A crow cawed restlessly from within the carpark. In the graveyard, a hand shot through long-buried earth, the body behind it forcing its way out of the ground, clawing out of its grave giving into its one desire; warm flesh.

Some hundred yards away, a blue-haired man shuffled sleepily down the corridors of Kong Studios, idly scratching his pajama-clad crotch, non-chalantly whistling a tune to himself.

Yes, it was a regular, wee-hours-of-the-morning scene here at the home of the Gorillaz.

2D stumbled dazedly into the kitchen, glazed, drunken eyes scanning the fridge for his remaining beer.

Pull.

Pop.

Click.

-fizzle-

Glug, glug.

Ahhhhhhh...

Sweet nectar of the gods, creator of accidental babies, maker of embarrassing stains on good clothing. Oh alcohol, how we adore thee. Our hero gave his pajama pocket a pat, gently telling the large white hydro tablets that he adored them too.

2D wasn't a hard person to please. Give him a warm blanket, a cold beer, a pack of ciggys and bit of a naughty mag and he could be set for the evening. Of course, a real woman and some tunes drifting through the background would do just as well.

2D smiled stupidly, turned around, and headed out of the kitchen, happily humming on his way to the elevator to go downstairs and play a bit of pong before turning in for the night.

Well, that was the plan, initially, anyway.

The singer was curious by nature, and rarely stopped to think out the consequences of his inquisitiveness. And so it goes that upon hearing a soft melody drift in one ear, through his brain, and out the other ear, he paused to take notice.

He wobbled as he closed his eyes, using his nearly super-human musical knowledge to pinpoint the exact location of the soft, yet pumping beat he heard floating on the air. He turned back towards the kitchen, and looked to the room on his right, where he knew the music originated.

'Hmmm... wot's Noodle-girl up to this late at night?' 2D scratched his head, shrugged his shoulders, and allowed curiosity to shit all over the cat. He walked slowly towards her room, sidestepping the dust-covered Big Wheel that no one had bothered to move for the past three years.

Best not to enter her room directly; she never failed to throw things at unwanted guests, even if she did have a special zen bond with them. The seventeen-year-old guitarist was very protective of her room... Admittedly, with good reason, considering her housemates.

One Stuart Tusspot found himself kneeling in front of the Asian girl's door, pressing his ear up against it to better hear what exactly was going on inside. He could hear the song playing, a fast-paced, hip-hop oriented beat with a bit of a techno background. Had a lilting, repetitive violin in the background, and no vocals to be heard.

Well, unless one counted the soft moans coming in and out at odd points in the song. And the odd gasp here and there. And the gentle wimpers of -

'Jesus! There's someone in there with Noodle!'

The creak of rusty gears turning could be heard far away in space.

2D knelt, shell-shocked, in front of the door to Noodle's room. He was blank for a moment, but very quickly, a white-hot flash of anger flooded through every living cell within the blue-haired singer.

Some little shit was about to get his dick ripped off. Nobody was allowed to corrupt Noodle.

Well, at least not until she was forty or so.

Calming himself a fraction, 2D weighed his options. He could bust up in there and let loose on whoever was in there -touching- his little Noodle, but thought that perhaps this was not the best course of action, as he was not exactly the strongest guy, had left his switchblade in his pants pocket, and was more than slightly inebriated.

He would get his ass kicked.

Option two was to alert the other band members. However, Murdoc was not yet home, and no one dared try and wake the living dead that was Russel Hobbs in hybernation mode.

Option three... hmmm. What the fuck was option three?

2D raised one eyebrow, pondering this thought, when the lightbulb above his head flickered, died for a bit, then came back to life.

He could always spy, see who the bastard was, and take care of it tomorrow! After all, he was rather tired, and perhaps it wasn't right to just outright embarrass Noodle by making some huge scene at four in the morning.

As quickly as one whose vision was in an alcohol and pain-killer induced haze could manage, 2D cautiously plucked out bits of cotton she'd used to block a hole made in her door one night by Mike the monkey when Murdoc had insisted it would be a bloody fantastic idea to get said primate shit-faced.

Noodle had been really pissed. Murdoc hadn't so much as looked at the monkey since she had had her little 'talk' with the Satanist.

After all, even sweet, innocent Asian girls have their limits.

Wincing as the soft material scratched against the balsa wood and plaster door, 2D held his breath and tugged a bit harder, freeing the material from the hole. Bracing himself, he bent down, opening one black eye to peer into the girl's room.

And damn, the curious cat just really got his shit ruined.

2D picked his jaw up off the floor, unable to tear his gaze away from the forbidden sight in front of him. Noodle wasn't with anyone, or if someone was there, 2D sure as hell couldn't see them.

Instead, he saw what he considered to be possibly the most glorious scene he'd ever witnessed.

There, facing the door, legs spread, completely naked, sat Noodle. Her eyes were hooded and glazed, cheeks tinged pink, lips spread apart as another soft cry escaped her pouting mouth. Her back arched, and her breasts stuck out, soft and supple, her nipples hard and proudly straining against the chill of her room.

Down past a flat, olive-skinned stomach, her own hand stroked the place that 2D always tried to forget belonged to Noodle.

She was masturbating.

'Oh God, I should leave... I'm almost twice her age, for Chrissake! I'm a bloody ol' pervert... Fuck me...'

