A Pirates Life for Me

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "If you only see 10,000 movies this year, make sure this isn't one of them"

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Yes, it's another TF Parody, this time a parody of the DreamWorks movie: Sinbad – Legend of the Seven Seas. This fic is dedicated to Skysong, to whom I promised a fanfic of this pairing. Originally, I was going to parody Along Came Polly, but this is much more fun. Enjoy!

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Act 1 – Pillaging

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We open our parody in the cosmos, where we focus in on Earth, surrounded by constellations. From the blackness appears a figure, who moves like oil. As she comes closer, we see she is Wanda.

"I finally get to be a villainess", grins Wanda.

"Yeah, yeah", says Lance, where he sits with a directors cap, "hip hop hoo flipin' ray"

Wanda gives him a glare, before heading towards Earth, the constellations taking form and moving after her.

""Wake up, my beauties", she says, "Rise and shine. It's a band-new day, and the mortal world is at peace"

She smirks at the Earth.

"But not for long", she says, "Just look at them I pull one tiny thread"

She yanks a little thread from somewhere on Earth.

"And their whole world unravels into chaos. Glorious chaos"

"…..Wow, you were a good choice", blinks Lance, "spooky"

Wanda looks closer with a smirk.

"And what could be more perfect than this?"

We zoom into the planet, landing somewhere on the ocean, following a ship.

"A noble prince, a priceless treasure", says Wanda, as something glows brightly in the back of the ship, then looks at another ship in hot pursuit, "and a black-hearted thief"

She chuckles evilly.

"Oh, this is going to be fun"

She looks over at Pietro, who has been made into a squid-thing.

"….Why am I ugly and she's a goddess?", whines Pietro, "that's not fair!"

"Squid things do not talk!", snaps Lance.

"Pietro?", smirks Wanda, clearly enjoying this, "You know what to do. Let the games begin!"

Pietro gives his sister a glare, before diving into Earth. As he splashes into the water, we follow the two ships, focusing on the last one. Here, Roberto is pacing in front of his crew, Rahne, as a wolf, at his heel.

"Why am I always the dog?", asks Rahne.

"I was the dog once", says Lance, "…..That was the worst experience of my life"

"…..Stop the shameless plugs", mutters Rahne.

"Gentleman", says Roberto as he paces, "This is what we've been waiting for the worlds most valuable object is on it's way to Bayville"

He smirks.

"It's a shame it'll never get there"

The crew laughs.

"I'm the coolest guy: ever", grins Roberto.

"….What IS it with Todd Fan and myths?", mutters Lance, then blinks, "I'll stop the plugs now"

"After today", said Roberto "we retire to Fiji!"

We observe the crew celebrating, which includes, among others, Evan, Remy, Forge, Magneto and Toad. At the helm is Piotr.

"Piotr!", shouts Roberto.

Piotr shoots Lance a withering look, before sighing.

"Aye, Captain", he says as he moves the ship closer to the one in front.

"Rahne!", shouts Roberto.

Rahne barks, pulling on a lever, which causes lots of sharp blades to appear out of the side of the ship.

"Let's get rich!", grins Roberto, "…wait…I am rich. Oh well, let's get richer!"

His ship rams the first one, the blades digging in as Roberto lands on it, fighting off the army upon it. Rahne sits herself on a catapult, pulling a bone which releases it, sending her over onto the other ship. She lands on Caliban, slobbering all over him.

"……I feel violated", whimpers Caliban.

The rest of Roberto's crew jumps aboard, Piotr grabbing a hunk of the ship and tossing it at Lucid and Façade. Forge tosses what look like mini grenades at Gauntlet and Omega Red, blowing them up. Roberto does lots of swashbuckling., before landing next to Piotr, who has Jason in a headlock.

"Did you catch that last move?", asks Roberto proudly, "Pretty cool, huh?"

"I thought you overworked it", replies Piotr, "Just a bit"

"Awww, y...", starts Roberto, then winces as Piotr punches Jason in the head, "overworked it?"

