FRIDAY AFTERNOON
25 MAY 2001
USS PATRICK HENRY
APPROX. 500 MILES ESE OF NORFOLK, VIRGINIA

"Way to go, Hammer," Skates said enthusiastically as she stepped out onto the observation deck. Harm was standing at the railing, leaning forward, clasping his hands around the top rail, staring out over the churning ocean below. "I guess you showed Paddles. Word is that even the skipper is impressed." She laughed, remembering how Harm had butted heads with Captain Ingles more than once during her court-martial. Fortunately, it appeared that he acknowledged the fact that Harm had simply been doing his job back then.

"I guess," he replied noncommittally, not even bothering to glance back at her. "But maybe Paddles was right. Maybe I wasn't paying attention as closely as I should have been on the first landing attempt." He knew that he could probably excuse his botched first attempt as a mistake anyone could have made. Even the best pilot in the world couldn't land perfectly every time. But he couldn't get past the fact that he had way too much on his mind, things that may have distracted him, slowing his reaction time.

He wondered what she was doing right at this moment. Glancing at his watch, he figured that her wedding rehearsal was just getting ready to start, assuming that she hadn't made the decision yet whether or not to call the entire thing off. He doubted that. If she'd done so, wouldn't she contact him to let him know whether or not she'd made her decision in his favor? Would she really leave him hanging like that after everything? But now, nearly thirty-six hours after he'd left her at the airfield in Norfolk, he hadn't heard a word from her. He'd thought about calling her, more times than he cared to count, but he didn't want it to appear as if he was pressuring her for a decision. He knew that he should start preparing himself for the probability that she'd decided to go through with the wedding after all, but he wasn't ready to do so. At this point, he was wishing that he hadn't made that damn promise to return in time to attend the wedding. He wasn't sure anymore if he could make himself live with the torture of watching her pledge herself to another man. It would probably be the hardest thing he'd ever have to do, probably topped only by saying goodbye to his father, but he'd promised.

Skates joined him at the railing, noting that his gaze didn't seem to be focused on anything in particular, but seemed distant, lost. Was he really that bothered by the first attempt, she wondered, when he'd pulled up for another go around just as he'd touched the deck, having been waved off by Paddles? In her opinion, a lesser pilot might not have been able to pull up in time, with possibly disastrous results. But Harm had been able to lift off again and come around for another attempt. Surely, he had to be aware of the skill that had taken.

Everyone knew Paddles had been giving Harm a hard time just because he was no longer an active pilot. But he'd nailed the next four attempts and even Captain Ingles was reported to have been impressed with the textbook-perfect landings. She'd overheard the ship's navigation officer, who had been standing near the Captain on the bridge as Harm had made his last four landings, telling Captain Pike about Ingles' reaction on her way to the officers' mess to grab a bite to eat after their final landing. Despite the way Harm had gone after Ingles during her court-martial, a good number of people on the Patrick Henry remembered further back than that, to Harm's days as an active pilot aboard the ship, remembered the way he'd pushed Tuna's Tomcat out of Kosovar air space so that the latter could safely eject over the water. There had been a lot of people rooting for him out there today.

"It could have happened to anyone," she tried to assure him. "Even Paddles would have to admit that now after those last four landings." Glancing at him again, she sensed that he wasn't in the mood to talk about the quals, so she changed the subject. "So when are you planning to head back to Washington?"

"In a few hours," he replied. "I'm going to ferry a Tomcat to Norfolk then drive on to Washington tonight from there. I've got to be back in Washington tomorrow morning for …. a wedding."

"Oh, really?" Skates said, not noticing the hesitation in his voice. The topic of weddings was of particular interest to her as she was deep into planning her own, scheduled for the end of June. "Who's getting married?"

"My best friend," he forced himself to reply. "Um, Mac's getting married."

"I didn't know Colonel Mackenzie was getting married," she said. Despite the fact that it had been Mac who had prosecuted her, Skates didn't hold it against the other woman, who had so graciously congratulated her after her verdict. "Tell her I said congratulations."

After a moment, he said dully, "I'll do that. So I guess it is back onto the LSO platform for you after this?"

"Actually, I was going to head for Washington myself tomorrow for a few days leave, leaving on the morning cod," she said, her voice betraying her excitement. "But if you don't mind the company, I'd be happy to fly back with you. My guy and I are going to work on our own wedding plans."

Harm turned and looked at her, attempting to appear happy for her. But weddings were too painful a subject right now and a neutral expression was the best he could manage. "I didn't know you were getting married," he said. "Is this the same guy you were seeing two years ago, the one who worked in SecNav's office?"

She nodded. "Except that he's now heading the public affairs office at Washington Naval Yard," she told him. "He was actually happy to get the chance to slow down. Working for the SecNav doesn't exactly leave a lot of time to plan a wedding, especially since he's been stuck doing most of it while I've been out here. About the only significant contribution I've made other than agreeing with the arrangements he's made has been to purchase our wedding rings while the ship was docked for liberty two months ago in Spain." She laughed, remembering the conversation she'd had with her fiancé the day she'd first seen the rings at a bazaar, joking that maybe there was something she could contribute to the wedding aside from her presence.

"Anyway," she continue, "I think he mailed out invitations this past week, so you can probably look to have yours when you get back home."

"I look forward to it," he said, not quite lying. Maybe it would be a relief to attend a wedding that he didn't have a major personal stake in, where his only participation would be as a casual observer. He turned away from her to look back towards the horizon. In his mind, he could see Mac walking slowly down the aisle at the rehearsal, her arm hooked around the Admiral's. She would look beautiful, even if it was just the rehearsal and she wasn't wearing her wedding dress. He shook his head, trying to rid himself of the image, but he could see her coming to a stop in front of the altar, smiling brightly at the man waiting for her. He imagined the Admiral releasing her arm and leaning forward to whisper, "Take good care of her, Commander."