Yet despite his disgust with himself, this particular man could not wrench himself away from that door.

His eyes devoured her as she stroked herself, her other hand coming up to play with a breast, licking her fingers before circling them around her nipple, tugging at the little bud, eliciting another moan from herself. Two fingers pumped in and out of her as her thumb brushed against her clit.

Her head lulled to the side as she increased her pace, her hips bucking upwards to meet her hand. She bit her lip in an effort to quiet her cries, eyes shutting tightly as she concentrated toward her goal.

He could see her upper thighs glisten with her wetness under the light.

Shit.

Shit, shit, shit.

She threw her head back in ecstacy, body tensing, quivering as she came.

2D's mouth went dry. And damn, it suddenly was so fucking hot, and shit if his pajamas weren't suffocating him. He watched her collapse back onto her bed, panting softly, before he shoved the cotton back in the hole, and got up quickly to go to his room, finish his beer, take another pill, a cold shower, and subsequently pretend he dreamt the whole situation.

Once again, however, it seemed that 2D's plans were not to come to fruition on this particular eve.

With an obnoxiously loud crash, one drunk-ass, blue-haired singer found himself kissing the ground while his legs got raped by the damn Big Wheel.

He could have sworn he heard the crash and his own loud "BLOODY FUCKING HELL!" echo somewhere around twelve times within the corridor.

He couldn't have made more noise if he'd tried.

On the other side of the door, a teenaged Asian girl nearly jumped out of her skin at the loud explative. Nervously, she rushed to her closet and grabbed her silk bathrobe, haphazardly securing the belt before wondering, 'What in the hell...?'

She worried briefly that the person outside had... heard... her in her every-once-in-a-while habit, but quickly dismissed that thought. That's what the music was for, after all. And her door was locked. She was safe.

Turning the door handle and hearing the lock click out of place, Noodle quietly pushed the door open.

'Aw, shit...' 2D realized three things in quick succession. One, the floor tasted like ass. Two, his beer was all over him and the floor. Three, the lock on Noodle's door just clicked.

Make that four things. He was sporting an erection that could be potentially incriminating.

Noodle stepped out into the hallway, blinked four times, and then raised both eyebrows at the rather disoriented man.

"Erm... 'ello love! Wot... uhmm... heh, that is," he was cut short by a hiccup... sodding things! "Wot 're you doin' up s'late?"

'...Aside from playing with yourself, you naughty thing you.' 2D gave himself a quick mental slap, and quickly gave Noodle a goofy smile, trying his best to arrange himself in such a way to hide his little friend, who was straining to wave at the girl before him through his pants.

Noodle giggled at 2D, who was hopelessly entangled with her old Big Wheel, covered in beer, and obviously off in lala land.

"2D-san, it's four in the morning, I was sleeping when I heard a crash. I just came out to investigate." She chuckled once more at the bewildered singer, her heart fluttering at his adorable lost-puppy look.

"Yes, well, uhm, y'see I wos in the kitchen fetchin me last fizzy, and I seemed to have come out and made a bit of a mess with this little bitch in the hallway... Thanks, Noodle-girl." She'd reached out her hand to help him up yanking him up when he placed his hand in hers.

His face exploded crimson red when he noticed her hand was still a bit damp.

She looked at him quizically.

"Are you okay, 2D-san? You look a bit hot." She pressed the back of her other hand against his forehead.

"I'm awright, really! Just a little warm from the alcohol s'all..." He backed away quickly, suddenly very aware of how near she was and how moments ago, he'd seen her spread out before him, touching places he'd told himself were out of bounds to him.

And damn, she was beautiful.

Emerald eyes looked at him speculatively, a light blush gracing her cheeks as she wondered at his reaction. 'He couldn't know what I was doing... but why is he acting like my presence disgusts him?'

"Well, if you're sure you're okay, 2D..." She gave a small yawn. "I'm going back to bed. I'll help you get this mess up in the morning."

2D flinched as the young guitarist stepped near him and wrapped her arms around his waist and gave him a light squeeze. He did his best to keep his groin area as far away from her as possible, resulting in the awkward monstrosity known as the ass-out hug. Not wanting to be too obvious, though all too conscious of the feel of her breasts on his bare chest seperated only by a thin layer of silk, he returned the hug and quickly released her, muttering a soft, "G'night, Noodle girl."

When she turned around and gently closed her door, 2D hauled ass back to his bedroom, popped a pill, took one of the coldest showers he could, and all-around failed miserably at getting rid of his raging hard-on. Stepping out of the shower, he looked at the three of himself he saw staring back at him from the mirrors on his wall, and pointed an accusatory finger at each of them.

"You drunken ol' fart! You bloody pervy git! You listen t'me, you stay the 'ell away from 'er! You don't deserve 'er an' even if ya did, which, well, ya don't, she's too damn young for you!"

Blink.

Turn.

Stumble.

Stumble stumble.

Bed.

Collapse.

Scratch crotch.

... Scratch crotch again.

'I gotta fix this...'

A/N: seems as if Noodle isn't the only one doing some… erm… self-assessment here. This isn't going to be a supersweet story, but I figure that a bit of humor, sexual tension, and angst is due somewhere other than the Muds/2D fandom. And damn there's a lack of decent het fics over here in the 'rillaz section. So I figured I'd give it a shot. Next post up fairly soon…. Enjoy.