Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling. The use of its characters, locations and universe in general are merely a lend. I only own the plot (or in this case, the dialogue).
A.N.: I was bored one day, and had nothing better to do, and this came along with my overactive imagination. I liked it, so I'm deciding to post. Although the setting is never actually described, this takes place in the winter tearoom at the Potter's residence, during the Christmas break of 1990. This is also obviously an Alternative Universe. And it's all dialogue, something I never did before.
Talks over Coffee Mugs
December 29 1990.
"I've missed this."
"Me too. I guess we got too busy. Life finally caught up with us."
"Well, you at least have your reasons. I'm simply a professor and a bachelor. Now you're a working wife and a mother."
"Yes, and with both my husband and son being pranksters supreme, it's fair to say I have my hands quite full."
"Especially if Sirius comes to play the godfather, or Peter decides to show his new products for the joke shop."
"You're hopeless. You're all hopeless."
"Even me?"
"Especially you, Remus."
"Why thank you."
"I always knew you were the worst of the Marauders."
"Is that so? I thought you believed me the level-headed one…"
"The professors certainly had that impression, otherwise they wouldn't have made you a prefect. But I knew underneath that calm façade was the ingenious and mischievous brain behind at least half the pranks you played."
"Only the most ingenious ones. Sirius would come up with the outrageous ones, Peter with the essentially funny ones, and James…"
"James would simply wreak havoc!"
"Exactly. I couldn't have put in better words."
"He is my husband, after all. I like to think I know him fairly enough."
"Who would have known you, Lily Evans, would end up marrying him?"
"He certainly thought so. But in truth, people always said I'd end up with a Marauder because I 'hated you all with a passion', as Marlene used to say."
"Hmm."
"I used to think I'd marry you…"
"Really?"
"Yes, and don't sound so surprised!"
"I'm not surprised, I'm amused."
"Well, since I was the one to ask you out, I thought you'd have at least an inkling of what went through my mind."
"Certainly, but I never imagined you to be the type of girl to dream about her wedding at only fifteen."
"I was a girl, after all. We always think those things. I only never let you know I was such a girly girl."
"Indeed. And come again, why didn't I ask you out?"
"I believe you were traumatized from past experiences."
"Oh yes. The lovely Meredith Whitehall. And let us not forget Susan Caldwell, and all the pleasant situations I went through with both of them."
"If it makes you feel any better, I would never hold those against you. After all, you were still a young boy of fourteen or fifteen."
"Not to mention Sirius had planned everything, so it was bound to go wrong sooner or later."
"Of course! And there's the fact that you wouldn't ask me because of James. It irked me to no end that he was so conceited and acted as if I had to be throwing myself at him like other girls."
"For you, he was only a big-headed git who played pranks for fun and enjoyed embarrassing you in front of school. But I knew. We all knew James actually liked you and didn't know how to act. He had learned to play it cool. You were the first girl he was interested in like that. He wanted to know you, not like the other girls that in some level he just used them."
"Very insightful. Well, that's all old history now. We're happily married, and we have Harry and my darling baby."
"Yes. The lovely little Holly Potter."
"Hum-hmm. You know, it took me a long time to forgive you for breaking up with me."
"I know. I still have the scar from that ashtray you threw at me in Transfiguration!"
"I got a detention for that…"
"As you should have! You nearly blinded me!"
"Oh like you're one to talk! Do I have to start listing all the potentially dangerous pranks you Marauders played?"
"No, you do not. And I'd also like to point out that we received detentions for nearly all of them."
"Ha! Try forty-five per cent and you'll be closer to the mark."
"Really? That much?"
"You're impossible."
"I aim to please."
"I know. That's why I love you."
"…"
"…"
"Lily?"
"Hmm?"
"You do know I love you, right?"
"Yes. I do."
"You and Marlene… You were the only women I ever loved."
"Remus…"
"Isn't it ironic that you both ended marrying my two best friends?"
"I hate irony."
"You do not. You're one of the most sarcastic women I ever met."
"Well yes, but sarcasm is different. It's a weapon of defence. Irony is just a cruel trick fate plays on us."
"Perhaps you're right."
"Well… since we're at the subject, who did you have a harder time forgiving, James or Sirius?"
"For stealing the women I love, you mean? I could never blame James, since I was the one to break up with you because of him."
"Yes, as previously established."
"Yes. And Marlene… I was actually glad that she and Sirius got together."
"Seriously?"
"Yeah. Marlene and I… We fell apart. Something changed during the years we were together. I still loved her, but I think it was more of a sister-brother thing. Anyway…"
"But she broke up with you."
"Yes. She was quicker to see things were already too ruined so we could work it out."
"I'm sorry…"
"Don't be. It's all in the past. Well, perhaps I'd accept an apology for the ashtray…"
"I already apologized, about fifteen years ago."
"You did. Well, I guess it was never meant to be."
"Us?"
"That too. You and James had the spark. Just as Sirius and Marlene. We never had that."
"Of course we did! I can't believe you forgot how we used to argue through third to fifth year!"
