A/N: Wow, I really am terrible at updating this frequently, aren't I? I really hope you are still out there reading this...anyway, here's the next chapter. It's pretty long, so I expect some reviews! For all of you that still review, thank you SO much. It means a lot when I get reviews, especially positive ones. This isn't my favorite chapter, but I still hope you like it. I haven't abandoned this story, or my other one, I promise. I'm finishing both up and will post the remaining chapters (hopefully) before the end of this year. I will finish this story and my other one, I promise. I also have some other ideas that I might write up. I'll be smarter about those other stories if I do them and I'll write it all out before posting. Anyway, here's the chapter!

When I got to school, exhaustion finally kicked in. It was the first time that I had been late to homeroom. After whispering to Mrs. Darbus that I had an urgent problem I needed to fix, she winked at me and allowed me to take my seat. This was yet another time I was thankful my parents urged me to take acting lessons. People can be so easy to manipulate if you play to your strengths and their weaknesses. I could tell that Troy was watching my every move, so I made a more obvious display of attempting to avoid him and Gabriella. He kept looking back at me, but I remained focused on the blank piece of paper in front of me. I didn't hear what Mrs. Darbus was saying about the play, which was extremely unusual; I was too busy figuring out how to handle Bolton and Montez. When the bell rang signaling the end of homeroom, I rushed out of the room. Footsteps behind me were getting louder and faster, so I nearly sprinted to my locker. Once there, I turned to see who was following me and realized it was only Ryan.

I greeted him with a simple 'hey' in an attempt to act nonchalant. Ryan saw through the act immediately; he was the only one I had yet to figure out how to manipulate. In a way, I'm glad I can't trick him into thinking what I want him to think. He's always been there for me and I trust him with my life, even when he's wearing plain sweatpants and a hoodie.

"Sharpay, did you hear anything Mrs. Darbus said during homeroom?" He looked genuinely worried, so I told him the truth.

"No, I didn't. Why, did she say something important?"

"What has been up with you lately? For the past few days you've been so weird. It's like you're a completely different version of my sister. Take today for example. You didn't wake up on time, you're wearing your make-up differently than you usually do, you were late to class, you look completely exhausted, and you didn't pay attention during homeroom when Mrs. Darbus talked about the play! I may be slow, Shar, but even I know something is wrong with you. Now, do you want to tell me what it is or do I have to force it out of you?"

I just stared at him. What was with everyone this week? They all are acting like they're worried about me and my happiness all of the sudden. Ryan wasn't even there when I auditioned. That was when all this started. If he was there, if he hadn't become some basketball-boy, he would've known what was wrong. I guess my anger at him finally won out because words I never wanted to say out loud were pouring out of my mouth. "Ryan, stop pretending that you even care about your drama queen sister. You're friends with all the jocks now-Chad, Troy, Zeke, Jason...why in the world are you even bothering to talk to me. Aren't you worried I might hurt your chances of making it on the basketball team? You know better than me that every group in this school is now 'mingling,' but they all still hate me. Why? Because I'm the resident Ice Queen here and no one else thinks I can change. Ever since Troy and Gabriella changed everything, you've been different, too. You barely even care about me anymore! You aren't there when I need you anymore. I have no one to turn to anymore because you are GONE! Please, don't bother me until the real Ryan comes back."

After seeing Ryan's hurt expression, I sincerely wished I could back everything I had just said. "Ryan, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean...that's not what...I shouldn't have said that. That's not what I think at all, you know that."

"Save it Sharpay." His voice was cold and harsh. I deserved it, I know I did. "Did you know that I stick up for you every single day? They all talk about you. They say you're trying to steal Troy from Gabriella. I always defend you. I tell them over and over again that you want nothing to do with him or Gabriella. They call you an Ice Queen and I tell them they've never even given you a chance. I tell them you deserved more credit than they gave you. I even convinced myself that the only reason you acted like that was because everyone expected you to act that way. I joked with myself once, saying you were just being nice to them by acting the way they wanted you to. But you know what? Now I realize they were right about you all along. You're just a selfish, heartless Ice Queen. No one matters to you besides yourself. I hate you, Sharpay."

Hearing him call me an Ice Queen hurt more than anything else. How could he even think of hating me? He looked so mad, but he had no right to say that. He just didn't! I was angry at him; I was angrier than I had ever been. How dare he call me that! He knows I hate it when people say that. I couldn't see anymore, but somehow my hand found its way to his face. I had slapped him...I had slapped my own brother! I couldn't take any of this anymore. The crowd that had gathered during our argument parted as I ran to the bathroom. A bitter laugh escaped my lips as I realized how much time I'd been spending in there lately.

