Entry One—

If I see another Elemental Hero, I'll shoot myself in the head. Seriously.

WHAT IS WITH HIS MONSTERS?

How does this guy win with a 1600 ATK beatstick, I do know not. I wonder where he got such lame cards like that. He must have pulled a fast one on a bartender.

His Burstinatrix looks like she has something between her legs.

And Crowler says MY pants are too tight.

Entry Two—

Ok, that's it. I'm stopping the duel right now and slapping this moron with my duel disk.

I'll get YOUR game on.

Entry Three—

Gah. Death glares don't work on him. Now that slacker's attempting to give me a 'pep talk.'

"Come on, Chazz! You'll never win if you don't start having fun with dueling! It doesn't matter if you lose or not…just as long as you're having a good time!"

Take an after-pill, Joseph. You don't want Alexis to bear your babies with those kinds of thoughts.

"It's Jaden…"

Darn. Am I talking out loud again?

"Yes. And your brothers are looking at you strangely."

Don't worry about that. They just want to rape me.

Entry Four—

"And now by fusing my Elemental Hero Avian and Burstinatrix, I can summon—"

…wait for it…wait for it…

"—my Elemental Hero Flame Wingman!"

MY GAWD. Is there a single duel this guy plays that doesn't involve his Christmas tree?

Entry Five—

I'm not talking about his penis.

Entry Six—

Another thing. How can the fusion of a guy and a chick end up as a muscular dude with a rooster head and four-pack?

Entry Seven—

"Now for every Hero Kid that's in my graveyard, your Armed Dragon loses 400 attack points!"

Damn. Slade is never going to leave my ass alone after this.

Entry Eight—

I mean that in literal terms.

Entry Nine—

Stupid Slifer slacker just won the duel. Where's a portable SUV when you need one? At least a pogo stick?

…I think I stepped in gum. I can't run away now.

Shoot.

Entry Ten—

"You're no brother of ours!"

Oww…stop hurting me, Slade! All you're doing is increasing the sexual tension in the room!

"Let him go!"

Huh? How in the world did the whole peanut gallery suddenly walk onto the arena within 37.1 seconds after the duel ended? Wasn't Alexis sitting in the third row?

Entry Eleven—

Not that I was…uh…looking. Not at all, no SIR-EE.

Entry Twelve—

"I know this sounds cheesy, but I think everybody won here."

Every time I hear Jaden talk, I wonder where natural selection went wrong.

Entry Thirteen—

"Shout the cheer one more time!"

GOD. PLEASE. NO.

Entry Fourteen—

Note to self: Hire a gun assassin within the next two days to take out Jaden Yuki. The Yellow Pages does wonders.

Entry Fifteen—

"Chazz it up! Chazz it up!"

YOU SCREAM THAT AGAIN, AND I'LL KILL YOU ALL!

Entry Sixteen—

…they're not listening are they? Drat.

Hey Jagger, I know I lost the duel but can I go home with you in the helicopter, big bro? I want to make a quick stop by North Korea and speak with a guy named Kim Jong II.

Entry Seventeen—

Oh, you don't approve nuclear weapons? Well I can't just STAB everybody in the room. There's too many of them! And whatever happened to world domination?

Don't make me do the puppy-lip pout.

Entry Eighteen—

"I don't have time for this garbage! I'm leaving!"

You guys suck. I hope you both get eaten by mutilated rabbits.

Entry Nineteen—

That's a CHICK?

Entry Twenty—

"Are you sure you won't come back with us, Chazz?"

Ask that again and I'll sink the submarine. North Academy is full of guys with funky German accents who all want to bed me. I might lose my virginity before my next birthday.

Entry Twenty-one—

Well, if it's to ALEXIS, that's a whole other story…

Entry Twenty-two—

Wait, what? I'm in Slifer Red?

…

COME BACKKKK! I WANT TO BE IN A SCHOOL FULL OF EUROPEAN SEX-ADDICTSSS!

Entry Twenty-three—

Jaden! Stop groping my ass!