A Message from the Main Character of The Hokage Files...
Naruto was in his office.
"Hi, I'm Naruto Uzumaki. You may remember me from the last 9 chapters of this fanfic. The Author, PikaFlash, has somehow gotten into our secret stash of sugar and ended up in a sugar rush, distorting the time-space continuum of this fanfic. The only other things that can do the same thing to this fanfic are Itachi's Mangekyo Sharingan, Orochimaru's Evil, Ero-Sennin's pervertness and any major battle that happened in Dragon Ball Z (where else can you put a 5 minute time limit in five half-hour episodes?)."
Then, Naruto remembered something else. "Oh and a warning to kids: Always look both ways for cars before crossing the street."
The Fanfic begins...
As the Genins known as Aburame and Inuzuka continued their painting, a silver-haired female Jonin wearing a mask was sitting around the Hokage Building lobby, reading a particular book when Jiraiya walked in and sat next to the woman.
"Yo...I haven't been around for quite some time because of my 'research' in the other countries, not to mention that I was arrested at Sand because of 'mistaken identity'. So I was wondering if you could give me an update on everything around the village." Jiraiya asked. "Maybe I could make it..."
"If you're thinking of doing something perverted to me," said the woman, without looking up from her book. "I'll rip out your manhood faster than you can say 'Icha Icha Paradise'."
Jiraiya decided not to do what he had originally intended. "So...what do you want?"
Nanaya "Aoi" Hatake looked up from reading her father's favorite book. "The usual. I'll beta-read your latest draft and you'll get the much needed information you want."
Jiraiya looks around. "But are you sure it's a good idea to use the Hokage's Building Lobby as a meeting place?'
"Dad prefers to enter the building through the window rather than the main entrance, so we'll be fine here," said Aoi as she flips a page. "And the Hokage and his wife are at Ichiraku's at this time of the day."
Jiraiya takes out the draft and hands it to Aoi. "It's a work in progress."
"That's alright," said Aoi as she takes out a yellow envelope. "Here's what you need to know..."
From the writer who did the Maito Gai Fanfiction Series brings...
The Hokage Files
10: The Finale
Updated Disclaimer: All characters, cast, crew, ideas, songs, stunts and bashings belong to their respective owners. No Anime characters were brutally harmed in the writing of this fanfic.
Personalized Disclaimer since everyone else does this for a particular fanfic series: (The Author) owns Naruto as much as (owning) a (Solid Gold Spaceship fueled by burning banknotes). Well, that was a bit excessive.
A/N: Just a bit of Cross Promotion and plugging, but if you love reading the "Hokage Files" for its humor, then, you would love to read the "Naruto News Show", as I've started a second season of the series. Just go to my Profile and you will easily find the story.
A/N 2: A sort of sequel is currently in the works
Naruto and Hinata were having the usual lunch break at Ichiraku's Ramen when Jiraiya decided to crash the feeling in the area...
"What? How could you say that?" screamed Naruto. "Do you know how many strings I pulled just to get you out of Suna prison?"
"But if it weren't for me, I wouldn't have gotten you your..." As Jiraiya argues with Naruto, Hinata spots a photo in Jiraiya's pocket. Hinata quickly takes it and looks at it.
"Jiraiya-sama! This is a picture of me with Naruto-kun at the hot springs last week!" Hinata grabbed Jiraiya by his collar. "Where the hell did you get this?" asked Hinata.
Jiraiya is in a very dangerous position. If he tells the truth, he'll get the receiving end of Hinata's Gentle Fist and he'll lose his favorite source of information. If he lies, Hinata won't believe him and will still beat the crap out of Jiraiya, especially since he's in possession in a photo of Naruto and Hinata's personal life from an awkward angle.
"Listen, let me explain, I found it on the street..."
A Few Minutes Later
Naruto sits at his desk when Shizune walks in with the usual stack of documents for the day's work.
"Naruto, got some new missions for you to hand out." Shizune puts a stack of documents on Naruto's desk. "Where's Hinata?"
"Taking Ero-Sennin to the hospital. She wants him to recover so that she can beat the crap out of him again," said Naruto.
Shizune takes out a sheet of paper. "Don't forget that you have to do a speech at the art gallery tomorrow."
"Oh yeah. For Tim Kakami's new artwork," said Naruto. "That one really did cause some controversy, considering that I personally agreed to have it hosted at Konoha's Art Gallery."
"Not to mention several death threats from the Digimon community, hoping that you'll 'rot in hell'," Shizune added.
"Well, I keep telling them, it's about the art, not the Anime," explained Naruto. "Besides, whatever happened to freedom of speech?"
