A/N: For awhile now I've wanted to set up a spot for where I could stash single chapter fics. And after seeing what some of my fellow writers have done, I'm finally tossing my hat into the ring and taking the plunge.
The Adventures of Answerman and Flyboy
by NebbyJen
Characters: SGA-1
Category: All of them.
Rating: T (mild swearing)
Spoilers/Season: none/2
Disclaimer: Written for fun only.
The Brat
No one said a word. Or at least, no one on the team was talking. The only sound came from the continual chattering of the little girl who had apparently taken an instant liking to McKay and had made it a point to follow him. Asking literally non-stop questions ever since the team had left the small village in search of remnants of a ship rumored to be located in the nearby hills; her incessant barrage of words could not bring one response from the usually verbose scientist. And that had Sheppard worried.
Calling the group to a halt, he turned to face the man in question, his eyes appraising Rodney's state of being; trying to interpret what was going through that brilliant mind. Hidden behind dark glasses, arms folded tightly across his chest, and don't forget the jutting jaw resting off to the side of his mouth, it was more than clear that Mount McKay was a simmering volcano about to blow. And the seven year old fuse clung to him like an obstinate thistle burr to the pantleg.
"Ronon, you and McKay scout ahead to the top of this ridge, see if you can spot anything from above." When the pair broke off from the group, the colonel intercepted their tag-a-long by the shoulder and brought her to a halt alongside Teyla and himself. "And you, what do you say you stay here with us? It looks kind of steep further ahead and I don't want to have to go back and explain to your parents why you're covered in Band-Aids."
The dirt smudged face glared back at him in pure defiance. "I go wherever I want, and you can't stop me." With a twist of her shoulder, she was free and headed after the two men climbing towards the crest.
This time it was Teyla who stopped the child. Hunkering down to be at eye level, she balanced her weight on her toes and smiled patiently. "Marla, Colonel Sheppard has graciously allowed you to accompany us, but if you are to continue, you must obey his orders."
"Papa is the Governor and no one tells him what to do." Her tanned hands pressed firmly to her hips, her dark green eyes glittering dangerously in the sunlight, "And I don't take orders, either." With a swift push to Teyla's shoulder, she tipped the Athosian off balance, causing the surprised woman to fall backwards and land on her rear-end.
The look of eternal patience that seemed to ever flow from Teyla disappeared in an instant. Before she had the chance to take the little tyrant over her knee, Sheppard effectively snagged the girl by the back of her bright pink shirt and held her at arms length as if he was holding a poisonous snake by the tail.
"I'm thinking it's time we send you home," he said firmly. Using his free hand to activate his radio, he sent a page to the rest of his team that had disappeared over the crest and were no longer in sight. "Ronon, McKay, this is a bust on our end. See anything up there?"
"Negative, Colonel," Rodney replied irritably. "This is just another wild goose chase. My scanner shows very faint readings, but honestly, if there is something here, it's most likely so old that it's just dead."
"Don't tell me you found where the Energizer bunny finally went to lay down and die?"
There was a pause between transmissions before McKay signaled in return. "About that, any chance it banged its annoying little drum on its way back home?"
Sheppard glanced at the spitfire still struggling for freedom in his grasp. "We'll deliver the package and then return to the gate."
Ronon's rumbling voice dryly came from the radio. "McKay went to look at something else. Wants to know if we can meet you outside of the village." It was clearly a cover because the swearing scientist could still be heard in the background.
"Tell him if I don't see his ass heading back down this way in less than ten minutes, I'm going to let go of a certain bunny and watch it gnaw his hide the entire way home." With that he tucked his radio back in his vest and glanced over to Teyla who was nodding in approval.
Marla had stopped squirming and now focused on Sheppard, the look of trouble brewing clearly written across her smug little face. "You said a bad word. You said ass."
"I won't tell if you won't." The retort slipped out before he could stop it and he mentally kicked himself. If that wasn't a challenge to the mini spawn of Satan, he didn't know what was.
She smiled and he knew it was the look of a tattle tale if he ever saw one. Crap, he hated this day. With a disgusted huff, he let Marla go, giving her a stern push in Teyla's direction. The unappreciative brow raised back at him let him know he'd just pissed off the only other female in his close proximity. Grateful neither of them could read his mind, he turned his attention back to the top of the trail and thankfully spotted Dex and McKay coming over the ridge.
