What Really Happened

Once upon a time there was an author named Duo Jagan. He was writing Red vs Blue fics as always when he, and his brother Penguin God had a funny idea for a one shot peace.

Anyways, this goes without saying but I know Itachi really isn't like this ok. I just want to make that PERFECTLY clear…

This has been a happy day! Sasori just gave me a giant candy bar and some happy pills. Sasori is such a good friend. I gave him a big hug and a present to show my appreciation. He didn't like the hug…or the present. I gave him my favorite Kunai and he started yelling at me. Something about attacking team mates with thrown weapons or something like that.

My little brother Sasuke is much nicer than Sasori. I haven't seen him in a while but I remember the good times.

One day Sasuke and I were playing throw the Kunai! I hit every target! Including the one behind the rock! It was so awesome that the next day I went to tell Shisui about it.

Shisui was down at the river writing suicide notes. He was playing our favorite game, fake your own death.

Anyways, I decided to play with him. After a while it got boring so I decided to tell him about hitting the target behind the rock.

He got mad for some reason and told me that I already told him that story five hundred times in the last two minutes.

Being the good big brother I am I told him in a very calm manner that the games I play with Sasuke were important to me.

He then started slowly backing away as If I had been yelling at him or something and advised me to go to therapy.

I slapped him across the face for being so silly.

Then he didn't move…………………………………

I realized that I had accidentally left my Kunai in my hand.

I figured that I should splash him with water so I threw him into the river.

He didn't move and at first I was worried but I saw the suicide note on his back and I knew he was just playing fake your own death.

I ran back to my house clapping happily.

The next day several men barged in saying that I hurt Shisui.

I was insulted that they would think I would actually hurt my friend. So I told them it was mean to judge people.

I then started telling them about how special my clan was and how happy I was to be a part of it, but that some people were jealous of how special this clan was and feared it but I was happy because I was in a special clan.

Then daddy came home and asked what I was doing.

I told daddy I was telling the nice men about how special the clan was and that I was determined to climb my way to the top. In order to show my mad skills, I threw a Kunai at part of the Uchia family crest.

Then Sasuke ran out and told me to stop damaging the furniture.

I realized that I would have to re-paint the wall if I kept messing up the crests so I apologized to daddy for throwing Kunai in the house.

Then I realized that my eye suddenly looked really cool. I'm not sure how I knew since I couldn't see my reflection, but I showed Sasuke because it looked so awesome.

The next several days I spent wondering where Shisui was. I decided to ask daddy but it seemed like we kept on walking right past one another without noticing. I eventually found him and asked and he told me to go to therapy.

The next day Sasuke ran in and asked me to train with him. I saw a spider on his forehead so I decided to poke it. Then I told him that I couldn't because I was busy. After all I had to go to this therapy thing people kept telling me about.

I went to the place Shisui told me to go. I walked in and the nice man said that he was my friend and that he was there to help me.

I clapped my hands happily and asked him to give me candy.

He asked me if I was schizophrenic.

I told him that I didn't know what that means while clapping my hands happily.

Then he asked me to look at some strange blobs. To me they looked like people in dark robes with roses on them, killing innocent people.

He then said I was bipolar.

I got really angry at him for some reason and had the incredible urge to throw Shuriken into him, bash his head into the wall, and throw his corpse onto the desk.

I left the place feeling rather calm and decided to try out the place my father recommended.

When I entered, I found the therapist person dead with Shuriken stuck in his back and his head had apparently been bashed against the wall.

WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING!

On my way home I was feeling happy for going to therapy so I thought I would play ANBU and missing nin with everyone in my clan.

The costume shop was closed so I just used my real ANBU uniform with the real weapons and everything.

I started playing with my aunt and uncle, but they weren't very good.

I kept playing with everyone I could find but they were busy yelling something about me being a murderer, and begging me to spare their lives.

I told them that the missing nin weren't suppose to surrender before making them dead and moving onto my parents. I tied my parents up to show them how good I was at knot tying.

They didn't seem too impressed so I started showing them how cool I looked when I swung my sword.

Then they fell over, and red stuff started flowing on our carpet. I never did find out what that red stuff was.

Then Sasuke came in and asked me why I did that.

I told him I wanted to show daddy and mommy what I was capable of.

I had a mask over my face and I think it may have blurred some of the words I said because Sasuke got really angry for some reason and yelled at me accusingly that what I just said was the only reason.

He ran towards me and I figured that he misunderstood so I decided to show him what happened with my cool new looking eye.

For some reason that didn't make him very happy.

He ran out of the house and I figured we were playing tag.

I ran after him and he started to beg me for his life.

We weren't playing ANBU and missing nin anymore so I'm not sure why he was doing that.

I told him that I was his caring brother and that I wouldn't kill someone who wanted to be just like me. I said that he could run around in open fields and cling to life. I told him that I didn't hate or despise him but that he should get these really cool eyes.

Then I decided to go to the candy shop.

On my way there a blue guy who looked like a fish told me he would give me candy if I went with him.

He cut my headband for some reason.

I clapped happily and cut his.

We started a new fashion statement.

All of my new friends cut their head bands too and I joined this thing called the Akatsuki that gives me free cookies.

I wonder if I will see Sasuke again. I guess I will when I go to Konohana to play with a fox that has nine tails. I think it would be fun because it sounded like my favorite type of pokemon.

I hope I see my brother soon. These happy pills are making me tired. I think I will go to sleep now.

And THAT is how it really happened!

This was one shot so don't expect any other chapters.

This fic has been a joint effort between Duo Jagan and Penguin God.