PAUSE.

JACKIE:

(still smiling she whispers to Hyde) No I'm not.

HYDE THROWS HIS ARMS UP IN THE AIR AND WALKS OUT. JACKIE SITS DOWN ON THE BED STILL SMILING.

END SCENE

CUT TO THEME SONG

ACT 1

SCENE 2

INT FORMAN KITCHEN MORNING. RED, HYDE AND ERIC ARE HAVING BREAKFAST. KITTY IS DIGGING AROUND UNDER THE SINK.

KITTY SHUTS THE CUPBOARD DOORS AND STANDS UP.

KITTY:

Well, I just do not have any room left in this kitchen.

ERIC:

(under his breath) I bet there'd be a lot more room if you got rid of all the wine bottles.

KITTY:

I heard that, Mr. Snarky Mouth. (pauses, irritated) Wine bottles are tall and skinny. They don't take up any room.

KITTY CROSSES OVER TO RED AT THE TABLE

KITTY: (cont')

Red, I need more storage space. (pauses) How about the garage?

RED:

Kitty, I do not want your fondue pots and waffle irons tainting my garage. A garage is a place for cars, tools...

HYDE:

(interrupting with a smile) Nudie calendars...

RED:

(sternly) Steven!

HYDE SMILES

RED: (cont')

Kitty, a garage is a man's sanctuary. His tiny, tiny sanctuary where he can go to escape the hell that is his life. And you're not putting girly stuff in the sanctuary.

KITTY:

(goes back to the sink area and rummages through the cupboards again) Well, it has to go somewhere. (pauses, thinking) I know, how about that old shower in the basement?

HYDE AND ERIC EXCHANGE NERVOUS GLANCES. THAT'S WERE THEY KEEP THEIR BEER SUPPLY.

KITTY: (cont')

Red, you could put up some shelves in there. We never use it anymore.

ERIC:

(panicking) We (indicating he and Hyde) use it. We keep our, our... (pauses wondering what in the world he can say) records in there. Records and ... (again he has no idea what to say)

HYDE:

(whispering to Eric) Comic books.

ERIC:

(nodding in agreement) Comic books. We keep our records and comic books in there.

ERIC LOOKS AT KITTY TO SEE IF SHE'S BUYING IT

ERIC: (cont')

Because... that's what we do in the basement. Listen to records and read comic books.

ERIC AND HYDE SMILE LIKE THEY'RE SWEET LITTLE ANGELS. KITTY SMILES AND HEADS OVER TO THE TABLE GIVING THEM EACH A KISS ON THE HEAD.

KITTY:

Oh my sweet little boys. (laughs) But I'm sure you can make room for some more things.

ERIC:

We'd love to, Mom. But you see, we already have everything organized ...

HYDE:

(interrupting him) And alphabetized.

ERIC:

Yep organized and alphabetized. (with a fake sad look on his face) It'd be a real shame to have to do it all again.

RED:

(irritated) Eric, your mother needs that space. So you and Steven better have your, (pauses because he knows what's really in the shower) "records and comic books" out of there by tomorrow. Got it?

ERIC:

(defeated) Fine. (sighs) Any suggestions on where we can put them?

RED:

Now those, (he smiles) can go in the garage.

RED'S GRINNING, KITTY DOESN'T GET IT AND HYDE AND ERIC LOOK BUMMED.

END SCENE

CUT TO BUMPER

ACT 1

SCENE 3

INT FORMAN'S BASEMENT LATER THAT DAY

CLOSEUP OF THE SHOWER WHERE THERE ARE CASES AND CASES OF BEER. CUT TO HYDE, ERIC, FEZ AND KELSO STANDING LOOKING IN THE SHOWER. THEY ALL HAVE HUGE GRINS ON THEIR FACES.

ERIC:

(in a deep voice) Gentleman, this is your mission, should you choose to accept it.

THE "MISSION IMPOSSIBLE" TV SHOW THEME SONG CAN BE HEARD PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND.

FEZ:

(to the guys) You know, maybe we could just move the beer somewhere else. (looks nervous) We do not have to drink it all.

THE GUYS ALL LOOK AT HIM LIKE HE'S CRAZY

KELSO:

(to Fez) Where's the challenge in that?

ERIC:

Yeah, besides any unopened beer laying around is going straight into Red's garage. Never to be seen or heard from again.

HYDE:

(to the others) Come on guys! (trying to pump them up) This is our Olympics, this is our Mount Everest. This may be the only thing any of us ever accomplishes in our lives.

