Mothering

High King Peter gave another gracious bow and offered his hand to be shaken for probably the thousandth time to another foreign Lord. It was a very hearty handshake and the compliments his guest gave him were sincerely warm. However, it did feel a bit dreary after so many had gone on before him.

One would think that after he endured three months of exhausting labour in the battlefield Peter ought to get his just rewards of a proper rest. Instead, he was obliged to parade himself for three hours from the Marshlands to the gates of Cair Paravel and from there entertain guests, dance, laugh and generally endure a tiring victory ball.

It wasn't that he was ungrateful. In fact, he appreciated Susan for setting this celebration for him so that when he came from war everything was perfectly grand as befitting the occasion. But when you come from battle where you have been sleeping on the ground for days without the affectionate comfort of family, all you want to do is hug your siblings and get re-acquainted with your bed.

A large favour granted him at least, was that he was able to hold his family again. It was the first thing he did when he arrived at the Cair. Lucy came flying into his arms like a little child. It always gladdened his heart that even at 23 years, Lucy can still act so innocent. At that moment, he almost forgot that she was grown up and had just been to battle herself in Anvard. That battle had been the cause of many sleepless nights for him. When he first heard news that Prince Rabadash had come to attack Anvard in the hopes of taking Susan by force, his first impulse was to fly south and protect his family. But then the assault from the giants commenced, and he was left with no choice but to stay with his troops with. His only assurance was that Edmund was taking care of things at home.

Edmund had written him before he went to Anvard that he was leading the home guard to aid Archenland. He failed to mention that Lucy was also with him. Peter would never have known that Lucy even left the safety of Cair Paravel until she herself sent him a letter giving him a blow by blow account of the battle. Peter in shock, fear and anger sent an admonishing letter to Lucy for going to battle and sent a long list of death threats to Edmund for letting their sister ride into battle with him. But when he finally saw Edmund face to face, Peter's rage melted and all his detailed plans of having Edmund flayed within an inch of his life were forgotten. He hugged his younger brother and thanked him for keeping both their sisters safe.

His meeting with Susan on the step of the Cair was far the most tearful. Unlike Edmund and Lucy, she didn't come running to meet him. Instead, she waited by the main door as she always did with a garland of flowers in her hands like a trophy bearer at a jousting tournament. The sight of her quiet beauty untouched and unharmed merged with the images of her being brutally pulled into the arms of the Calomen prince that had haunted his nightmares every night since he first received news of the attack. He cried on her shoulder while the whole of Narnia and his foreign guests watched, but for once, he didn't care.

He wanted to remain in his siblings' company but duty called again. There was King Lune and his entourage waiting to greet him and introduce their long-lost prince, Cor. After him, were the numerous dignitaries he had to entertain and receive praises from.

He had enjoyed it, he had to admit, especially the parade from the Marsh to Cair Paravel with all his subjects cheering his victory. It was his finest hour and he was assured that after this last battle and the battle at Anvard, Narnia reigned supreme in the known world. But after hours of dancing and acknowledging praises, Peter began to feel the combined weariness from battle and entertaining beginning to kick in. All he wanted was to lay his head somewhere and let all these worries pass.

It was past two in morning when the party in the great hall finally winded down and the last of the guests had left. Peter eagerly trudged up to his private quarters alone. His siblings had gone up earlier since he was detained by too many people saying long goodbyes at the door.

Peter let out a yawn but felt he couldn't come up to bed yet. There was still one more duty to do that he hadn't been able to do for a long time.

He went to Lucy's bedroom first. Her night light was on but she was already fast asleep in her bed. He sat down at the edge of her bed and stroked her hair tenderly.

"Good night, Lu," he said. "You were great in the battle and I'm proud of you. But you're still going to get it from me tomorrow when I have the energy to lecture." He kissed her hair and he noticed the corners of her mouth shifted in a miniscule smile. Sweet dreams. I love you."

He pulled the blankets closer to her chin and left her room, closing the door softly behind him. He went to Edmund's room next. He was snoring blissfully with his mouth slightly open and there was a bit of drool on his pillow. Peter smirked at his younger brother.