Wait a minute. He closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. Why would the Admiral be calling Brumby 'Commander'? He'd been a civilian for a year now. He couldn't recall the last time he'd heard anyone refer to the Australian by his rank. In fact, the first few months he'd been back in the US, he'd told more than one person that he didn't need to be called 'Commander' or 'Sir' anymore. As far as he knew from Bud – not that he really cared, he told himself - the man was even planning on wearing a regular tuxedo to the wedding, not his uniform. Shaking his head again, he became aware of Skates calling his name.

"Hammer, you okay?" he became aware of her asking.

"It's nothing," he lied. That was easier than he thought it would be, pretending that everything was just fine. Maybe someday it would be second nature.

"Are you sure?" she continued.

"Positive," he replied, his voice so quiet that she barely heard him. "There's nothing I can do about it anyway, so I may as well put what I was thinking out of my mind."

Skates opened her mouth to say more, but closed it again when she saw the look on his face, the one that said he definitely did not want to talk about whatever was bothering him, the same one that said that whatever it was, it was bringing the weight of the world down upon his shoulders. Maybe it was a good time to remember that he was not just a friend, but also a superior officer, and back off. "Sir, about that ride …." she began, changing subjects.

"Oh, right," he said after a moment, as if he had to try to remember what she was talking about. "It would be a pleasure to fly back to Norfolk with you. I've got my car at the base, so I can even give you a ride to Washington if you'd like."

'Thank you, Hammer," she said. "I'd appreciate that." She turned to leave, but stopped herself. "I hope that whatever it is, it ends up working out for you." When he didn't acknowledge the statement after a moment, she left him alone on the deck.

Only after he heard the door close behind her did he whisper in response, "I think we may have gone beyond that point already." He didn't want to think about it, but knew he had to. Maybe he'd been wrong, maybe their night together hadn't meant as much to her as it had to him. Maybe it wasn't anything different than what she was used to experiencing nearly every night with Brumby. He didn't want to think about that, about her trembling under the other man's touch, about her breathy voice pleading for more from someone else. He wanted to close his eyes and pretend that she'd reacted to him as she'd reacted to no other man before. There was a part of him that wished he could have felt sorry about wanting another man's woman so that their night together might have never happened. Then he wouldn't know what he would be missing, what she would be giving to Brumby for the rest of their lives.

-----

SAME TIME
CATHEDRAL OF ST. MATTHEW THE APOSTLE
WASHINGTON DC

Mac stood at the back of the church, her eyes darting nervously around the sanctuary, standing slightly away from Harriet, Chloe and the Admiral, waiting for the rehearsal to start. Mic was up front, talking to the head chaplain from Washington Naval Yard, who was officiating at the ceremony with special permission from the cathedral.

How had she let Mic talk her into holding their wedding at the cathedral of the Archdiocese of Washington? At least she'd been able to talk him into using one of the side chapels, rather than the cavernous main sanctuary, protesting that all their guests would barely fill the first two rows of pews in there. It had been a compromise, just one of many made during the course of planning this wedding, yet she felt somehow that he'd gotten the better end of the deal in most of them. At the time, she'd convinced herself that it was only fair, since she'd ended up dumping many of the preparations into his lap as she'd frequently been tied up with work. Now, there was a part of her that wondered what the wedding would have ended up being like were she marrying Harm.

She imagined that he would like to be married at the Naval Academy chapel. Not because it was the so-called Cathedral of the Navy and he would want to make some kind of statement by marrying amidst such splendor, but because his parents had been married there, nearly forty years ago just after Harm, Sr. had graduated. It would be because of family history, not because he wanted to have the perfect wedding to match his perfect wife.

She didn't feel very perfect. In fact, she didn't feel she deserved to be married in the premiere Catholic church in the District and that wasn't only because of what had happened with Harm. Although her first marriage had been performed by a justice of the peace while she'd been dressed in a t-shirt and jeans, she felt she'd made too many mistakes in the interim to deserve a huge, splashy second wedding with all the trimmings. She'd wanted small and simple. But Mic, whose first choice would have been to return to Australia to be married in his local church, which he'd made sound like a cross between Westminster Abbey and Notre Dame, had wanted something large and very formal. In fact, the wedding mass – rather than just a ceremony – had also been his idea.

Although Mac wouldn't exactly call herself a good Catholic – she could barely remember the last time she'd attended church regularly before Mic had insisted that they start going during pre-Cana, as if he'd wanted to make a good impression on the church about their devoutness – there just seemed to be something bothersome about all this. She needed to go to Confession, but what was she supposed to say? 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I'm not really sorry about it, but I cheated on my fiancée three days ago.' If that was the case, maybe she'd get lucky and the priest would insist the ceremony be called off. She imagined the part in the ceremony where the priest would ask if anyone had any objections, then speaking up himself. Sure, that would probably violate the sanctity of the confessional, but at least the idea was good for a half-hearted laugh. Surely there had to be some kind of church law about committing adultery before the marriage even started. Then she wouldn't have to make the decision she'd promised Harm that she'd think about, the decision that she wasn't sure she had the strength to make.

"Mac?" Harriet asked from a few feet away, where she'd been engaged in conversation with Chloe. She'd noticed that Mac seemed to be distancing herself from everyone else. She'd thought to chalk it up to pre-wedding jitters, but there was something …. she couldn't quite put her finger on it, but she suspected that this was more than that. She almost looked as if she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders.

Mac turned to them, startled. She'd almost forgotten that she wasn't alone. "Yes, Harriet?" she asked. "Are they about ready to start?"

Harriet looked up towards the front of the church, where Mic was still deep in conference with the priest. "Doesn't look like it," she replied, shaking her head. "I just wanted to see how you're doing."

"Fine," she lied. Chloe opened her mouth to contradict that statement, but Mac shot her a warning glance, daring her to say anything. Rolling her eyes, Chloe shut her mouth, but returned the look with one of her own, promising silently to say something later. "It's just …."

"Tomorrow's the big day," Harriet finished for her. She remembered the days leading up to her own wedding. She supposed that even Mac, who always seemed so composed and sure, could experience stronger than usual nervousness. Then again, what was considered normal before a wedding? But Mac had been a huge help when all Harriet had wanted to do was throw up and call off her own wedding, so the least Harriet could do was return the favor.