THEY ALL NOD IN AGREEMENT

HYDE: (cont')

So men, lets warm up with some stretches.

HYDE LEANS DOWN, PICKS UP A CAN OF BEER OFF THE STACK STANDS BACK UP AND BRINGS THE BEER CLOSER TO HIMSELF IN AN EXAGGERATED MOTION, LIKE HE'S STRETCHING.

HYDE: (cont')

Well, I'm stretched.

HYDE CRACKS OPEN HIS BEER AND SMILES. THE OTHERS ALSO GRAB BEERS.

ERIC:

(pauses thinking) Don't all great athletes prepare themselves mentally before a big event?

THEY ALL LOOK AT EACH OTHER SMILING

CUT TO CIRCLE "TRUCKIN'" BY THE GRATEFUL DEAD PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND.

KELSO:

(with a huge dumb smile) Man, I should've been an athlete. This mental preparation stuff is great!

HYDE:

I could've been an athlete. (gets real serious) Except I wouldn't have played any sport that makes you wear shorts. (smiles) Only pansies like Forman wear shorts.

ERIC:

(angry) Man, I hated gym class. Remember that kid Chris Frasier who got his doctor to excuse him from gym for all four years of high school.

KELSO:

Oh yeah, I remember him. Wait, (thinking) didn't he have scoliosis?

ERIC:

(nodding yes) Lucky bastard!

FEZ:

(smiling) The ladies like a man who can play sports. (looks sad) That is one of my many, many problems with the ladies.

KELSO:

Imagine how much more foxy my body would be if I were an athlete. I think it's a good thing I'm not. (smiles, very proud of himself) I don't think the ladies of Point Place could handle any more hotness from me.

HYDE:

Hockey, I could've played hockey. (smiles) I like beating people up.

ERIC:

(still mad) I don't know why they wouldn't give me gym class credit for my Jedi light saber training camp.

FEZ:

Maybe if I had played sports the football team would not have stuck me in so many lockers.

ERIC:

(laughing) Yeah, but that wouldn't have stopped the marching band from doing it.

FEZ:

(angry) Sons of bitches.

END SCENE

CUT TO BUMPER

ACT 1

SCENE 4

INT FORMAN BASEMENT A FEW HOURS LATER. THERE ARE EMPTY BEER CANS LAYING AROUND. THE GUYS HAVE NOW BEEN DRINKING FOR SEVERAL HOURS. THEY ARE NOW ALL AT VARIED STAGES OF DRUNKENNESS, INCREDIBLY HYDE SEEMS TO BE THE MOST DRUNK. FEZ AND KELSO ARE PLAYING CARDS ON THE COUCH. HYDE IS PACING BEHIND THE COUCH DRINKING A BEER. ERIC IS SITTING ON THE LAWN CHAIR, STUDYING THE ROOM INTENTLY. "LONG TRAIN RUNNIN'" BY THE DOOBIE BROTHERS IS PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND.

KELSO SLAMS DOWN HIS HAND OF CARDS ON THE TABLE.

KELSO:

Ha! I win again! (Indicating a beer in front of Fez) Drink Fez!

FEZ:

(sadly) Oh luck, you are no lady tonight. Tonight you are a dirty, dirty whore.

FEZ CRACKS OPEN THE BEER AND STARTS SLAMMING IT DOWN. HYDE COMES OVER TO CHECK OUT THE CARDS.

HYDE:

(pointing to the cards) Fez, he's got six aces man.

FEZ:

(not realizing what's wrong) I know ( to Kelso) lucky son of a bitch!

HYDE JUST SHAKES HIS HEAD AND GOES BACK TO PACING AND DRINKING.

ERIC:

(looking around the room) I wanna redecorate this room like the Mos Eisley Cantina (the bar in Star Wars) Think about how awesome that would be! (stands up and points to the couch) This could be the bar where Obi-wan Kenobi cuts off that guy's arm.

ERIC ACTS OUT THE SCENE. HE'S GETTING REALLY INTO IT AND HE'S REALLY DRUNK WHICH MAKES HIM LOOK EVER MORE RIDICULOUS.

ERIC: (cont')

This (walking over to the record player area) could be the booth were Han Solo kills Greedo the bounty hunter.

