Loving You Behind Closed Doors chapter 18

Disclaimer: If I owned Kim Possible I would poke her until she apologised to Ron for that time she threw him out of a hot air balloon to serve as ballast. (Yeah…that happened.)

Welcome back, all! It's been such a long time I'll just say I'm sorry for keeping you waiting.

In this thrilling chapter, Ron and Shego go hiking! The suspense! The intrigue! The mosquitoes!

This chapter is dedicated to the great outdoors.

It was a beautiful day. The sun glinted down through pale green leaves, birds twittered in the boughs overhead, and a cool breeze was blowing, keeping the late May afternoon from being too stifling. Shego was waiting under a big fur tree by the entrance to the trail, arms crossed and aimlessly pretending to file her nails. She had been waiting for close to twenty minutes now. She didn't know how to feel, so maybe it was good that Ron had yet to make an appearance. She hadn't been expecting the invitation, and she wasn't sure if she wanted to face him right now, but she couldn't say 'no', not after what she had just done at the warehouse, so here she was.

She let out a soft sigh. She had always known that this relationship wasn't sustainable as it was, but she supposed she had hoped for a slightly longer respite before something like this happened, and although their secret hadn't been revealed, she found herself wondering if her better option had been to just keep her big mouth shut and let it be. Ron had been about to reveal everything to the princess, and Shego wasn't even certain why she had stopped him. Was it because of the look of surrender in his eyes, or was it because she couldn't bear to hear what he had to say?

Was she even certain she knew what that would have been?

He was here.

Shego watched him climb off his junky old moped and start up the path from the parking lot. She kept her face impassive, once again left in the position of being unsure what to say. It would be so much easier if she was watching him through a security monitor. There had never been any judgements there, except from herself, although she knew logically that that relationship hadn't exactly been sustainable either.

Ron glanced anxiously at the time as he climbed off his moped. He cast the machine an annoyed glare and was tempted to give it a bit of a kick to make himself feel better, except that might actually break it. It would almost have been faster to walk here with the speed his ride had been going lately. He hoped Shego hadn't been waiting too long. Glancing up, he saw her leaning impassively against a big pine at the beginning of the tree line and gave a little wave. He jogged up the dirt path from the parking lot and stopped a few feet from her. Her smile was a little awkward, but at least she was smiling.

"Hey Shego, sorry about the hold-up." He gave another furtive glare in the general direction of his moped.

"No problem Ron."

The villainess stepped away from the tree she had been leaning against and grabbed the black backpack that had been resting on the ground next to her, swinging the straps over her shoulders. She was dressed in a pair of dark green hiking pants, sturdy black runners and a long sleeved, green wick-a-way shirt. Her long hair was in one braid down her back and she wore a hat with a wide brim all the way around and a set of black sunglasses. She was still smiling, but it was a tense smile, at least Ron thought it was. He felt like he was getting a little better at understanding what she was feeling, or maybe she was just a little more comfortable showing it to him.

Ron gave her a lopsided grin and wondered if there was a way to diffuse the awkwardness. This wasn't the best way to start out their afternoon together. He felt as though they both needed to have a talk but here, blocking the path to the trail, was probably not the best place. It was such a nice day that there were bound to be more people pulling into the parking lot soon. The last thing either of them needed was a family of hikers cutting into an uncomfortable discussion. Shego seemed to be thinking similar thoughts. She gestured vaguely in the direction of the woods.

"Well, let's get started," she said. "You can show me which path we should take."

"Uh, yeah." Ron adjusted his own backpack, trying to distribute the weight evenly. It was heavy, but hopefully the surprise would be worth it. Shego had designated him as the leader, so he started down the path and heard her footsteps as she followed him.

The path was narrow at the start, winding steeply up a hill covered with fur trees, than snaking down the far side, avoiding boulders and thick tree roots. Once at the bottom of the initial hill, it widened to approximately four feet, and was less obstructed. This made it easier to walk without constantly watching your step too carefully. Once Ron's feet were solidly on the widening path, he moved to the side slightly to make Room for Shego to walk beside him. The villainess accepted the unspoken invitation, shooting him a small smile as she did so, and then turning away slightly to admire the view.

They were still in the outskirts of the forest here, and the trees were fairly spaced out. In between, the lush undergrowth was rich and green, punctuated occasionally by outcroppings of grey rock capped by delicate coats of green moss. Several birds were visible, flitting about or pecking at something on the ground, and more could be heard somewhere in the green distance.