A group of freshman girls quickly exited the bathroom after seeing my less-than-perfect face. It certainly added much insult to injury. For a moment, I stared in the mirror and began to see what everyone else saw. Even with my ruined make-up, I still looked absolutely cold. I suppose that was just how I put everything on. My eye shadow, though smudged, was ice-blue. Dark eyeliner, or what was left of it, seemed to accentuate my seemingly hollow eyes. Lip liner and dark lipstick gave the illusion that I was constantly pouting. It hurt to imagine the things that Ryan said about me were true. That the things everyone said about me were reality and what I thought was fiction. Sighing, I turned on the faucet so I could begin rebuilding my appearance.

Look at me.
You may think you see
Who I really am
But you'll never know me.

I could still hear Ryan's voice in my head. It was taunting me; driving me absolutely insane. My heart was shattered in a million pieces as I recalled his final sentence. I hate you, Sharpay. My own brother, my lifeline...hated me. All the pain I'd ever felt in the world paled in comparison to the hurt I feel right now. Once again looking at the blonde-haired girl gazing at me in the mirror, I wondered if he was right. Did I act this way because it's who I am or because it was who everyone thought I was?

Every day
It's as if I play a part
Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart

After washing off the mask I used to hide visible imperfections on my face, I looked at my reflection in the mirror. Dark circles were beginning to form under my red and puffy eyes. I picked out a few wrinkles that would be invisible to anyone else. I sighed as I realized I didn't have much time left if I wanted to make it to class at all. Quickly, I added a light layer of make-up: just enough to cover up the fact that I had been crying. I put on my waterproof mascara as a precaution. Something inside told me that I would have another crying fit later today.

Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

The next few classes were relatively monotonous. Ryan, Gabriella, and Troy weren't in them so I had some time to clear my head. During lunch I sat at the empty drama table. Ever since the winter musical, no one really sat on the balcony anymore. I stared down at everyone else and they looked perfectly content without me. A shadow passed over the faces of Ryan and Gabriella, but quickly disappeared. I had a feeling that I was mentioned just then. My suspicions were confirmed when one of the basketball jocks made the mistake of looking up at me. They all pulled him down quickly and began whispering something to him. They all laughed. I hated that they were happy. No, I hated that they were happy without me.

---

During free period, I had fully intended to release my anger by jogging on the school's track. The basketball team was practicing inside and it was completely empty. I hadn't even managed to jog one lap when I noticed that Troy was following after me. I ran faster, but he caught up minutes later. Realizing I was defeated, I stopped and asked him what he wanted.

"Well, we...there's...um...it's not like you to miss play practice."

My jaw nearly dropped and my eyes widened. "I don't get it Troy. What are you trying to say?"

"Sharpay, Mrs. Darbus announced that the three leads, including you, are supposed to meet in the theater today during free period for practice. Weren't you paying attention during homeroom? Hurry, before she gives your part to someone else." He looked at me with a boyish smile. Any other day, I would've melted on the spot, but today I felt immune to his charm. The argument I had earlier this morning had completely worn me out.

I followed him back inside the school. We could hear Gabriella practicing some of her lines while Mrs. Darbus criticized her. When we walked into the theater, Gabriella stopped and Mrs. Darbus walked towards us. "Sharpay, I expected that you of all people would be here on time. Instead I had to send out an amateur out to go find you? What example is this to people who are still new to the theater?"

There was really nothing I could say to that. She looked disappointed in me, but I just couldn't find myself caring about it. Luckily, Mrs. Darbus didn't press the issue and immediately herded Troy and I onto the stage. I stood far away from Gabriella and Troy. I could feel the amount of tension in the room rise significantly.

Mrs. Darbus began pacing, but remained silent. After a quick sigh, she began to speak. "I've seen the three of you rehearse and something just doesn't feel right about the ending. This play is about three teenagers, all completely different, facing drama. It is a love triangle between the three of you, but I just can't seem to feel the emotion." She paused for dramatic effect. I nearly laughed because she had no idea how similar the play was to our lives at the moment. She continued as I smothered a giggle that escaped from my throat. "Now, I am taking a risk and I'm having the three of you come up with an ending to this play. I'll leave you three to work."

