Title: Chaperones and Charades

Author: Third Charm

Fandom: Babylon 5

Pairings: Delenn/Sheridan, Susan/Byron/Lyta, Marcus/Neroon.

Story Type: Comedy, Parody, and Drama.

Current Chapter Rating: T

Disclaimer: Babylon 5 and all subsequent major characters, plots, and ideas are the property of J. Michael Straczynski, Babylonian Inc. and Warner Bros. The Kreene, Lorrel, and the House of Ard are my original additions for the purposes of the storyline. The following story was written only for the purposes of entertainment. No income had been made.

Warnings: AU and AT, not completely beta read, WIP, first attempt at fan fiction, slash in later chapters.

Chapter Warning: Profanity! Yep. That's right, folks, Savic is back! So, we're talking about hard-bitten human soldiers' profanity here, folks. Also, there will be some VERY non-PC religious references by said character in this chapter. DO NOT READ THIS CHAPTER IF YOU ARE EASILY INSULTED!

Spoilers: Everything, including the kitchen sink.

Summary: Marcus becomes the target of a diplomatic matchmaker for an alien noble. In a desperate attempt to escape from the matrimonial web being spun around him, Marcus somehow convinces Neroon to help him out. Insanity ensues.

Acknowledgements: I must thank ckl for taking the time to beta read this chapter.

Author's Note: One Earth year equals 0.74 Minbari cycles. The Minbari words and phrases were found at the "JumpNow" website in John Hightower's Minbari dictionary, though not all are direct translations. In order to make this story work, certain characters of B5 join the War Council earlier that in the series, while others that were not involved in the Council are. The roles of aids of the Ambassadors have also been expanded. Hey, I did say this was AU!

Chaperones and Charades

Chapter Twelve

General Franklin's jaw dropped at that unprecedented statement from his Commander in Chief. There was no way that Savic and her SoD could truly mean what he thought they meant. There could be no possible way that the Minbari were so stuck in the traditions of the ancient past that a position in their Federation's government could be attained by the simple expedience of marriage!

"My God! They really can't be THAT backward, can they?" asked Franklin. "None of the known races, not even the nobility oriented Centauri, have such archaic laws still on the books."

Savic smiled viciously. "Oh, but they can be and are, my good General. The boneheads still hold to so-called "tradition" as a second basis for their government. The first of course being the bullshit that Sinclair fed them."

Franklin shook his head in disbelief, still dumbstruck by the idea. "But… but even if it's true, there's no way in hell that they'd let the man they call "StarKiller" anywhere near their government! It doesn't matter who Delenn really is or what she wants. The Federation as a whole hates Sheridan, and I mean truly, utterly and to the depths of their collective soul HATES him! They want to see him burned at the stake, not to see him be put in charge of ANY part of their government – not even the waste management system of a penal colony!"

Savic nodded as she leaned back in her chair while taking another sip of her alcohol of choice. After swallowing, she said, "That's true, General. That's so true that no one would be able to dispute it, and there's nothing that can really change how the Federation feels about good old Johnny. Oh, Durhann and Delenn can whitewash the situation all they want, but the most important truth of the matter is that Sheridan caught their best and brightest with his ass hanging out and made him pay for it in blood - and they hate him for it."

Walker nodded in agreement. "He got them in the one spot no species that arrogant can forgive an injury to; right in the ego."

"Damn straight! "Savic enthusiastically agreed. "Simply put, John-boy humiliated them as a species. THAT'S why they hate him. They don't hate him because he was "dishonorable" but because he was the first person in over a thousand years that showed all of known space that they could be just as arrogant, just as overconfident and just as stupid as any other species out there."

Savic snorted in derision along with the two men. "You can't act all holier than thou if all of known space can see just how stupid your so-called "best of the best" can be. The Warrior Caste, and particularly those Wind Sword stoka bez repa, pounded the first nails into the coffin of their collective standing before known space with how they acted during the War. The Alyt of the Drala'Fi, their flagship, pounded a few more in by getting blown to hell by a ship that was slower, weaker and by their standards "quite primitive". And to top it all off, John's ship was already crippled when he sent that bunch of boneheads to meet Satan! Then Delenn and her cohorts practically finished the job with the surrender at the Line. And now Shakiri, and I SO love the way that sick fucker offed himself, had nailed the last nail in that coffin with how he accomplished THAT job!" she crowed.

