Disclaimer: I do not nor do I claim to have any rights to the Harry Potter Universe…

A/N: Hope you readers like this! It's a totally new perspective for me, so make sure you give lots and lots of comments/constructive criticism! Woo Hoo! Enjoy…

"Once upon a time, there was a devastatingly handsome young man named Sirius Black. He had a…"

I was trying to tell my six-month-old godson, a pink skinned cherub with a shock of jet black fuzz on his head, a bedtime story. I had been interrupted, however, by James Potter's pathetic cough-like attempt to cover his snigger of laughter. James was giving baby Harry a bath in the sink… soap suds were spreading, falling, and floating everywhere. Harry lifted plump little arms toward them, exploring his universe.

"C'mon, Paddy! He's not even one and he can already tell you're full of it!" James nodded at his son, who was now looking at me with large, green eyes. His dark eyelashes were long, and his mouth was curved up into a huge smile. He was laughing at me in a high-pitched gurgle.

"You're just jealous, Prongsie-Poo! And Hare-Bear just has gas. Let me finish my story. Anyway, Harry… This breathtakingly dashing, humble man had a friend named James. James was a prince. He was arrogant, and marginally less handsome than Sirius. One day…"

oooo Three Years Previously oooo

I walked into the common room with an old, dusty book under my right arm. Today was the day… six full years of watching my friend Prongs and love of his life NOT hit it off was really starting to get to me. I was going to make them go on a date if it's the last thing I'd ever do. And it probably would be, knowing how Lily Evans would react! She was like a saber-toothed tiger when she was angry… but I didn't think about that. Prongsie needed me.

I plopped down into the worn, squashy armchair and flipped through the thick pages of the nasty looking volume I had stolen from my parents' library. Eek… there were some painful looking curses in that book, I remember…

After about an hour I found the three spells I needed to carry out my plan. It would just take a little provocation on the part of a certain slimy, hook-nosed grease ball. I wanted this to work so badly, considering what happened the last time James tried to ask Two-Shoes out. He ended up being chased around the school grounds for a half an hour by a particularly over-excited niffler of Professor Kettleburn's. It took Madame Pomfrey three hours to successfully untransfigure the end of his nose… though I must admit he made a nice fork.

Oooo

"Oy, Snivelly!" I ran after Severus Snape as he walked robotically from greenhouse four toward the two large, wooden doors that opened into the entrance hall. I had skived off Binns' History of Magic class to wait for him, not like the amazing floating sleep-inducing machine would even notice I was gone.

"What now?"

"Nothing. I just thought I'd warn you…"

"I don't need your sympathy."

"Believe me, King Snivelly, sympathy is not the right word. I just thought you might like to know what our wonderful Head Girl has been saying to her little girlfriends about you."

"I don't give a damn about what Evans says. She's a mudblood."

"Oh, you see… Evans has been telling everyone else otherwise. She seems to be under the impression that she needs to protect you from James…"

"WHAT!"

"If you were anything like a man, I'd tell you to call her on it. But since little Snivelly-Poo can't properly defend himself…"

"SHOVE OFF!"

I laughed to myself. My work here was done.

Oooo

I dragged Prongsie down by the lake where a medium-sized crowd had gathered. This was it! I was so excited. I saw Snivelly and Two-Shoes going at it in the center of the lopsided semi-circle of spectators. Lily was denying she had ever said that he needed protecting and Snape was turning purple calling her every sort of nasty name imaginable. I looked at James and saw his face scrunch up.

"Who does he think he is the slimy git!" Prongs marched through the curious students and towards the arguing classmates.

At exactly the wrong time for Snape, and the right time for me, James heard the magic word… "mudblood."

He lunged at Snivelly, his muscular arm raised to punch; this was exactly how I knew he'd react…

Lily raised her arm and grabbed his wrist to keep him from being and idiot. Wow, I knew my peers too well, I could really manipulate them! No! Bad thought! Bad Black-ish, Slytherin thought!

I seized the rare moment. It was time for the first spell, so I raised my wand and said "Frigante!"

Time froze right before my eyes. I made a mental note to destroy this spell after I was done with it. Nobody should really mess with time like this, but when had I ever followed the rules?

I wasn't terribly positive as to how long the spell would last, so I hurried into action, running through robes that were terribly still mid-rustle. Past the suspended pollen in the air…

I pointed my wand at the place where Lily's pale fingers touched Prongs' calloused ones. They were going to regret this slight touch for awhile… "Abremous!"

Oooo

Everyone bow to me! I am a sodding genius! Prongsie and Two-Shoes had been stuck together for two whole hours… they had absolutely no idea how it happened and they couldn't find anything to get their hands unstuck!

Was I amazing, or what?