AGAIN HE ACTS OUT THE SCENE, VERY DRAMATICALLY. PRETENDS TO SIT AND PUTS ON HIS BEST "HAN SOLO" FACE HE FIRES HIS MAKE BELIEVE BLASTER. THEN HE RUNS OVER TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE IMAGINARY TABLE AND , PRETENDING TO BE GREEDO, HE SLUMPS OVER LIKE HE'S JUST BEEN SHOT. BY NOW KELSO AND FEZ HAVE STOPPED PLAYING CARDS AND ARE STARING AT ERIC. EVEN HYDE HAS STOPPED PACING TO WATCH ERIC'S PERFORMANCE.

ERIC:

And this, (he walks over to the deep freeze) could be where Threepio and R2 are kicked out. (quoting the movie) "We don't serve their kind." And this (indicating the washer and dryer) could be (he stops and looks sheepishly at the others) well, this part isn't exactly in the movie. But this (pointing) could be Luke and Leia's secret make-out spot.

KELSO:

(to Eric) No way, man. (he smiles) I'm telling you Leia wants to DO IT with Han!

ERIC:

(yells, his voice cracking) I told you to stop saying that!

ERIC GOES AND SITS BACK DOWN IN THE LAWN CHAIR, DEJECTED, HIS FANTASY RUINED. FEZ AND KELSO GO BACK TO PLAYING CARDS

KELSO:

(to Hyde) Beer me, Hyde!

HYDE GRABS A BEER FROM THE SHOWER AND TOSSES IT TO KELSO THEN HYDE GRABS ONE FOR HIMSELF AND CRACKS IT OPEN

KELSO:(cont')

You're going down, Fez! These cards are loving me tonight.

AS FEZ DEALS WE SEE KELSO REACHING UNDER THE COUCH AND ADDING CARDS TO HIS HAND. HYDE GOES BACK TO PACING AND DRINKING. ERIC STARTS WATCHING HYDE PACE BACK AND FORTH. IT LOOKS LIKE ERIC'S WATCHING A TENNIS MATCH. HE STARTS TO LOOK A LITTLE DIZZY.

ERIC:

Hyde, you've gotta stand still. You don't look good. (Eric gets up and goes to the shower for a beer) Did you catch Jackie playing Barry Manilow in the El Camino again?

HYDE:

(shaking his head) No man, worse.

THEY ALL TURN AND LOOK AT HYDE WONDERING WHAT COULD BE WORSE THAN BARRY MANILOW. HYDE TAKES A BIG DRINK OF HIS BEER.

HYDE:(cont')

This morning, (pauses, like he can't believe what he's about to say) I mentioned marriage in front of Jackie.

KELSO:(at the same time) What the hell?

FEZ:(at the same time) Are you crazy?

ERIC:(at the same time) What were you thinking?

HYDE THROWS HIS HANDS UP IN THE AIR SPILLING BEER.

HYDE:

(shaking his head) It just slipped out, man, we were about to do it. I wasn't thinking

KELSO:

Man, chicks should know anything you say before you do it doesn't count like- ( pauses) "Of course I'll call you" or "I'm not going to tell anyone" or-

FEZ:

(interrupting him)"Please don't laugh at me."

THEY ALL JUST STARE AT HIM

ERIC:

Fez, that's just sad, man.

FEZ:

What, I thought we were sharing our pillow talk.

HYDE:

The thing is, (he can't seem to say it) what if a part of me deep down, (pauses) deep, deep, deep down meant it.

THEY ALL STARE AT HIM NO ONE SAYS ANYTHING AND FOR A MINUTE HYDE THINKS EVERYTHING COOL. THEN THEY ALL THROW BEER CANS AT HIM. HYDE WALKS OVER TO HIS CHAIR.

HYDE:(cont')

(taking a drink) You know, Jackie's got a lot of good qualities.

ERIC:

Yeah, like the fact that she's not here right now. That's good.

KELSO:

No man, he's right. Jackie's got a really hot little bod.

HYDE IMMEDIATELY GETS UP AND FROGS KELSO - HARD.

KELSO:

OW! DAMN HYDE! (yells rubbing his arm) I was trying to help you point out Jackie's good qualities. And let's face it, those (indicating his chest) are her two best qualities.

AGAIN HYDE STANDS UP AND FROGS HIM.

KELSO:

OW!

HYDE:

(threatening tone to Eric and Fez) Anybody else wanna talk about Jackie's good qualities?

FEZ AND ERIC PUT UP THEIR HANDS

FEZ: (at the same time) No, thank you.

ERIC: (at the same time) I'm good.

HYDE:

Look, I've been thinking about this for a while now. I just don't like Jackie forcing me to think about it.