The two men in the little group couldn't help but chuckle at the memory of Shakiri's now infamous end while Savic smiled coldly and viciously again, savoring the humiliating demise of one of her personal nightmares before going on. "And now their Favorite Son is forcing them to choke down the bitter truth of, and their collective guilt over the War. At the same time, their Favorite Daughter has turned herself into a human/bonehead hybrid and is gallivanting around all of known space with the man that gave their species their first collective black eye since the Shadows kicked their asses so bad that Sinclair, a human, a so-called inferior, had to go back in time to save them with an "inferior" human space station full of "inferior" human arms and technology."

"Now that's GOT to be burning them," Franklin added. "Imagine knowing that one of the "primitive animals" that they tried to exterminate was responsible for the greatest military victory that their species ever had and then went on to save their species from tearing itself apart with civil wars."

The humans chuckled at that little tidbit before the President continued on. "Oh, and let's not forget that they almost killed said Savior numerous times! Can you imagine the horror and humiliation they must feeling as a race at that one? I mean it's like having a combination of the Christian Pope ordering that Christ be burned at the stake for heresy or an Ayatollah ordering that Mohammed to be put to death for breaking the Shari'ah with some idiot drilling a few holes in Noah's Ark because he was pissed off that Noah's goats ate his wife's herb garden," Savic added.

All three humans shook their heads at that combination of idiocy and irony of the Minbari, not to mention the picture she'd painted, before Savic finished her diatribe. "And to top it off, their so-called Special Forces have been opened to humans; humans who have the unmitigated gall to show that they are just as good as, if not better, than their own people at doing the dirty work. Oh, and in the meanwhile, the before mentioned Favorite Son is "openly", uh… well to the public anyway, "openly" romancing one of those human interlopers, and to make it even worse, it's a MAN! Which means that there's the possibility that they'll loose his genetic addition to their dying gene pool if he goes so far as to actually MARRY the little shit. And, as the cherry on top of all of THAT, they have the specter of StarKiller joining their government hanging over their collective heads!"

Savic chortled a bit at the Federation's streak of bad luck and PR before going on. "It's just been one belief shattering revelation and/or action after another for the boneheads. Their whole cultural worldview has been turned upside down in the last few months. Hell, the boneheads are in it so deep that if I didn't want to see the fuckers burn so bad after the Shadows are dealt with, I'd ALMOST feel sorry for them."

"Anyway, back to the matter at hand, OF COURSE seeing StarKiller sitting on the Council of Clans would be the straw that broke the camel's back. OF COURSE they hate the very idea of it! OF COURSE it would be enough to start a civil war…" Savic paused again to wet her whistle. After that pregnant pause and another vicious little smile, this one so vicious that a shark would be proud of it, she finished, "and that's Wily Ole Johnny is willing to send some poor, stupid unsuspecting binzov in to clear the path before him; to set the precedent if you will – and to draw out any potential assassins."

"But didn't you just tell me that Cole and Neroon are just acting?" A very shocked General Franklin asked.

"Yep, but once those two idiots blundered into the situation, Sheridan grabbed at the opportunity with both hands. And I don't think that what Cole and The Widow Maker want matters much to Sheridan at this point, or Durhann, Delenn and the Minbari Councils for that matter," she answered.

"A situation like that has the potential to blow up in Sheridan's face and in a big way," Walker replied.

"Oh, I think that the good Captain has enough dirt on both of them to keep that from happening, or to at least do just as massive an amount of damage control if it does," the President replied.

Donald Walker shook his head and sighed. He had to agree with Savic. It all made way too much sense – and it would be exactly what a man who was as tactically brilliant John Sheridan would do. It was a good, solid infiltration plan. It was a good, solid execution with a damned good back up plan. It also turned Walker's stomach. This wasn't the bright, enthusiastic and honorable young man he remembered from the EarthForce Academy. That John Sheridan would have never even thought of something like this, let alone implemented it!

The old Marine wearily rubbed his eyes before saying, "God Djana! If David ever finds out in just what type of Machiavelli his son has turned into, it'll kill him. The Sheridan family motto may be, "When you love, love without reservation. When you fight, fight without fear," but if you go by how David's lived his life, it should have been, "Honor and integrity at all times"."

Savic pressed her lips into a thin line and grunted in agreement. There was nothing she could to say to refute that statement, or even to mitigate it. What John Sheridan had become because of the War, Anna's death, Clark and the Shadows WOULD kill his father if he ever found out. And the senior Sheridan's death would further wound Savic in the process. David Sheridan was one of the very, very few folks in EarthGov the she actually respected. He was the very last of what she'd thought was an already dead breed; he was a true Officer (retired) and a true Gentleman. And he was one of an unbelievably small number of people that Savic felt safe enough with to actually be alone in the room with; completely alone, with not even her two ever present shadows.

