Shinji Has It Bad

(in more ways than one)

Chapter One

AN This story takes place between NGE episodes fifteen and sixteen. I would like to write this in a more accurate formal Japanese style, and while I know some of the honorifics, I would probably screw it up pretty badly. Therefore, I shall stick to English, as used in the television version. The pilots will refer to each other by their last names when they are being formal. I will elect to say that this story is set in a similar but alternate storyline to the real Evangelion. That way, any mistakes I make with the storyline I can pass off as being intentional. Sorry for the long note, and sorry for any mistakes I may make from this point on. I will let you all get to the story now. /AN

"SHINJI! YOU DUMBASS" Asuka screamed, hurling a plate at Shinji. "DON"T YOUR EVER FUCKING TOUCH ME AGAIN!"

"Asuka, I'm sorry!" Shinji hurriedly apologized, ducking away from the plate. "I just wanted to know if you wanted some breakfast!" Shinji's innocently apologizing tone was not winning over the German teen, as she continued to hurl curses and utensils at the young pilot. Shinji leaped behind the couch in an attempt to evade Asuka's barrage. "Ow! Asuka, stop, listen to me. Ow, ow stop!" Shinji retreated back behind the couch when he realized that Asuka was in no mood to negotiate.

"YOU STUPID HENTAI, I"LL KILL YOU." Asuka continued her attack in such a way that Shinji fully believed her claim. Shinji sprinted to his room and closed the door, just in time to hear several objects slammed against it.

"Shinji let out a sigh, and fell upon his futon, thankful for the relative safety his room provided. He locked the door, and pulled out his SDAT player, determined to drown out Asuka's screams. It's not my fault, it just got mixed up. It was dark; I did not mean to touch her there. It's not my fault she has such big…shit, I really am perverted. Shinji rolled over, and attempted to let his SDAT take over his thoughts.

Asuka was still banging away on Shinji's door, screaming up a storm when Misato's door opened. Now, normally in such a situation, Misato would attempt to bring peace to the pilots, or at least ensure Asuka did not kill Shinji. Today, however, Misato had a particularly bad hangover, and was in no mood to put up with the teen's bickering. "GOD DAMNIT ASUKA, WHAT THE HELL IS ALL THE RACKET ABOUT?" Misato's hair, already splayed out every-which-way, began to take on the look of the Devil's horns in Asuka's eyes. Unfortunately for Shinji, Asuka was in a bad enough mood to converse with the devil.

"It's Shinji, that little hentai," Asuka proclaimed in a huff. "I woke up to that little pervert fondling my breasts, and God knows what he is doing in there now." Asuka's mouth formed a small pout as she crossed her arms. That was what happened, the end, in her mind. I hope she finally kicks that little hentai shit out.

"Shinji! What the hell were you thinking," Misato screamed, bursting into Shinji's room. "Damnit Shinji, why do you always have to piss Asuka off?." Shinji rolled over on his futon, hurriedly pulling off his headphones, his eyes full of fear. "You piss everybody off around here."

"Misato, I'm sorry-" Shinji hurriedly tried to apologize.

"Especially when you do that! You can't just apologize and make everything better all the time. Take responsibility for your actions, you just piss everybody off when you apologize all the time." Misato knew she shouldn't be saying these things, she knew how delicate Shinji's feelings are, but right now she was really hung over. "You should try standing up for yourself once in a while, maybe then people would respect you more."

"You can apologize all you want, you little hentai, but it won't change anything." Asuka spoke up from behind Misato. "You will still be the same little pervert. You'll never get any respect."

Throughout this tirade, Shinji's eyes had been full of fear, but now they shown with sadness. They're right; I do just piss everybody off. Why am I like this? Why can't I do anything right? They can't even stand to be around me. "I'm….I'm sorry." Shinji said quietly. Asuka was still yelling at him, and Misato was just staring at him, looking very annoyed. "I'M SORRY GODDAMNIT!" Shinji ran past Asuka and Misato, ran out the door, away from the apartment, onto the streets of Tokyo 3. He didn't stop running until he was far away from the apartment, far away from his problems, far away from his family. He ran until he collapsed behind a building, sobbing loudly, in an unfamiliar part of Tokyo 3.

"Why can't I ever do anything right. All I ever do is piss people off; Asuka, Misato, my father. The closest family I have, and they all hate me." Shinji continued to cry quietly. I hate me.

