Sexiest Man in Genovia
Chapter 3
"And that's the gossip from Hollywood. Oh, those sexy movie stars!" Elsie Kentworthy crooned. "Speaking of sexy…the race is heating up for-"
Charlotte lunged for the remote and breathed a sigh of relief as the TV flicked off. That had been close! At her desk, the queen laid aside the folder and reached for the diplomatic pouch.
"Charlotte, please turn the television on. After that egg show is the financial report, and I'd like to see where the stock market was when it opened this morning."
"Ah… of course, ma'am." Not knowing what to do, Charlotte stalled for time by fiddling with the remote. If Queen Clarisse found out about the contest…
The queen looked up. "Charlotte?"
With a sigh, Charlotte hit the power button.
"While the Golden Pear Hotel's tennis pro has heads turning and young Fireman Bruce has set many hearts afire, word in the beauty parlors is that the palace's very own Head of Security, Joseph, will come out on top! Will the palace triumph or be overthrown in this week's voting? Check out the photos online or in today's Genovian Inquirer and make your choice, ladies of Genovia!" Elsie held up a pan of eggs. "Hard or soft…they're still tasty!"
A jaunty tune filled the room as Eggs With Elsie's closing credits rolled by, too fast to be read. Charlotte could not bring herself to look at the queen.
"Oh, my!" the queen said softly, ignoring the treaty she was about to sign.
"Yes, ma'am."
"Charlotte," Clarisse continued, utterly perplexed, "do you have any idea what this is about?"
Charlotte sighed and then took a deep breath. "Yes, Your Majesty. There's a contest…for the Sexiest Man in Genovia. Various institutions, such as the Golden Pear Hotel, the University, and Public Services have nominated men to compete. Proceeds from the contest and calendar go to charity."
"Oh, my!" the queen said again. She cleared her throat. "And our Joseph is…"
"Yes, ma'am. Joseph is the palace entry." Charlotte blushed. "The female staff chose him overwhelmingly."
"I see." Clarisse sat quietly, considering, then continued hopefully, "And there are photographs?"
"Several." She retrieved the Entertainment section from her briefcase and handed it over.
Clarisse studied the pictures with great and intense interest, and then started to fan herself with the forgotten treaty. It wasn't until she'd examined them three times over that she finally looked up at Charlotte and said in her most professional voice, "I'd like to think on this further before I make a decision- on whether to allow this or not, of course."
"Of course," Charlotte replied, hiding a smile. The queen had nearly drooled on the picture of Joseph in the sweaty t-shirt. "Take your time, Your Majesty."
"You know, of course, Your Majesty," Baroness Von Troken said, picking up the delicate, pear-flower patterned teacup, "that our- that is to say- the hotel's entry into the current contest will be successful, without a doubt."
She smirked over the rim of her cup at Queen Clarisse, and then daintily took a sip. "I must admit I was very surprised to hear that the palace had entered someone into the competition and then, on top of that, for it to be..." The baroness tittered. "Well, to be charitable, perhaps the palace did not understand it was a contest for, shall we say…younger men?"
Before Clarisse could make a retort, the baroness purred, "Oh, Your Majesty! I didn't mean to infer anything about your age. Of course your choice of…James, is it?"
"Joseph."
"Ah, yes, Joseph. He is closer to your age than the other contestants, so I'm sure everyone will understand." The baroness smiled. "I just hope he isn't too embarrassed when he loses, that's all. Coming in last to all those young, virile men would be a blow to most elderly gentlemen."
"How kind of you to be so concerned," Clarisse murmured, taking a scone from the tray. "However, I recall hearing glowing praise for Joseph this morning on Miss Kentworthy's program. I think he will easily hold his own in the contest…and then some."
The baroness gave a little chuckle. "Oh, come now! Surely you don't think that he, a seventy year-old-"
"Hardly seventy," Clarisse interrupted indignantly.
"-man can ever hope to win against men half his age. Why, that's absurd, my dear!" The peacock feather on her hat flopped about wildly as she laughed.
"Not at all," the Queen of Genovia replied calmly. She blotted her lips. "Furthermore, you will find, Baroness, that your baby-faced pretty boy is going to be trounced in the voting by Joseph and that the women of Genovia, unlike you, know what a real man is."
Clarisse smiled at her luncheon companion, showing ninety percent of her teeth, and stood. "Please relay my suggestions to the Garden Club and Flower Society. Now, I must be off- affairs of state and all that, you know. Oh! I forgot! You don't know, seeing as how the Von Trokens lost the throne and never got it back!"