"Yeah, tomorrow's the big day," Mac echoed softly. Maybe. She just wasn't sure yet. Maybe Chloe was right in that she was in no condition to be getting married. But how could she explain that to Mic at this late date, even if her decision was just to postpone things? After all the planning, all the energy he'd thrown into this, what was she supposed to say that she couldn't have said months ago?

She fell silent and Harriet was at a loss as to what else to say. They needed something to lighten the mood. At her own wedding rehearsal, Bud had been even more nervous than she'd been, until Harm had started cracking jokes and relating stories of some of their more colorful adventures, keeping it up until all of them couldn't help but laugh, releasing a lot of the tension in the church. Too bad he wasn't here now. Surely he could put a smile on his best friend's face, she thought. Maybe it was time to talk about something other than the wedding. "I wonder how the Commander's doing on his quals," she mused.

Mac caught Chloe's smile at the change in topic, but she refrained insisting that they talk about something else. She was afraid that Harriet would begin to suspect that something was up if she refused to talk about him. "He's probably about finished," she replied, twisting her engagement ring on her finger. The band was rubbing her finger as she clenched and unclenched her fingers and it was mildly irritating her skin. It never really had done that before. Maybe it was just a coincidence, or a psychosomatic symptom of the choice she was facing. It was just another thing of which she wasn't sure. "He promised he would be back in time for the wedding, so he's probably going to fly back home tonight."

"Of course he'll be back," Harriet assured her, wondering if part of Mac's mood stemmed from concern that her best friend might not make it back in time for her wedding. "He wouldn't miss your wedding."

"No, he wouldn't," Chloe said strongly. "Harm's a man of his word."

"Yes, he is," Mac agreed, smiling, trying not to think too hard about why she was so pleased about the idea of him returning for the wedding. "And I'm sure he's done fine. Harm's an excellent pilot. He's probably flying circles around all those younger pilots."

Harriet and Chloe both laughed, both relieved for different reasons that Mac seemed to be relaxing a bit. Chloe was about to say something else when AJ joined them. "It looks like we're about ready to begin," he told them. "Is everyone ready?" They all nodded, Mac hesitating a split second, as they lined up, first Harriet, then Chloe, then Mac and AJ. Mac hesitated another second, then linked her arm around AJ's as Harriet started up the aisle.

"Colonel, um, Mac, it will be fine," he assured her, chalking up her hesitation to jitters, just as Harriet had.

Mac didn't answer him because she knew that things were far from fine and she wasn't sure if they ever would be and she knew she couldn't explain that to anyone. She owed so much to Mic. He'd given up so much for her. What would he do if she were to call it off at this late date, how would he handle it? He loved her so much. That had to be worth something, even if ….

She shook her head. This was the rehearsal for her wedding. She needed to concentrate on the moment at hand. She noted that Harriet had reached the altar, smiling at her husband across from her. The gesture warmed Mac's heart. They loved each other so much, had been through so much together and they were still going strong. Would that be her and Mic someday? Could that be them? Could it be her and Harm? She shook her head again, telling herself that she wasn't going to think about that now, not while the rehearsal was going on. Right now, she needed to think about the man waiting for her at the other end of the long aisle.

As Harriet reached the altar, Chloe reached the halfway mark of her walk and then Mac and AJ started. She stared straight ahead, trying to focus on the man waiting for her. Mic smiled proudly back at her, imagining the image she would project in her wedding dress the next morning. Finally, she was going to become his wife. Everything he wanted was finally within his grasp.

A bright, shiny object caught Mac's eye where they should have been nothing and she squinted, trying to figure out what it was she was seeing. The object was so bright and so familiar, shiny gold on a background of white. No, it couldn't …. she blinked, trying to dispel the image, but it persisted and when she glance up, she saw his smile, not quite as cocky and devil-may-care as usual, but softer, as if he was beholding the most beautiful sight. She blinked again and it was suddenly Mic standing before the altar again, simply dressed in a dark suit and tie. The closest thing to dress whites at the altar was the summer white uniforms the chaplain and Bud wore. And there were no gold wings to be found, not here.

She rubbed her eyes, drawing AJ's attention. "Colonel, are you okay?" he asked.

"Yes, Sir," she replied, lowering her hand. "I must have just gotten something in my eyes." That was almost easy, she mused, lying to AJ. She'd barely had to think about that one. She just couldn't decide if that was good or bad. Maybe the lies were becoming easier. Maybe someday she'd be able to utter them without even thinking about them at all.

As they reached the altar, Mic held out his hand and AJ placed her hand in his. Mic clasped his fingers around hers as AJ stepped back, but Mac didn't feel it. She felt another's palm pressed against hers, fingers entwining with hers as they …. She shivered at the thought and Mic smiled at her again.

This is Mic standing in front of you, she told herself. Harm's not here. He's on a carrier somewhere on the Atlantic Ocean or maybe already on his way back. He's not here. She took a cleansing breath and smiled at Mic, who was so happy that he didn't notice that the expression didn't reach her eyes.

-----

"Mic, we discussed this," Mac said, trying to keep her voice down, the rehearsal having come to a halt while she and Mic had a disagreement about their vows. Mic had been pushing for them to write their own vows, in addition to the standard stuff, while Mac had wanted to stick with traditional vows, even before she'd admitted that she was so conflicted about everything. She was a private, reserved person and didn't feel comfortable speaking about her feelings in front of everyone, even if it was at her own wedding. Even if Mic wasn't her groom, she was positive she'd still feel the same way. Now, with everything that was going on in her mind, she was terrified that she couldn't find the words, or that she would say the wrong words that let everyone know what she was truly feeling. Mic, on the other hand, was more inclined to want to shout his love for her from the rooftops. "I don't feel comfortable talking about stuff like that in public."

"But, Sarah," he countered, "it's our wedding. When else would we talk about such things?"

"In private, maybe," she retorted, unable to keep the slight edge out of her voice. "I'm just not good about speaking about stuff like this in front of everyone."

"You're a lawyer," he pointed out, trying to be conciliatory, putting his hand on her shoulder in a gesture of comfort. She resisted the urge to shrug it away. "If you put your mind to it, you can do this …."