When they were only a few yards away, Ronon took in the irritated arm-folded stance of Teyla, and then the little girl who mimicked her. Sheppard stood off to the other side of the path, his hands resting on his hips in disgust. "I thought you were supposed to be good with women," he mumbled under his breath as he made his way past.
Rodney must have overheard because he suddenly started coughing into his hand before scrubbing any sign of a smirk off his face with his open palm.
Teyla and Marla followed next, neither saying a word as they passed Sheppard to head back down the trail. And resignedly, wishing he were anywhere but on the cool windy hillside, he brought up the rear.
They had walked in silence only a few minutes before Marla started talking once more. She must have realized her little adventure with the new people was about over and wasn't ready to go home without a fight. Grabbing a hold of Teyla's holster, she tugged to get the gun free. "What does that do?"
Teyla swiftly swatted the small prying hand away. "Do not touch. That is a very dangerous weapon."
"Then why do you have it? Papa says only men should carry weapons."
Tightening her shoulders, Teyla sighed heavily. She didn't miss Ronon's smirk aimed at McKay. Men! "Where I come from, women are also warriors. We are proud to be able to stand up alongside our brothers and defend our people."
Marla considered what she had been told, her eyes narrowing in contemplation. "I had a weapon once. I found it on the ship. But papa took it from me and wouldn't give it back because he said I'm just a girl."
The team that had been traveling mainly in silence all paused and turned to stare at the petite terror in their midst.
Calculating the risks of his actions, Rodney warily stepped back and studied Marla, trying to decide if she was telling them the truth. He was known in two galaxies for his dislike of touchy, snot-nosed, babbling children, and he hesitantly took the plunge he mentally was prepared to kick himself for. "Where did you see the ship?"
Her arms folded smugly, her expression shifted to one of utter contempt. "I'm not telling. I found it, it's mine."
Score! The imaginary kick nailed him perfectly between the eyes. McKay's head dropped to rest on his chest, his left hand reaching under his sunglasses to rub at the persistent headache that had formed earlier, and now throbbed with the banging cadence of a drumline.
"Rodney?" Sheppard inquired from behind.
He abruptly stood up, readjusted his glasses, tightened his shoulder pack, and stiffly headed back down the twisting rock strewn path without saying another word. Ronon followed, keeping pace right beside the scientist. And Teyla and Sheppard soon trailed after, leaving the momentarily bewildered girl to stand alone behind them.
"Wait," she cried out, realizing her plan for attention had backfired. "I'll show you where it is." The team didn't stop. Running ahead, she made her way next to Rodney and grabbed his arm, only to have her grip shook loose. "I'll take you to it," she whined, shiny tears wet on her short lashes.
He stopped to stare down at her, his face unreadable before he started walking once more. The others followed silently, taking their cues from him.
When she ran to stand in front of the scientist again, her chest was heaving as she struggled to stop the tears that usually got her her own way. This time they had little effect. Chewing her bottom lip, she waited until his head tipped down in her direction. She couldn't see his eyes behind the dark glasses but she knew he was looking at her. "Please, I want to show it to you."
Rodney tugged the bottom of his vest straight, taking his time before giving his answer. "Fine," he snapped impatiently. "But if this is some little game of yours, I'll have no problem letting him tan your hide," he said as he pointed across his chest to Ronon standing at his side.
Marla's eyes only got wider as she truly took a good look at the angry hulking giant who was growling back down at her. She gulped and then nodded before taking Rodney's hand and hesitantly tugged him back towards the top of the hill. "It's on the other side, but you can't see it because it's buried under the rocks."
Once again, they all found themselves heading back up the steep scrub covered rise to the top, only to look down upon the opposite side's rock strewn hillside. Sheppard gave the scientist a knowing nudge as they watched the little girl scurry across several boulders, clearly knowing where she was headed.
When she stopped and pointed, beckoning them to follow, Rodney shook his head in disgust. "Who in their right mind would let their kid this far out unsupervised? You never know when a Wraith might pop up and snatch itself a little snack."
"Geeze, McKay, you almost sound like you care about the rugrat," Sheppard teased, not surprised at the dirty look aimed his way. He impishly smiled in return, slapping the scientist on the back. "Let's go see what she's found."