I inwardly groaned, but remained stoic as Troy and Gabriella began whispering about our latest task. Thinking they wouldn't bother asking me for input, I sat down on the edge of the stage. My feet were hanging off the edge. Looking out into where the audience would sit, I felt a sense of comfort. On the stage, I could be whoever I wanted to be. There was no pressure to be amazing at something from my mother or Ryan. No one expected me to be an Ice Queen. I could just lose myself in my character and in the music. My character for this play was like my alter-ego. I played Madelyn Johnson, a shy girl who had just moved to a new school. There was one similarity between Madelyn and myself; music was our salvation. She was sweet and sensitive and tried to please everyone around her. Even though she was new to the school, expectations ran high after the captain of the football team falls for her. Instead, she is attracted to the less popular boy played by Troy Bolton, even though he is rude to her in the beginning. He's off limits to her after Gabriella's character, Jessica Cruz, begins dating him. Jessica Cruz is the class president and a complete perfectionist. She's nice to everyone, but is secretly jealous of Madelyn. The original ending was that Victor chooses Jessica, and I'm sure that isn't going to change.

Gabriella walks slowly over to me, I can tell it's her by the click of her heels, and sits down next to me. She just looks at me, and I look back at her. It's just like one of those moments on Lifetime when the two adversaries agree to a truce simply by looking at each other. In fact, that's exactly what happens. Unsure of what to say, she gets up and walks over to Troy. I watch her leave. I don't want to go over there and work with them. There's nothing I can contribute; there's nothing I can say that would help write an ending. I've been in the theater for so long, but just can't think of a better ending than the one Kelsi wrote. She glances back at me and motions for me to walk over there, but I just can't. She whispers something to Troy, and they exchange glances. I can tell Gabriella has won because he sighs and stands up.

He copies exactly what Gabriella does, but I refuse to look at him. He runs his hand through his hair. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice him mouthing something to Gabriella. She's beginning to look impatient, so he focuses his attention on me again. It's during that moment that I realize he's sitting closer to me than Gabriella was. He looks at me, and I finally meet his eyes. His lips begin to curve up. He's looking at me like he has something clever to say and can't wait to share it with me. He leans in closer to whisper something in my ear and I can see Gabriella turning away.

I can hear the smile in his voice as he whispers, "You haven't ignored me this long since I stole some shrimp off of your plate last night." He shoots me a knowing glance and I realize he wants to work out what's going on between us. Gabriella looks extremely uncomfortable, so I whisper 'later' and walk over towards her. She smiles at me in gratitude, but her eyes seem a bit cold.

They explain to me their ideas for the new ending. It was originally set that Madelyn and Victor are arguing in the cafeteria. He tells her they're over and walks towards Jessica. Madelyn goes over to slap Jessica, but stops when she sees how happy the two are together. She turns around and sits by herself. Madelyn's best friend Josh, played by Ryan (after much begging by the cast and Kelsi), sits next to her and places his arm around her. They smile at each other and walk off-stage. Jessica and Victor glance over at the two and follow them, walking hand in hand.

Troy mentions that they have decided there should be more dialogue before the curtain closes. They've also considered changing the setting, but can't decide where it should be instead. Before I can stop myself, I blurt out my own idea.

"It should be at a karaoke place just like the one that Madelyn and Victor had their first date." They glance at me, confused, but I'm on a roll now. "Okay, how does this sound? We keep the first part of the scene where Madelyn and Victor fight, but after the fight Madelyn walks off and Victor goes to Jessica. Then, later that night, Jessica and Victor go to the karaoke place. Madelyn is onstage singing something. She stops when she sees them walk in, and runs offstage. Josh appears, trying to console her as she cries. He convinces her to finish the song." I can feel myself blushing once I finish announcing my idea.

Troy and Gabriella just sit there and don't respond. I apologize for my idea and say that it was silly. Troy's eyes light up and he continues my thought. "Actually, Sharpay, I like that. When Madelyn finishes the song, Victor goes up to her and kisses her. Jessica walks off, but then Josh talks to her. She apologizes to Madelyn then starts to leave. Madelyn stops her and tells her that she can have Victor. She says she's had all she ever wanted after all and Josh runs up to hug her. Then the curtain closes."

I can tell that Gabriella doesn't really like it. "Well, wouldn't it be awkward between Sharpay and Ryan if they have to hug?"

She's trying to find a way around the idea, but I really like how Troy decided to end it. "Well, Ryan and I have had to kiss in a couple plays. It's a bit weird for us, but we're like professionals anyway. It doesn't bother us much anymore. No one really cares anymore that we're related because we can usually pull it off."

Troy adds, "Yeah, I've watched tapes of some of your performances. I borrowed them from Ryan to help me work on my acting." He looks at me. "When you and Ryan act, I completely forget that the two of you are related. I focus completely on the storyline and characters. You two are really, really good."