Franklin sighed and morosely nodded in agreement as well. He'd never had a great deal of contact with the retired Officer and Ambassador, but from what he remembered of David Sheridan, Walker's statement was right on the money. "God! I how I HATE what that cursed War has done to us as a species!" he growled out. "As much as I hate what Steven did during the War, as much as I'm ashamed of my son for holding back information that could have stopped the War earlier, at least he remained true to himself and held his integrity and personal honor together. And that's so very much more than the rest of us have been able to do!"

Savic and Walker both snorted at statement. "Ain't that the truth! Sometimes I feel as if humanity has whored itself out just to survive," Walker added morosely.

"You're both right boys, and I'm the both the star whore AND the Madame of this fucking intergalactic whorehouse," Savic said bitterly.

"And I'm playing political catch-up with the customers to boot. I'm so far behind in this mess it's not even funny" she groaned. "The Shadows have been planning this coming war for a thousand years. The B5 folks have their political wheels within wheels that have been going since before Clark even took power. The Centauri and Minbari both have been pulling strings behind the scenes of known space for who knows how long and the Vorlons…" Savic broke of the sentence, sighed, slouched in her chair and ran a frustrated hand through her hair, "and who knows exactly what the Vorlons have been doing besides coaching the Minbari in being violent, arrogant, closed mouthed bastards, but what ever it is, it's bound to be bad with a capital "B" for Humanity. And on top of all of that there's a new player on the field and I have absolutely NO clue what they're here for!"

The two men nodded, Walker whole-heartedly and Franklin pensively. Franklin agreed with the sentiments, if not the language and metaphors used. Everything that the President had said so far was true from their point of view. Unfortunately, neither one of them knew how to help the Commander in Chief in this situation.

After a bit of silent thought, Walker came to a conclusion. "I may be wrong here, but I think that the only person in this mess that knows the most of what's going on is Sheridan."

Savic nodded. "I came to that conclusion during our first private conversation. He put a LOT of cards on the table, and still had an entire deck held to the vest. That bastard even has a personal in with Kosh!" she growled.

"He really is the linchpin here. And that's the problem. I need that man more than he needs me, and more than he needs TEACA's resources." She took another drink before going on. "Coming into this mess, I really thought I had the upper hand with him. I really thought the new fleets and communication systems would sway him my way. Now it looks like it was just enough to pay my stake to take a seat at the table and nothing more."

Franklin was a bit surprised at Savic's statement. First off, Sheridan was human. That alone should have counted for something when dealing with his own home world. Also, Sheridan was still an EarthForce Officer at heart - no matter what uniform he was wearing. That too, should be a point in their favor. The old General sighed. It looked like the scuttlebutt was true and Delenn had been able to sway the man away from his own species. Well, it was either that or the lure of intergalactic political power.

"I can't believe that Sheridan is that much of a power monger or that he would change that much just for a pretty face," he said disbelievingly.

Savic shook her head in denial. "I don't think he's a power monger, General. And he hasn't rolled over for Delenn either. I know for a fact that he doesn't trust her to lead the Rangers alone. He said as much quite openly to me. No, I think that he's using her to control the Rangers."

At the two men's shocked faces, she added, "Oh don't get me wrong, Sheridan isn't just using the bitch. He really does love her, but he's still using the opportunities his relationship with her is giving him. He's gotten to the point where he isn't letting his family's standard of honor get in the way of doing what he thinks needs to be done. Which leads back to my main problem. He thinks he needs to play hardball here and I've already played every card I have with him."

Savic threw back the last of her drink and poured herself another "God! What a fucking mess! I loaded for bear before I left and found out I'm hunting a mountain lion instead!" she growled out in frustration.

There was a tense silence following that statement. Then Walker had the proverbial light bulb go off. He thought he knew how to get the President an ironclad in with Sheridan. Unfortunately, this idea turned his stomach as much as everything that Sheridan was doing did.

"Ma'am you aren't going to like this any more than I do, but I think I know what you can bring to the table that will put Sheridan in your back pocket," he said hesitantly.

Savic merely raised an eyebrow while taking another sip of her personal poison.

"By permanently making sure that the Cole/Neroon situation doesn't blow up in his face," he answered the unspoken question.

A now very, very wary Franklin asked, "And just how would that be done?"

Walker took a strong dose of Dutch courage himself before answering with, "Bester."