A/N: Hey, those of you who are reading my story! This isn't actually mine, it's a remake. Although, it isn't exactly like the original, I changed a lot of things.So don't think it's mine, cause it's actually not. Just wanted to clear things up. So basically, the plot is still the same.And also, all credit goes to Super Ceech, the original author for this awesome fic!
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, I don't own Inuyasha, I don't even own Sailor Moon, but I do own one thing...well, even I don't know yet!
Summary: Sakura and Hinata are love strucked women forcing Naruto to choose between them. Bad guys and good guys alike try to help a guy out. But what do they get out of this?
Genre: Humor
Casting: Naruto, Sakura, Hinata, Neji, Sasuke, Lee, Konohamaru, Itachi,Orochimaru, Kabuto, Kisame, Ino, Haku, Kakashi, and last but not least, ALL OF KONOHA!
Choose Your Lover!
By Shanghai Honey
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Naruto paced himself around the fields. It was a day full of green grass and blue skies. It looked as if everything and everyone was in a good mood. But it was the exact opposite.Hinata stood by his left.
Sakura stood by his right.
"So, are you going to choose or what?" asked Sakura holding her kunai in a tight, firm grip. (Who really knows why)
"N-Naruto-kun." Hinata whispered in her shy, usual voice. She wore a big t-shirt with Naruto's huge head printed in the front.
Naruto's face paled. There were many pros and cons to this list, but he just couldn't seem to think. Ok, going nice and slow. Pro Hinata: If he chose Hinata, there's a chance she'll do anything he says, that includes paying for his ramen bill. Con Hinata: She's way too obssesive. I mean what's with the T-shirt? It was bad enough that the picture she took was of him sneezing, but did she really have to print it on a shirt where everyone can see it?
Then he thought about Sakura. Pro Sakura: She's pretty, smart, and has finally gotten over her obsession with Sasuke. He can do a lot of good with Sakura. Getting free ramen, free samples of new flavored ramen, free instant ramen, he could do a lot! All she has to do is flash her humongous boobs at people and he'll get anything! Con Sakura: Although if he doesn't choose her, there's an eighty percent chance he'll die before ever becoming Hokage.
He just couldn't risk that.
"Okay, I choose Saku-"
"B-But I love you!" Hinata perked up andpractically threw herself on Naruto, giving him the puppy eyes he always fell for.
Naruto's facial expressions softened. "Oh, okay then. I choose Hina-"
"But I love you too!" Sakura reminded him, tossing the old kunai aside and pulling out an even biggerone, stabbing a poor helpless tree.
Naruto gulped with fear. "Yeah, but-"
"I.SAID.I.LOVE.YOU!" she screeched and continued to frantically stab that poor tree to no end.
This whole thing was driving the blond man nuts. So he finally stopped thinking and began to talk. "Wait a minute! Wait a minute!" he drove the two girls to silence. "I was doing just fine when I was eating a healthy, yes I said HEALTHY, bowl of ramen. And suddenly, I get pulled away by you crazy broads-"
Sakura and Hinata threw him a dirty look.
"Er...beautiful women...?" he chose his words carefully.
"Fine," said Sakura as she slowly put her kunai away. "Go ahead and eat. I'll give you all the time you want." she told him.
Naruto raised an eyebrow. She's definitely getting a point for that.
Naruto nodded his head and sat quietly. "Thank you." he pulled out his bowl of ramen and began to eat.
A few seconds passed and unfortunately, he was interrupted again.
"Ok, that's enough, now who do you choose!" Sakura retorted.
"But I just started-"
"I don't care." she said in a deadly hiss.
Naruto gulped. She's definitely getting a point deducted with that attitude.
"I...just can't choose right now." he honestly replied.
"I can help you with that." a voice from behind suddenly spoke. Out into the shadows appeared Neji! Hinata's cousin, full of vengeance.
Naruto tapped his foot on the ground. "Well? Come on! I have two girls who are about to skin me to death!" he hid cowardly behind a tree.