"Oh, I also have an idea for the song that Madelyn can sing at the karaoke bar. It's Unbelievable by Kaci Brown. If that's okay with you two, of course."

"Well, I don't know that song." Gabriella sounds a bit smug as she says that. A part of me wants to stand up and slap her again because she's now glaring at me. I hadn't even done anything to her. She asked me to come over and help, then made Troy ask me to help. Now she's being cold and I can't figure out why.

"Shar, why don't you sing the song so we can see if it works well?" The use of my nickname doesn't go unnoticed by Gabriella. She's looking at him, hurt, but he just shrugs.

"Um...I guess I could. I'll just sing a small part of it so you get a feel of the song."

I sit down and run my hands over the keys of the piano. Troy is looking at me expectantly while Gabriella is looking at him. I smile a bit as I realize that he's paying more attention to me than his own girlfriend. Maybe he did mean what he said last night. I push that thought from my mind and begin playing the soft melody.

"I wish you didn't love me.
I wish you'd make this easy.
It was love that caught me
Now it's fear that keeps me with you.
I want to be by your side,
So I can close my eyes
To the growing emptiness inside that kills me
When I'm with you
You try to break me, try to hate me
So you can fall out of love
You want to make me believe that I'm crazy
That I'm nothing without you.

It's unbelievable but I believed you.
Unforgivable but I forgave you.
Insane what love can do
That keeps me coming back to you
You're irreplaceable but I'll replace you.
Now I'm standing on my own, alone"

When I finish, Troy is clapping and smiling at me. He nudges Gabriella, and she reluctantly begins to clap. She stops as quickly as she started and I look down in embarrassment. When I look back up, I have another attitude. Now, I'm just mad at Gabriella. "Listen, if you don't like it, just tell me." I hadn't intended for a piercing stare to accompany the sentence, but Gabriella was now stepping back slightly.

"It was fine...I guess," she murmured.

Troy gave me an encouraging smile. "I think the song will work perfectly. I like the way you made the song your own." My questioning eyes meet his and he shrugs. I realize he's been doing that a lot lately. "My cousin came over a while ago and played the CD over and over again." He winked at me, but Gabriella hadn't noticed.

I hold up my hand to my face to try and cover up my blush. I smile in thanks. For a moment, the theater is silent as Troy and I just look at each other. Gabriella gets up and runs off. I can't say that I mind, because Gabriella has been completely negative ever since Troy got me to help. It's her fault that she wanted my input. Troy decides to do the right thing and stops her before she gets out of the theater. He's talking to her softly and I can't hear what they're saying.

Gabriella starts to yell, and I jump in surprise. "Troy, I tried to pretend like it didn't happen! I tried to pretend that I didn't see anything, but I can't!"

Troy's yelling now, too. It's convenient for me, because now I can hear the whole argument. "Please, enlighten me. Tell me what is going on with you! You've been acting weird all day. You've been acting distant and weird."

"I've been acting distant? Aren't you the one that completely ditched me yesterday? I was going to give you a ride home, but you disappeared!" I couldn't help but smile. He had actually chosen to walk me home instead of getting a ride from his girlfriend. "You know what? I followed you yesterday after school. I saw you kiss Sharpay! I can't believe you would do that to me! Now you're treating Sharpay like she's your girlfriend, not me."

"Gabriella, what are you talking about? I've been nice to her like you told me to! What is wrong with you?"

"Troy, I told you to be nice to her, not act like you're in love with her. Whenever she says or does something, you're staring at her like a lovesick puppy. You've ignored me this whole time. You haven't listened to a thing I've suggested!"

"Maybe that's because everything you've said has been negative! You've been putting Sharpay down when she's been helping more than you. At least she came up with an idea! A very good one, at that."

Troy's fist is clenched and I can tell he's trying his hardest to hold in his anger. Now he's just letting Gabriella scream at him. I want to go over and help, but I don't know what I could say without making things worse. She's now complaining to him about me. He's trying to defend me, but I can't tell what he's saying anymore. His voice has dropped to a hoarse whisper, but it seems to be having its effect on Gabriella. Slowly, cautiously, I decide to make my way over to them. The back exit of the theater has been closed and passing them is the only way to leave.

I can feel Gabriella's eyes slowly pass over me. Her gaze chills every part of me. I slowly bring my gaze over to her and mimic her actions. Troy just stares at our silent exchange. Gabriella's features soften, and she walks over to me. Tentatively, she grabs my hand and begins to speak. I can't hear what she's saying; I refuse to hear it. My ears do, however, catch the final sentence. She offers her help. She asks if I want to talk to her about it.

