"We're all doomed, we are!" wailed Zoidberg.
"Stay calm, everyone!" said Zapp when he finally saw the blockade of brains. "It hurts less to die when you're calm!"
"It's every man for himself!" exclaimed Bender, waving his extended arms. "The chicks are on their own!"
The gloating voice of the Master Brain reverberated through the ship: "There's no help for you now. Prepare to be thunk out of existence!"
Yet help did come, from the most surprising of sources. The Fry clones, freed from their collective stupor, picked up tools, blunt objects, or whatever they could rip free from the consoles. "The brains are our enemies!" cried one. "They made us to be their slaves!" yelled another. "Kill them all!" exclaimed yet another.
Dozens of them leaped over the railings and plunged downward, most landing on top of a brain or another Fry, a few missing and falling to their deaths. Strengthened by hatred, they clubbed, stabbed, and tore at the gray flesh of the Brainspawn. The chaotic scene went on until the brains, intimidated by the sheer number of their foes, flew away into the dark recesses of the station.
The Raven crewmembers breathed sighs of elation. All was quiet, except for a few Fry clones who blindly pounded on the ship's hull with their fists.
"What do we do now?" wondered Leela. "We can't blow up the Dumb Star, or all the clones will die."
"You make a valid point," said Zapp. "However, as you can all plainly see, their race is doomed to eventual extinction one way or another."
"Yeah," said the real Fry. "Seven million guys who can't get a date. What are their chances?"
Having disabled the station's master control computer, Raven and its crew docked with the Nimbus to discuss with Kif and his DOOP superiors the fate of the Fry duplicates.
"Admiral N!gutu has offered free military training and accommodations to the clones," Kif reported. "She wants to organize them into a special force to deploy against the Brainspawn if they should ever return."
"Ooh! Ooh!" said Bender. "Let's call it 'The Big Red One'!"
"I've been told that the President of Earth is organizing a ticker-tape parade in our honor," Zapp told Kif. "Sadly, I'll be unable to attend, so you'll have to perform double basking duties."
"Basking is one of my specialties," said the green alien.
Fry stepped forward and rested Leela's slender hand on Zapp's shoulder. "We'll find the people who did this to you," he vowed. "Once they're in jail, you'll be free to visit Earth again."
"I have confidence in you, Leela," said Zapp.
"Before we leave," said Fry, his eye radiating affection, "here's a little something to remember me by."
Before Leela could open her mouth to object, Fry yanked Zapp by the neck until their lips were pressed together. "Ewww!" groaned Amy.
With Zapp and Fry liplocked, Bender took the opportunity to stretch his arm around Zapp's back, dipping his hand into the captain's pocket. Feeling an object present, he deftly pulled it out and drew it toward him.
"Hey, you're pretty good-lookin' for a chump," spoke the watch in his hand, using his own voice.
"Bloody hell?" exclaimed the robot.
"That was uncalled for," said Leela to Fry as he pulled his moist lips from Zapp's face. "Don't forget that you probably had sex with him when you were stupefied."
"Maybe so," said Fry, "but that doesn't count as something he can remember me by."
Out from the Nimbus' docking bay sailed Raven, its trajectory set for Earth and home.
Bender paced about on the bridge, occasionally pausing to shake his fist. "I am gonna kill that Foss," he swore. "Nobody turns me into a piece of merchandise without givin' me a cut of the proceeds."
"Hooray!" said Zoidberg to whoever would listen. "Bender's wrath has been directed to someone other than me!"
"I wouldn't worry about Foss," said Amy. "By the time we get to Earth, Bender'll forget the whole thing."
Two days later, Bender continued to pace in the groove his chunky metal feet had made in the floor. "I'm gonna kill Foss!" he ranted. "I'm gonna kill him good!"
The return journey dragged on. Leela found Fry in his quarters, lying lazily on the bed, an expression of ecstatic obliviousness on his face. "Well, I've given it some more thought," she said, "and I still don't have any other ideas for solving Zapp's case, besides investigating Mildred."
Fry's response was a sigh of pleasure.
"You really do like Zapp, don't you?" said Leela, narrowing her eyes. "I should've expected something like this to happen. My hormones always were notoriously unreliable."
