Disclaimer: Naruto not mine. Do you have to rub it in?
AN: This is a slash fic, which if you somehow don't know, means M/M action. There's going to be some sex eventually (which is probably going to be pretty awful, since I'll have no idea what I'm doing, but I'll try really hard), so be warned.
Training with Jounin
Chapter One: The Invitation
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Jounin are a particular group. They bring notoriety to their village, complete the most difficult of missions, and keep the streets safe for the little nin-children. But they are also the most dangerous force to the village itself, for one very important reason. Because they get bored very very easily.
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"Good morning, Kakashi-sensei." Iruka said to the silver haired jounin that had perched upon his desk with a silent jump from the open classroom window. Kakashi stared at him, ignoring the dozen and a half wide eyed academy students seated who craned their heads closer to see what was going on.
"Is there something you needed?" Kakashi remained silent, and pulled out his Icha Icha Paradise vol 6 to read. Iruka's eye twitched, and the students quickly looked back away and began working on their book work furiously. They knew not to interfere when the eye twitched. But sadly, Kakashi didn't.
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Jounin are, as a rule, completely crazy. There is not a one who has been on one jounin-class mission that doesn't have some strange quirk or fetish. Some walk around with sharpened senbon in their mouths, some proclaim the Joys of the Springtime of Youth and disappear into the sunset. Some secretly peek into the women's bathing house. Some openly peek into the women's bathing house. And some wear masks and hide behind porn. Every jounin has some particularity to distance themselves from others, as another form of defense in their world of killing and death.
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"Kakashi-sensei, why are you reading porn in front of my classroom of eight-year-olds?" Iruka asked in a deceptively calm voice. The children shuddered. The ones closest to Iruka's desk abandoned their 'ten things not to do with a kunai' essays and got into the fetal position under the tables. Kakashi held his porn higher, until it completely obscured his masked face, and continued reading.
"Children, I think maybe you should go home a few minutes early today." Iruka said, with a terrifying grin on his face. The children didn't move, frozen with fear. They were caught between their desire for freedom and their fear of retribution from their sensei for skipping out on class.
"But Iruka-sensei, it's only eleven o'clock. We've still got three hours left." Konohamaru whispered.
"A good ninja always listens to orders!" Iruka shouted. The class emptied in two-point-three-five seconds, a new class record.
"Now I can deal with you!" Iruka took a deep breath and was about to start his tirade against porn in classrooms when Kakashi finally lowered his book.
"Oh, hello Iruka-sensei! How are you doing?" Yes, that's right. The jounin had broken into the academy, entered Iruka's classroom through the window, crouched on his desk, and read porn, and now he was acting totally oblivious.
'He's an elite jounin ninja' Iruka told himself. 'He's a valuable asset to the village. Must…not…kill!' He tried to loosen the death grip he had on his kunai.
"What are you doing here, Kakashi?" He asked, through clenched teeth.
Kakashi thought for a moment, and smiled through his masked. "Well, you see, while I was walking down the path of life, I found a lion with a thorn in its paw, and after I pulled it out and won its eternal gratitude and friendship, it told me to come here."
Iruka repeated his mantra. 'He's an elite jounin ninja…'
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The reason jounin get bored so easily, the reason none of them could be classified as sane, is simple. The strain of their high danger lives leaves them with three choices. They can find ways to cope with the trauma, they can suffer a complete breakdown and be left with the mental capabilities of a stump, or they can die. The only jounin that survive are the first group. They take the broken pieces of their psyche and separate them into 'killer ninja' and 'person'. They seal off a portion of themselves from danger and hurt, leaving them with a ruthless killer personality on the battlefield and a fragile, childlike persona during their off hours.
The first Hokage noticed this phenomenon soon after he trained Konoha's first set of jounin. After battles were fought, he found himself left with children. Crazy, quirky children with full battle skills and a tendency to get bored very, very easily
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"A lion?" Iruka asked, once he felt his calm return to him. "You say you exposed my innocent students to that vulgar literary trash because a lion told you too?"
"It's not trash! Icha Icha are a work of genius. You've obviously never read them." Kakashi responded.
"Of course I've never read them! They're filth."
"How would you know if you haven't read them?"
"I… I don't know! I can just tell." Iruka had a feeling that this conversation was heading down the wrong path.
"Why don't you read some and find out?" With that, Iruka found Icha Icha vol 6 shoved three inches from his face. He blushed as he automatically registered some of the words on the page before he could get his eyes shut.
'I don't care if he's an elite jounin! He must die!' The teacherly portion of his mind told him. The more mischievous portion, which Iruka sadly wasn't listening to at the moment, wondered why Kakashi was reading a yaoi version, instead of normal hentai…
Iruka pushed the book away and opened his eyes to find a smirking Kakashi at the same proximity that the book had been.
"Enjoy?" he asked. Iruka blushed.
"If you don't have any official business here, Kakashi-san, I'll have to ask you to leave. You're trespassing." Iruka told him, switching to his official voice.