I laughed. It was mirthless, bitter, and sarcastic. She took a large step back and looked at me. Her shocked expression rivaled that of a deer caught in the headlights of a rather large truck. "Gabriella, do you honestly think that I would tell you of all people what was wrong with me? After all you've done...after all you've taken away from me, you think I'd come crying to you? What makes you think that I'd trust you at all? Tell me; after I told you what was wrong, what were you going to say? That you sympathize with me? Or would you say that it's going to be okay? You will never understand anything that happens to me. If you even went through half of the things I've gone through, you'd know that nothing anyone can do or say will make it better. If everything you said or did would hurt you more, you would know that nothing will fix it. So please spare me the generic pep talk because I definitely do not want help from you."

She stared at me and I thought she would cry. Instead, she replied with an equal amount of venom in her voice. "Oh, please. Cut the major drama queen act. I have been nothing but nice to you because Troy and Ryan begged me to. You're right; I have no idea what it's like to be you. After all your little rampages, I'm so freaking glad that I haven't gone through what you have. You break the hearts of every guy you've come in contact with—Troy, Zeke, even your own brother! Your little routine where you act all helpless then push them away when they try to help is getting old. They all end up hurt because they want to help but can't. You're petty and snobby and you take everything way too seriously. Maybe you should try realizing that not everything revolves around you. Not everyone is trying to ruin your life. I didn't try out for the play because I wanted to hurt you; I tried out because I love it just as much as you do. I'm sorry I ever cared." Gabriella brushed past me and exited the theater.

Troy walked over to me and just stared at me. He looked terrified of what I had said and done. His voice was timid at first, so much that I couldn't hear him. As his voice gained strength, I began to listen. "Sharpay, I really don't know what to say. What Gabriella said is true, you know. I want to help you. Everyone does. You don't let us in. Ryan, your own brother, has been reduced to tears because he knows he hurt you more. Gabriella's tried her hardest to accept you for who you are, but it's hard when you're so cold to her. Zeke stopped trying after he realized you dated him just for his cooking."

I tried to smile and lighten the mood, but was unsuccessful. Instead, I asked the question I'd wanted to know the answer to for a while. "And you? You stopped trying when?"

"The same time you did." He glanced at me one more time before leaving me standing in the large theater alone.

---

The day finally ended and I find myself sitting in my room wondering how everything could fall apart this fast. Ryan was still mad at me and wouldn't even look at me. Gabriella's tear-stained face now haunts my mind. Troy walked around the school like a zombie, not really paying attention to anything going on. It hurts a little knowing I've caused so much pain. For the rest of the day, I fully adopted my Ice Queen persona. If everyone, including my brother, doesn't have any faith in the kind Sharpay, she could just disappear into the distance. I'm done trying to get what I want. The only thing I've ever wanted has been right in front of me all along and I've been too proud to accept it. Now that he feels the same way, there's always something or someone in the way.

I grab my journal out of its hiding place and begin to write in it again.

Dear Diary,

Is it possible for someone to have the best day ever and then fall so fast no one bothers to catch you? Well, I'm guess it is possible because that's exactly how I'd describe these past two days. Troy's been trying to get me back the past few days, but I keep pushing him away. Ryan is mad at me because I accidentally snapped at him. The play is in serious danger because all the main characters are mad at each other. Troy and Gabriella have officially broken up. They aren't even close to friends anymore. Tension is extremely high everywhere I go. My mom left when Ryan and I began screaming at each other. Nothing is going right anymore and it's all because of me. If I had never sung that song...Troy wouldn't have rediscovered his feelings for me. Everyone else would be happy. Now I'm just the Ice Queen again. I don't know what to do anymore! It's all so messed up. Troy doesn't even care about me anymore. It passed so quickly. I started off avoiding him today, but during play practice I couldn't ignore him anymore. He was so supportive at first, but when Gabriella started yelling at me he just agreed with her. When did everything become like a mini soap opera? I'm done crying about all of it. If they want me to be the Ice Queen, then that's exactly what I'll be.

Love, Sharpay xoxo

After setting my journal aside, I finally let my emotional barriers down. Tears began flowing freely down my face. Silently, I made my way over to my bed and set my head down. Whispering to myself, I promised to never let anyone see me cry again. They wouldn't hurt me if they didn't know it affected me so much. I firmly believe that. Slowly, I drifted off to sleep.