The Ramblings of an Insane and Confused Hermione

Lucid-03-days

Recently I've been thinking about certain people in my life. Okay, I lied. One specific person in my life. Is that wrong of me to do so? It's just, part of me feels like I'm too young to even comprehend the emotions that I feel when he's around me. Then there's the other part of me that's tell that other part to go shove it. It really makes no sense, and I just end up confusing myself.

I don't like to be confused. I'm a pretty intelligent girl. I know what's what and all of that. But this emotion I'm talking about, this love. I don't get it one bit. I mean, yeah, I know that I feel something different for him. I mean, there's how I feel for Harry then there's how I feel for Ron. They're both completely different.

It makes me laugh when people think that I have some sort of feelings for Harry. Well, I do have feelings for him. He is one of my best friends, I love him dearly. But, that's not what I'm talking about here. I'm speaking about another type of love. The one that makes ones stomachs to flips and feel like your legs could give out at any second if they look at you too long. That's how I feel about Ron.

This is where the problem comes in. Ron is also one of my best mates. I love him just as dearly as I do Harry. It's just, there is something else there. Other than the brotherly love that I have for Harry. I can't really explain it though. It's just that the thought of being with him puts a smile on my face, even if it's just to sit next to him during potions or something of that sort.

I can't pinpoint the exact moment when I realized that I had fallen in love with him, but I know that it happened without me even realizing it. It took me by complete surprise. I mean it was quite a shock to realize at the end of Transfiguration that I hadn't taken any notes. Although I had managed to write "Ronald Bilus Weasley" a couple hundred times on the parchment. That has to be a record! Although, it was a bit embarrassing when he and Harry had asked for my notes. Luckily, they didn't notice my ears turning pink, for they were covered up by my hair. I made up something about them needing to pay attention in class more, and left them standing in the Gryffindor common room.

That's not the only time I've come close to being exposed. It's happened many times. I've come to the conclusion that he's completely clueless, so I have nothing to worry about. He falls for the most idiotic reasons as to why I'm caught staring at him. Once, without thinking, I told him that I thought that I saw a pixie flying around him. Yeah, like I'd tell him that I was checking him out. I only wish I had that sort of courage.

But what am I to do? I'm a sixteen year old girl without a clue in the world as to how to speak to guys. Okay, that's not exactly true. My best mates are both of the male species. I suppose what I really meant to say is that, I have no idea how to tell Ron about my feelings for him. It's not only that. Should I even tell him? I don't want to be the reason why our friendship is ruined. What if he doesn't feel the same way? Then things will become awkward between us.

I'm just so confused. What am I supposed to do about all of this? Who can I talk to about it? Because, frankly, I don't think that I am capable of keeping this locked inside me for much longer. The only people that I talk to, let's just say I have no doubt in my mind that whoever I tell will tell him. Even if it's just by accident. Oh Merlin, I'm going to go insane.

Maybe I should just telA/N:l him. It can't possibly be as bad as I think it is. I could just mention to him casually that I think he should rip his shirt off and let me do naughty things to him...or maybe my lack of sleep is effecting my better judgement. I don't really care right now. It's down right evil for him to just sit across from me with his shirt unbuttoned. There should be some sort of rule against that. Screw it, I don't care if there is one.

Okay, breathe Hermione. Just get up and walk up stairs. All you need is some sleep. Maybe by tomorrow you'll be able to look at him without wanting to straddle him and snog him silly. Oh man, I don't know how much longer I'll be able to last.