Clambering over the boulders, they had to be alert as several came loose and tumbled to the bottom, creating mini rock slides in their wake. When one broke away under Teyla, she gave a startled cry before Ronon grabbed her arm and helped her back to her feet.
"Careful," he grunted.
She smiled back at him and nodded thanks, dusting her hands off on her pants. "I must agree with Rodney. Why would a child be this far away from home unsupervised? What if she were to fall?"
He shrugged. "I did it all the time."
"Yes, but you are a…." she stopped herself, realizing what she'd almost said. "I too explored on my own. It is just hard to see such actions through the eyes of an adult."
Again, he shrugged and then nodded to the others further below, "Looks like this is the spot."
Marla was down on her hands and knees, worming her way between several large rocks. "It's under here," she called out, as she began to disappear from sight, only to be pulled back by Rodney.
"Are you nuts? There could be spiders or snakes in there." Pointing to an amused Sheppard, he nodded, "You go first."
The colonel stood with his mouth hanging open a moment before shaking his head and laughing. "Ronon, give me a hand," he said, putting his shoulder to a large rock blocking the opening. Between the two of them, they cleared enough to reveal the dirty, dented side of a small ship. The front window was hanging in broken shards, giving them access to the dark interior. With one well placed boot kick, the remains of the splintered window shattered to reveal a dust covered, but very familiar looking console.
"It's a Jumper," McKay breathed in disbelief. No longer worried about creepy critters, he carefully stepped across the control console and dropped to the floor before Sheppard could stop him. His hands patted his pockets absently, before he ripped a Velcro enclosed pocket open and plucked out a small flashlight. Picking his way through the rubble inside he made his way to the back compartment and found the service panels overhead. One good tug and it popped open. Followed by a cascade of dead bug carcasses and dirt that tumbled free to land on him; causing him to jump back and brush himself off before he set about once more investigating the inner workings of the ship. Engrossed in the find, he didn't hear Sheppard come up behind him.
"How long do you think it's been here?" the dark haired colonel asked as he tried to peer over Rodney's shoulder to see what he was doing.
A look of utter annoyance clouded the scientist's face. "You're kidding, right? Let me just look around. Maybe whoever crashed this circled the date on a calendar and left it for whoever might find it, oh, say, ten thousand years later." Trying to balance his light and free himself from his shoulder pack, he was surprised when Marla's hand appeared and took the light from him, pointing it directly at where he had started prying ancient wires free. "Good, keep it there."
She looked pleased that she'd done something right and watched with interest as he removed his keyboard from his pack and began attaching leads to parts overhead. "Can you make it fly again?" she asked quietly.
"Doubtful." He typed several commands and then shook his head. "Nothing," he grunted in annoyance to himself before glancing towards the front, spying Sheppard cleaning off the controls. "The arid climate of the planet has maintained the systems like a tomb. See if there are any crystals left intact underneath the main console."
With flashlight in hand, the dark haired man ducked below and pulled a side section free. Suddenly he gave a startled yelp before scrabbling quickly backwards. "There's a big damn snake under there," he hissed.
Rodney froze. "Snake? What kind of snake? I really don't like snakes. I had a run in with some in a lab once…Not pleasant. Not pleasant at all."
"I'll get it." Ronon pulled his blaster and bent down to take a look before a small body pushed in front of him. The dirty little face with dried tear tracks from earlier now glared angrily at him before she ducked under the control board. Seconds later, she re-emerged with a large brown and yellow snake draped lazily over her shoulder and around her arms.
"Whoa!" Sheppard shouted, taking a quick step back as the snake's tongue flickered inquisitively in his direction.
An absolute look of disgust replaced the anger, before melting into a smile as Marla petted the beast while it wrapped affectionately around her waist. Lifting its head, she held it out for the others to get a closer look, "This is Barr-bee. She won't hurt you."
Sheppard and McKay met each other's surprised glance across the inside of the small ship, both mouthing 'Barbie' to one another and then shuddering in disbelief.
"Colonel?" Teyla looked confused at the men's reactions, and Ronon still stood ready with his blaster to shoot the snake.