"Its obvious you should choose Hinata." he said.
Hinata turned to face her seemingly evil, yet pretty cute cousin. "Neji-nii-san, I always thought you hated me."
"Duh. The only reason I want you to date Naruto is so you can finally get out of my face." he scoffed.
"But I'm never in your face." she replied.
Neji paused.
The green hills were quiet. "I just hate you, okay?"
"Well I think Sakura should be with Naruto!" Ino's voice echoed through everyone's sensitive ears. "Naruto, remember that free ramen? REMEMBER!" she shouted furiously.
"Yeah, yeah. Just stop yelling!" Naruto covered his ears, along with everyone else.
"Naruto you idiot. If you had a brain, you'd go with Hinata. She's much nicer and...er...she has a lot to offer." Sasuke appeared, hiding himself behind Neji to avoid Ino's obsessive ways.
Neji moved away, causing Ino to jump him.
"Damn you." Sasuke hissed. Neji shrugged.
"Really?" asked Naruto. "What does she have to offer?"
Sasuke really thought hard about this, but honestly? He had nothing. "She just has a lot, okay?" Besides, Sasuke's crush on Sakura developed through the years and he really didn't want to lose her to the dobe.
"Yeah, Naruto! Listen to Sasuke. He may be gay looking, but he knows what he's talking about!" Konohamaru jumped out of the bushes, making it look like he was spying on their conversation the whole time. "Hinata's nice, and Sakura's an ugly bitch!"
Sakura growled in Konohamaru's direction and an evil aura formed around her body. She stood next to a ten foot boulder and demolished it with her fists. "You're next." she said in a deadly hiss.
"She's ugly AND mean!" he cried.
"I-I...just...don't know!" Naruto yelled, looking back and forth between Hinata's innocent face and Sakura's sexy pout.
"Than I will help you." the clouds turned grey.
Everything was dark, the green grass suddenly turned brown, the air reeked with evil, and loud thunder struck Konohamaru.
"Ouch." he replied burnt from head to toe.
Everyone gasped.
"It's Orochimaru and his sidekick, Kabuto!" they screeched.
Kabuto crossed his arms. "I'm not a sidekick. We're not Batman and Robin, you know." he scoffed.
"Well, of course not. You two are the bad guys, Joker and...er...whoever his sidekick was." said Naruto.
"Anyways," Orochimaru casted a glare towards Naruto. "you should choose Sakura."
Everyone was confounded by his reply.
"She has big breast and everybody loves that, blah, blah, blah." he made gestures with his hands. "Choose Sakura, cause she's obviously the better choice." He held up a campaign sign that read,
VOTE FOR SAKURA
"Why?" Naruto asked.
Orochimaru face suddenly twisted.. "I just told you, you idiot."
"Yes, but I think he wants to know the REAL reason." Kabuto whispered.
Orochimaru glared down at the boy. "If you must know, once you and Sakura are together, Sasuke won't have any reason to chase after that woman and I could finally take over his body!" he laughed.
Ino and Sakura gasped, looking directly at Sasuke. "What?" he shrugged.
"You like Sakura?" Ino gasped a second time.
"Uh, yeeeah. Why else would I want Hinata to end up with Naruto." he laughed along with Neji and some other anonymous people who showed up just to see who will be with Naruto.
Ino cried. "ALL LIES!" she clung herself to Sasuke.
"I change my mind." Sasuke tried to pull her off. "Naruto, do me the favor and end up with her." he pointed at Ino.
"She's not even one of the choices!" Naruto said.
"I don't care, get her off my back!"
Ino cried some more. "LIES, EVERYONE IS LYING TO ME!"
"Naruto, who do you choose?" Sakura said once and for all.
"N-Naruto?" Hinata stammered.
Sakura glared at Hinata and Hinata at Sakura.
"Oh, why don't you just shut up, stutters." Sakura replied
"Go to hell, pinky." Hinata hissed.
