Three days later, I killed him. The madness did not end. This was a situation I could never be selfish in. This was not worth his love. As much as I told myself I'd do anything for him, this was insane and I would never.

We were at the Iifa tree. And if he loved me, he did not love me enough to let me live, so every time he hit me, I hit him back twice as hard. Two of my friends were down, it was Garnet and I. She kept casting healing spells on us. The fact that she was such a great white mage was probably the only reason he hadn't annihilated us by that time.

While we battled, I didn't see him as the man I loved. I didn't see him as the man I cried for. I saw him as a wicked thing, a demon, a devil, something horrible. Something that needed to be destroyed for the sake of the world.

I got him down. As he fell, Garnet cast a series of spells on him, but I ran to him. He lay there on the ground, his eyes stared straight up when I reached him. "..You win." He whispered, I saw his eyes focus on me, and something like happiness touched them. But there was also sadness that broke my heart.

"I'm sorry it had to be this way." I whispered back. I was holding him now. I kept apologizing, for everything, even that he couldn't realize what life was really about.

"I think I know now." He responded, his voice was weak, he looked faint. It looked like it hurt him to smile. Gently, I wiped the tears that fell from his eyes, and then the ones that fell from my own and landed on his face.

"Why couldn't you listen to me?" I asked, squeezing his hand tightly. I wished he had. I wished he'd given in the moment I suggested he took me forever. "Why are you so stubborn..?" I said, unable to hide that I was crying.

"Zidane..?" I heard Garnet's voice coming up behind me, but I put my hand up to stop her, and her footfall ended.

"Zidane, kiss me one more time?" he asked softly as I brushed his hair from his face with the utmost care. I nodded slightly and leaned down to kiss his lips with the softest passion I could come up with, though my lips, like the rest of my body, just wanted to tremble. I kissed his forehead and I swear I felt it when his soul left his body.

"Please Kuja, come back, be well again, be sane. I love you." I whispered. I whispered it again and kissed his face. I held his limp body closely until Garnet came over and put her arms around me. "Zidane.. It's alright." She whispered, but I couldn't stop crying.

-x-x-x-x-x-

It was a while before I was all right again. Though my enemy was defeated, I also lost my lover. But the world was safe, so I couldn't complain much. He was an awful person to fall in love with.

I never told anyone of our relationship, but I think Garnet suspected something she couldn't quite figure out. Especially after the way I reacted to the Death of Kuja. Who cried when they killed their enemy? A destroyer of the world. A monster, even. There was no reasoning for it save for the fact that there must have been something more.

It's been almost three years now.

Occasionally, I have nightmares that I wake up crying from. Ones in which I kill him. He died in my arms countless times. Each time I wake up, I wind up crying myself to sleep again.

I still go to Burmecia sometimes, and Treno, and every other place I'd ever met him in. It always brings back memories; I try to keep them sharp. I can still play out each time I met him in my head, remembering it exactly, as if it was only the day before.

I always close my eyes like I used to, and some sad part of me secretly hopes for his touch. Sometimes, I swear I can feel his breath on my neck, the kiss of his lips on my face, or hear him saying my name like he used to.

I dream of him now and again. I dream of seeing him, I dream of holding him, I dream of living that normal way that I'd pretended that night in that inn while he slept in my arms what seems like so long ago.

I've almost forgotten the times he'd been harsh with me. I'd forgotten every time my heart ached for him as it does now. I still cry for him sometimes, and hope that I'll see him again some day. When I'm alone, I whisper to him now and again. I tell him I love him every time.

I still have that note he left me that one night.

owari