Several minutes later, Shinji had stopped crying. He still felt like shit inside, but crying wasn't going to fix that. If Asuka and Misato hate me, I shouldn't force them to let me live with them. Maybe I can just get an apartment on my own, like Ayanami. "Ayanami?" Shinji said, looking up. "This is the neighborhood that Ayanami lives in. I could live here too." Assuming Ayanami can stand to be around me.

Shinji got up and brushed off his pants; he had been lying against the back of a dirty building. He began to walk the streets, glancing in at some of the shops. I sure am hungry. I never got to make breakfast. Shinji fished around in his pocket. Great, I ran off without any money. Shinji could only stare at the restaurants and food carts, wishing he had some money. Shinji continued wandering, without any particular destination in mind. Eventually, he found himself in front of Rei's apartment building.

I could go visit Ayanami; ask her if she would mind me living nearby. Ask her for some food. Maybe, she wouldn't mind. Keh, what am I thinking? She wouldn't want me visiting her. I should just go back to Misato's, see if they will take me in. Shinji's stomach gave a loud growl, deciding his course for him. He reluctantly climbed the stairs of Rei's apartment building; fearful of what the first child's reaction would be when he showed up on her doorstep.

Misato groaned and lay her head down on the table. What have I done? I know better than to yell at Shinji. Gah, stupid hangover! Misato popped open a beer and quickly drained it. The beer was quickly giving Misato her senses back.

"Oh Misato," Asuka said loudly, stepping into the kitchen. "If Shinji really does leave, can I have his room? Or maybe we can get Kaji to move in there; I know we would both love that" Asuka said, haughtily. Asuka had seen Misato assist her in attacking Shinji, and now assumed that Misato would continue to be in a mood against Shinji. Unfortunately for Asuka, Misato's mood had only been worsened by their combined attack on Shinji.

"God Damnit Asuka!" Misato yelled, slamming her empty beer can down on the table. "Why do you always have to be such a bitch to Shinji? You know he already has it rough, yet you insist on making his life hell. This is Shinji's home; he should feel safe here. He shouldn't have to worry about you blowing up on him every day! It's your fault Shinji left, so don't' walk around here with that insolent attitude anymore!" Misato was screaming by the end.

"I…I thought that you could understand!" Asuka yelled back; tears welling in her blue eyes. "I'm glad he left; I don't want that whiny brat back here. If he comes back, I'll leave." With that, Asuka ran into her room and slammed the door shut.

Misato sighed and looked down at her hand. "Ah?" She had crushed the empty beer can in her hand during her rage. Great guardian I'm turning out to be for those two. I helped Asuka be a bitch to Shinji, and then I yelled at Asuka for it. I really need to get these two under control. Misato looked down at her empty, crushed beer can. I really need to get more beer…

Asuka sat on her futon, pulling her legs up to her chest. Her good mood was most decidedly ruined at this point. "Stupid Misato," she whispered quietly. "Stupid drunk bitch. They can't know what it's like," she began to rock slowly on her heels. "Everyone always protects Shinji, like he's something special. I'm the better pilot." A cold heat began to rise in Asuka's voice. They only need to protect him because you're such a bitch to him. "What? I'm only a bitch to him because he takes it. He should stand up for himself, instead of laying his insecurities on other people." Because you never lay your insecurities on other people. You're not attacking Shinji because you're insecure; afraid that he will become better than you. "Damnit all, I am better than that stupid hentai." You're mad at him for being just like you; he pilots Eva for the same reasons you do. You are such a hypocrite. You drown your insecurities in your pride, and he's the one who can destroy your pride, so instead, you seek to destroy him. "NO! Damnit all," Asuka flung herself down on her futon, tears seeping from her eyes. "I hate me," she said quietly. "I hate me…I hate me… I hate me." Asuka fell asleep crying, repeating those words.

Shinji's hand paused over the first child's door. Don't run away, can't run away, just gotta knock once, see if she's home. Shinji's hand came down lightly on Rei's door. A moment later, the door opened to reveal Rei standing in the doorway.

"Pilot Ikari," Rei said quietly, in the same distant manner she always had. Her red eyes, however, revealed surprise.

