(If I) Lose It All

Author's Notes: Yes... the sequel to "When Love Takes You In" is finally here. Rejoice and be glad.

Disclaimer: "Brokeback Mountain" was created by Annie Proulx. The screenplay for the movie was written by Larry McMurtry and Diana Ossana.

Chapter One

March 1985

Ennis Del Mar was awakened from a peaceful sleep by a grunt and a "godammit". He pulled the blanket down from his head, squinting at the sudden light.

"What?" He mumbled, stifling a yawn. He looked over and saw Jack struggling with a pair of faded blue jeans. Jack looked over at him with a frown.

"Can't get these damn jeans zipped up."

"That's cuz their mine," Ennis told him. He sat up against the headboard of their bed. He watched as Jack stripped off the jeans and looked at the tag, seeing that Ennis was correct.

"Jesus, we used to be the same size. When did I get so much bigger'n you?" He asked.

"Easier to pack on the pounds if you actually got the money to buy food. S'not anythin' new, Jack. You grew that gut years back.

"Huh... shit, maybe I should try an' lose it." Jack looked down at his belly.

"Don't you dare. I like that gut o' yours... more of you to hold onto." Ennis almost growled. Jack shrugged, not really bothered by it. If he'd really had it for years, it obviously wasn't a hindrance in work or play.

"When's Francine's plane coming in?" He changed the subject.

"S'posed to be in about 2:00 at the Madison airport. What about Bobby?"

"5:00... assuming Lureen is able to force him on the airplane. We don't gotta pick him up though. He's got a ride here. Tell you what, I'm a bit jittery about him comin'. He sure as hell don't wanna be here, he made that clear." Jack huffed, falling onto the bed.

"It's just a week, Jack. Maybe he can find someone to hang around with. Tomah school's are on spring break now, too." Ennis shrugged.

"Ain't ya a little nervous? I mean... Bobby didn't make it no secret how he felt about us last time I saw him. I don't wanna know what kind of things he might say to Francine."

"Last time you saw him was before we moved here. And Francine knows when to lay it all out and when to keep her mouth shut... 'sides she made plenty of friends over summer that'll back her up and she said Clara'll be stoppin' by sometime this week when she's checkin' out colleges. Don't worry so much. Now c'mon boy... we got some work to do 'fore the kids come."

Jack started to push himself back up to get dressed, but he was yanked back to the bed.

"Not that kind of work." Ennis murmured, crawling over to Jack and putting his lips to Jack's ear. Jack grinned and let Ennis pull him closer on the bed.

"I'd hardly call this work, Cowboy." He turned and swung his leg over Ennis, straddling him. He leaned in for a kiss when the doorbell rang. "Shit," he muttered.

Ennis gently pushed him off and Jack fell limply on his back. Ennis chuckled, looking at Jack's devastated face.

"Ain't like we can't continue this tonight, Rodeo." He got up and put on the jeans that Jack had been trying to zip up earlier. He put his thumbs through two belt loops and looked over at Jack again.

"I think ya stretched 'em out." He suppressed a grin when Jack threw a pillow at him.

"Just run and answer the door, ya bastard."

Ennis laughed and grabbed a white t-sirt on his way out of the room. He shrugged it on as he descended the stairs and jogged to the front door.

"Junior? Whattaya doin' ringin' the doorbell?" He asked as he opened the door.

"Sorry Daddy. Hands are too full to work the doorknob." She explained. It was then that he noticed the pink bundle in one arm and a full grocery bag in the other.

"I was wonderin' if you an' Jack could take Nancy Grace today. The Heathcare Center called and they're really short... flu's goin' around. Wanted to know if I could take an extra shift." Junior looked desperately at her father. She worked on-call at the Tomah Healthcare Center for extra money and to stave off total boredom while Kurt was working.

"Of course we can take her... if'n ya don't mind she comes with to get Francine." He was already reaching for the pink bundle of blankets. Junior and Kurt had given birth to a beautiful baby girl in the third week of October, almost exactly nine months after their wedding.

Junior and Ennis came all the way in the house and she set the grocery bag on the dining room table.

"I brought some extra formula in case ya needed it, and some new diapers." Junior pulled the items out of the bag and looked over at her father. She paused when she saw that she wasn't the focus of his attention anymore. He was totally enamored with his granddaughter.

He was sitting over on the fur rug b the fireplace and he had set Nancy grace on her tummy. He was trying to get her to roll over by setting her favorite toy to one side just out of her reach.

Jack came down the stairs, tucking in a shirt as he walked.

"Who was at the - oh! Why it's the Lucky Star herself!" Jack exclaimed, rushing over and picking the baby up excitedly. Jack, Nancy Grace's godfather and bonus grandfather, had taken to calling her 'Lucky Star' because she was a honymoon baby and he insisted that was good luck.

"Mornin' to you too, Jack." Junior called out.

"Oh, hey there Junior. Ya here for a visit?"

"Nope. Dropping her off. Kurt's already at work and I need to pick up a shift on account of the flu goin' 'round work." She explained.

"She comin' with to get Francine then?" He asked. She nodded.

"I best be gettin' a move on though. Don't wanna be late, shorthanded as they are." She grabbed Nancy Grace for a goodbye kiss. "You be good for your grand-daddies now. Bye Daddy, Jack." She handed the baby back and rushed out the door.