Ron found himself smiling at the peaceful scene. He didn't hike very much, except if he and Kim had to make their way up to a mountain top lair or something, but this was nice. He shot Shego a surreptitious glance. She was looking around appreciatively, and seemed to be enjoying the hike so far. Ron bit his lip, debating with himself whether or not to break the silence early. He didn't want to interrupt Shego's thoughts, but it might also be nice to chat a little as they walked; not about anything important, just some casual conversation. He had just about decided to speak, and was carefully selecting his opening words in his head, when a voice sounded from his left.

"Do you hike a lot, Ron?" Ron bit back a chuckle at Shego's question. Maybe he shouldn't have been worrying about it so much.

"No," he answered. "Definitely not. Not usually for fun anyway; too many summer camp flashbacks." He shuddered theatrically. "What about you?"

Shego shook her head, eyes tracing the limbs of the huge oak tree they were passing under. "Not really," she said pensively. "I like it though. It's peaceful. You picked a good day for it."

"Thanks," Ron said softly. Somehow he didn't think she just meant because of the weather.

"So is your little friend with you today?"

"Oh, no," Ron answered, knowing who she meant. "Rufus couldn't make it today. He doesn't really like hiking anyway." This was only partially true. Rufus hadn't wanted Ron to come today. He was still angry about the things Shego had said to his owner. It had done no good for Ron to try and explain why she had said them, not when the mole rat could point out that whatever reason's she had had, Ron's feeling had been hurt, which was true. Rufus had tried to accompany him today when he couldn't talk Ron out of going, but Ron hadn't let him. He didn't want Rufus blowing up at Shego, because he did understand why she had said those things. He needed to talk to her, and he wanted to do it alone.

There was silence for a few minutes as the two of them walked. The trail was now winding between some of the larger rock outcroppings, and when he looked back Shego's way, Ron saw that she seemed to be studying them for something.

As they passed the large rock formation, an idea trickled into Shego's head. Despite how wound up her emotions were today, she had caught herself starting to have fun, but she didn't want that, not when the peace between Ron and her felt so fragile. Unpleasant as it might be, they needed to discuss what had happened today, and decide what was going to happen next. She thought Ron probably knew that as well, yet he had still been trying to put her at ease. Maybe Shego was selfish, but she didn't want to let herself enjoy her time with him until she knew whether there would be more of it. She didn't want to wait until they found some secluded trail to have their discussion; she wanted to get it over with now.

Grabbing a ledge of rock with one hand, Shego swung herself up onto the top of the protrusion. Ron stopped walking in surprise, and she smiled at his questioning gaze.

"Let's get off the trail for a bit," she suggested casually. They both knew what she was actually suggesting, but for some reason keeping it vague was easier.

Ron hesitated. "We aren't actually supposed to leave the path," he said, scuffing his foot in the hard packed earth where they had been walking. Shego raised an eyebrow at the complaint, and allowed herself to smirk at him a little.

"What about me made you think I would follow the rules?" she asked rhetorically. She saw a small smile slip across Ron's face, and felt her own widen in response. "You coming?"

She didn't wait for an answer this time, but jumped down on the far side of the rock. She could hear some scrabbling up the rock behind her, and then Ron dropped down as well, although more carefully. Once he landed he adjusted his backpack, pulling on the straps and changing their positions on his thin shoulders. She wondered idly what he had brought. The pack seemed pretty heavy, and it was obviously a bit of a strain for him to carry. She shrugged the thought away, and glanced around the sheltered alcove they had arrived in. It was fairly open, but surrounded by boulders on three sides which would screen them from the path.

Perfect, Shego found herself thinking sarcastically. She really wasn't looking forward to this, but she supposed she aught to be the one to start.

"Why don't we sit down for a minute?"

Ron nodded and followed her lead, sitting on one of the smaller rocks which were scattered artistically around the alcove. He set his backpack down carefully on the ground beside him, than looked over at her expectantly. Shego knew she had to speak before she lost her nerve. She just wished she knew what to say. She would like to talk about their new mysterious enemy, why he or she might be after them, and maybe try to figure out who it was, but that was the easy way out. They could discuss it later. What they needed to address right now was the way she had behaved at the warehouse, the things she had said to Ron, and they needed to decide what to do next.

Mostly, she needed to apologize.

Shego seemed to be thinking. The playful attitude had been dropped, and the atmosphere between them was tense and silent. Ron hated this kind of expectant silence. It always led to less than pleasant conversations. He wondered whether he should say something. The problem was he didn't really know where to start.

