Last chapter… Hope it was worth wasting your time reading…

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Chapter 4

Fan Girls

Hesitantly I sacrifice myself for my boyfriend, inching forwards my wand outstretched pointing towards the moving bush. The bush moves again and I jump backwards almost falling on my arse. Draco comes up behind me and looks over my shoulder.

"Well, have a look." I shot him a glare, "what? You're the brave Gryffindor." He smirks at me. He cares though, about me I mean, his hands are clenched and his face has paled slightly, while his lips are drawn together in a line so thin they almost disappear.

I take a deep breath and stick my head in the bush, nothing. I pull back as the bush next to mine moves. I go towards that one, about an inch away from it, someone burst forth. Expecting black cloaks and a skull mask I raise my wand and almost shout a 'Stupefy' before I notice the muggle clothing. From behind that creature another, Muggle dressed thing emerges.

Then I notice the long hair, the four limbs and… boobs. We were scared of two girls! Muggle girls! I lower my wand, big mistake as it turns out. The two girls smiled at us, one had dark brown hair and the other a lighter brown. Both were dressed casually, in jeans and t-shirts or a hoodie. No reason to fear them, right. The lighter brown haired on was slightly older and taller as well. The dark haired one was as tall as me, maybe a bit shorter; I wonder if her family starves her or if she's just short?

As I said, big mistake. As soon as my wand was lowered the girls flung themselves at us screeching something that sounded like "Sqee" or it could have been "Squeeze" I guess, but I think it more likely the first. These girls were obviously touched in the head. I fought to untangle myself from one of them while Draco was fighting the second.

As one, both girls switched places to now I was being attacked by Draco's attacker while he had mine. Together, giving up all sense of dignity and pride, Draco and I shouted as loudly as we could until we heard running footsteps.

From the right side of the woods Lucius Malfoy and Arthur Weasley appeared followed by Draco's mother, Amos and Cedric Diggory and Ron and Hermione.

"HELP!" We both shouted, fighting off the Muggle-weirdoes. The girls looked up and searched the gathered Magical folk. Their eyes met and with stunning speed they launched themselves at Draco's father.

Lord Malfoy ended up lying on the floor with both girls on top of him, muttering about something called the "Dark Mark" and an autograph.

"Desist touching me, Muggle scum!" He shouted, trying to push them off him.

"At least you like girls," I muttered at him, shuddering from the memory. "Wanna run before they remember us?" I ask Draco, glancing at his father. "We'll let the adults help your father."

Draco glared at me, and I shut up. But I still moved to hide behind Arthur Weasley. And when Arthur moved to pull the Darker brown haired one off Lucius, I moved behind Amos Diggory. When Amos moved to grab the lighter haired one, I went to move behind Mrs. Malfoy but my boyfriend was already hiding there. So I hid behind Cedric, who grinned at me and nodded towards the two Muggle girls.

As usual, Hermione had all the answers. "They are called Fan Girls; they covet a character or the character's actor in various fandoms. They obviously mistook you for some Muggle actor or a character from a Muggle fiction book." She nodded her head knowingly.

"Make them go away Mione," I begged, making puppy dog eyes at her. She sighed.

The lighter haired one spoke up, her arms bound behind her she was sat next to her friend, similarly tied. "You guys rock! Did it hurt?" She asked looking at Lucius' left arm, his right moved slightly as if to cover it before stopping but other wise he didn't react.

Odd that. I'll look up left arms too, when I do the Death Eater search.

The darker haired one added, "So when's Voldemort coming? I was wondering if he would mark me…except I was thinking of my left hip rather than my arm." Marking? Is that what Mr. Malfoy has? A mark?

The blond in question's hands clenched.

"Uh, I don't think we're who you think we are." Ron muttered.

"What the hell? Who was talking to you? I hate you; you're so anti-Harry/Draco!" The dark haired girl hissed. Ron's mouth dropped open as he stared at the girl first then his best mate, me.

"I knew I wasn't hearing things!" He glared at Draco, who peeked out from behind his mother at his name.

"Who are you?" Hermione asked.

"I'm Melinda, and that's Aisling, being anti-Ron." The lighter haired Muggle answered. "And you are who we think you are." She looked at the bush she jumped from. "My bag's in there, there's a book in it."

Amos went to get the bag, he held out a book entitled Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling. Amos read the blurb off and frowned. "What is this?" He shouted.

Aisling shrugged, "a book?"