ERIC:

Hyde, (seriously) you know what you need, (pauses like he's going to say something profound) another beer!

ERIC GETS UP FROM THE LAWN CHAIR AND GRABS A COUPLE MORE BEERS THROWING ONE TO HYDE.

END SCENE

CUT TO BUMPER

ACT 1

SCENE 5

INT. DONNA'S BEDROOM THAT EVENING. DONNA AND JACKIE ARE LAYING ON DONNA'S BED. JACKIE IS STILL GRINNING FROM EAR TO EAR.

JACKIE:

I'm telling you, Donna, Steven is this close (indicates a tiny bit of space with her fingers) to proposing.

DONNA:

Don't go all psycho, Jackie. You're gonna make Hyde crazy.

JACKIE:

(in her own little world) I wonder where he'll do it? (a sigh and she's off to her fantasy)

FANTASY SEQUENCE:

IN ALL OF THE SCENES HYDE LOOKS INCREDIBLY CHEESY AND IS DOWN ON ONE KNEE HOLDING A JEWELRY BOX IN HIS OUTSTRETCHED HAND. JACKIE IS IN A VERY MELODRAMATIC SOAP OPERA -LIKE POSE. ALL THE SCENES ARE A MONTAGE WITH THE BARRY MANILOW SONG, "LOOKS LIKE WE MADE IT" PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND.

HYDE PROPOSING ON A HOT AIR BALLOON

HYDE PROPOSING ON A FOOTBALL FIELD WITH THE POINT PLACE CHEERLEADERS HOLDING UP LETTERS THAT SPELL OUT, "WILL YOU MARRY ME M'LADY" IN THE BACKGROUND.

HYDE PROPOSING ON FANTASY ISLAND.

HYDE PROPOSING AT A DISCO.

HYDE PROPOSING ON A ROW BOAT ON A LAKE.

HYDE PROPOSING IN A FIELD OF FLOWERS.

HYDE PROPOSING ON THE LOVE BOAT.

HYDE PROPOSING DRESSED UP LIKE RHETT BUTLER AND JACKIE LIKE SCARLETT O'HARA.

END FANTASY SEQUENCE.

DONNA:

Jackie, (looks at her like she's crazy) Hyde is not going to do any of those things. I'm telling you, Jackie, just leave it alone. Hyde's never going to propose if he feels like you're forcing him to.

JACKIE:

(irritated because she knows Donna's right) Oh, you're just crabby because Eric proposed to you on the stupid water tower.

DONNA:

Ok, Jackie, try to get this through your very tiny head. It doesn't matter where the guy proposes. It's not about that. It's about two people in love, deciding to spend the rest of their lives together.

JACKIE:

(hand on her heart) Oh Donna.

JACKIE HUGS DONNA AND THEN PUSHES HER AWAY LOOKING STUNNED

JACKIE:(cont')

Oh my God, you're right. (can't believe what she's saying) I don't care where Steven proposes. It's not important.

DONNA:

(smiling) I'm proud of you, Jackie! (puts her arm around Jackie) you're coming along nicely.

JACKIE PUTS HER HEAD ON DONNA'S SHOULDER.

JACKIE:

(very proud of herself) It doesn't matter where Steven proposes. (pauses and smiles even bigger) As long as the ring is huge!

DONNA ROLLS HER EYES AND PLAYFULLY HITS JACKIE WITH A PILLOW.

END SCENE

CUT TO COMMERCIAL

ACT 2

SCENE 1

INT. FORMAN'S BASEMENT SEVERAL HOURS LATER. EVEN MORE BEER CANS LITTER THE BASEMENT. THE GUYS ARE REALLY DRUNK. HYDE IS SLUMPED OVER IN HIS CHAIR. ERIC IS IN THE LAWN CHAIR MAKING A PYRAMID WITH BEER CANS. FEZ AND KELSO ARE STILL PLAYING CARDS. ONLY NOW FEZ IS WEARING A HUGE SOMBRERO AND HE HAS A HANDLEBAR MOUSTACHE DRAWN ON HIS FACE. "US AND THEM" BY PINK FLOYD IS PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND.

KELSO:

(slams down his cards) Read 'em and weep, Fez! That's 22 times in a row I win! (excited) Now I get to add the beard.

KELSO HAS A HUGE GRIN AND FEZ LOOKS PISSED. KELSO GRABS A MARKER OFF THE TABLE.

FEZ:

Oh, my shame is great.

HYDE FINALLY CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE.