Shego inhaled deeply as though she was trying to prepare herself mentally, and then she gave him a small, tense smile.

"We need to talk about yesterday." Ron nodded hesitantly, encouraging her to continue. "When we were at that warehouse yesterday and Possible arrived…" Shego paused for a second, seeming to collect herself. "You were going to tell her about us."

Ron nodded again. It bothered him a little how Shego never referred to Kim by her first name, though he supposed 'Possible' was better than some of the villainess' nicknames for his best friend.

"Yeah," he agreed. He remembered the feeling of dread that had come over him when confronted by Kim's accusing gaze. He didn't know how she had found them, but he guessed that it was probably by the same method that he and Shego had ended up there. It was too convenient otherwise. "I'm not really good at lying," he found himself saying. "Not to anyone really, and especially not to her. I'm still wondering whether I should have told her that we were hanging out from the beginning."

"I know," Shego said, with a little smile. "But when I saw you about to tell her, I guess I panicked." She grimaced as though the word left a bad taste in her mouth. "What I did then, when I grabbed you, and what I said about you…I never meant any of it."

"Yeah," Ron said again, a touch of bitterness entering his voice. He couldn't help it. His eyes wandered over the rocks and plants. It was suddenly too difficult to look at her. "I knew you didn't mean it," he said slowly, feeling his way through the words, "and it was nothing worse than what you've said to me lots of times before. It didn't used to bother me, but…" He found himself hesitating and forced the words out. "This time it hurt."

"I'm sorry, Ron."

Ron's eyes darted up. Shego's hands were clasped tightly together, and her expression was lined with guilt and with…regret. It took Ron back instantly to her room the night she let him go; the first time he felt like he had really seen her. He knew she didn't have to show him this expression; that she was very good at hiding her emotions, but she was letting him see what she was feeling anyway.

"I knew it would hurt you," she continued softly. "I knew it would be painful, but I said it anyway. I was being selfish." She smiled a little painfully. "I didn't want to lose all of this."

"You wouldn't have." Ron surprised himself by sounding a little annoyed. "I decided to be your friend, Shego. That wouldn't have changed if Kim had found out."

"Of course it would have!" Now Shego sounded annoyed. Her narrowed eyes locked onto his. "I'm a criminal, Ron. I'm wanted in more countries than you could name. I'm one of Kimmie's arch enemies. You could say it's Drakken, but let's be honest; it's really me. She's not about to let her sidekick associate with someone like me just because you say we're friends."

"It's not her decision!" Ron found himself glaring back. "I said I decided to be your friend. I wanted to get to know you, and now that I finally am I like you! You're fun to hang out with and talk to. I like going places with you and trying new things. I don't know too much about you yet, but I know that if we stopped being friends I would miss you. I don't want that." He paused, thinking about how to phrase the next part. "Kim doesn't get to choose who my friends are," he finished. "I do."

The fire had gone out of Shego's eyes. Now she looked sad. She didn't seem to completely believe him, but she didn't argue the point.

"Are you going to tell her?" she asked. Ron bit his lip. He had been thinking about this a lot since yesterday.

"I don't know," he answered honestly. The truth was that he was afraid of the revealing his friendship with Shego. It was true that he wouldn't stop being her friend, no matter what Kim's reaction was, but he was also afraid of that reaction. Years ago, he would have said that even if Kim was angry with him about something she would understand eventually, but now…. He sighed. Now he was afraid that he might be the person who would lose a friend.

Shego sighed as well, and seemed to deflate a little. "If you do decide to tell her, would you let me know?" The request caught Ron off guard and he blinked.

"You're not going to try to talk me out of it?" he asked. Shego gave him a slightly frosty smile.

"It's not my decision," she said. "I'd just like a heads-up, just in case."

"Okay," Ron agreed. He didn't know what he was going to do, but as painful as it had been, maybe he was a little glad that Shego had bought him some more time to think. He looked over at her where she sat, and thought of something he could say to break some of the tension. "Shego?" She looked up, meeting his eyes questioningly. "I accept your apology." He smiled warmly as he said it, putting his confusion aside for now. Shego seemed surprised for a moment, than she smiled back.

"Good, because I hate apologising." Ron laughed softly; even he could tell that much.

Thanks for reading!

Hope you enjoyed! It's been a while since I wrote for this lovely couple, so I hope I managed to do them justice. As for dear Monkey Fist, I'm sure we will hear from him again, but I thought Shego and Ron deserved some alone time this chapter.

Next up will be another update for Shades Of Self, or one for Memories Make Us.

See you soon!