"No, Mic," she said, a bit too strongly as everyone gathered around began wishing that they were somewhere else during this escalating argument.

"Well, let's ask everyone else for their opinion, luv," Mic suggested, hoping that the input from her friends would bring her around and get her to calm down. He guessed she was entitled to her jitters. After all, hadn't he been the one who'd nearly walked out of the jewelry store without their rings earlier in the week? "What do you all think? Traditional or custom vows?"

"I think that it is Mac's wedding and she should be allowed to do what she wants," Chloe piped in immediately, ignoring the sharp look from Mac. Mic frowned slightly, but refrained from comment. His relationship with Chloe was tentative at best, so he wasn't really expecting help from that quarter. But AJ, Bud and Harriet all were, or had been, married. Surely, they would understand.

"Well, Mic," Bud said tentatively, wary of being dragged into what should have been a private argument, "when Harriet and I were getting married, I wanted her to wear her uniform. The Admiral told me basically what Chloe just said, that it was her wedding and to let her do what she wanted. That's probably not bad advice." AJ nodded his agreement, but otherwise didn't comment.

Harriet watched Mac carefully for a moment, more worried than ever. Sure, it probably wasn't unusual for couples to argue in the tense days and hours leading up to a wedding. Hell, she'd been ready to give Bud the boot because he'd gotten punched out by a pregnant stripper and thrown in jail the night before their wedding – or so she'd claimed. But she had the strong sense that this was more. Still, she'd do whatever she could to smooth the waters. "If the Colonel isn't comfortable talking about such things in public, there's nothing wrong with that. Some people aren't. And the last thing that I'm sure we all want is for this wedding to be anything less than perfect."

Harriet's gentle tone got through to Mic, who finally nodded and said, "Alright then. If it's what you really want, then we'll just go with the traditional vows."

"Thank you," Mac whispered, inwardly breathing a sigh of relief. She'd been on the verge of snapping Mic's head off, she realized, and she wasn't sure if, in the heat of the moment, she could have stopped herself from saying something in front of everyone that would have revealed feelings that she wasn't entirely sure of herself.

As the priest motioned everyone back into their places so they could continue with the rehearsal. Chloe noticed Harriet watching Mac with concern. Maybe there was someone else who realized that Mac's heart wasn't as into this as it should be. She resolved to make time to talk to Harriet, see if maybe there was someone else who would talk to Mac whom she might actually listen to.

-----

OLIVIA AND JULIET'S RESTAURANT
AN HOUR LATER

"Harriet, can I talk to you for a few minutes?" Chloe asked as they entered the restaurant where the rehearsal dinner was to be held.

Harriet nodded, and then turned to her husband. "Go on in, Bud," she told him. "I'll be there in a few minutes." She kissed him on the cheek and patted his shoulder before he walked into the private dining room that had been reserved for the dinner. Chloe noted the loving gestures, realizing that she hadn't seen Mac act like that towards Mic in the few days she'd been in town. She was still young enough and optimistic enough to believe that love should be like a fairy tale, with the couple in question living happily ever after. Bud and Harriet seemed to have that. What shouldn't Mac?

Now that she had Harriet's undivided attention, she wasn't sure where to start. She knew Harriet was a friend of both Harm and Mac, but she wasn't sure how much Harriet knew about the relationship between them. As Mac had pointed out at the rehearsal, she was a very private person and she knew from Mac that Harm was as well. "Well, Harriet, I'm worried …. who is that?" Chloe pointed towards door, which Renee had just walked through.

Harriet gently pushed Chloe's arm down. "That's Renee Peterson, Commander Rabb's girlfriend," she informed her. Chloe's eyes widened.

"That's the 'Video Princess?" she blurted out. Fortunately, Renee wasn't close enough yet to overhear. "And I thought the shrink was bad."

"She's really a very nice woman," Harriet assured her, wondering where Chloe had come up with that nickname for someone she'd never met. "And so was Jordan." Renee caught sight of them and Harriet motioned her over.

"Hello, Renee," she greeted the other woman. Harriet was a bit surprised that she was even present, figuring that she would stay away since Harm wasn't going to be there. Renee and Mac were friendly towards each other when they ran into each other, but no one would really call them friends.

"Hello, Harriet," she returned with a broad smile. "I'm not late, am I?"

"No, we're still waiting for the rest of the JAG staff, the ones who weren't at the rehearsal," Harriet explained. "I think I saw Lieutenant Singer in there, but we're still expecting Gunny, Tiner and the Mattonis."

"Oh, good," Renee replied. "And who is this?"

"Renee, this is the Colonel's little sister Chloe," she introduced them. "Chloe, this is Renee Peterson."

"Hello," Chloe said, looking Renee up and down, almost immediately dismissing her as too made up. She nearly smiled, wondering what she was hiding under all that makeup. If this was the kind of woman Harm was spending his time with, then maybe Mac wasn't the only one who needed a good talking to. Then again, what was he supposed to do when the woman he loved was wearing another man's ring?

"Hello," Renee said, then stopped with a puzzled look on her face. "I didn't realize Mac even had a sister."

"Well, I'm not really," Chloe said. "It's …."

"Hello, Renee," Mac said from behind Chloe, having walked out of the dining room when she'd heard their voices. "It is …. good of you to come."

"I'm happy to be here," Renee replied, almost sounding to Chloe as if she meant it. She looked from one woman to the other, trying to figure them out. Why would Harm's girlfriend come without him? From what she'd heard from Mac, she knew the two weren't friends. "It's not much longer now, is it?"

"Sixteen hours and twenty-seven minutes," Mac replied automatically, although she wasn't counting the hours and minutes for the same reasons that most brides would be. That was simply how much time remained – for what, she wasn't quite sure. Once again, time was proving to be her enemy.

"Twenty-five minutes, actually," Renee said, while the wheels began turning in Chloe's mind. Mac knowing the exact time until the ceremony wasn't unusual, even under the difficult circumstances. But Renee not only knowing the time, but correcting Mac on it? Chloe wondered if maybe Renee wasn't looking forward to this wedding a little too much. Just how serious was the relationship between her and Harm – or rather, how serious did she perceive it to be? She began to worry that this situation might be worse than she'd originally thought.