Keeping a good distance from the little girl's pet, Sheppard pointed out the broken window. "Any other pets in here you'd like to tell us about?" When she scowled and shook her head 'no', all breathed a sigh of relief. "How about you take Barr-bee outside for some fresh air and sunshine while we work on the ship?"
The evil pout from earlier returned as she stomped to the front, the sound of crunching bug shells crackling beneath her boot covered feet. Ronon easily lifted her and the snake out of the ship. "I'll stay with her," he mumbled, hoisting himself out to follow with ease. Before they could comment, he was gone from the remaining member's view.
Within an hours time, Rodney had effectively reestablished minimal power to the buried vessel. And between Sheppard's annoying suggestions and his own deductive reasonings, they were able to create a basic secondary HUD display using his keyboard. Teyla had patiently assisted both men but eventually gave in to their continual barbs and sparring, quietly excusing herself to go in search of Ronon and the girl.
"It's a crashed Jumper, McKay. Is there a reason why we're still here?"
"Other than learning that apparently some unfortunate Ancient had the same piloting skills as you? Yes. If I can retrieve the data from the memory system, we might be able to learn a little more about where this ship came from and what its mission was."
"What do you mean, where it came from? It's not from Atlantis?"
"Give the man a gold star," McKay cracked off with a finger pointing up in the air beside his head. "As near as I can tell, the data mentions it's from 'the third city'."
"The third city. Gee, that's real helpful, Rodney. Why don't I just get out a map and look that one up?" Sheppard wasn't positive, but he could have sworn he heard the scientist grumble 'Bite me'.
Okay, this was getting them no where. "Any chance we could power this up enough to temporarily fly it back to Atlantis? Maybe give it a thorough going over once we are back home?"
"You lied about Mensa, didn't you? Because no one with any amount of brains worth a hill of beans would ask as stupid a question as that one!" With four quick steps, Rodney made his way to the front of the craft and waved his arm in exasperation through the air where there should have been a windshield. "What do you suggest we use to get free? The drive pods are buried, and heaven only knows what kind of damage they sustained in the crash, and…and… and…" his attention shifted to watch a large bolt of lightning peel across the darkening sky outside. "Great, just great. It's going to rain and we still have to walk back to the gate."
"Afraid of getting wet? Perhaps you didn't notice with that Mensa mind of your own, but on our way here, there wasn't' that much vegetation. And you said it yourself earlier, arid climate. If anything, it's just a cloudburst, maybe even a heat storm. I wouldn't get my shorts in a bundle, if I were you."
Rodney didn't look convinced. Peering cautiously out the front, he stared at the rolling wind driven clouds.
"Sh…rd," squawked brokenly over both of their radios the same moment another far off bolt of lightening lit up the now black skyline, followed by rumble of distant thunder.
Sheppard carefully climbed up onto the console and stepped outside to stand on a nearby boulder in hopes of gaining a better reception. "Ronon, Teyla, where are you?"
"Bottom … hill," Dex hailed back, his voice breaking up do to the oncoming storm's interference messing with the signal.
He strained in an attempt to spot the figures further below. "Find some shelter. McKay and I will ride it out up here. Hopefully this will all blow over before we know it."
"Col...Marla has run…jump…" Teyla crackled over the airways.
Sheppard might not have heard all she said, but it was clear by their insistent waving up the rock strewn hill, that he was to be looking for something, or rather someone. He sent two clicks on the radio and waved his arm over his head to confirm. "McKay," he called over his shoulder while his eyes raked the rocks, "your little girlfriend is headed our way."
Another powerful blaze lit up the sky, this time much closer and the boom of thunder practically overlapped it. That's when he spotted movement mere feet away and spied Marla, sans the snake, scurrying towards him. "Get over here!" he yelled as he reached out and caught her by the arm, tugging her slight frame towards the safety of the ship.
"Sheppard, get your scrawny ass back in here before you find yourself with a real reason for that crappy hair of yours," Rodney shouted from inside. When he found himself face to face with a wide-eyed seven year old hoisted up and dropped hurriedly onto the console before him instead, he grabbed Marla and deposited her quickly onto an empty seat behind him before leaning back out. "Sheppard!"
"Coming!" the colonel yelled back as he clambered up the dented front of the ship. The first cold hard splats of falling rain pegged him squarely on top of the head. "Storm's right on top of us!" he yelled, suddenly finding himself in an deluge of pounding rain that was coming straight down. Not needing to be told twice, he jumped, making a grab for the busted window frame so that he could pull himself inside.