With a great deal of satisfaction, Clarisse turned on her high heels and left.
"Joseph," Clarisse began, taking his arm to descend the steps to her limousine that would take her to the formal reception in Pyrus. After seeing the pictures in the paper of him in his t-shirt, she was very conscious of what was hidden beneath the tuxedo jacket. "I am aware of your being entered into the current contest."
Joseph nodded to Shades, and the younger man slid behind the wheel of the limo and cranked the engine. Mel opened the door as they approached. "I'm very sorry, Your Majesty," he answered in a low voice. "This was done without my knowledge and I assure you that tomorrow I will demand my name and those pictures be withdrawn."
Clarisse entered the car. Aware that there were a half-dozen staff within hearing distance, she said, "Please join me, Joseph."
He inclined his head, acknowledging her request, and then rounded the car to get in behind the driver's seat. She ordered the partition raised and once they had privacy, she turned to face him. "Now, about this contest."
"This is all rather embarrassing." He looked away. "I cannot imagine who nominated me…or why."
"Well, you are rather nice looking." Clarisse inspected the clasp of her purse, her face reddening as the image of his butt came to mind. "And, you have kept yourself in…shall we say, excellent physical condition."
"You think so?" he replied, his eyebrows rising in surprise. When she did not answer, he leaned back against the seat and stared forward. He was already taking a razzing from him men over the contest. "It's best I rectify this before the palace suffers any disgrace."
"I think not," she said firmly. "The fact is you are in the contest and I think you should stay in it."
"What?" He stared at Clarisse. "You can't mean that-"
"I meant what I said. You should stay," she repeated firmly.
Joseph shook his head. "With all respect, Your Majesty, I don't see how this will help the palace's image, particularly if I lose."
"This is a matter of honor, Joseph," the queen said vehemently, taking his hand in hers, "and I have every faith in you. You will not lose!"
"Yes, Your Majesty." The matter of the contest aside, Joseph felt as if he had already won the biggest prize.
"She wants me to do what?" he said, peering at Charlotte in disbelief.
Charlotte cleared her throat. "Well, Her Majesty read that if you put the baby oil on your skin the next time you had your picture taken, it would…." Charlotte took a deep breath- "it would make your muscles more…"
He continued to stare.
"Not that they aren't already…" Charlotte gestured, hunting for the right words, "Well, they are, but the queen thought the oil might…" She gave up.
Joseph smiled slightly and headed for the door. Just before he left, he turned and said, "You tell Her Majesty that I will take her suggestion under consideration, and, if that time comes, I want her to apply the oil- to make sure it's done right."
The week, it seemed to Clarisse crawled by, but now it was Friday and the winner would be announced. Nervously, she paced before the picture window overlooking her garden.
"Your Majesty?" Charlotte said, coming into the queen's private office. Clarisse spun around.
"Yes, Charlotte?" she replied anxiously then caught herself. "How can I help you?"
Her aide smiled. "The contest results were just announced."
Nonchalantly, Clarisse fiddled with some papers on her desk. "Oh, really? I thought perhaps you'd come to tell me if the proposal to redo the park's lampposts in the shape of pears had been passed- it was brought before the mayor last month, you know. Lovely designs."
"Oh! I didn't realize you were waiting for that- I'll go check on it immediately!"
Charlotte was nearly out the door before Clarisse could catch her by the arm and pull her back.
"It can wait!" Gathering her dignity, Clarisse let go and folded her hands calmly in front of her. "Now, you mentioned the Sexiest Man in Genovia contest, I believe?" She gave a little laugh. "I'd nearly forgotten all about it."
To her credit, Charlotte did not laugh. The queen had been on pins and needles all week over the contest. "Your Majesty," she beamed with delight, "Joseph won."
Clarisse put her hand to her throat, took a deep breath, and then relaxed. She nodded. "Well, of course he did- and quite rightly, too."
"Yes, ma'am," Charlotte agreed.
"Well! Now that that's settled…get me Baroness Von Troken on the phone, please!" The Queen of Genovia was not above gloating.
Behind the desk where she sat reading reports, sunlight streamed in through the French doors and brought with it the crisp smell of chrysanthemums. Suddenly, the scent of coconut teased her nose.
Leaning over her shoulder, Joseph placed the bottle of suntan oil on the pages before her, and then came around to perch on the desk's corner.
"The photographer will be here soon for the calendar shot," said softly. "and, I need Your Majesty's help. I think you had a suggestion…"
Clarisse smiled and picked up the bottle. "Anything for the honor of the palace."
AN: This was just silliness- hope you had a laugh from it! (-: