The Holiday from hell

Since Eva needed a break from looking after a devil and two half devils. She decided to open up the "holiday fund" which is normally used to pay for new frying pans after they broke when Eva hit Sparda with them.

"£1197, £1198, Dante's hamster, £1199 and £1200!" Eva had been counting for the past four hours but know they finally had enough to take the family on a holiday to Menorca. She decided she'd better get the worst part out of the way first: Telling a Devil and two half devils! Dramatic Music

"Sparda" said Eva in a falsely sweet voice, "you know the jar in the kitchen with the money for the frying pans in it?"

"Yes," replied Sparda cautiously "if it's about Dante's hamster he put it in there, I had nothing to do with it, you can't prove anything, this is a free country!"

"Well we have enough money for a holiday to Menorca, are you allowed in Spain?"

"Don't know," said Sparda getting up off the chair "I'll check the map." And with that he got up off the chair and pulled over a world map and began looking at it, because of all the things Sparda had done he hasn't been allowed into hundreds of countries but he got them colour co-ordinated, if they were red he wasn't allowed in and if they were blue he was allowed in.

He looked towards Europe and Menorca was blue "I'm allowed into Menorca… and also Argentina for some reason!"

"Good, I'll go and tell Dante and Vergil." Said Eva, walking off

"That's suicide Y'know." said Sparda. And he went back to watching "Will and Grace." Eva heard him say "Oh that Jack!"

Since Eva knew she hadn't a hope in hell of getting Sparda to help tell Dante and Vergil so she walked off to their room alone knowing full well what was going to happen.

When she reached the twins room there was a plaque on the door saying "Dante's room: Mon. Wed. and Fri. and Vergil's room: Tue. Thur. and Sat." ignoring this Eva opened the door to the familiar smell of Pizza and Dante (who rarely takes a shower.) when she went inside she found Vergil reading a book "World conquering for dummies." While Dante was playing his ps2 while chewing on a pizza hanging loosely in his mouth they looked up at her when she came in she decided to make this quick "Boys," she said cautiously " we're all going on holiday later this year!" and with that she ran out and bolted down the stairs shouting "MAKE WAY FOR EVA!" a few seconds later an explosion came from Dante and Vergil's room… and it wasn't a good explosion and then there was definite girly screams coming from Dante.

Three months later

With the worst of it out of the way Eva could do nothing but look up but this became increasingly difficult as Dante started wearing swimming trunks, a swimming cap, flippers, goggles and a rubber donut ring and Vergil kept pushing him down the stairs because he would bounce all the way down then come back up to get pushed down again.

With only a week to go Eva had everything ready but she also was on the verge of shooting one of them. So Sparda took the boys out to Dominoes for pizza. But before he even told them Dante was already in the car shouting "Pizza, Pizza, Pizza!" After they arrived there Sparda ordered for themselves "One twelve inch pepperoni, one twenty inch pepperoni and three large cokes "Is the twelve inch for them two?" the clerk asked

"No," replied Sparda "it's for me and him." He pointed at Vergil.

"Your kid can down a twenty inch pizza? No way!" the clerk said stunned

"Ya wanna bet?" said Sparda taking advantage of the situation "Twenty pound says he can do it no problem!"

"You're on!" he replied handing Dante the pizza. He finished it in five minutes. Sparda left the place laughing… then screaming as the clerk began chasing him.

When they came home Eva was sleeping on a suitcase since Eva would only wake in an emergency so that's what they would have to do: Sparda knew how she would react if he burned a box of celebrations he'd wake up in hospital with a concussion from a frying pan. So he got Dante to do it.

Since the flight was at seven in the morning Sparda decided to do an all-nighter Dante was with him but that was only because his ass was as red as a strawberry (I wonder what happened there?) and he couldn't sit down let alone sleep, so the two of them just started playing monopoly but got into a fight about who could be the race-car.

At three o' clock Sparda loaded all the bags in the car while Eva fastened Dante and Vergil with straitjackets and tied them to their seats. As recommended by the courts. Because it was a short drive to the airport Sparda only had to put fifty pound into the swear jar and he got a chance to use his big book of swear words that the twins got him for Christmas so all in all in wasn't a complete loss.

When they got into the parking zone it was a violent battle for a parking space. He got into a fight with paramedics about a space near the door. Shockingly he won the fight, so they had gotten the best parking space. After they had unrestrained Dante and Vergil they gave them a suitcase each. They could take them easily (one of the benefits of having half-devil children: they can hold extremely heavy loads… and also fold clothes extremely well.) so they went up to check-in and they were announced that they were now in first class, Sparda was noticing how well this was going. NOW he's worried.

"Eva," said Sparda looking at her, her facial expression was frozen it's almost as though she new "don't you think this is going a bit TOO smoothly?"

"Of course," said Eva, she forced a grin "but don't worry it'll be backed to normal by the time we go through the metal detector."

When they approached the security gate Sparda told the twins to put their bags on the conveyor belt so they could be scanned. Dante began to walk through the metal detector. Sparda held his breath. Nothing happened; it was the same with Vergil. He began to walk through but it went off and he was searched and they found a sword with rebellion written on it "Oh Shit." Said Sparda tonelessly. He looked down to find Dante next to him holding the swear jar. Pissed he put in a fiver then began thinking you annoying sonuva… and he saw Vergil holding the "thinking swear jar. Looking at Eva who seemed rather happy this was happening. After the security guards had tackled Sparda, Eva stepped forward "Don't worry," she said looking at the mass pile of security guards "it's just made of rubber! And the detector went off because of his amulet!" and she picked up the rebellion and hit Sparda with it by his neck and his amulet fell off. 'y'see." She said picking up the amulet and showing it to the security guards "this triggered the alarm."

"Okay," said the chief security guard "On you go sorry for the pile on."

"Eva?" said Sparda "why the HELL! Did you hit me with a real sword?"

"I felt like it." She said simply walking on.

After an hour of waiting in the lounge their flight was announced so they went off to boarding, and after they went on the plane all hell breaks loose

To be continued.