Kingdom Hearts in 15 Minutes

Disclaimer: I do not own KH or the "Movies in 15 Minutes" concept. That is property of Cleolinda Jones.

We begin the game with a heavily symbol filled opening cgi cut scene to the remixed version of "Simple and Clean". The graphics are all very pretty and such but the actual cut scene itself is quite weird and some are probably regretting dishing out $50 right about now. Our hero, Sora lands on a portrait of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves at the conclusion of the cut scene.

"WAZZZZZ UP?" says a Disembodied voice. Sora doesn't say anything. Disembodied voices apparently talk to him all the time. A Sword, Staff and shield then appear.

"Use the force! And choose one!" says the Disembodied voice Sora chooses the shield

"Sweet. This one kicks ass because it like protects you or something."

The shield disappears and Sora then picks up the sword and then the staff and Disembodied voice explains why they too rock. The floor then shatters and Sora lands on a Cinderella portrait. This too is apparently normal. Lord knows how many times a day I fall through my floor into dark rooms where Disney characters are painted on the floor.

A Shield then appears on Sora's arm.

"FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!" Sora attacks with the shield. "Woot. Now you can like totally protect yourself and stuff."

Shadows then appaear. "HOLY SHIT!" screams the Disembodied Voice. Sora fights them and then they disappear and the more appear. Disembodied voice yells 'behind you!' to Sora and totally sounds like that guy at scary movies who yells at the screen, trying to help the characters.

Sora manages to defeat al the shadows. Yay. He then sees a door. "WTF? Open dammit!"

"It's not supposed to open yet stupid."

"Why the hell not?"

"Because we're 15 minutes into the game."

"Oh. Dur." Sora then sees his friends Tidus, Wakka, and Selphie who are all 14 like him

"WTF?" says all the Final Fantasy X Fans.

He talks to them about what he wants, what he's afraid of, crap like that. They apparently have conversations like this all the time.

" You're afraid of getting old. You want to see rare sights. You want to be number one. Your adventure begins at dawn. As long as the sun is shining, your journey should be a pleasant one," says the Disembodied Voice.

"It does? Fuck yes!"

"The day that you'll open the door is close but far".

"That makes no sense."

"Lot's of things in this game don't make sense. Get used to it".

Now Sora is on a circular Aurora portrait. More shadows appear and Sora fights them yet again.

"The closer you get to the light, the greater your shadow becomes."

"No. Really?"

"Shut-up."

Disembodied Voice says some more inspirational crap and then Sora wakes up on a beach.

"The spiders! They want me to tap dance! I don't want to tap dance!"

"You tell those spiders Sora!" says Kairi.