"I don't know, but I'm sure you'll like to limit the amount of speeches because you've got to do a speech at the unveiling."
"Yeah, yeah. I'll get to it," said Naruto. "But that's not the worst thing. I got invited to watch a Kabuki show called 'Kabuki Pika, the Yellow Kabuki' with the director of the gallery."
At that moment, Shizune takes out a measuring tape and begins to take measurements of Naruto's waist. "What are you doing, Shizune?"
"Just checking to make sure that your formal robe still fits you," Shizune answered as she writes down the measurements on a notepad.
Shizune's explanation: "Usually, when people who eat food, their stomachs digest the food and the food becomes fat. Unless you live an active lifestyle, that fat will gradually increase and will make you..."
Shizune looks around, and then she whispered, "Morbidly obese."
Shizune resumes her explanation. "Anyway, in Naruto's case, because he's a very active ninja, that fat becomes muscles. And muscles are heavier and tends to be larger than fat, so, one might expect Naruto to be extremely muscular, until some of his clothes can't fit him anymore."
Back to reality, Garu has finished off the final wall to be painted and he sees the Hokage walking around the corridor.
"Naruto-sama! It's been two months since we've started and now the painting has been completed. If you would have the honors of painting the last spot green?" Garu handed a paintbrush to Naruto. Naruto takes the brush and lands a line of Green paint on Garu's face.
"What the hell! Only Inuzuka Clan War Paint can go on my face!" screamed Garu.
"That's what you get for wasting my time and budget on your painting," said Naruto, before walking back into his office with the paint brush still in his hand.
The blinded Inuzuka kid slowly stumbles towards an open window...
Later, at the Uzumaki Household
In Naruto and Hinata's room, the family's pet fox was grooming herself (Yes, the fox is female) as Hinata puts on some makeup while Naruto was picking out which Forehead Protector to use for the occasion.
"But why us? I mean, not wanting to jinx it, but I don't think Neji would fine with us being the godparents for the quads," said Naruto as he tries to tie the forehead protector around his arm.
"Would you rather have Lee as the godparent?" asked Hinata.
At that moment, an army of Hyuga kids wearing green bodysuits entering Naruto's mind. "Ok, good point."
Hinata smiled and walked up to her husband in the bathroom. "I knew under that hard Hokage exterior hides a whipped bag if jelly."
Naruto was about to kiss Hinata when Hinata stopped him. "No, you'll end up getting some of my make-up."
Naruto was trying to tie a forehead protector with the Konoha symbol around his arm. "I don't know how Shikamaru does his, but I say that it takes a genius to make one as perfect as his."
"Have you done your speech for the opening tomorrow?" asked Hinata.
"Errr...I'm working on it," said Naruto. "...believe it. Besides, I think I can make some parts of it along the way. After all, as a Hokage, I should be quick on my feet..."
Hinata tries to hide her laughter. Naruto decided to give up on tying his forehead protector around his arm. "Maybe I should get one of those clip-on and wrap a cloth around my arm."
Kabuki Pika, the Yellow Kabuki
A Pikachu dressed as a Kabuki, complete with white face paint, but leaving its cheek-sacs red. The Pikachu sings on stage in its traditional 'tongue'.
"Pika...pika...pikachuuuuuu. Pi...kaaaaaaaaa...pi...chu."
In the audience, Naruto and Hinata were watching the Kabuki play. Unfortunately, Naruto's clip-on forehead protector fell off its cloth. Naruto tries to use his hands to search for the clip-on without looking down, because he didn't want to look like he was doing something else to distract him from the boring play. But it's not easy searching for a pair of clip-ons while you can't even look for it. But luckily, Hinata, with her ever useful and powerful Byakugan, easily found the clip-on and handed it back to her husband, just to keep him from fidgeting.
With a silent thanks, Naruto takes the clip-on and clipped it back to the cloth, making it look like a regular Konoha forehead protector. Unfortunately, the clip-on fell off one more time, so Naruto decided that maybe he'll put it back on later and continue watching Kabuki Pika...
"Pi...ka...chuuuuuuuu," finished Kabuki Pika.
The Next Day, Konoha Art Gallery
Konohamaru was serving finger food as Naruto and Hinata stood with the crowd, about to watch the unveiling of Tim Kakami's 'Bloody Digimon'.
"What are you doing here?" asked Hinata.
"Tsunade and Naruto forced me to be here because I defaced the old lady's face on the mountain and the spot where Naruto's face is supposed to be," explained Konohamaru. "They said that as punishment, I should be here so that I will see firsthand on what a Hokage has to do."
