A/N: I am sosososososo eight hours later late update but I was stripped for idea. Also, Ham-Kelly, am I getting her personality right … sorry for the? I am so-you get the point-sorry if I'm not! This chapter was meant to be funny! And the basic plot of this story I got from I Love You To Death.
Disclaimer: I don't own Hamtaro or Angel who belongs to Ham-Kelly. I do own Kether; I don't know whether or not he will be in this story.
Hamtaro & Oxnard: Matchmakers Extraordinaire by Laura McConnell
Chapter Four: I Love You To Death
Panda was walking along. "She liked Stan all along? I can't believe she liked Stan ALL along!" he yelled.
Angel popped out from behind a tree. "Is something wrong?" she asked.
"What do you think?" Panda snapped.
Angel looked hurt & took a few steps back. "Sorry…" she said.
"No, I'm sorry." Panda said, "I just… love her."
"You do?" Angel was shocked.
"I, I, I, yes." Panda said, "I love Pashmina. I admit it."
Angel stood there wide-eyed. She loved Panda. This couldn't be happening. "I have to go." She said, and then she ran. "This can't be happening, this can't be happening, this can't be happening, this can't be happening, this can't be happening, this can't be happening, this can't be happening, this-" she banged right into Hamtaro & Oxnard.
"Hi Hamtaro, hi Oxnard." She said, sitting down.
"Hi," Oxnard said, & then started to walk ahead, "Are you coming Hamtaro?"
"Go ahead, I'll be there in a minute Oxy." Hamtaro said.
Oxnard walked along the path & Hamtaro sat down next to Angel.
"I want him dead." Angel whispered.
"Who?" Hamtaro asked.
"Panda." Angel said, "If I can't have him, I want him dead."
"Are you asking me to do it?" Hamtaro asked.
"Yes. Please Hamtaro," Angel said, tears coming to her eyes, "I have to have him dead! That's how much I love him."
"How about this, I'll set you up with a guy that can do it for you." Hamtaro said, "Okay?"
"Alright." Angel said, "I hate this."
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"So… you want to kill that guy?" a stranger coughMikecough asked.
"Yes." Angel said.
"I think I can handle that. It should be easy." Mike said.
"I'm counting on you." Angel said.
"I'll try." Mike said, taking out a knife.
"Good luck!" Angel said.
Mike found that Panda was at the mall with his friends; Panda had just spotted Pashmina & Stan getting it on in a photo booth.
Mike fake kissed his knife for good luck. And waited till Panda was in the right position & threw it.
"HEY PANDA!" Stan yelled at that minute, causing Panda to turn around & Mike's knife to only scratch his ear.
"OW!" Panda said, grabbing his ear.
"What's wrong?" Stan asked.
"My ear." Panda said, pulling back his hand, which had blood on it. He shrugged. "I guess I scratched it or somethin'."
Mike cursed under his breath & fled.
"Is he dead?" Angel asked.
"No. He only has a scratch on his ear. But not to worry." Mike said reassuringly, "I'll try again tonight."
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That night Panda was muttering insults about Stan as he walked home. Mike loaded his gun & crept around the corner. "Say your prayers Panda." Mike said, raising the gun.
He shot. Just as Panda bent down to tie his shoe. Mike cursed again. "What the heck was that?" Panda asked, then he took off running.
Mike groaned. "This stuuuuupiiiiiiid idiot!"
The next morning…
Mike pulled out his poison. "This will work." He slipped it into Panda's orange juice.
Panda sat down when… "Hey Panda, can I have that? I really would like a cup of orange juice!" Pashmina asked sweetly.
"Yeah, sure Pashmina." Panda mumbled. Pashmina was sitting on Stan's lap, rubbing his leg.
"Thanks Panda!" Pashmina said, before winding her arms around Stan's neck & biting his lip affectionately.
"CAN YOU TWO STOP IT?" Panda yelled, "Really! This is a public place & there are people here!"
Pashmina glared at him & went to take a sip of her orange juice when…
"NO!" Mike yelled, taking a flying leap & knocking the orange juice out of her hands.
"What the hell?" Pashmina asked, "You just screwed up my glass of orange juice!"
"I, uh, it was expired & it could have given you food poisoning!" Mike lied.
"Oh thanks!" Pashmina said, and then proceeded to ignore Panda & kiss Stan's neck.
Apparently Panda had had enough, for he threw his chair over & stormed out.
"What's his problem?" Pashmina asked out loud, before kissing Stan hard on the lips.
"I guess this is my queue to leave." Mike said, rushing out.
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"Angel," Mike said, "If you don't mind me asking, you are really nice so why do you want to kill him?"
"I love him so much that if I can't have him, I'd rather have him dead!" Angel said.
"Okay, I'll try something else." Mike said, "But this guy just won't die!"
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Mike got out a plastic bag. "This will work hands down." He said.
Panda was sitting in a chair when Mike came up behind him & pulled the bag over his head & pulling it.
Panda was gasping for breath when Mike heard someone start to open the door. He cursed under his breath grabbed the sack & ran.
Angel walked in. "Hi Panda," she said, "Are you okay?"
"NO!" Panda said, "Someone thought it would be funny if they tried to suffocate me!"
Angel then realized she'd screwed up Mike's plans. "I have to go." she said, running out.
"ANGEL!" Mike yelled, "Why'd you go & screw up the plans?"
"Sorry. I didn't know." Angel said weakly.
Mike put his head in his hands. "This guy just won't die!" he hissed.
"You want me dead?" Panda asked, who had heard everything.
"I…." Angel said.
"Angel! How could you? I thought we were friends!" Panda asked.
"Because-" Angel started to say.
Mike pulled out his gun & prepared to shoot him.
Angel pushed the gun down. "Wait, Mike! I want to finish what I was saying!" she said.
"So why?" Panda asked.
"Because I LOVE you!" Angel yelled, "And because it KILLED me that you loved Pashmina instead of me!"
"W-what?" Panda asked, "I… I… I love you!" he grabbed her & kissed her.
"People just get weirder." Hamtaro, Oxnard, & Mike all said at the same time & then went back to doing whatever they were doing.
A/N: I know, I know, I know. That was an AWFUL chapter! But I'm gonna discontinue this story since I'm really getting no where with it. SO sorry Ham-Kelly! I'll do anything to make it up to you!