I was just dying to tell them what they would have to do to go their separate ways…

Oooo

"YOU did this to us!" James lunged at me but stopped after he realized he was dragging Lily violently from her hard wooden chair. They were still in the library, and I was just about to give them my terms for their release. This was actually quite amusing.

"Just fix it, Padfoot! Now!" James shot me a look that would make smaller men whither. But I was used to it…

"I won't let you know until you do what I want. Then you are free to butcher me. Deal?"

"Find out what he wants first!" Lily yelled at James.

"Yeah, Sirius, what do you want out of this?"

"You two, on a date." Two jaws dropped simultaneously.

"You CAN'T be serious!" Lily looked absolutely thunderstruck.

"Umm Lils? That's his name…"

"Don't be a smartass!"

"C'mon, Paddy, please unstick us?" James was not very grateful that I had finally succeeded in making Lily even entertain the possibility of a date with him!

"Not until you go on a proper date, Prongsie, I've got it all set up for you…"

"Bastard!" Lily spat at me. (That wasn't very ladylike if I do say so myself.) "I'll do it, but I will NOT enjoy it, and I am not going to any restaurant YOU chose!"

"O.K. Fine. No restaurant then. But you have to come with me to the portkey now, or it could take awhile before you two are able to sleep in separate dormitories."

Both stood up at once, looking highly embarrassed, but my crude words had done the trick!

Oooo

The three of us walked down the road to Hogsmeade after properly informing all the necessary adults that we were leaving. You know, Lily is absolutely no fun most of time. Why did Prongsie like her again?

Anyway, I showed them the moldy newspaper that would take them to a particularly gorgeous rooftop in Venice, in time to watch the sunset on a balmy night. I told them that there was another portkey where they were going to get back, because the newspaper would disintegrate after it was used. There was an anti- apparition spell surrounding the roof, and all the doors were magically sealed, (yes, even from alohamora!) They would only be able to use the return portkey three hours from when they left, because I know them. I know they would find any loophole in my wonderful plan. I would have, too! That's why I was so good at not leaving any…I rule!

So I left them standing on the road, thinking they were alone. As soon as I was out of sight I ran behind the new shop, Zonko's, and transformed into the great, black dog that really was more like me than I was in all my human grandeur.

I strode out into the street in time to wink at Prongs before the paper whisked him away. I picked up a similar paper near the rubbage container at the corner of the road and felt my body spin wildly around my muzzle.

Oooo

I curled up on the pillow I had left for myself when I went to fix up the roof earlier. That building had belonged to a favorite second cousin of mine, one of the holes in the dratted Black family tapestry because he was decent. Oh Well…

Luckily, Lily didn't notice my odd entrance. I had made sure that there was plenty of nibbles for the two dingbats… fresh slices of bread with oil to dip them in, choice wine from an excellent vineyard in Tuscany. Geesh… the one time I was actually romantic and James benefits from it! I decided right then and there to never, EVER, do anything like that night EVER again. Too mushy for my taste! Excellent vineyards? Who was I, a Malfoy? Trying to figure out this mess Prongsie made was really getting to my head! Jackass.

I went up to Lily, pawed at her leg, and tried to look adorable. Foooooood please. I want bread, or something! Pleeeeeeease!

I watched Lily nudge James and ask, "Do you know that dog?"

"Umm…" James was turning pink. "No! No I don't! But I have seen it before, once or twice, and I'm bloody sure it has brain damage."

I made a mental note to bite him later.

"Forget about him, Lils. Don't make this time any worse than it has to be…"

"James?"

"Yeah?" He was leaning back dangerously in the chair, staring into the reds and oranges that painted the panoramic sky, his free hand woven into the messy black hair at the back of his head.

"I thought you wanted to go out with me…" She blushed. She was totally embarrassed. Awesome! I knew she liked him back!

"Still do, Lils. Just not like this."

"But, it's so beautiful here."

James flew out of his seat, and the chair flew out from under him because of its previous practically diagonal position. He fell on the roof with a thud, and looked up at Two-Shoes. She had fallen on him because, well, they were still stuck together! I am brilliant!

"You… you like it here?"

"Yea I sort of do. I guess it… grew on me. But that doesn't mean it's not obnoxious!"

I cocked my head violently in confusion. Were they still talking about Italy?

"Do you think you could stand it, I mean… to um… come back, every once in awhile?"

"Sure. Every day… for a long time."

She hadn't made any attempt to get off of him.

James looked elated.

I wagged my tail like a maniac.

It was time to go back, and use that last spell. I bloody rock.

oooo Three years forward oooo

Harry looked like Father Christmas… he was covered in bubbles. I leaned over and rubbed the top of his head.

"Hare-bare, the morale of this story is… don't grow up to be an idiot like your father."