Written by: Crack God
In the previous chapter:
Shikamaru was killed. Yep, that's basically it. Oh, and Sasuke bought his shark 'costume'. Yep.
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Chapter Eight (Chapter 8)
Chapter Title: The Chronicles of Ino's Death Part III – The Final Conclusion
A/N: 'Tis the LAST CHAPTER! WHOO! My first non-oneshot story that I've completed! Thank you all of my precious, precious readers!
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With a loud thud, the trunk to the limousine was slammed shut, courtesy of Neji. Shikamaru's dead body was inside.
Kakashi, Tenten, and Neji then stepped into the limousine. By now, it was dark. Really dark. Tomorrow, they would execute the final stage of their plan.
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Intense darkness surrounded all. Silence accompanied the darkness. Although, Naruto's snores were not at all silent.
And then there was light. Intense, blinding light. It took several moments before the outline of four people could be seen. The sounds of seagulls and the smell of salt were immediately recognizable.
"Where, where are we?" Sakura asked, her new pink Afro askew.
"At the beach, of course," Kakashi sensei answered his only drug-free student. "Where else would we be?"
"Mexico?" Naruto replied. Everyone gave him odd looks.
Kakashi elbowed Sasuke in the stomach. "Pssst! Pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst! It's your line now!" Kakashi reminded the Uchiha.
"Oh, right," Sasuke mumbled. He then look down at a stapled bunch of papers. The top page read 'How to Stage Ino's Death and Get Away With Murder'. Both Sakura and Naruto ignored this. "Ahem. Sak-ur-a, do you want us to go to the loc-ker rooms to-geth-er and watch each other strip?" He apparently had the reading abilities of a seven-year-old.
Sakura didn't need to hear anything else. She grabbed Sasuke by the arm, jumped out of the limousine and forced him into the locker rooms.
Now Tenten glanced down at her own script. "Hey Naruto, Neji and I are going to go play in the water. Do you want to come with to see me in my bra- hey, wait a second! Who the hell wrote this shit?"
"Umm… you did," Neji replied, hiding a pen behind his back. The same color of pen that the script was written in; green.
"I did? Oh well, I guess," Tenten said, then continued to read from the script. "Naruto, we could play fun games like water volleyball. Would you please join us?"
Before the flustered Naruto could answer, he was forced into the water.
Kakashi then got to work. He let Kiba, Akamaru, and Bambi out of their sealed compartment. Sadly to say, he had forgotten the three letter word 'air' and both Kiba and his doggy had died. The scene of their deaths was quite odd. Let's just say Kiba wasn't wearing pants… or underwear…
Bambi, however, was perfectly fine. He jumped out onto the sandy beach. Unknown to the young deer, though, was that both George W. Bush and Dick Cheney were on the beach. Once Cheney saw the deer, he immediately pulled out his hunting rifle, which was conveniently hidden in his crack (you know what I mean). He aimed and took a shot. However, there was something that he had never learned in hunter's safety class. And that something was that you should hold the gun so that the barrel is pointing at your target. He was stupid enough to have the barrel point in the opposite direction, and a bullet pierced though George W. Bush's throat. Realizing his mistake, he hijacked the limousine, changed his name to Michael Jackson, got plastic surgery to remove his nose, and lived in search of little ittle cutesy wutesy pandas in China.
"Hmm… how convenient," Kakashi muttered aloud. He walked over to the president, thumbed through his wallet, and stole all of his credit cards. Little did anyone know that a week from then, the White House would see that, after Bush mysteriously disappeared, the president's credit cards were all maxed out on debts to foreign strip clubs.
Kakashi then retrieved the dead bodies of Ino and Shikamaru. He then proceeded to play with them like dolls.
"Oh, Shikamaru, isn't today the most lovely day for a walk on the beach?"
"Yes it is, Ino. This is the perfect date. I love you."
"Shikamaru, let's have sex right now."
"Okay, Ino."
By now, Sakura and Sasuke were now in the water with Neji, Tenten, and Naruto. They were all playing volleyball in the water. But since they couldn't find a volleyball, they were using Bambi instead. Naruto and Sakura were not the least bit creeped out that Ino and Shikamaru were going on a date with Kakashi in between them, nor from the fact that Kakashi was stripping off their clothes.
Eventually, Kakashi made his way down to the water's edge and swam while carrying his two new puppets. He jerked his head as a signal to Sasuke.
The Uchiha saw the sign and dove underneath the water, taking time to change into his shark costume, which was basically just a dorsal fin a string to tie around his head and blue bikini top. He then rose just enough so that the dorsal fin showed.
"Oh, Ino! Oh no! I shark is coming right at us! I think it will eat us!"
"Shikamaru, I love you! But before we die I should tell you that I've slept with Lee, Choji, Gai, Asuma, Shino, Kiba, and even Temari."
With that, Sasuke grabbed Ino and Shikamaru from Kakashi and took them under the water. Everyone was watching with horror.
Sasuke the proceeded to actually eat the dead bodies, just to get enough blood in the water. He then took off his shark costume and swam back to the others.
"Oh no! A shark! Run!" he screamed.
With that, he and everyone else but Kakashi ran from water and back to the village.
Kakashi then stripped to the milkshake song.
Then, attracted to the blood in the area, a real shark came and ate Kakashi.
The End.
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In conclusion:
Ino's whorishness never haunted the village ever again.
Kakashi's drug dealer went out of business.
Sasuke and Sakura had a grand total of 32 kids.
Gaara murdered Jack Nicholson when he tried to force the red head to hug his siblings.
Neji and Tenten attempted to cure Naruto of his very unusual masturbation problem. The blonde is still going through therapy.
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Thank you so much for reading. Please review the finished story!