Kakashi ducked behind his porn once again. Was he…nervous? Iruka shook his head. 'Jounin are just children with killing skills' he remembered an older chuunin telling him. When Kakashi peeked over his book at him a moment later, the anger was gone from his face. That seemed to encourage him. The silver-haired sensei emerged and tucked his book safely away into his weapons pouch. For the first time, Iruka noticed a note pinned to the other's flak vest. Kakashi unpinned it and handed it to him like a guilty academy student turning in prank ninja gear.
"I'm supposed to give this to you." He said shyly, and disappeared with a transportation jutsu.
Iruka opened the note. It read:
You, Umino Iruka, are hereby invited to participate in an exclusive jounin round of Jailbreak, in the forbidden area at sunrise on the twenty fifth. Please respond as quickly as possible. Dress for training and bring only standard weapons. This is an invitation only event.
"Jailbreak? Isn't that a children's game? Why was Kakashi so nervous about inviting my to a children's game?" Iruka's questions were interrupted by a polite bark. He looked up to see Pakkun seated on his desk, sniffing through his papers.
"So will you be attending, youngster?" the tiny dog asked.
"Sure, why not?" Iruka answered, still confused. Pakkun disappeared, and a moment later, Iruka heard cheering right outside of his classroom window.
Iruka shook his head and packed up his papers. "Jounins." He said with an exasperated sigh, and left to find some sane company.
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When the First Hokage founded Konoha, he realized the potential danger of the jounin, but didn't have much time to worry with it, given all the fighting that had to take place to protect his fledgling village. So it wasn't until the arrival of the Second Hokage and more peaceful times that the true problems arose. The jounin got bored, and when they got bored, they wreaked havoc. They pranked each other with their great ninja skills and their not so great reason. They played sports with weaponry instead of balls and sticks, and lit things on fire to find out what things were flammable (an important bit of knowledge for future missions, they argued). All the money they earned from dangerous mission went to rebuilding the village they destroyed daily.
There is also a second group in the Hidden village of Konoha: the chuunin. They aren't as talented in the ways of the ninja as the jounin, so they aren't the bread-winners of the village. Instead, they are the unofficial backbone of Konoha. They are the ones given the positions of responsibility in the everyday life of Konoha. They teach the children, they do the lower ranked missions, they do paperwork, run the mission board, and keep the jounin in check. They use the sanity that the jounin sacrifice to keep things working smoothly.
So while the jounin were routinely destroying Konoha, the chuunin were thinking of a way to keep the jounin occupied. Their solution was games. Jounin, like children, love playing, competing, and most of all winning. They love secrets and being exclusive. And while the jounin were off playing their 'secret' jounin only ninja games, the chuunin were free to bring the village into an era of prosperity.
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"Does this make any sense to you guys?" Iruka asked his chuunin coworkers, as he passed around the invitation. "Why do I need weapons to play a child's game?"
The older chuunin in the teachers' lounge smirked at each other.
"Have you RSPVed yet?" They asked slyly.
"Yes. Should I not have?" Iruka inquired, getting quite nervous looking at the Cheshire grins growing on their faces.
"Depends on who invited you. You do know the stakes, don't you?"
"There are stakes?" 'Oh shit! What have I gotten myself into?'
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The first jounin games were not, in fact, successes. The jounin were too busy destroying things and trying to think of new ways to get adrenaline rushes (which is pretty hard for ninja; none of the normal stuff, like bungee jumping or extreme sports, works because their training makes it seem easy, and they'd get thrown out of the village if they became dependent on drugs) to show up. The chuunin had to resort to desperate measures.
It is widely accepted that the jounin have two great motivators. There are only two things guaranteed to capture the attention any jounin (with the sole exception of Maito Gai, but then again, he is the exception for every rule known to man, especially the fashion rules). These two things are sake and sex. And, well… the chuunin figured that sake and sharp objects shouldn't be friends. Thus, the modern version of Jounin Jailbreak was born.
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"What are the stakes?" Iruka asked the other chuunin, who looked like cats with mangled canaries in their grips.
The chuunin told him.
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Jounin Jailbreak is sort of like the normal version. There are two teams, the hiders and the seekers. When a hider is caught, he is placed into the 'jail', where he must remain until the game ends or he is rescued by a team mate. The jounin version is started at noon, and continues until sunset (they use it as a training session, so it's about endurance as well as stealth skills). If the entire hiding team is caught before sunset, the seeking team wins. If even one hider remains free, the hiders win.
'Yes, but what's the stake?'
'Be patient, Iruka-kun, we're getting there.'
The teams always have to have an equal number, which might by why you've been invited. Don't worry though, there could be other chuunin there on invitations as well. Don't ask why, we'll explain in a minute. The teams divide up couples, and each person has a counterpart on the opposite team. The stakes are against that person.
'But what do they get?'
Their counterpart.
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"What?" Iruka screamed.
"The winning team wins the losing team for one night, to do whatever they want (within certain boundaries, of course. Everything's consensual). And for a chuunin to be invited, that means a jounin has their eye on you. You should be honored."
Iruka began hyperventilating.