"Oh," Mac said nervously, remembering what she'd told Harm the night of the engagement party, about how Renee wouldn't easily give him up. This was pretty strong evidence in favor of that. Renee clearly saw her as a threat to her relationship with Harm. Why else would she care so much about exactly how much time remained until Mac would be a married woman?

If she chose Mic, who would be hurt? Harm would, but at least he would have Renee, and she would be hurt herself, until she could learn to accept that her future lay with Mic. But if she went with Harm, what would happen? Well, Mic and Renee would definitely be hurt, with no one really there to help them pick up the pieces. And there were no guarantees that she and Harm would work, so they could easily end up hurting themselves in the process. Or worse, they could end up hurting each other, as they'd so many times in the past.

Chloe wasn't the only one watching Mac and Renee with interest. Harriet also sensed the undercurrents between the two women and wondered about it. She knew they weren't friends, but Renee seemed so eager about this wedding, even more so than the bride. Harriet nibbled on her lower lip as an idea took root in her mind. Surely ….? She shook her head, but couldn't dispel the notion as memories replayed in her mind of five years of friendship and maybe more between two of her closest friends. Harm's Article 32 hearing, his support of Mac when she was stalked, some incident in Norfolk that Bud had only hinted about in the vaguest possible terms, Russia, the way they'd saved each other on that submarine.

Bud had even told her about Harm and Mac's little adventure in the Appalachian Mountains, which had happened just before Harriet had transferred from the Sea Hawk to a shore assignment. She could almost believe that there might have been something more between them at one time, but then Harm had left for six months and their friendship seemed to have cooled by the time he'd returned and it had been a long time before they even came close to what they'd once shared.

Then she remembered some of the hints Bud had dropped about what had happened in Australia, as well as Mic's and Renee's reactions when they'd go away on cases together. Hadn't she and Gunny had to do some fast talking when they'd been on submarines in the Barents Sea and they hadn't even been on the same boat? And Renee, hadn't she commented during their girls' night that she was praying that Mic didn't get hit by a bus? She'd initially dismissed it as a drunken ramble – they both had been a bit beyond tipsy by that point – but she wondered now if there wasn't more to it. Was Renee counting the hours and minutes until Mac was married because she saw the other woman as competition for Harm's affection?

As the four of them started to walk into the dining room, Chloe fell back so that she was walking beside Harriet. "You see it, too, don't you?" she whispered, drawing a startled glance from Harriet. "I see it in your eyes. You have your doubts about what Mac is planning to do."

-----

"Before we head out for the real fun," Bud joked, bringing laughs from nearly everyone gathered as they were all pulling on their coats before taking off, the men for a bar for some last minute revelry and the women for quiet evenings at home, Mac having decided weeks earlier that a bachelorette party wasn't her thing, "we all need to remember not to get arrested this time. I don't think my wife would appreciate my having to be bailed out of jail again the morning of a wedding." Even Mac managed a smile at that, remembering Harm's call in the wee hours of the morning to bail them all out of jail, the cute look on his face as he and Bud had tried to explain what had happened.

"Too bad I can't just forget all this and spend the time having fun with my future wife," Mic joked.

"Not likely," was the response from just about everyone, in reference to that fact the bride and groom weren't supposed to see each other before the wedding, while Mac tried to bury her initial knee-jerk reaction. Calm, Marine, she told herself. He's just joking. Mic is always joking like that. It doesn't mean anything.

Leaning towards Harriet, Mac whispered, "I'll be back in a few minutes." She took off towards the restroom before the other woman could respond. Chloe noticed and exchanged a glance with Harriet.

"We need to go after her," Chloe whispered. Harriet nodded and the two of them headed in the direction Mac had gone. As they entered the restroom, they found Mac bracing herself against one of the sinks, her knuckles bone white as her fingers gripped the porcelain. Chloe was about to motion Harriet back, thinking that Mac wouldn't appreciate being ganged up on, but changed her mind. Desperate times called for desperate action and it couldn't get much more desperate than this. "Mac, you really need to put a stop to this."

"How many times do I have to tell you," Mac said, not even looking behind her, "that it's not that simple, not anymore? Too many people are going to get hurt now."

"So you'll hurt yourself and the man you really love just to protect two people neither of you love?" Chloe asked. "Unbelievable." She shook her head, wondering what she was supposed to say now. They kept going round and round, covering the same ground. There had to be something that would break this stalemate.

Harriet put her hand on Chloe's arm and nodded towards Mac, indicating that she would try. "Ma'am, do you remember when you got back from Australia, when you first showed me the ring?" she asked. Mac turned around, brushing tears from her eyes, startled by Harriet's presence. She gave Chloe a frustrated glance.

"Mac, listen to her, please?" Chloe begged. "This can't continue, not like this."

When Mac didn't protest, Harriet continued, "You said that you didn't know how it was all going to work out at the time, with you in Washington and Mic in Australia. Do you remember what I told you?"

Mac nodded, taking a shaky breath. "You said that it helps if you're sure," she replied quietly. How many times had those words run through her head the last few days?

"You know, the Commander approached me when I left your office that day," Harriet revealed. Mac's startled gasp at the mention of Harm told Harriet that she was on the right track. Whatever doubts Mac was having, they were tied in with him. "He asked me if you were really thinking about marrying Mic."

"He did?" Mac asked with an almost hopeful tone in her voice. Then she shook her head. "Later that day, he made a comment about how wearing an engagement ring on your right hand didn't mean you were engaged. I asked him if there was anything we needed to talk about and he said no. I thought …."

"What, that he didn't care?" Harriet asked, incredulous. "Ma'am, that couldn't have been further from the truth. Correction, it can't be further from the truth. I've know both of you for nearly five years. He's your best friend …. and maybe more?"

Mac looked like she was about to say something, but stopped herself. "No, not anymore," she insisted, her voice growing angry as she hurriedly brushed away tears. "I'm not doing this anymore. I need to get out of here." Quickly, Mac walked out, leaving two frustrated people behind her.