The director of the art gallery starts off his introduction. "Many of you who appreciate art have come to witness the unveiling of Tim Kakami's new art piece. And if it weren't for the Hokage, we wouldn't be able to view it. So, we ask the Hokage to come up here."
Naruto walked to the podium.
"Ladies and gentlemen...I never thought I say this, but one must never judge a book by its cover...let along one that is done by someone who has a respectable...reputation in the Japanese Art Community like Tim Kakami. After all, I allowed this artwork to be seen in this art gallery because...it's art." 'I think maybe I should slip in a joke,' thought Naruto. "Is it art or is it pornography? Well, with all I know, the Mona Lisa is art..."
Naruto pauses. Apparently, no one is laughing at that joke. "Anyway, I bring you, Tim Kakami's 'Bloody Digimon'!"
Naruto unveils the art from behind the curtain, revealing a painting of a crucified Digimon with words sprayed painted on the picture, 'This is Shit!'
As Hinata read the spray painted words, Hinata smacks Konohamaru on the back of the head. "You ungrateful little bastard!"
"No, Hinata, it's actually meant to be there," explained Naruto.
Hinata was embarrassed by the mistake she made. "Oh."
Naruto, Hinata, Lee, Sasuke, Kakashi, Neji, Shizune, Kotetsu and Izumo were inside the lift moving up to the top floor of the Hokage building.
"Well, I think it's safe to say that all's well," said Naruto.
"But I'm really sorry for hitting Konohamaru earlier," apologized Hinata.
"That's ok. Everybody thinks that it was vandalized. Most people who haven't seen the art would think that it's been vandalized," said Naruto. "Anyway, I sure would love to go for some Ramen right now..."
None of the other occupants of the elevator said anything.
"...believe it," adds Naruto.
Suddenly, the power in the lift blacked out.
"Alright, everyone start following me!" yelled Naruto in the darkness.
Final Scene
Suddenly, Naruto woke up screamed. He was sleeping in his office, using a stack of documents as a pillow. He looked around. A worried Hinata walked into the office while a few random Jonins and Chunins appeared at the door.
"What happened, Naruto-kun?" asked Hinata.
"I had a dream that I was in this fanfic where reality has been altered."
"Oh."
Naruto sat back on his seat. "I'll just get back to work..."
End of The Hokage Files
Special Feature: Naruto and Hinata's Commentary on the Scene Two - Ichiraku's Ramen
Naruto: Ichiraku's Ramen. No where else in the world would make the greatest tasting Ramen ever.
Hinata: And not to mention having it with your husband during lunchtime.
Naruto: Although the mood was ruined by that Ero-Sennin. But I was impressed on the way you took it when you found out he had a picture of us at the hot springs.
Hinata: Though it's a pity that the author decided not to show me beating up Jiraiya. But then again, who would like to see a Sannin get beaten up by a woman since most other fanfics would do that with a better result.
Naruto: I could say the same for stealing that Plasma TV set from TVTokyo as compensation for those damn fillers.
Hinata: Which Plasma TV set?
Naruto: The one from Episode 202.
Trenchcoatgirl-Kyo wanted to know the names and genders of the Hyuga quads. I decided to place the list of the character's children names, their genders, age and current Ninja rank (if applicable) in this fanfic series.
Naruto and Hinata:
Yuki (Male/19/Jonin)
Naruko (Female/12/Genin) (Elder Twin)
Hikari (Female/12/Genin) (Younger Twin)
Sasuke and Sakura:
Setsuna (Female/19/Jonin)
Raikoumaru (Nickname:Rai) (Elder Twin/12/Genin)
Chidori (Nickname: Chi) (Younger Twin/12/Genin)
Yuri (Female/8)
Neji and Tenten:
Nagi (Male/20/Jonin)
The Hyuga Quads (Note: Tenten picked the girls names while Neji picked the boys names, obviously)
Akiko (Female)
Sachi (Female)
Hizashi (Male)
Hiashi (Male)
Lee:
Miyabi (Female/21/Jonin)
Shikamaru and Ino:
Shikami (Female/13/Genin)
Inoryou (Male/12/Genin)
Choji and Temari:
Haruka (Female/20/Jonin)
Chohi (Male/12/Genin)
Kiba:
Garu (Male/12/Genin)
Shino:
Shirai (Male/12/Genin)
Kakashi (Note: The identity of Kakashi's wife is reserved for another fanfic):
Nanaya/Aoi (Female/24/Jonin)
Gaara:
Zahiro (Male/12/Genin) (Adopted)