Disclaimer: Don't own anything except the insane plot.
A/N: Thank you for your lovely reviews, they make me uber-happy! Warning: Lot's of movie references, because V's such a movie fan. Like me. ;D
All the World's a Stage
And so the countdown begins: five days to the explosion of the Old Bailey. V was celebrating his excitement for the occasion in the only way he knew how… that being, of course, walking around in costume. It wasn't his ugly ol'fogey Rookwood costume, and it wasn't his Valerie get-up, which was actually disturbingly convincing. Oh, no, this time was different… because tonight was All Hallow's Eve! V considered it a miracle that it wasn't banned… but apparently, Sutler liked dressing up.
V was walking the London streets as Arnold Schwarzenegger in The Terminator. Dark sunglasses hid the eye-holes in the mask and, in V's opinion, served to make him look even cooler. An objective passer-by, however, would see it differently. For example, a pre-pubescent Zorro asked a forty-year old Mulan the following:
"Mommy, is that man blind?"
Luckily for the boy, V didn't hear. It wouldn't have mattered anyway, because The Terminator only carries guns. While V is certainly in prowess with the use of knives…well… my granny is a better shot with a gun than him.
V paused, and decided to give Sutler a call, partly because he wanted to mess with him, but mainly because he needed to practice his Swedish accent. He walked to a dark street corner and took out his flashy Nokia 8310, which was out of date by twenty or so years, but he didn't care because it was so pretty- and besides, why would the government want to trace such an old line? V dialled Sutler's number, which he'd gotten from one of the pretty, yet scantily clad, ladies who he had seen coming out of the High Chancellor's house one night. Wandering if Sutler's significant other (if such existed) minded, he waited: one ring, two rings, four, five…
"Hello? Who is this?" came the voice of the dictator, sorry, High Chancellor.
"Hello? Is this the Prime Minister?" V said in an accent that sounded less Swedish and more like someone British who is completely infatuated with someone.
"I am not Prime Minister! I am High Chancellor! Oh, I know who you are…Gloria; I thought you would never call… You can call me Daddy… "
"Do I sound like someone with two X chromosomes?" V asked, hurt, and a bit disturbed.
"A bit. Yes."
"…"
"Who are you?"
"I'm the only gay in the village!" V was giggling by now.
Oh, the joys of television twenty years ago…
"…and your point is? Because if you want to go out with me, I'm taken… but we can always, you know, keep it secret…"
V didn't like the way this conversation was going. The one time he'd had phone sex, it was a month ago, with a woman, and even then she'd hung up on him after warning him three times to stop quoting Shakespeare.
"Yeh, I know. But…um… no thank you," he decided. "But there is something you should know about me…"
"Yes?"
"I see dead people."
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"Oh, I see. Yes… how did you get my number again?"
"From Gloria. I'm bisexual," V was starting to get really entertained now, "No, wait, I'm asexual. So, goodbye… I'll be back."
"No, wait, I was just getting to know you—"
V hung up, disturbed, but happy. He could stop using the Swedish accent now- it was hurting his throat.
He looked up to see a cute little boy with dark hair and big blue eyes staring at him. He stared back. There was something very, very, intimidating in that child's gaze. That something said, if you mess with me, I will get some supernatural force to kill you.
V gulped and kept on staring. It was just a child, for God's sake!
Then, a blonde woman who looked to be the child's caretaker came near them.
"Come along now, Damien. We have to go to see the Halloween play of Dr Faustus, remember?"
Damien gave a small, creepy, smile, nodded, and walked off hand in hand with the woman. Beneath his mask, V paled.
Damien…? Faustus?
He shook his head.
What an imagination I have! All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players, so it's perfectly reasonable to meet someone who looks like they came off a movie set- especially tonight!
Chanting the Shakespeare quote aloud to keep himself 'sane', V walked into an ally- and straight into a group of men who looked like they were impersonating D12. Unfortunately, they heard him quoting.
"Who you callin' a player, Schwarzy?" The tallest one asked and pulled out a handgun. His friends followed suit.
V knew a bad situation when he saw one.
"Nice costumes, my friends," V tried to make peace, raising his arms slightly. He wasn't intimidated- he was way more violent on a bad night than these men appeared to be- but he wanted to keep good appearances. No sense in getting his lovely blond wig dirty.
He pulled out one of his knives anyway- he never went without one, never mind if it didn't go with his costume...
"We ain't your friends! Put that little metal stick away!"
"Yeah, man, we're going to get medieval on yo' ass!" an Eminem look-alike added.
"Hey, that's from Pulp Fiction!" V the movie-lover pointed out.
"Yeah, it is. It's our favourite movie, in fact," the tallest man who had threatened him said sheepishly.
"Oh really? Remember the bit when…"
And so, V spent the night discussing Tarantino movies and playing poker with his new friends- overall, a nice night out in the ghetto.
A/N: OK, author rant goes here: had to put in D12 because I have a friend who is obsessed with them, had to put in Little Britain quotes because I am obsessed with that show, had to put in the Sixth Sense quote because I love the kid, and Damien from the Omen was there because the character has too much parody potential. And "All the world's a stage," etc is from "As you like it" by Will Shakespeare. Oh, for an added hilarity bonus, try imagining everything V said to Sutler in Schwarzenegger's voice- "I see dead people" XD
Anyway, I think this may be the last part in this series- I don't want it to become crap(per) or drawn out. So farewell, beloved readers!