Loose pieces of jagged stone and scrubbrush washed free by the freak storm, plummeted down the hillside from above the jumper, rapidly gaining momentum and volume. Before Sheppard could safely duck within, he was struck by several chunks as Rodney grabbed him by his vest and yanked him over the controls to land on the dirty floor in a sopping heap. Water, mud, and rocks continued to pour in behind him before silence suddenly enveloped the jumper.
"McKay," Sheppard hissed in pain with his eyes clenched tightly shut. A hand pressed lightly against his shoulder, causing him to gasp and suck in a mouthful of mud and bug parts before the pressure quickly disappeared.
"Marla, don't touch him," Rodney ordered, dropping to his knees while stripping off his own vest and folding it to use as a pillow. "Sheppard, where are you hurt?" he asked as he cleared debris from around them off the floor.
"Shoulder. Think maybe it's dislocated," he groaned.
Rodney chewed his lower lip as he worriedly studied Sheppard's mud covered back in the dim lighting. "Anything else? Can you move?" He watched as fingers gradually flexed and then feet jiggled slightly. "Good, good. Don't move anymore."
"Wasn't planning on it," came the muffled reply.
Seeing that his patient was going to cooperate, Rodney gripped the quiet little girl's arm and made her look at him. "I need our packs from the back. Can you get them for me?"
Her eyes shot to the darkened section and then back to him. Mouth ready to protest, she stopped when Col. Sheppard groaned painfully beside her. Seconds later she was on her feet scurrying back to the aft section.
Rodney knew she'd be back any second, so before she could return, he placed one hand on Sheppard's shoulder and another under his head. "On three," he warned quietly. "One, two, three."
"Son of a b…!" Sheppard yelled loudly before stopping himself as McKay rolled him onto his back and then adjusted his wet head with shaking hands back on to the vest once more.
"Sorry," the scientist grunted, using his dry coat to prop the injured arm in place..
"You're never sorry about anything," he bit back between his grinding teeth as his chest heaved in exertion from the pain.
Marla dropped the shoulder packs at Rodney's side, her eye staring back and forth between the two men before she angrily kicked the scientist on the shin. "Why'd you hurt him?" she demanded.
"Ouch! Watch the foot there, Taz." Digging through the folds and pockets, he withdrew another flashlight and handed it to her. "I wasn't hurting him; I was making him more comfortable. Right, Colonel?"
For the first time, Sheppard dared to open his eyes and was surprised to find himself in almost complete darkness except for the flashlight beam aimed in his direction. Blinking several times to adjust, he frowned back at Rodney and then quirked a tired grin to his rescuer. "It's all right; he does it all the time."
She didn't appreciate his attempt at humor and McKay's snort didn't help his own precarious position in her view. "I'll have papa throw you in jail," she said to Rodney as she dropped down to sit protectively on Sheppard's other side.
Snarky comeback on the tip of his tongue, Rodney stopped when Sheppard clenched his eyes shut and gasped his way through another wave of pain. "How bad is it?"
"Scale of one to ten?" Sheppard panted and then cracked an eye to meet the scientist's concerned glance, "Nine."
"Oh that's not good." Pulling the small field kit from his bag, he opened it find the stash of pain relievers. Glancing at the preloaded syringe of Morphine, he met Sheppard's gaze. "Did you get hit in the head at all?"
The dark haired man carefully rolled his head back and forth. "Don't want that."
"How about half , and then I'll put your shoulder back?"
The thought of McKay jamming a needle into any part of his body, no matter what the reason, left him more than a little concerned, but the ripping waves through his shoulder had other ideas. "Half," he whispered.
Rodney nodded silently and began to roll the wet sleeve on Sheppard's good arm up until his bicep was revealed. Biting the protective cap off, he held it in his teeth as he took a deep breath. "Ready?" he mumbled.
Sheppard ran his tongue over his dry lips, before spitting a piece of bug shell. "I think I did more damage…than just dislocate it," he stuttered as pain radiated again down his back and arm. A small hand gripped his own and he rolled his head to the side, finding Marla watching him with worry. Before he could say anything, Rodney plunged the needle into his muscle. "Argh! Damn it six ways to Hell, McKay! Where did you…" he paused to breathe, the cool medication flowing through his veins.