"I guess it's too much to hope for that she means she's not going through with this farce of a wedding," Chloe sighed, Harriet agreeing with her more now than ever that this wedding should not happen.

When the two of them rejoined the rest of the group, Mac was standing next to Mic, smiling and saying something. They heard just the tail end. " …. so I'm going to head on home and try to get a good night's sleep," Mac said. "So I guess I'll see you tomorrow morning."

Mic pulled her into his arms and gave her a tender kiss, while Chloe made a gagging motion with her finger that only Harriet saw. "I love you, Sarah," Mic said as he pulled away.

"Yeah," Mac replied, her smile faltering just enough that Harriet and Chloe both caught it. "Me too." She turned to her sister. "Are you ready to go, Chloe?"

"Yes," Chloe replied, glancing at Harriet, who nodded, understanding the unspoken question. Chloe smiled and turned to follow Mac out of the restaurant.

"I'd better head home as well," Harriet said. "I don't want to leave AJ with the babysitter any longer than I have to. I guess I'll see everyone tomorrow."

Harriet gave Bud, who was going to ride with AJ, a kiss and after extracting another promise from him not to get arrested, she left as well. Outside the restaurant, she caught sight of Mac and Chloe standing next to Mac's Corvette, Mac digging through her purse, apparently looking for her keys while Chloe gestured wildly, probably making yet another point about why she thought the wedding shouldn't happen. She had to walk in that direction anyway to get to her minivan, so Harriet told herself that she wouldn't be eavesdropping, not really. She slowed her pace so that she could listen to what they were saying.

"Again, what will it hurt to at least postpone?" Chloe argued. Mac tried to ignore her, growing frustrated. Where the hell were her damn keys? Chloe grabbed the purse from Mac's hands. "I'll look for them." She rifled through the purse herself, pulling out the key ring after a few seconds. "Here they are. Just a second, there's something caught on the ring. Oh …." She ended on a gasp as she recognized the object tangled in with the keys.

"Give them to me and we'll get out of …." Her voice trailed off as she recognized the object sitting on the palm of Chloe's hand. Harriet, slowly walking towards her car, was close enough that she could make out what it was Chloe was holding. Suddenly, Mac's voice got firm and she held out her hand. "Give those to me."

Deliberately misunderstanding her, Chloe handed Mac her keys. Mac held out her hand again, but Chloe shook her head. "I think I'll hang onto these for a while," Chloe said. She turned to Harriet, who stood nearby as if frozen in place. "Can you come by Mac's place after you relieve the babysitter? I'm sure Mac would love to see her godson. And I think Mac could use another woman's perspective."

Harriet nodded. "I'll meet you there in about forty-five minutes," she said. She studied Mac intently, and then added gently, "Ma'am, I couldn't care for you more if you were family. In a way, you are – you and the Commander both – and I can't stand to see you hurt yourself like this."

After Harriet walked off, Mac turned back to her sister. "What are you doing?" she demanded.

"With my help and Harriet's, and with that photo album full of pictures of Harm," Chloe replied, smiling smugly, "we're going to take a walk down memory lane and by the time we're finished, maybe you'll have figured out – or rather admitted - for yourself just why you can't go through with this wedding."

-----

MAC'S APARTMENT

"I am so glad you're here, Harriet," Chloe exclaimed as she opened the door to Harriet, who was holding her son in her arms. She reached out and ran her hand over soft blond baby hair. "Hey, AJ."

AJ waved hello, babbling softly as Harriet carried him into the apartment. Harriet set him on the floor and he immediately toddled over to Jingo, who was laying in front of the fireplace, throwing himself against the dog, his arms going around Jingo's neck. "Doggie, doggie."

"Where is she?" Harriet asked, glancing around the apartment as she kept one eye on her son to make sure he didn't bother Jingo too much.

"She just got out of the shower a few minutes ago," she replied. "She should be out in a minute, or I think she will. We haven't exactly talked a lot since we got back here. Harriet, I don't know what to do anymore. When I got here on Wednesday, I suggested that she talk to Harm before he left for Norfolk. I wonder if that's where …. by the way, I found something else." Chloe motioned Harriet over to the closet and opened it, pulling out a hanger and displaying the contents.

"The Commander's flight jacket," Harriet said, her eyes immediately drawn to the familiar patch on the left front of the jacket. "I suppose he could have left it here sometime when they were working on a case, but …."

"He wouldn't have just left his wings over here," Chloe pointed out. "I doubt they just fell off his uniform or something. He had to have given them to her."

"Commander Rabb would never try to force his way between the Colonel and Mic," Harriet said, thinking out loud. "That's not him. Maybe the wings are his way of telling the Colonel that she has a choice."

"Harriet, I just thought of something," Chloe said excitedly. "I was here the night that Harm stopped by two years ago and told Mac that he was requesting a return to active flight status. I was in the bedroom, but I could hear what they were saying. Mac said that leaving meant that he considered flying to be more important to him than everything, only she paused when she said that last bit, as if that wasn't what she really wanted to say. I think what she wanted to say that he thought flying was more important than her."

"It makes sense," Harriet said. "I'd gone on reserve duty after AJ was born, so I wasn't around JAG all that much when the Commander had first come back, but from what Bud told me, there was a definite cooling off between them and it seemed to be coming more from the Colonel than from the Commander, as if she was unconsciously trying to punish him for leaving. Then Australia happened and it was the Commander backing off."

"Because of the ring," Chloe concluded, "because, like you said, he wouldn't consciously try to come between Mac and Mic. But now, he's given her his wings. Maybe he's saying not just that Mac has a choice, but what if he's really saying that he doesn't think that flying is more important than her. Of course, at that point, if it had been me, I would have been calling off this wedding, but …."

"He said the choice was mine," a voice said from bedroom doorway. "He said that he wasn't going to stand in the way of what I want." Chloe and Harriet looked over to see Mac leaning against the door frame, holding a piece of paper in her hand. "But you're right about the meaning of the wings. He said that they were his answer to what I'd said about flying being more important to him than everything else." She glanced down at the letter in her hands, sighed heavily, then walked over and held it out to them.

