Disclaimer: I don't own the concepts, I don't own the characters, I make no money, I make no sense and I get no sleep, though on a positive note I absolutely love feedback (in other words, please review).
Warning: this story is a sequel to Under Alien Skies - Propagation, if you've read that story you know what this is about, if you haven't this probably won't make much sense. You should also be warned that this story deals with adult issues including rape.
Timeline: this takes place roughly two weeks after Propagation.
Note about the series: while this is the fifth story in this universe, the only one that is pretty much a must read in order to follow this one is Propagation.
Under Alien Skies - Alien Ways
Chapter 1: Two to Tango
(Sam's POV)
Okay, so the good news is that I know what I have to do, the bad news is that I don't have a clue as to how to do it.
That I have to talk to Teal'c is a fact that can no longer be denied but there are so many things I don't know how to explain to him... and the truth is that, even though I trust him, I'm still afraid of how he is going to react to this one. The whole situation with the colonel was bad enough but at least there I knew what I was up against. I knew what his concerns and his expectations were likely to be and I knew how to counter them. I also knew where he was coming from, that is the big difference. In that regard Teal'c is the unknown... and I hate what that says about me, about us.
He's been fighting by our side for over nine months now but the truth is that we've never really taken the time to get to know what he thinks. We know he wants to free his people, of course, and we routinely rely on his strength and his knowledge of the Goa'uld to stay alive but in a way that is the extent of it. We've never made a serious effort to learn more about the world he comes from, not really. I guess in a way it was only natural.
Fighting the Goa'uld and their armies of Jaffa is a lot easier if we can avoid thinking of those Jaffa as human.
Of course, even though we've certainly contributed to this situation, it is not entirely our fault either. Yes, we have never really made an effort to get to know more about Teal'c than he's been willing to volunteer but at the same time there's no denying the fact that he doesn't say much and that has certainly contributed to the current situation. The problem is that what I have to do now is to figure out a way to talk to him, not to try to assign blame. Yes, talking to him would be a lot easier if I had a better idea of just what it is that I'm facing here but 'would be' doesn't help and I know it.
That means I'm going to have no choice but to take the plunge here and hope to survive the encounter... almost literally.
I know it's crazy, I know Teal'c would never hurt me --not really-- but I guess this is one downside of the work I've been doing with Daniel that we never considered. A couple of weeks ago I would have been uneasy at the thought of this conversation, there's no denying that, but at least I wouldn't have had a mental tally of just how many cultures have considered rape to be a capital crime... for the victim. That is something I can't quite get out of my mind.
In other words, while I know Teal'c would never hurt me, I also know that there is a very real possibility that he will be disgusted by me and that bothers me.
So how am I supposed to approach this? How much should I tell Teal'c? My first instinct is to say as little as possible, though I know I should probably tell him as much as I've told the colonel... with the difference that with the colonel I knew there were a number of things I could imply knowing that he would fill in the blanks on his own, with Teal'c that probably won't be the case. Chances are that with Teal'c I'm going to have to spell things out and that is yet another thing I'm dreading.
I know that even in a best case scenario talking to Teal'c will probably require a far more detailed explanation than any I've had to give up until now and that is not something I'm looking forward to, far from it.
The thing is that, as Daniel said, this is a cultural thing and just like we can't possibly predict how Teal'c is going to react to some of the things I'm going to have to tell him, there are certain questions he'll probably not know not to ask. With the colonel, for instance, we've been involved in an intricate dance aimed at satisfying both his need to know and his desire to avoid most of the details almost from the start, the problem is that such a dance takes two and if I were to attempt something similar with Teal'c we would almost certainly end up stepping all over each other's toes.
That is yet another element that is likely to complicate things here but unfortunately it can't really be avoided. Not as long as I'm the one facing this.
I admit I have considered the possibility of asking Daniel to help me out here but deep down I know I have to do this on my own. I've been trying to tell everyone that I'm fine these past couple of weeks and this is my chance to prove it to myself... especially because the bottom line is that up until now I have never told anyone, not really. Daniel basically figured it out on his own, he told Janet and Janet in turn told the general. Then the general took it upon himself to fill in the colonel. Yes, I've talked to all of them but I did that when they already knew... and now that's going to have to change.
Well, tomorrow is the day and that means I have tonight to think things through, to figure out how am I supposed to approach this and to come up with some sort of plan I'll almost certainly have to abandon the moment Teal'c opens his mouth. I guess in the end maybe the colonel was right about me rationalizing things, though not necessarily in the way he thought. I don't hide behind my rationalizations but I do feel lost without them. I have to have a plan and I have to have all the facts in order to approach a new situation. I have to be able to make some sort of sense out of things but no matter how hard I try I just can't deny the fact that in this particular instance there's no way that's going to happen. This is one case in which I'm going to have to go in blind and alone and that terrifies me.