"I hope you sleep well tonight," he hissed. "It's going to be your last. I let you slide today because of the guests but that doesn't mean I've forgotten what you've done. I'm still going to kill you."

Edmund answered with an even louder snore that sounded almost like a mocking challenge. Peter imagined it to mean: "I am so scared" in Edmund's typical insolent manner.

Peter felt quite insulted. "We'll see who's cocky tomorrow when I'm through with you." He made for the door, but he stepped back, unable to leave completely. He turned back to kiss Edmund on the forehead.

"Prat," he spat at the sleeping younger man. He knew that even tomorrow he wouldn't be able to really work up the rage that Edmund deserved.

He left Edmund's room and headed to Susan's. Her door was wide open and when he peered in, her bed was empty. He puzzled for a moment before he noticed Lucy's door that he closed minutes before, was slightly open. She could hear the lilting tones of Susan's voice drifting from the small crack of the door. He realized Susan must have gone to Lucy's room while he was in Edmund's. Susan sometimes checked on Lucy and Edmund at night and sang to them while they slept. She never did to him, though. He figured she felt he didn't need it.

Peter decided to go on to his room and change for bed. Susan usually spent a long time with Lucy and Edmund and he told himself didn't want to interrupt her private moment with them. But in truth, he didn't want to go there and watch Susan tend to his younger siblings.

Ever since he became king, nobody had sought to comfort him in bed. He told himself that it would be ridiculous for anyone to do that. He was the High King, he was supposed to be the one comforting not just his siblings but the whole of Narnia, which was under his care. However, there were times when he too wanted someone to comfort him and treat him like a child.

He finished dressing into his night clothes and got into bed. It was warm as he expected it to be, but somehow he felt so alone and cold in it. He closed his eyes and a memory came into his mind. He remembered a woman—he couldn't tell who she was but he knew she was someone close to him. She wasn't Lucy or Susan but he felt affection for her similar to the feelings he had for his sisters.

She remembered her singing. Her voice was deeper in quality and lower in pitch than Susan's high soprano but he could feel it just as soothing. He could almost feel her arms around his and the sound of her heartbeat when he pillowed his head on her breast. She pressed kisses on his head while her gentle fingers ruffled his hair.

"My little Petey, my baby, sweet little baby boy…"

Nobody had ever called him Petey—not even Edmund who always made up an assortment of insulting nicknames for him when they argued. And certainly no one ever called him a baby. Yet it just felt so natural the way she had said it in his mind.

"I love you my little one… you'll grow up a man someday but to me you'll always be my little darling…"

Peter remembered hugging and kissing her back. He never felt so safe in his life yet so carefree. With her, he had nothing to worry about. There were no wars that needed to be fought, no siblings that needed to be defended, no monsters that could get him from the closet. Because she was there, she was bigger than him and she would drive all his fears away and take care of all his problems.

Who was she? He thought and he felt a sadness come upon him that he had somehow lost her a long time ago and he had nothing left but faint traces of memory. Suddenly he realized there were tears in his eyes for this woman that he could barely remember.

Peter felt a gentle finger wipe a teardrop from his cheek. It was warm and felt real. Hope surged in him. He suddenly remembered a name to give her: "Mum." She was called "Mum."

"Mum?" he cried out.

"Peter?"

Peter's happiness deflated. The voice was wrong. He opened his eyes and found Susan sitting next to him in the bed and the cold empty feeling was back. "Mum" was not in this world with him.

"Are you alright, Peter?" she asked.

Peter shook his head. "Do you remember 'Mum'?" he asked.

"Remember 'what'?"

"Not 'what'?" Peter said. "Who? 'Mum,' she's someone I know… but I don't remember."

"Well I don't know who 'Mum' is," she replied. "I've never met anyone in Narnia by that name. But the name sounds like what Ed and Lu would call me sometimes, 'Mummy.' I don't know what it means. I thought maybe they just made it up. But it feels good whenever they call me that."