Everyone gasped. No one has ever heard Hinata in such an agressive manner. "You should definitely pick Hinata, in the name of youth!" a green blur ran up the hills and laid a hand on Hinata's shoulder. "She has short hair, nice white eyes, and her hair is purple! Youthfully unusual." he flashed his abnormal white teeth and did a thumbs up.
"Who the hell cares! Sakura's hair is unusually PINK!" Kabuto shouted. Orochimaru patted his back.
"Good one, good one." he whispered.
"Oh, shut up, Lee. You just want Hinata to be with Naruto so you can be with Sakura." almost everyone knew this as a fact.
"Not true!" Lee replied. The entire hill of people shook their heads in silence. Pathetic, pathetic, green boy. Will he ever admit it. "Ok, it's true." his head dropped.
"STOP!" Sakura stood between the guys who wanted Hinata to end up with Naruto and the guys who wanted Sakura to end up with Naruto. "This is none of your business. Why are you even here? This is a private discussion between me, Naruto, and the girl no one pays attention to! Get out of here!"
"NO! NO! Don't go, help a guy out!" Naruto fell to his knees and begged.
Sakura glared down at the pathetic boy. "Shut up, Naruto. You don't get a say in this."
There goes another point for Sakura.
"If you want to know my opinion, I think you should choose Sakura." some guy with long hair stated.
"Now that guy can stay." Sakura smirked.
Everyone turned to face him and gasped. "HAKU!" they cried, well, the people who knew him. That basically meant, Sakura, Naruto and Sasuke.
"B-But, you're dead." Naruto pointed a shaky finger at him. "I even burried you!"
Haku glowered at him. "Yeah, don't ever do that again."
"I saw you die!" Sakura replied.
Haku's glare hardened. "Sure. And by the way, when you think someone is dead, make sure he's ACTUALLY dead before you decide to burry him!" he cried.
"Okay, but why Sakura?" Naruto asked.
"Yeah, why not me?" Hinata asked.
Haku shrugged. "How am I supposed to know. I just came here to make sure Naruto doesn't choose the wrong girl."
"You came all the way from the Wave Country, just to make sure Naruto doesn't choose the wrong girl?" Sasuke asked, it was sort of hard to believe.
"Got a problem with that, pretty boy?"
"Pretty boy? You're the one who looks like a girl!" Sasuke shouted in defense.
"Moving on." said Sakura. "Why are all the bad guys on my side?"
Everyone's minds drifted towards that very question. Why are all the bad guys on Sakura's side?
"Duh, we all have one thing in common.We want Sasuke." Orochimaru laughed along with his fellow sidekick.
"Er...not me." Haku muttered.
Everyone ignored him.
"And like I said before, if Naruto chooses you, Sasuke won't have a life and come back to me." Orochimaru replied with a smirk on his face.
"You have no idea how wrong you are." Sasuke muttered.
And just when you thought things were almost half way over, it was just the beginning! Itachi and his Akatsuki friends appeared out of thin air and fell to Sakura's side.
Sasuke gasped. "Itachi!" he cried. "My older, evil brother has finally come to fight me!" he stood firmly on the ground, forming a fighting stance.
Itachi quirked an eyebrow. "Uh, nooo. I came to make sure Naruto chooses Sakura."
"What the hell...," Sasuke stood up.
Itachi finally explained himself. "I figured all the bad guys were meeting here to have a discussion about the Akatsuki uniforms. I really don't want to go walking around with flowers on my coat everywhere I go! That's embarrassing. But unfortunately, the meeting came to this." he said pointed to Naruto, Sakura and Hinata.
"Okay, I still don't understand you at all." That, everyone can agree on. "But why do you choose Sakura?" asked Itachi's little brother, Sasuke.
Itachi shrugged. "All of the other bad guys were doing it, I JUST WANT TO BE POPULAR!" he cried a river.
Everyone looked at him pathetically. Including Sasuke,who lost ALL respect for him.
Kisame eyed him uneasily and spoke on behalf of Itachi, who was in a really sensitive mood right now. "Uh, he REALLY is an evil guy. Just because he's crying doesn't make him a sissy."