Harriet hesitated a moment before she took the letter, but she held back from immediately reading it. "Are you sure, Ma'am?" she asked gently. She imagined that whatever was in the letter wasn't really meant for public consumption. Would Mac someday regret showing this to them?

"Not really," Mac admitted, sitting down on the couch. "But you two aren't going to back off, are you? And I told Chloe earlier that there are a lot of things that she doesn't understand about what's going on. Things that even I don't understand and …. and I was there."

"There?" Chloe questioned as Harriet's eyes scanned the letter. "What's that …." She trailed off when she saw the wide-eyed, startled look on Harriet's face. She looked over her shoulder and began reading, immediately figuring out just what was in the letter which had startled Harriet so much. "Oh, my God. You know, I had asked Mac yesterday if she'd gotten a chance to talk to Harm as I'd suggest that she do before he left for Norfolk. Harriet, do you know what she told me? She said 'Not exactly'." Chloe looked at Mac, who was studying her hands, avoiding looking at the two of them. "I guess I was just asking the wrong question."

Mac said nothing as AJ toddled over to her, having gotten bored with Jingo, who just wanted to sleep. She lifted him up into her lap and remembered the thrill of watching the precious little boy come into their lives, remembered everything else that had happened that day. She could see it, the grin on his face as they'd watched Bud and Harriet ooh and aah over their son. She could hear it, the laughter in his voice as they'd rejoiced over the miracle they'd just witnessed. She glanced up as she became aware that Chloe was saying something.

"I guess you were right, Mac," she said, crossing her arms across her chest. She may have been only fourteen, but she could probably give lessons to any Marine about never surrendering her position. "There are things that I don't understand about this situation, like how you could make love with a man – and not just any man, but the man you really love – just three days before you are supposed to marry someone else and still think that this marriage is the right thing to do. That I definitely do not understand. You're not going to tell us that this was just an itch or something and now you've gotten it out of your system, are you? Because I think it's obvious from your behavior the last two days that you can't get it off your mind and I don't think it's just because you're feeling guilty. Of course, that does explain why you lied to Mic yesterday when he wanted to spend time with you. So what happens if you two get married and you can't make excuses to stay out of his bed?"

"Ma'am," Harriet began, her voice hesitant, still mindful of the fact that Mac was her superior officer, friend or not. One didn't just tell their superior how to live their life, even if she was now absolutely positive that said officer was about to make a huge mistake. "There is so much that we don't know about your relationship with Commander Rabb and with Mic, but I do know that if your heart were really into this marriage, then you wouldn't even be able to think about another man, let alone, um, sleep with him. Even when I was so mad at Bud that I wanted to call the entire thing off the morning of the wedding, I still couldn't get him off my mind. I didn't really need you to tell me how much I loved Bud and wanted to marry him. You just reminded me of what I already knew deep down." She sat down next to Mac on the couch and put her hand on her shoulder. "So what do you know deep down?"

"I don't know, Harriet," Mac whispered, resting her forehead against AJ's head. "I wish I did. I wish that there were something that would tell me for sure what the right thing to do is. Right now, I feel like I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't. Either way, people will be hurt."

Chloe pulled out the photo album from the bookcase, the one she and Mac had looked through the day before, and carried it over to the couch, setting it down on the coffee table before she settled into the arm chair. "Harriet, yesterday Mac was looking through this," she explained. "Look through it yourself and tell me what you see."

With a glance at Mac, as if asking for permission, Harriet picked up the album and silently flipped through the pages. Many of the photos she recognized, some she didn't. She did notice that nearly all of them were from the time before Harm had left for the Patrick Henry. The only ones in the album from after that time were ones from the two JAG Christmas parties since then and one from AJ's first birthday party last year. Only three photos, in an album full of them, were from the last two years. It was like Harm's return to flying was a dividing point in their lives – or maybe a wall between the friends they used to be and whatever they were now. "All of them have Commander Rabb in them," she said, "and they pretty much stop when he left JAG. The last one from before that is AJ's baptism. There are only three pictures that I recognize as coming from after that time, assuming that these are in chronological order."

Mac nodded. "Four after that actually," she corrected her. "I just haven't put the most recent photo in yet, from AJ's birthday party this year."

"Let me ask something," Chloe said. Mac looked at her, mildly surprised that she would ask for permission first. She tended to just speak her mind; at least she had so far. "What about Mic? Where's the album full of pictures of him?"

"Well, I haven't known Mic as long as I have Harm," Mac explained slowly, as if carefully considering her words before she said them. "And he was in Australia for all those months. I do have pictures of him …."

"Just not an album full of them," Chloe pointed out. "Has Mic seen this?" She took Mac's pointed silence as her answer. "I didn't think so. It's obvious from this album that you two have shared a lot, or at least you did before he left." She flipped to the photo from AJ's baptism, a professional portrait of Harm and Mac with their godson.

It was Mac's favorite picture in the entire album. Every time she looked at it, she remembered a promise made which might now never be kept. As the picture had been taken, as she'd looked down at the baby she'd cradled in her arms, she'd imagined that it was her child she'd been holding in her arms, hers and Harm's, the child they'd promised to create together. Sometimes, looking at the photo, she wondered if Harm might have been thinking the same thing at that moment. But so much had happened in their lives since then and it now seemed to be a painful reminder of what now might never be.

AJ leaned forward in Mac's lap and pressed his hand against the page. "Unca Harm, Aun' Mac," he proclaimed, giggling gleefully.

"You know what I see when I look at this picture?" Chloe asked. "If I didn't know better, I'd swear that these were two people in love and that is their child they're holding. Can you tell me that you've never looked at this picture and wondered what it would be like to have Harm's baby?" Once again, Mac's silence and the pained look on her face spoke volumes as far as Chloe was concerned.

"So you've thought about it," Chloe stated. "You've made love with him. I'm not going to ask you how that was, but I don't think you'd be quite so bothered by everything if the experience hadn't lived up to your expectations. So what's stopping you? It's obvious from this letter that Harm wants to be with you and if you didn't want to be with him, you wouldn't be giving all this a second thought, let alone letting it all consume you. So why can't you just stand up and tell Mic that you can't marry him because you're in love with someone else? Or don't even tell him that. Just be honest and admit that you don't love him the way a wife should."

