AN: This is the greatest ending ever. It rocks, if I do say so myself.

I own nothing mentioned in this chapter, story, or any of my works.

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Sasha had several things he usually did to prepare himself for battle.

The first was meditation. While it was tempting to connect with his inner self and let Nils be eaten, this was not a good idea because Agent Vodello was scarier than a mer-Furby when angered. And oh, how angry she would be if a child died! So he thought about the next option: Ready himself mentally.

He'd already done that with his morning coffee.

Thirdly, he usually hiked up his pants. This he did very self-consciously now that he was a teenager and painfully aware of every inch of himself. Then he began to look in the counselors cabins for his secret weapon. Instead, he found a crudely drawn note in crayon. He sniffed it experimentally.

"OH GOTT, IT BURNS!" Sasha fell to his knees, choking as tears leaked out of his eyes. "Help…me…"

With that, we'll switch focus as this is a magnificently cheap cop-out that allows me to throw all continuity to the wind and random insert Sasha later, when I need his experimental juices!

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And so Milla turned to face the hamster, who was not at all interested in the giant, psychic-energy filled hamster wheel. In fact, the hamster glared at her as if she was an idiot for suggesting this. His eyes burned with politically correct fury.

"That is so racist," the hamster snapped. "Honestly, you think just because you're Brazilian you can go pickin' on other minorities!"

Milla stared in open shock. "That's not it, darling-"

"OH! So hamsters aren't good enough for you to pick on them? We're BENEATH you, is that it?"

"No, I-" Milla paused, then grinned as inspiration hit her like a bird hits a plane engine. "Nils told me to do it."

The hamster roared in anger and charged the unfortunate blonde boy, who ran and screamed as Milla giggled with childish immaturity. For a moment she simply watched the carnage, before she finally resigned herself to her moosey fate and chased after the thing. The Mer-Furbies watched her with wide eyes before leaping into the air and flying with their ultra-cool really-convenient-to-the-plot never-before-mentioned super powers.

"Friend," they called in unison, "You need help?"

Milla pointed to the hamster. "He's being mean to everyone for no reason and he won't say sorry!"

"Oh," the Furbys turned to the hamster and morphed in a really cool, anime style sequence that blew the budget for the whole fic. They merged together into a giant Furby of Unbridled Joy and Horror, with glowing red eyes, sugar pink fur, and a fluffy black tail that wagged the wag of doom. "ME NO LIKE MEANIE! Me now AAAAATTTTTAAAACCCCCKKKK!"

Milla stared in wonder as the Furby attacked the hamster, only to be set on fire. Pink fire, too. She raised an eyebrow as the Furby began to tap dance while screaming. Fortunately this was enough distraction for Nils to run away, screaming and shaking although he knew chicks liked scars. The Furby's furry fur burned away, leaving a tap dancing skeleton that sang in Icelandic for no logical reason.

Then the sky opened and Thor, God of Thunder came down and whisked the giant Furby skeleton away on a chariot made of Craft's Cheese and Macaroni, while angels with bleached blonde-and-blue hair sang Marilyn Manson's The New Shit.

"Could this be any weirder?" Milla wondered.

And at that moment, a super-hero version of herself flew up to her. She had the most unusual super hero outfit ever: a pink tank top, a pink mini skirt, thigh high white boots, and white gloves that came up two inches farther than her elbows. Her hair was mysteriously pink and was partially hidden by a white helmet that had two holes in the side where her hair stuck out in two little pink buns.

"Who are you?" Milla asked. "Or do I want to know?"

"I'm you from an alternate universe, darling," the super-hero Milla explained. "As always in super hero universes, there was a time space anomaly that let me go to other dimensions, and I thought you might need some help, so here I am."

"Thank God," Milla said, hugging her super-hero counter part. "You have no idea how terrible this week has been."

Super-hero Milla nodded understandingly. "Don't worry. I've had a good week, so I have the energy and moral fiber to fight this hamster-villain for hours at a stretch!"