"What? Why? Who…why me? Who would…? Who would invite me?""
The other chuunin gave him the look they usually reserved for very dumb students. "Who gave you the invitation, Iruka-kun?"
"Kakashi did. But he couldn't… he doesn't like…he definitely couldn't have." Iruka stuttered. His head was spinning.
The other chuunin kept giving him the 'the answer's right there in front of you, stupid' look. "I suppose there have been a few instances where a jounin had another deliver the invitation, so the chuunin would be surprised, but id doesn't happen often. Jounin have no shame."
"That must be what happened." Iruka stated firmly. "Now I just have to find Kakashi and tell him this is all a big mistake and that whoever sent that invitation is just going to have to find somebody else to play with."
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Three hours later, Iruka was still looking for Kakashi.
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Eight hours later, Kakashi was still nowhere to be found.
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Iruka finally managed to track down Kakashi in the wee hours of the morning, while he was visiting the Memorial Stone. Iruka was glad; he was about to resort to staking out the Adult Bookstore.
"Kakashi! I need to talk to you about the Jounin Games." He said, making sure to cut off Kakashi's escape roots with a few well placed bunshin.
"Yes, I know. Aren't you excited? Only three more days!" How could Kakashi act so nonchalant?
"No! I'm not going to them! I didn't know about the…conditions! You'll have to tell whoever sent the invitation that I'm honored, but I can't do it."
"Whoever sent the invitation? What do you mean by that? And you have to come. You've already agreed, and the teams have already been set up. If you drop out now, the entire game will have to be cancelled! We've been planning for months." Kakashi gave the most impressive one-eyed puppy-dog stare that has ever been performed before or since.
"But…but… I'm just a chuunin! I'd be a liability for my team!"
"Oh, that's taken care of! We've balanced out the skill levels! Besides, you're talented enough to hold your own. We won't be going all out." Kakashi looked incredibly proud that he had foreseen that argument.
"I have to teach! I don't have time for games!"
"Don't worry. I've put in for a substitute teacher for you. You won't even have to go in the day after, if you don't want to!" Iruka blushed when he thought about what he'd be doing the night before to make him want to skip out of school the next day.
"But…I don't think I'd be comfortable with…I mean…"
"Iruka-sensei, I never knew you were so shy. Can't even talk about sex…" Kakashi shook his head.
"I can too! And just because you're a porn-reading pervert doesn't mean that I have to be one to. I'm not going to have sex with a stranger just because you tricked me into agreeing to play your little games!"
"A stranger? Iruka, you wouldn't be having sex with a stranger. You don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with. The prize at the end is just a motivation to try your hardest. It's not set in stone that everyone has to do it. And Gai isn't going to be there, if that's what you're worried about. That would be too wrong even for us!"
Iruka glared at him.
"Fine. I'll go tell everyone else that we can't have our games this time because Iruka-sensei is too afraid."
Iruka wanted to point out that three days was plenty of time to find a replacement for him, but he figured Kakashi wouldn't have listened anyways.
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Iruka got through the first day with only marginal problems. Every jounin in the village somehow managed to walk by him and glare. But Iruka was strong. He could deal with the hate that he could feel boring in to him with every stare; he was a teacher, after all.
He even got halfway through the second day. But then, the hate mail started pouring in. Well, not hate mail as much as hate stick figure cartoons. And then, at lunch break, the jounin bribed his student into acting up and driving him crazy. The jounin who were parents called for hours long parent teacher conferences, and make Iruka explain every point he had counted off on every assignment he had given the particular student. When he finally arrived home, a full five hours later than he normally did, finding his bed on the roof and his bath tub full of orange Jell-O was the last straw.
"Kakashi! Come out here NOW!" He shouted. The jounin in question popped in through the window and greeted him with a wave. "If I agree to play your game, will all of this stop?" He asked wearily. Kakashi nodded.
"And will you clean this up so I can just get my bath and go to sleep?" Kakashi nodded again. "All right. I'll play. But look at me. I'm not in any way agreeing to have sex with anyone, understood?" Kakashi nodded a final time.
Iruka plopped down on his couch, exhausted from his trying day. Kakashi summoned a few shadow clones to clean up the tub, retrieve the bed, and cook something warm for the chuunin. As Iruka began to doze, Kakashi covered him with a blanket.
Iruka awoke an hour later. He found his house empty, but his tub filled with a bubble bath (kept warm via a warming jutsu) and ramen steaming in a little cup on his table. Maybe he wouldn't kill Kakashi for putting him through all these troubles. Iruka slurped his ramen down and settled into his bath. Yes, he would definitely settle with just mangling Kakashi for giving him the day from Hell. When he finished his soak in the tub, Iruka went to his room and found his sheets had also been jutsued to feel pleasantly warm. 'MMMmmm' Iruka thought, as he drifted to sleep once more. 'I'll definitely give Kakashi a good talking to tomorrow, for what he put me through.
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Howdy howdy howdy! I'll try to be quick with updates, but I don't know how much time I'm going to have this week. More reviewsfaster updates, so review your little pervy hearts out if you like my story!