"As I've said before, it's not …." Mac began before being interrupted by Chloe.

"That simple," Chloe finished. "I know. But why? You can't even say 'I love you' to Mic. The most I've heard you say is 'Me, too' or some nonsense like that. I asked you point blank to say that you love him and you nearly choked on the words. So how can you marry him while Harm's waiting in the wings, just waiting for you to tell him that you want to be with him?"

"Because …. because," Mac stammered, unable to think of a reply. How could she answer a question that she didn't even have a reply to, at least not a reply that she was satisfied with. "How do I even know it's going to work out with Harm? With Mic, I'm guaranteed of a home, a family someday, security. He loves me. No one can deny that, not even Harm."

"Mac, there are no guarantees," Harriet pointed out gently. "I learned that the hard way, with baby Sarah. I never would have thought that could have happened to us, but it did. Anyway, who's to say that you can't have those things with Commander Rabb? He's already told you in his own way that you're the most important thing in the world to him. He's even willing to stand by and watch you marry another man if that's what you tell him that you want. Could you say the same thing about Mic?"

"I …." she began, unable to get past the first word. "I wanted those things with Harm once, but …." Suddenly, she exploded, startling Harriet, Chloe and even AJ with the ferocity of her response. "He left! Don't you get it? He left me! I couldn't make him stay! Mic talked about leaving but he stayed because of me. Harm couldn't do the same thing …." She handed AJ to his mother, then got up and went to stand by the window, watching the rain that was beginning to fall. She felt the tears brimming in her eyes, but refused to give free reign to them. She refused to shed any more tears over Harmon Rabb.

"So what, is this supposed to be some kind of punishment?" Chloe asked incredulously. Finally, she thought, they were seeing the truth revealed. "He may have left, but he came back! He gave you his wings, and I don't know what else he could have done that would have made more of a statement than that. And you're going to force him to sit by and watch you marry another man? Are you trying to hurt him as much as he hurt you by leaving? And what did you mean by saying that Mic talked about leaving but you got him to stay?" She held her breath, almost afraid to hear the answer she was nearly positive was coming.

Mac looked back at them, startled, unable to believe that she'd said that. She looked down at the ring on her finger and said haltingly, "When Sergei went MIA, Harm was talking about resigning his commission to go look for him. He was going to leave again. I went over to Mic's and he was putting on his uniform. He'd called his former CO about reinstating his commission. He said there was nothing keeping him here because he'd lost his job and I still hadn't made a decision about his proposal and …."

"That's around the time you moved the ring over to your left hand," Harriet realized, a horrible understanding dawning. "You thought Commander Rabb was going to leave and you couldn't do anything about it. Mic threatened to leave, so you stopped him by agreeing to marry him. My God, Ma'am. Even if Commander Rabb wasn't a part of this at all, how could you agree to marry a man who basically blackmailed you into a wedding that you weren't even sure you wanted? If you really wanted this marriage, you would have said 'yes' the minute after Mic popped the question, back in Sydney. It never would have taken you ten months and he wouldn't have had to force your hand like that. How much of you're moving that ring was to keep Mic from leaving and how much was in response to the fact that you thought Commander Rabb was leaving again?"

"I don't know," she whispered, staring back out the window again, remembering how she'd taken the ring right after she thought she'd been shot down by Harm. Had she really moved the ring over more because Harm was leaving and she'd been afraid of being alone? "But don't you see? Harm did leave once; he nearly left a second time. How do I know that won't happen again? I don't know if I can take that chance. His leaving was one of the hardest things I've ever had to endure. I don't think I can do that again."

"Mac, I don't know if you can afford not to take that chance," Chloe interjected, pleading. "Harriet's right. Even if you had no feelings for Harm whatsoever beyond that of friends, you're marrying Mic for all the wrong reasons and how do you know that you two won't end up making each other miserable as a result? Add into the mix how much you love Harm and you'll make yourself and Harm miserable if you go through with this obviously, but you'll also make Mic miserable and probably whoever Harm's with as well, whether it's the Video Princess or someone else."

"Mic has given up so much for me," Mac pointed out, trying to convince herself as well as them. "I can't just walk away from that."

"Ma'am, with all due respect," Harriet said, "you can't live your life based on what you think you owe Mic. You didn't ask him to move halfway around the world for you. You didn't ask him to reserve his commission. He made those choices on his own and he can't expect recompense from you for that. If you can't give him what he wants, then it's up to him to live with the consequences of his choices. Commander Rabb was right, when he agreed to back off and let you make your decision. He can't make it for you, any more than Mic should have been able to make your decision regarding his marriage proposal and that's what he did for all intents and purposes. You need to make the decision for yourself and not based on what you think you owe Mic or even what Commander Rabb wants from you. There's only one person you need to consider when making your decision. You need to make your decision based on what you owe yourself. And above all else, you owe it to yourself to be happy."

"I …." Mac began, what she was about to say interrupted by the ringing of the phone. She hesitated, not sure if she had the strength for any more conversation, then walked over to the desk and glanced at the caller ID. It was of no help, stating 'Out Of Area'. With a heavy sigh, she picked up the phone. Maybe it was just her uncle, calling to wish her luck. "Hello?"

There was silence on the other end of the line. "Hello?" she repeated. "Is anyone there?" She thought she heard something in the background, but couldn't quite distinguish the sounds, not enough to identify the caller or where the call was coming from. "Hello?"

"Mac," the person on the other end of the line finally said with a barely detectable sadness evident in the voice. Mac exhaled a shaky breath as she recognized the voice. "It's me. I just wanted to let you know that I'm taking off within the hour. I will be back in time for the wedding."

"Speaking of the wedding, Harm," she said slowly after taking a deep breath, feeling Chloe's and Harriet's eyes on her as soon as she said his name, "I have something to tell you."

-----

Continued in Drifting On A Lonely Sea Chapter II – If Tomorrow Never Comes