"Yes, but you argued with me because of James, Lily."
"Oh. Yes."
"Don't sound so forlorn."
"I can't help it. I want you to be happy, Remus."
"I am."
"Truly happy. I would like to see you married, with many little children…"
"Maybe I'm just not cut for that type of life. Perhaps I should be a Dumbledore."
"No. You're too much a Marauder for that."
"Thank you."
"You're welcome. And I'm sure you'll find your match, and she'll be just as Marauder-ish as you are."
"I have to search harder then, because you and Marlene were the closest ones to that I ever found."
"I never played pranks or engaged in dangerous behaviour or adventures. Marlene might have done so from time to time, but truthfully, you were too much alike. You know what they say about opposites attract."
"What, you mean I need a girl who's colourful, loud, clumsy, and rebellious?"
"Despite the fact that you could be considered all that in your own way, yes. More or less. With other such traits of you Marauders, of course. Don't take this the wrong way, but I actually think you need the female version of Black."
"Oh great. She'll be a slut then. Ow! Don't hit me, Lily!"
"You deserved that for cursing your future bride."
"We don't even know who she is."
"But she'll marry you, so you should respect her, whoever she might be. And no, she won't be a slut. Amazingly as it is, I don't consider Sirius one either."
"You don't say!"
"Well, he certainly had his days in Hogwarts when his ego and good looks got the best of him. But he's overcome it. Maybe you should see if he'd fix you up with one of his cousins or other relatives."
"Have you forgotten all we know of the Black family? Besides, Sirius says the only decent girl in his family is now long happily married."
"Oh yes, I remember. Andromeda Black. You used to fancy her, didn't you?"
"What? Who told you that?"
"Don't look so shocked. You were pretty obvious as an eleven-year-old."
"I guess I was. Sirius used to tease me endlessly about it, too. But as she was a sixth year very popular Slytherin when we started Hogwarts, it was all just that: a childhood bit of fancying."
"Were you sad when she eloped with Ted Tonks the next year?"
"A little. But I was also glad for them. Tonks was a good guy."
"Yeah. They had a little girl, didn't they?"
"They did. I remember Sirius saying his cousin was insane to name her child with such an outrageous name. The girl would blame her forever, he said. It's funny that I don't actually remember what name it was right now. All I know is that he calls her little Dora."
"But she's not as little anymore, is she? They had her back in 1973, so she should be about seventeen now. And wait a moment, you should know her! She must be one of your students in Hogwarts!"
"She is. A Gryffindor, too."
"Then how come you don't remember her name?"
"She asks everyone she meets, including professors, to call her Tonks. Apparently, Sirius was right about her being traumatized because of her name. But I remember it now. Nymphadora."
"Hmm. It has a sort of musical ring, don't you think?"
"Unique and whimsical. I think it's a beautiful name."
"Hmm. Maybe you should date her."
"Lily Angelica Evans!"
"You forgot Potter. And don't sound so outrageous, I was only joking. I know you'd never date a student. And I never thought I'd see you with behaviour reminiscent of our teen years, but by the way you're blushing madly over there, I take it she's quite a beautiful young lady as well?"
"I think I'll remain non-committal about that, thank you very much."
"You're such a prude."
"Ha! Potter calling the kettle black…"
"You're not a kettle, and your last name is Lupin."
"Haha. Very funny, Lily. You realize your husband and friends have an awful influence over you?"
"I know. It's annoying at times. And quite tiresome when I try to teach Harry not to be like them."
"I've noticed. He also has your sarcasm."
"I keep telling the boy that's very disrespectful."
"But Lily darling, you are sarcastic."
"I can be. I'm his mother and an adult. When a child is sarcastic it's just cheek and bloody maddening."
"You're helpless. But you're also right about that."
"Thank you. When he goes to Hogwarts, make sure to punish him accordingly if he ever goes out of line."
"Lily, he's James's son and Sirius's godson. 'Going out of line' is a big understatement for the havoc that boy is about to wreak in Hogwarts."
"Oh Lord. I hope not. Well, as long as he doesn't put himself or his friends into danger."
"It's actually amusing to see how mothers get into such forms of denial. Hey! You hit me again!"
"I'm sorry, darling. Old habit."
"That's okay. Just make sure it doesn't happen again."
"I'll do my best, Remus. But anyway, when dear Nymphadora is no longer your student, will you pursue her?"
"You're hopeless, Lily. You and James definitely belong together."
"I know."
A.N.: That's about it. I believe they could go on forever; they're absolutely wonderful to write just like that. But it seemed like as good a place to stop as any other. I hope this was entertaining, even if only a little bit. I know I had a great time writing this.
A special disclaimer: the phrase "Potter calling the kettle black…" was directly inspired by Lady Bracknell and specifically chapter two of her piece "Disaster: See Also, Remus J Lupin, lovelife of". Which is highly recommended reading, by the way.
Any questions, please send me a review or PM. Oh, and the Marlene mentioned in their conversation is Marlene McKinnon, who's a character from the books, if only by mention (PS, GF, OP).