"No, it's not about Zapp," said Fry, smiling. "It's just that…ever since we ran into the space brains, I've had this crazy feeling, like everything's more beautiful and smells better than before."
"Interesting," said Leela flatly.
"And there's more," Fry continued. "I've got this weird craving that won't go away. A craving for…for anchovies."
Anchovies? thought Leela. My body has never craved anchovies before. I know only one other person who likes anchovies, and that's…
…oh, dear God…
She wandered into the sickbay and collapsed into a chair, staring emptily at Dr. Zoidberg, too dumbfounded to speak.
"May I help you?" said the lobster, who was hard at work sharpening his scalpel with his claw.
It can't be true, thought Leela. He doesn't even have the same equipment humans have. There's no way he could have…or is there?
Mere hours after Raven had set down on Earth, Fry and Leela marched into the Planet Express lobby, a rectangular package under Fry's arm. They were startled to find Mildred resting in the lounge, exchanging stories with Delta the fembot.
"What are you doing here?" Leela asked the curly-haired girl.
"Delta and I became friends while you were gone," replied Mildred with a carefree smile. "That's okay, isn't it? By the way, why did you stop returning my calls? If you had trouble with hostile aliens, then I understand."
Leela and Fry exchanged suspicious glances.
"What's in the box?" Mildred inquired curiously.
"None of your business," said Fry sharply.
Frinkomatic, Mildred saw written on the side of the package. "Oh, my God!" she exclaimed with what looked like delight. "Is that really a body switcher?"
"We've got to go now," said Fry. He turned abruptly and walked out of the lounge, Leela at his heels, Mildred and Delta following close behind.
"Are you gonna switch bodies?" asked Mildred as she hurried to keep up. "Can I watch?"
"She has no idea we've already switched," Leela whispered to Fry as the pair stepped into Farnsworth's laboratory.
Their entrance aroused the professor's head out of its slumber. "Huh? Wha…?" he stammered.
Fry laid the box containing the Frinkomatic on the table next to his jar, and hastily ripped it open. "We're switching back now, professor," he stated. "I don't want to hear any arguments out of you."
"You won't," Farnsworth assured him. "In reality, a week to ten days is a relatively safe amount of time. They only say a month to avoid lawsuits. Go ahead on."
Mildred watched, intrigued, as Fry and Leela prepared to lay their hands on the wheel-like device. That body switcher is my ticket to freedom, she thought eagerly.
I know what you're thinking, said a voice in her mind. You won't succeed. Leave the room immediately, or I'll turn off your inhibitor chip.
Fry and Leela gazed in wonder at each other, Fry through his two eyes, Leela through her one. "It worked!" said Fry with relief. "I'm a guy again!"
"I've got my boobs back!" Leela exulted.
"And I'm still just a head," said Farnsworth glumly.
Seeing the Frink device lying unattended on the table, Mildred lunged forward between Fry and Leela, grabbing one of its ends with both hands. After flipping the switch to activate it, she swiveled to face Leela and shoved the other end of the unit into the cyclops' impulsively raised hands. I warned you, said the voice sternly, but Mildred no longer heeded it.
Fry and Delta didn't know what was happening. Neither did Leela when she blinked a two-eyed blink and once again saw her own face staring back at her.
Mildred glanced around at the now rather flat-looking lab, then at the body switcher that lay on the floor, then at her, or rather Leela's, hands. Then she let out an exclamation of pure joy: "I'm free!"
"Leela?" said Fry quietly. "What's going on? Free from what?"
Rather than answer, Mildred shoved the young man so that he stumbled and nearly fell over, then bolted for the lab exit, running as fast as Leela's legs would take her.
"Leela!" cried Fry as he regained his footing. "Come back!" The cyclops swiftly vanished down a hallway, and was not seen again.
Fry turned to the bewildered red-haired girl who appeared to him to be Mildred. "Leela?" he said softly. "Is that you?"
"Fry…" uttered Leela, Mildred's voice replacing her own. She tried to say more, but her words were squelched by a sudden, irresistible burst of murderous rage.
A long metal conducting rod with a sharp tip lay propped against a wall to her right. Snarling viciously, no longer aware of what she was doing, she seized the rod with both hands, then hammered it into Fry's ribcage so forcefully that the bloody tip came out through his back.
Stay tuned for the thrilling sequel!