She was silent for a long time as she appeared to be thinking hard. "You know… I feel like I've said the name before too. Mum, mum…" she shook her head as if to clear it and mumbled the word over and over again. "Why does it give me such a nice feeling?"

"You feel that way too?" asked Peter, surprised.

"Yes. I don't know why." She rubbed her forehead with the tips of her fingers as if trying to rub out a memory. "She's a person… a wonderful person close to me, like she's…"

"Family?"

"Yes!" cried Susan. "But she's not like Lucy… it's different."

"I know… not a sibling," added Peter as he dug through his own feelings. "Mother," he suddenly uttered. The concept seemed to confuse him for a moment. He knew of course about mothers. Well everyone had them. It wasn't something he pondered about. It was just the way things were. But now that he thought about it he realized, he and his siblings didn't have one… or he couldn't remember having one.

"Who was our mother, Su? Do you remember?" It sounded so ridiculous not knowing and yet he honestly had to admit that he didn't.

Susan looked at him with equal confusion. "I… I don't know… before the battle with the White Witch we were… Where were we then? I know we come from a different world… but that world… I can't even remember what it was and who was there. You're right, who was our mother? I never really thought of it."

"It just feels so long… it hardly matters anymore. But I think this 'Mum' she was our mother, Su. I remember her taking care of me… hugging and kissing me, singing me to sleep like…"

"What I do to Ed and Lu," Susan finished.

"Yes," he said sadly. Somehow her bringing that up made him feel jealous of his younger siblings for the privileges Susan gave them.

"What's wrong?" she asked. He realized his expression gave him away.

"It's nothing," he replied.

"Tell me," she insisted.

He shook his head. How could he tell her he too wanted to be lulled to sleep sometimes by a mother, even if it was a substitute one? She would only laugh at him and think him silly. He was the High King. High kings don't ask for things like that, especially from their younger sisters.

Susan however smiled at him in an amused way and there was something in her manner that reminded him of 'Mum.'

"Lie down," she ordered although her tone was gentle.

"What?" he asked stupidly.

"Lie down," she repeated.

Peter was still confused but promptly obeyed. He settled back on his pillow. Susan lay down on her side next to him but she propped her left elbow against her chin so she hovered over him.

"Now close your eyes," she said.

Peter blushed as he realized what she was trying to do. She could always read him like a book.

"No!" he protested but it was only to save his dignity. He made a move to get up but Susan forced him back down with her hand and rolled her eyes at him.

"Oh get off being high and mighty for one night," she said. "You miss our mother but she's not here." Then she added softly: "Everyone needs to be mothered once in awhile. Even Edmund does, although he pretends to be asleep every time I do it. You need to be too. So settle down and let me."

Peter wanted to protest further but he felt too comfortable. He decided to just toss away his ego for once and let her give him what he needed.

"Alright," he scowled in one final effort at pretending to not like it. It was useless of course for Susan could see right through it.

He closed his eyes and felt her right arm enclose around him while the fingers of her left hand began to stroke at his locks. She began to sing a song. It wasn't any of the Narnian lullabies that he often heard her sing to Edmund and Lucy. In fact it didn't sound like any Narnian song he knew. But it was familiar. He had heard it before sung by someone else… by Mum!

For a moment he saw her face again as clear as daylight. She had short wavy brown hair the same shade as Susan's and Edmund's. Her eyes were deep blue like his but her smile was her own. It was the most wonderful vision he had but it didn't last for long. His mind was shutting down.

He felt a familiar kiss on his temple.

"Sweet dreams, Peter. I love you."

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew it was just Susan bidding him goodnight, but in this moment between wakefulness and sleep he decided to pretend it was someone else.

"Goodnight Mum, I love you too."

End

A/N: In honour of mother's day, I wrote this in a little less than four hours. I know the concept of visiting siblings at night isn't exactly original, I've read lots of fanfics that have used it but it was just too sweet not to do it again. Also there was another author who wrote before the idea of the Pevensies not being able to remember their mother. I can't remember who it was but I acknowledge you, whoever you are, just the same.