"Finally, a plot device that helps!" Milla cheered as her alternate self dived at the hamster.

The hamster turned, his face writhing in hamster pain as his eyes filled with adorable tears. He crossed his arms as best as he could and glared at the super heroine, who stopped quickly when she realized he didn't look like he wanted to fight. After all, it was so un-super-hero-y to attack someone who didn't want to fight. Maybe he was giving into the powers of love and joy and sparkles and realizing the errors of his ways!

Or maybe he was just going to talk about racism.

"I am morally offended by you calling me a villain. I am not a villain. I am clearly an anti-hero and you of all people should recognize the difference!"

"Yes," said a familiar, German-accented voice. "I'm the villain here."

Then super-hero Milla found herself in the water courtesy of a jet black psi beam. Milla turned as an evil laugh filled the air, along with several hundred pigeons who have no relevance to the story but should be mentioned because they are minority workers and did this scene for two dollars.

Super-villain Sasha was hot. Even normal Milla could not deny this fact.

His hair was tipped electric blue, and his dark blue sweater (under his black trenchcoat, a must for all villains) emphasized his evilness almost as well as his black pants and navy blue shoes did. He grinned evilly, tilting his head so the light bounced off of his dark blue sunglasses.

Super hero Milla pouted. "Oh, why must we fight like this?"

He looked at her like she was an idiot. "I, I don't know, maybe because I like blowing things up and you like bunnies."

Milla sweatdropped. "She's not very bright, is she, darling?"

He turned to her and nodded. "Yeah, well, you get used to it." He sighed.

Because Milla is, well, Milla, and therefore caring and kind, she turned to him with a look of concern. "Are you okay? You know, if you need to take a break from being a super villain, I could try fighting her for a few minutes."

"Hey!" Super-hero Milla yelled indignantly as a suckerfish clung to her head, "Whose side are you on?!"

Milla, ignoring her, placed a hand on the evil Sasha's shoulder sympathetically.

"It's not that I don't like fighting her – I do," he said softly. "But sometimes I wonder if I'm really that good of a villain. I mean, she calls herself Pink Power, so she can't be that bright. Yet I can't beat her. Maybe I'm not meant to be a villain."

In spite of his evilness, Milla hugged him. "Oh, darling, I'm sure it's not that. You're obviously a very powerful villain. This is probably just an early manifestation of a mid-life crisis. What you need is some vacation time to sort out what your true passion is in the villaining world. Then you'll be fine."

"Maybe you're right," evil Sasha admitted softly. "I should try that-" he took out a gun and grasped Milla in a headlock, "Right after I get Pink Power to harness the power of the hamster for me!"

"No! Never!" Pink Power yelled, but when evil Sasha moved the gun to Milla's neck, her shoulders sagged and she knew, like all cliché super heroines in a non-Disney universe knew, that she was defeated. "Curse you, Darkness!"

Milla quirked an eyebrow. "Darkness?"

"All the good names were taken. It was that or Squid-demon."

"Oh."

"RELEASE HER!" Sasha Nein appeared, looking slightly terrified and very pissed off.

His evil self laughed maniacally until a bug flew up his throat. Then he choked maniacally. What IS it with the bugs at Whispering Rock? They're never around unless they're in someone's belly…. Anyway, continuing on with this meatloaf-induced story…

"Well, well, well, what have we here," evil Sasha smirked. "A couple of newly blooming lovebirds. How sweet. Now, Milla dearest, tell your little boyfriend to harness the power of the hamster for me before I shoot you and start killing children."

"Wow, you are evil."

"Thanks. I knew that degree would come in handy."

"Oh?" Milla swiveled her head to look at him. "Ph. d?"

"Masters."

"That's quite impressive for a villain your age," Sasha Nein replied. "But there is no need for the gun. You see, we do not want the hamster. Any way it can be disposed of, I shall gladly accept and assist you in."

Evil Sasha grinned. "Excellent. Although by Evil Villains United rule number sixty-six, I'm required to have her held at gunpoint until I get the hamster. You understand."