HYDE:

(yells at Fez) HE'S CHEATING YOU MORON!

FEZ GIVES AN EMBARRASSED SMILE. HYDE LOOKS EXTREMELY FED UP.

HYDE:(cont')

What the hell am I doing here?

FEZ:

(sympathetically) Oh Hyde, you are so drunk you have forgotten you are drinking.

HYDE:

No, I mean seriously, what am I doing here, man? Somewhere out there is a tiny, bossy, shrill, loud- mouthed... (trails off) where was I going with this? (pauses for a moment) Oh yeah, somewhere out there is a tiny, bossy, shrill, loud- mouthed, HOT girl that loves me. (pauses and smiles like he's remembering something) Who, incidentally, looks really fine in a wedding dress.

FEZ:

Oh, but Hyde, we love you too.

ERIC:

Yes, only it's a different kind of love because we're not going to let him touch our naughty parts.

HYDE:

(starts talking faster) She loves me and she wants to marry me, man. And I mean what are the chances of that ever happening again?

KELSO: (at the same time) None.

ERIC: (at the same time) Zero.

FEZ:

(holding up a bag of M&Ms) This bag of candy has a better chance of lasting until tomorrow. (a beat then he begins devouring the m&ms)

ERIC:

Wait, Hyde, are you saying you're gonna ask Jackie to marry you?

KELSO:

Yeah, hold on, Hyde, think before you answer this one. You wanna spend the rest of your life with Jackie? I mean it would be ok if you could just poke out your ear drums, but I'm pretty sure that would hurt!

ERIC:

Hyde, are you ready to hear this everyday? (in a high-pitched "Jackie" voice) "Steven, take me shopping. Steven, help me rearrange my unicorns"

KELSO:

(also doing a "Jackie" voice) "Steven, I need money. Steven, wear a tie."

FEZ:

(interrupts, also doing a "Jackie voice") "Steven, stop letting Fez watch us do it."

THEY ALL STARE AT FEZ.

FEZ:(cont')

(looks guilty) Too far?

HYDE:

OK, here's what else I get to hear, (doing his own Jackie voice) "Steven, you're so hot and sexy. Steven, I'm naked. Steven, I lo...(pauses, he can't say it, he looks very serious)

THEY ALL STARE AT HYDE. WHO JUST SITS THERE WITH HIS HEAD IN HIS HANDS. THEN HE STANDS UP SUDDENLY.

HYDE:(cont')

Dammit, I'm doing it. I'm gonna propose to Jackie.

EVERYONE WAITS WATCHING HIM, BUT HE DOESN'T MOVE

HYDE:(cont')

(flatly)I seem to be temporarily paralyzed.

A HAND APPEARS GIVING HIM A BEER. HE CRACKS IT OPEN, SLAMS IT DOWN AND SMASHES THE CAN ON HIS HEAD.

HYDE:(cont')

(zen)OK, now I'm ready.

HYDE STRIDES OUT THE DOWNSTAIRS DOOR. THE THREE REMAINING GUYS ARE STILL SEATED, SPEECHLESS. THEY'RE STARING AT EACH OTHER.

ERIC:

Gentleman, we lost a good man today. A brave solider. He put up a good fight, but in the end, the enemy was just too strong.

THEY EACH REACH FOR A BEER

ERIC:

(raising his beer) To Steven Hyde!

CUT TO OVERHEAD SHOT

ALL GUYS:

(raising their beers and looking up) To Steven Hyde!

THEY ALL DRINK. CUT BACK TO NORMAL CAMERA ANGLE

ERIC:

Poor bastard.

END SCENE

CUT TO BUMPER

ACT 2

SCENE 2

EXT. WOODS NIGHTTIME. THE SAME SPOT WHERE HYDE AND JACKIE HAD THEIR FIRST DATE YEARS AGO. THE CAMINO IS PARKED WITH THE DOORS OPEN AND THE SONG "COUNT ON ME" BY JEFFERSON AIRPLANE PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND. HYDE DRAGS JACKIE BY THE HAND OUT OF THE CAR.

JACKIE:

Steven, slow down. (she realizes where they are) What... Steven, what are we doing here? (gets an irritated look) I am not doing it in the woods again.

HYDE:

(turns to face her) Do you remember the first time we came here, on our first date?

JACKIE:

Yeah.

HYDE:

Well, I wanted to bring you here to tell you something.

JACKIE'S EYES GET REALLY WIDE AND SHE HAS A HUGE SMILE ON HER FACE.