"Uh, hi Ayanami. I was in the neighborhood, and I just though that I would stop by and say hi." Oh man, that sounds so lame. She's going to hate me for this. How am I supposed to explain to her that I got kicked out of Misato's? Well, I suppose I more ran away. Damnit, this all sucks. Rei just stared back at Shinji without saying anything. "Well then…I guess I'll just get going…back to, Misato's…" Shinji lowered his gaze down to his feet. I knew this was a dumb idea. Shinji turned to leave.

"Wait, Ikari," Rei said. "Is there, something else?" Why is he here? "Would you like to come in?" Rei stepped back from the doorway and raised her hand in a gesture of entry.

Shinji raised his eyes to stare at Rei for a moment. "Ok. Thank you." Shinji followed the blue haired girl into her apartment. She let me in. She's so nice. Shinji's stomach growled audibly, causing him to blush. "Is that miso soup on the table?" Shinji asked Rei. Rei only nodded. "Do you think I could have some? I did not get any breakfast this morning."

"I only made enough for myself, but if you like, I can make some more." Why would Shinji leave without eating? Why is he even here?

"That'd be great!" Shinji said, excited at the prospect of food. "If you do not mind, of course," he said, remembering his manners. She invites me in, and I take her food. I'm so brash. Rei just nodded and began to make more soup.

Several minutes later, both the teens were seated at Rei's small kitchen table. "Ikari, is there some other reason you left Major Katsuragi's apartment?" Rei asked, sipping at her soup.

Shinji looked up from his soup, which he had been hungrily devouring. Shit, she can see right through me, can't she? "Well, I don't really get along that well with Asuka, and she was upset with me this morning, so I decided that I would get some fresh air and leave her alone.

"I see," Rei said quietly. She stared down at her soup for a moment. "So, pilot Soyru was bothering you, so you left?" It is not like Ikari to get upset with people. "I thought that Major Katsuragi is supposed to control pilot Soyru."

"No, it's not like that," Shinji said quickly. "Asuka was…it wasn't my fault that she got angry. Well, it was, but it was stupid. And Misato…Misato…she helped." Shinji hung his head.

"Major Katsuragi does not make the best guardian." Asuka is always like that, but why would the Major treat Ikari the same way.

"They're right," Shinji said quietly. "They're both right. I'm just worthless; I can't stand up for myself. They shouldn't have to live with me."

"Ikari…what happened?" It is not my place to ask, but it is…disturbing me, seeing Ikari like this. He's so angry at himself.

"It's all stupid!" Shinji shouted, slamming his fists on the table. The soup bowls rattled loudly. "I went to wake Asuka up, to ask her what she wanted for breakfast. I poked her…well, you know. She wasn't too happy about it. She started screaming at me, typical Asuka." I went and hid in my room; typical Shinji. "She kept yelling, and then Misato came out." Shinji's voice became harder; tears welled in his eyes. "Asuka's always a bitch to me, but this time Misato yelled at me too. She told me that I piss everybody off. I couldn't take it. I ran away." Shinji stood up suddenly, tears flowing openly from his eyes. "They're right. I don't take responsibility for my actions, I apologize for everything, I never stand up for myself." Shinji stared at his shoes; more tears coming.

Rei slowly stood up from her chair. He is distressed. This makes me feel…strange. I do not like it when he is distressed? Is that what I am feeling? Does this mean I……care for him? Rei walked slowly towards Shinji. "I do not agree with what Soyru says. I think that they are wrong."

Shinji threw his arms around Rei in a tight embrace and began crying harder. "Thank you, Rei," he sobbed.

Rei put her arms around Shinji's back, returning the hug. Why did I say that. Why did I hug him? Why do I feel this way? I care about him? Is that what this is? Does this mean that I love him? Or does he feel love for me?

Shinji continued to cry for several minutes. Finally when he was done, he lifted his head from Rei's shoulder and looked into her crimson orbs, and smiled. "Thank you, Rei."

Rei's eyes locked on Shinji's. Though her face rarely displayed emotion, it now showed a hint of confusion. Why is he staring at me that way? I did not really do anything. His eyes. Why does he keep looking at me that way. He expects me to say something. "You are welcome, Ikari."

Shinji's smile grew larger. "You can call me Shinji," he told her, their eyes still locked.

"Ok…Shinji." Shinji tightened his embrace around Rei. He broke it a moment later when the Angel alert klaxon sounded.