"Of course," Sasha nodded, "Regulations are essential."

Both the Millas gagged.

"Now," evil Sasha laughed, " to unleash my secret, evil power upon the hamster…"

"And my secret weapon," Sasha Nein continued, reaching for something in his pocket…

"SOAP!"

The hamster screamed in grape juice filled agony and ran away, straight into a once-again-convenient-to-the-plot-never-before-mentioned portal that led to the evil Sasha's dimension. Everyone cheered and all of a sudden all the children clapped theatrically, as if the world were a cheesy movie and this was the grand ending in which all the main characters admit their feelings for each other as fireworks explode in the sky.

Instead, evil Sasha dropped Milla and rushed to his other self, who stared as the demented villain laughed evilly and kissed him. Sasha Nein psi blasted him, but the evil Sasha didn't care, letting out a laugh filled with Pringles.

"You taste like nail polish!"

Sasha Nein shook his head as Milla floated over. "I don't even want to know how he knows what that tastes like."

Pink Power and Darkness raced to the portal, making it just in time. Everyone cheered in the kind of mass joy that occurs only when the authoress has been up 36 hours and counting. The sky turned blue (instead of it's usual yellow) and birds flew everywhere, singing Hungarian opera to a God who no longer cared.

Then the portal opened again and evil Sasha poked his head out. "Oh, by the way, this freak who thinks I'm Goth fell out of the portal last week. Thought you'd want him back."

That said, he threw Don Kitty Lick, complete with stray jacket and muzzle, over to the crowd.

"A week?" Milla questioned. "It hasn't been that long."

"There's a time rift… difference… thing," Darkness nodded to himself. "Yeah, that's it. Oh, and Sasha Nein?"

"Yes?"

"Next time we meet, you, me," he held up his hands, the left forming an 'O' while his right pointer finger bobbed in and out of the circle meaningfully. Sasha looked sickened.

"That does it!" a random OC in a Pikachu suit who shall remain nameless shouted. "I can't take this OOC and continuity errors anymore! DON!" he grabbed a hold of the insane psychic by the shoulders and shook him. "For the love of God, turn them back! TURN THEM BACK!!!!"

Don nodded and did as he was told.

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Oleander watched as Sasha, finally aged past the legal drinking age, drained an entire pitcher of beer. Usually he only had one a day, but being a child had deprived him of that wonderful joy.

Milla, on the other hand, was wearing a dress that showed more cleavage than normal because she was happy to have her own body back. There were a few tattoos she'd had on her teenage self that were better left unseen and unspoken of in the past.

Agent Cruller cleared his throat, and they all snapped to attention.

"Well, I don't rightly know how to explain this to headquarters, so if anyone asks, you two were incapacitated for a few days after Don knocked you out. According to the government, no psychic with his power should exist, so if anyone asks, he doesn't. Got that?" When he received three nods from his staff, he continued, "Now, it's important that the two of you get physicals after all that you've been through, to make sure you're okay. Oh, and Agent Nein?"

"Yessir?"

"Your evil self managed to blow up Nebraska. You wanna tell me how to explain that to HQ?" Ford grinned; he couldn't shoulder all the responsibility here!

"Remember Compton Boole, from the Academy?" Sasha asked lightly, steepling his fingers.

"The one who set you on fire and told you you looked good with a ponytail? Yeah, I remember that guy." Ford flinched. "He just about ruined graduation by dressing up as a hotdog and running across stage, yelling 'ask me about my wiener!'."

"Remember how he said he hated Nebraska?" When Ford nodded, Sasha continued, "I believe that and his schizophrenic tendencies will be sufficient evidence for the Psychonauts to say he did it."

"So, you're going to bill some guy who bullied you in highschool… for the state of Nebraska?" Oleander asked slowly.

"That's about the size of it," Sasha said coolly, sipping his second pitcher of beer.

"It was my idea," Milla said simply. Sasha nodded and the two high fived under the table.

Ford shook his head at them.

"You rascals!"