JACKIE:

Don't you mean ask me something?

HYDE:

No, I mean tell you something. (pauses) I lied, Jackie.

JACKIE'S SMILE IS GONE AND SHE LOOKS REALLY CONFUSED.

JACKIE:

What? Steven, I don't understand.

HYDE:

I lied. Right here. Years ago, on our first date, I lied.

JACKIE:

What are you talking about?

HYDE:

Remember when we kissed and you said you didn't feel anything and you asked me if I did?

JACKIE:

Yeah, and you said you didn't feel anything either.

HYDE:

(taking her hands) I lied, Jackie. I did feel something. I just couldn't tell you.

JACKIE:

(lets go of his hands) What?

HYDE:

(talking fast) You said you didn't feel anything. I thought I had no chance with you. I thought we had nothing in common. I didn't want to feel anything. So I lied. (looks at her anxiously , waiting for her reaction)

JACKIE:

Steven, why? You let me go back to Michael. (getting angry) I can't believe you didn't tell me. (starts pacing back and forth) All the time we wasted. And to think (now she's really angry) I thought you brought me out here to propose. Instead you tell me you lied. You lied, Steven!

SHE KICKS HIM IN THE KNEE. HYDE GRABS HIS KNEE AND GOES DOWN ON IT ON THE GROUND IN PAIN.

JACKIE:

(bending down to see if he's ok) Oh my gosh, Steven I'm so sorry.

HYDE:

(through clenched teeth) No, it's ok. It's perfect actually.

AFTER A BEAT HE STRAIGHTENS UP AND HOLDS OUT HIS HAND. THERE IS A RING IN IT AND HE'S CONVENIENTLY DOWN ON ONE KNEE. HE DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING. HE JUST HOLDS OUT THE RING.

JACKIE:

Oh my God, Steven

SHE IS STUNNED SHE COVERS HER MOUTH WITH HER HAND AND SHE STARTS CRYING.

HYDE:

Marry me, Jackie.

JACKIE:

(she nods and says quietly) Yes.

HYDE PUTS THE RING ON HER FINGER AND THEN STANDS UP. HE TAKES HER FACE IN HIS HANDS AND KISSES HER. AFTER A FEW SECONDS JACKIE OPENS HER EYES AND STARTS TWISTING IN HIS GRASP AND SHE'S HOLDING UP HER LEFT HAND IN THE AIR TRYING TO LOOK AT HER RING. HYDE BREAKS AWAY, LAUGHING.

HYDE:

Jackie, do you want to look at the ring?

JACKIE:

(very relieved) YES! Oh my God, I'm dying!

SHE BRINGS HER HAND TO HER FACE AND HER EYES GO VERY WIDE. WE CAN TELL FROM HER REACTION SHE LOVES IT. SHE JUMPS ON HYDE KISSING HIM. SHE JUMPS SO HARD SHE THEY BOTH FALL ON THE GROUND.

END SCENE

CUT TO COMMERCIAL

CREDITS

INT. FORMAN'S BASEMENT THE NEXT MORNING. THERE ARE EMPTY BEER CANS ABSOLUTELY EVERYWHERE. FEZ IS PASSED OUT ON THE COUCH COVERED IN BEER CANS WITH THE SOMBRERO OVER HIS FACE. KELSO IS PASSED OUT FACE DOWN ON THE WASHER AND DRYER WITH HIS ARM DANGLING OVER THE SIDE. ERIC IS PASSED OUT CURLED UP ON THE TABLE. WE SEE KITTY COME DOWN THE STAIRS CARRYING A BOX FILLED WITH KITCHEN ITEMS. RED FOLLOWS HER CARRYING HIS TOOLS AND SOME BOARDS. THEY STOOP AT THE BOTTOM OF THE STAIRS WHEN THE SEE THE SCENE IN THE BASEMENT. RED IS FUMING. KITTY LOOKS LIKE SHE'S GOING TO CRY.

RED:

(yelling) ERIC!

ERIC BOLTS UPRIGHT ON THE COFFEE TABLE. HE LOOKS AROUND THE ROOM WITH HIS EYES ONLY HALF OPEN, HE SEES RED.

ERIC:

(still sounds drunk) Shower's empty.

HE IMMEDIATELY PASSES OUT AGAIN, FALLING FACE FIRST BACK ON THE TABLE.

END EPISODE

Up next...

"Get it Right the First Time"

Hyde gets in big trouble with Jackie for forgetting one minor detail about their engagement.