"Same place you did, Beckett's School of Field Medicine 101."
"I don't 'member…" Sheppard yawned, his eyes growing heavy, "anything 'bout stabbin' person with sharp ob…." His eyes slid closed and his breathing evened out in sleep.
Rodney waited a few more minutes before he leaned over and peeled back an unresisting eyelid. Finding the colonel down for the count, he glanced back at Marla. "I'm going to fix his shoulder. He might yell and it's going to make a funny noise, but then he'll be all better after I'm done. Okay?"
Clearly debating whether or not she believed him, she finally nodded and stepped back.
"Okay." Taking a deep breath, Rodney placed one knee on Sheppard's chest while he gripped the injured arm in both hands. One quick firm tug later and the bone slid smoothly back into the socket with only a slight grimace from his patient.
"So why aren't you the governor of where you come from?" a small girl's voice questioned in the dark.
"Well, if I was busy being Governor like your father, then who would everyone call on to fix things when they broke down?" replied a man quietly.
Sheppard listened through the fog surrounding his muddled brain cells. That had to be McKay, he finally put together. Opening his mouth, he closed it to swallow, and then tried again. "Rodney," he croaked, his throat dry from sleeping with his mouth open while lying flat on his back.
"Colonel, nice of you to rejoin the land of the living. How do you feel?"
A canteen was placed next to his lips and he let the warm water spill into mouth. Once the dry sandpapery feeling was washed away, he licked his lips before attempting to drag his eyes open. "Been better," he finally answered, and then sniffed, "but also been a helluva lot worse." Taking his first real cognizant look around, Sheppard was surprised to find them all in near darkness. "What's going on?"
"Rodney integrated the battery from his keyboard into the control crystals. That way he was able to use the power to bring the shields online and keep the rocks from falling back inside the ship." Marla beamed proudly from her seated position on McKay's lap, pleased that she'd remembered what the scientist had told her.
"Did he now?"
"Yes, and then he showed me how to boost the signal to the radios, and I got to talk to Ronon, and Teyla, and Dr. Beckett, and my papa."
"Sounds like you've been busy."
The holy terror from earlier smiled happily as she tucked a loose strand of hair back underneath Sheppard's cap that she was now wearing.
"McKay, care to fill me in on the details?" he asked as he winked at her and she actually giggled. Perhaps this kid wasn't so bad after all.
Rodney shifted to stretch out his legs from his seated position on the floor at Sheppard's side, settling Marla on the floor next to him. "Like she said. Once I was able to get the signal stronger, I contacted Ronon and Teyla. She went back to call in help while he started to dig us out. Now that another full team is here, we should be out and back home within an hour, two max."
"And the Jumper?"
He sighed and scratched the top of his dirty head, paused to pull a bug carcass from his hair, and then continued, "Elizabeth said once Carson clears me, the Governor has invited me back to see if I can get it running. And if so, we can take it back with us." Before he could go on, the chirp of the radio beckoned to be answered. Thumbing the switch, he glanced to Sheppard, but smugly passed it to Marla. "Ask for Dr. Beckett. Tell him the Colonel is awake."
She eagerly snatched the piece of equipment and chattered non-stop at the physician, barely giving him the chance to ask any questions. When Carson finally gave in, saying the air quality must be good in the ship to keep the wee girl yammering for so long on one bloody breath, she handed it back to Rodney with a satisfied smirk. "Just like you said he would."
The two shared a shrug and a devious smile before focusing their attention back on Sheppard. He in turn really wished they'd hurry up outside.
"So, what else did Rodney tell you while I was sleeping?"
The little girl looked to McKay with eyes of absolute hero worship. "Well," she started, taking a deep breath, "there once was a black energy monster that he forced through the gate. And the time he helped capture Steve the Wraith. Colonel Sheppard, what's a vampire? And then he saved you from the evil woman that glowed. He said that happened to you twice. And then….."
Sheppard forced himself to smile at her as she ticked off one incident after another of events apparently Rodney had done to save the day.
"McKay…"
Rodney refused to be baited. "Face it, you have your space women, and now I have mine."
The End
Thanks KBC for letting me bug you one afternoon.