"….You enjoyed that too much", groans Jason from the floor.

Sabertooth growls, running at Piotr with a sword, which Piotr grabs with his teeth, and tosses Sabertooth, still attached to the hilt, into the sea.

"Oh, and I was overworking it?", asks Roberto sarcastically.

Roberto looks over to the helm, where Sam is bravely fighting off his crew.

"Sam?", he blinks.

"Whoah", says Piotr, "This just got interesting. How long has it been?"

"About a lifetime ago", sighs Roberto as he walks over to where Sam is fighting, "You still fight like an old lady"

"Roberto?", blinks Sam, then is knocked from behind by Remy.

"Oooh", winces Roberto, where he leans on a part of the ship, smirking.

"Roberto, what are you doing here?", asks Sam as he picks himself up.

"What do you think he's doing? He just beat the crap out of your crew", says Lance.

"I'm working", says Roberto, using a dagger to destroy the lock to the cabin, "you?"

"What happened to you?", asks Sam, "Where have you been?...Why are you vandalizing mah stuff!"

"Hey, love to stop and catch up", says Roberto, "But I've got things to do, places to go, stuff to steal"

He shrugs, walking into the cabin, Sam rolls his eyes, following him. Inside the room is empty but for a table with a book on top. A book that has glowing light coming from it.

"Ooooooh", says Roberto, "shiney"

"Roberto, we need to talk", says Sam

"Heard about it, read about it never actually seen it", says Roberto, moving Sam aside to walk over to the book, "the book of peace"

Inside are the constellations again, but this time surrounded in a nice, beautiful bluey niceness.

"It's my job to bring it safely to Bayville", says Sam.

"Really?", asks Roberto, "Now, see, now I just feel bad because you're going to get fired"

"You can't be serious!", says Sam, "You disappear for ten years, show up, and rob me?"

"That's buddies for you", says Lance.

"I wish it wasn't you", says Roberto, "I do. Heh. Really, but.."

"But it is me, Roberto", frowns Sam.

"Sam, we had a special handshake, some code words, a secret hideout", says Roberto, "It was fun, big fun, but we were kids"

"….Personally, I'd like to see the special handshake", muses Lance.

"We were friends!", says Sam, "You're not going to steal this. Not from me. And what would you do with it anyway?"

"Hang it on my wall?", tried Roberto, "it is really shiney"

"The book of peace protects all of us in the Twelve Cities", says Sam

"…Where'd we get twelve from?", asks Lance, then sighs, "You know what? Forget it. No one tells me anything"

"Exactly", says Roberto.

"Thank you!", says Lance.

"No, I was reading my line", says Roberto with a sigh, "So, just imagine how much all of us will pay to get it back"

"Let me say it again", says Sam, getting in front of the book, "A long time ago, you an a'h were friends. If that ever meant anything to you, prove it now"

Roberto sighs.

"You're right", he says, "That was a long time ago"

He reaches for the book and Sam pulls him away, Roberto spins around as they both draw their swords.

"…Todd Fan's been talking to R-Man for too long", says Lance, "that sounded dirty"

"Come on, don't get all heroic, Sam", says Roberto.

"Never bring up that parody", says Sam, "…a'h don't like remembering it!"

The two starts to fight with their swords.

"If you want to book, you have to go through me", says Sam.

Suddenly, a huge tentacle breaks through the side of the ship, breaking them apart, then slides out.

"What the…", blinks Roberto

They run out to see Pietro the squid wreaking havoc.

"Die, diiiieeeeeeeeeeee", laughs Pietro.

"Ooooh suspenseful!", says Lance, "…this isn't a Sam and Roberto pairing, is it?"

No, you idiot.

"Okay, just asking, seesh"

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Yey, one act down! There'll be more, though updates are sparse, 'cause of work experience. I should get another act done tomorrow, though, wee! Do review. Until next time…