Jack bounced the baby in his arms as she gurgled up at him. Ennis stood and peeked over Jack's shoulder, smiling at the little girl. Ennis wished he had been a better father to Junior and Francine. Looking back, he could see that he never really played with them if it wasn't needed and he stayed emotionally distant until they were older even though he loved them so much. He was too scared to be a good father when he was younger. He didn't know what he was doing. Nancy Grace was like a second chance and he never realized that playing with his grand-daughter could be so fun.

After they kept Nancy grace entertained for a while, she made it clear how tired she was and so they fed her and put her to sleep in the small nursery they'd set up upstairs. She slept up until they had to start on their way to the airport. Ennis got her settled in the car seat of their extra car that they'd acquired since her birth. They drove to Madison, stopping only once to change a diaper.

Waiting at the gate for Francine, they were surprised when they saw her. Gone was the spiky, frizzy hair and crazy clothing. In place was just Francine with her blonde hair straight and laying calmly on her shoulders while she wore plain, but tattered jeans and a fitted t-shirt bearing the logo of some band on the front.

"Daddy!" She yelled and ran to hug Ennis. She then turned to Jack, who was holding Nancy Grace.

"Ohh... my gosh, is this my little niece?" She cooed.

"Yep. The Lucky Star... here, hold her." Jack handed Nancy Grace to Francine, who melted as soon as the baby was in her arms. It was the first time she'd been able to meet her niece and she had tears in her eyes.

"You're just the most amazing thing, aren't you?"

Ennis went to find Francine's suitcase while Jack grabbed her carry-on. When Ennis rejoined them, they started walking.

"Looks like Junior and Kurt got a new baby-sitter this week." Ennis whispered to Jack and Jack stifled a laugh.

After they god home and Kurt picked up Nancy, Francine fell asleep on the couch, tired from traveling. Ennis had the television (purchased over summer for Francine's sanity) on low and set on some random channel and Jack tried to sit still, but was too anxious waiting for Bobby to arrive.

"Stop your worryin' and settle down. You'll wear a rut in that nice wood floor."

"Ya know if it weren't fer you, maybe my own son wouldn't hate me so much and I wouldn't hafta be worryin'!" Jack snapped at him.

"Izzat so?" Ennis remarked calmly, staring straight at the television as Bob Ross added yet another 'happy tree' to his canvas. He let Jack's comment slide, knowing that they both sad stupid things whenever they were extremely stressed.

"Yeah, that's so. Ya know, maybe if I never knew ya then I never woulda been leavin' so much each year and levin' him for L.D. to twist and-" Jack paused when Ennis finally turned to face him.

"... and?" Ennis encouraged, staring intently into Jack's eyes. Jack sighed and sat on the arm rest of Ennis's chair.

"Damn, Ennis. I didn't mean... I mean, ya know. I... I love you and I don't know what I'd ever do without ya. I'm sorry fer sayin' all that bullshit." He brought his hand up to Ennis's face, rubbing his knuckles over the harsh stubble that had grown over the day.

Ennis leaned into the warm touch out of habit and was about to tell Jack that it was okay and all was forgiven, but the doorbell rang when he opened his mouth to speak. Jack's hand was gone from his face that moment as the man raced towards the door. Ennis frowned and wondered why the doorbell had such awful timing that day.

"Bobby... hello. It's good to see you." Jack said awkwardly, trying to hold a smile on his face for his own son. Bobby didn't look at him, but looked around the house to see the place he'd be staying for a week. "Well, this is our house. You're free to roam around and make yourself at home here."

"Whatever queer," the teenager muttered, brushing past Jack and coming face to face with Ennis. The older man towered over Bobby, looking very intimidating.

"I hope I didn't hear what I thought I did."

Bobby looked up at the tall man, remembering meeting him when Jack was in the hospital. Bobby may have grown a few inches, but Ennis could still mop the floor with the boy.

"Ennis, just leave it..." Jack sighed. Ennis glanced over Bobby to look at Jack and then took a step back. He was still pissed, Bobby could see by the twitch in Ennis's jaw.

Bobby turned away from him and walked through the living room, stopping when he saw Francine sleeping on the couch.

"Who's that?"

"My daughter."

"No shit. I sure as hell didn't think she was a bonus girlfriend for either of you to fuck. What's her name?"

That time Ennis grabbed him by his shirt collar and Jack didn't say anything.

"You don't speak about my daughter in that way. You don't talk about any young lady that way. What the fuck is wrong with you, boy?" He growled, now only inches from Bobby's face.

"S-sorry, sir." Bobby stuttered fearfully. Ennis let go of him with a shove.

"Now get yer ass upstairs, boy. Yer sleepin' in the second room on the left from the stairs."

Bobby shouldered his bag and hurried toward the staircase and up the stairs.

"So... that's Bobby?"

Ennis and Jack turned to see Francine still lying on the couch, her eyes now open.

"Sorry to wake ya, darlin'." Ennis apologized.

"Naw... if I sleep any longer, I'll be awake all night"

"Ennis, I'm awful sorry about him. I wish I coulda raised him better." Jack said.

"He's a grown boy... makes his own decisions. He knows right an' wrong. Just chooses to ignore it. No fault of yours." Ennis told him.

Ennis reached an arm out and beckoned the sorrowful Jack over by him. He pt his arm around Jack's shoulders and embraced him with comfort. He had a feeling it was going to be a long week.

End Chapter