"Does in my book." Sasuke chuckled, along with everyone else.
Everyone, from bad guy, to good guy, all argued. Naruto should be with Sakura! Naruto should be Hinata! Everyone wanted Naruto to end up with SOMEBODY so they can just go home!
"Everyone, shut up!" Sakura shouted.
Soft features took over her face, and Naruto was obligated to listen.
"Naruto," she said in a gentle voice. "It doesn't matter who you pick." she told him in a reassuring voice. "Just follow your heart." she pointed at his chest.
Moved by her words, Naruto smiled and nodded his head. "Alright. Then I choose...,"
Everyone leaned closer to hear his answer
"Hinata!" he flashed a grin.
Sakura's eyes flared. "I said follow your freakin' heart, not choose HINATA!" she pulled out her kunai and chased Naruto around with it.
Suddenly, a huge black figure came falling from the sky. It was no other than Kakashi, the coolest guy in the series, with the perverted orange book!
HesmashedHinata into the ground with his butt. And suddenly, everyone was still.
Everyone's mouth gaped wide open and looked at Hinata and back to Kakashi.
"He killed Hinata!" Kiba pointed a shaky finger at Kakashi.
Kakashi looked down and scratched his head. "Er...," he laughed nervously. "Oops."
"Where the hell did you come from?.!" shouted Naruto.
Kakashi looked up into the sky. "I was in heaven. It was beautiful, the angels sang Justing Timberlake songs and the devil looked up with jealousy because God didn't invite him to into the singing contest-"
"LIAR!" the all pointed at him.
Kakashi shrugged. "I swear I'm telling the truth-"
He was interrupted by a low, deep growl coming from Sakura.
"Or I was spying up on a tree, that is,until a stupid bird kept pecking my eyes out."
That sounds about right.
"Well, Kakashi. Who would you choose if you were in my situation?" asked Naruto.
Kakashi looked down for a few seconds, and back up to stare into Naruto's blue eyes. "Well, since Hinata's dead, I guess it would be appropriate to date Sakura-"
"YAY!" the bad guys did the wave.
"NO!" the good guys fell to their knees and cried.
"Wait! Hinata's NOT dead!" shouted Neji.
Sasuke stood behind Hinata and lifted her up. He moved her arms around indicating that she was still alive. Or was she? "U-Uh, hey, it's me, Hinata. I love you Naruto." Sasuke tried his best to imitate her girly, stuttering voice. He failed miserably.
"Oh, please." everyone rolled their eyes.
"H-Hinata?" Naruto's eyes gulged out. "YOU'RE ALIVE!"
"Wow, even I'm not that stupid." muttered Ino.
Hinata's eyes fluttered open. "W-Where am I?"
"Wow, Sasuke's really good. I mean,exposing Hinata's eyes without even touching it? That's talent." said Shikamaru.
"That's exactly why I want him." Orochimaru licked his lips.
Everyone was like, "Ewww."
Sasuke was like, "Oh, sick! sick!"
Kakashi was like, "I gotta lose weight."
"W-What happened?" hmm...maybe she is alive?
"Whoa, I thought Kakashi's butt would've killed her already!" Kisame groaned.
The bad guys stared at Kakashi's butt and glared holes in it. "Curse you."
"Well, since Hinata's still alive. Then I choose her!"
Tables turned: The bad guysfell to their knees and cried. The good guys did the wave.
Hinata jumped up with victory, and Sasuke inwardly busted a move.
Sakura gave Naruto a two second head start, and after one second, she started chasing him again. And this time, with a sharper kunai.
"Atleast you get to be with Sasuke!" he cried.
"Sure, but that doesn't mean I can't kill you!" she shouted.
All the bad guys groaned with a humiliating defeat and went their seperate ways.The good guys celebrated with booze and threw a party!
And so in conclusion, Sakura ended up with Sasuke, the bad guys lose, the good guys win, Naruto chose Hinata, Kakashi needs to loosesome weight,and Haku is NOT dead.
The End