Melinda grinned, "J.K. said Voldemort was coming back in the 4th and that the Death Eaters would wreck the Quiditch World Cup. When we heard the types of people showing up here we put two and two together. Mind if we come to Hogwarts and wait for Tom?"

Cedric laughed, "this is a joke right?" He didn't sound very sure.

Aisling looked over at him and sniffed. "Let me go!" She wailed. "I have to hug Cedric before it's too late!" She began to sob lightly, while Melinda looked over sympathetically.

"He's all yours," she leered towards Draco. And licked her lips. Draco shuddered.

"But- But- you're a Muggle!" He gasped.

"At least you like girls!" I muttered again. "Wait? Before what's too late?"

"Uh… J.K. said we could only come if we didn't give out any spoilers." Aisling bit her lips. Melinda looked around wildly. Suddenly a bright light filled the area followed by a feminine voice.

"In reality we are awaiting the 7th book… no spoilers for the 4th book are really spoilers… but if they know, I can't kill any one… mmm… no spoiling!"

"Who in the name of Merlin was that?" Arthur shouted looking around.

"God," both Muggles sighed dreamily. "Can't wait for the 7th book!"

Aisling grinned evilly, "Yea, Harry's going to die!" Draco paled and jumped out from behind his mother. He wrapped his arms protectively around his boyfriend's waist glaring at Ron when he protested.

Aisling glared, "hiss, anti-Ron! Hiss, hate you!" Melinda rolled her eyes, and leered at the two boys some more.

"And J.K. is going to-" Aisling started but was cut off with another flash of light and the voice.

"No spoilers for the 7th book, you have broken the 3rd Commandment: Thou Shall Not Spoil!"

The voice sounded mad, but oh so godly (goddessly). In another flash of light, the girls began to fade, all the while shouting.

"Well done Ash!" Sarcastic.

"I didn't hug Cedric!" Regretful.

"I want more boy sex!" Together.

When the light was gone, so were the Muggles; only the book was left. "Well let's see what they got right," I picked the book up and flicked through it. "Hey, I attacked Snape in this as well." I grin.

Ron bounds over, "give us a look, mate." Draco reads over my shoulder, arms still around my waist.

"Black was innocent?" He asked incredulously.

"You aren't meant to know that! The voice said worriedly, "Obliviate!"

"Uh… what is this?" I flip the book over, but before I can read the title it vanished. "Ok, who stole my book?" I glare as everyone denies it.

"So… Malfoy?" Ron asked, slightly worried about saying anything bad about he blond; but not remembering why.

"Yea." I sigh.

Lucius Malfoy walks over, his right hand on his left arm, and there's something I was supposed to do about that… what was it? "Come Draco, we should be leaving." Draco reluctantly releases me, "Oh, and Mr. Potter. Hurt my son and I will kill you." He smiles disarmingly but I have no doubt he means it. Narcissa is giving me an identical look, so I assume the threat goes for both of them.

I nod dumbly as Draco glares at his father for the threat. "See you at school, Harry." He smiles and leaves after his parents, and Amos and Cedric hesitantly congratulate me as well.

I'm supposed to remember something about Cedric; I need to warn him something. I can't remember though so I just shout "Be careful Ced!" as he walks away. He looks back, smiles and says the same thing to me.

"So… I'm starving!" Ron muttered, rubbing his stomach. "Can we go eat?" He looks to his dad who sighs and nods. Hermione shoots me a worried look but I just grin and mouth I'm fine, and she goes after Ron.

"Harry…" Arthur starts.

"He's not his father, Sir." Arthur nods and waves his hand for me to go ahead of him. I look back and smile. Draco forgot to change the blanket back to my sock. With a smirk I leave it there.

XXX

A/N: No offence intended towards Homosexuals, Bisexuals, or in fact Heterosexuals. I myself am Heterosexual and would die to shag Draco Malfoy or Tom Felton (unfortunately Draco Malfoy isn't real) and I have no chance with Tom! But no offence intended!

A/N 2: No offence intended towards Fan Girls, I myself would love the chance to glomp Tom Felton or Jason Isaacs! But would be too embarrassed, so no offence to spineless cowards or those in between like myself, as well. No offence to Melinda… She was kidnapped by me for the purpose of this Crack!Fic… as was J.K.

A/N 3 No offence intended towards J.K. and the 7th book… Sorry to spoil! The 3rd Commandment still stands! Thou Shall Not Spoil… unless you know a really good one and don't tell anyone that doesn't want to know (this last statement does not include me… TELL ME!).

Review please…?