Perverts, Freaks, and Lovers Perverts, Freaks, and Lovers

Written by: Crack God

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters. Do the ninja bunny dance! Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na, hey, hey!

Chapter Twenty-Four

Happy Easter, Little Boys and Girls

Sakura's eyes widened in pure joy.

"Of course I'll marry you, Kaka-sensei!" she answered.

"Thank you so much! This is the best day of my life!" Kakashi exclaimed.

"…Where's my ring, dammit," Sakura angrily asked, her teeth clenched and fist rising.

"Ring?" Kakashi said, blinking, as he was obviously confused.

"DaRLinGSsszSZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!"

An epic crazy scream echoed throughout the halls.

"WheRE ARE yoU My BaBIes!!"

Ka-rack!

The ceiling above burst open and a very naked Shino (still wearing his sunglasses) fell through the opening. He hit the floor and began rolling sideways, over and over and over again.

"DarLIngS!" Shino shrieked. "My BuGs! Where ArT tHou!"

Suddenly, from the shadows of the corner, Orochimaru appeared, licking his lips. This is exactly what he had dreamed of for his entire life. He took a step forward. Then another. And another.

Everyone stared at Orochimaru. How had he gotten there?

"Good day, Orochimaru," Kurenai said. "Lovely weather, isn't it?"

"… Give me… the… dog," Orochimaru ordered. "Give me Akamaru now."

By now it was apparent that he had not been staring at Shino, but rather the ball of fur that was being crushed underneath the boy.

"Why do you want Akamaru?" Kiba asked, not bothering to save his little doggy from his crazy psycho teammate.

"Isn't it obvious?" Orochimaru spoke. "That dog… He has the perfect body! I've been searching for years and years and now I've finally found a vessel worthy of me. Within Akamaru's body, I shall finally be complete. No one will be able to stop me, no one! Mwahaahaahhahahaha!"

Kiba looked at his whining puppy and then at Orochimaru. "Sure. You can have him," Kiba spoke.

He walked over to Shino, kicked him out the nearest window, and picked up his little puppy. He then walked over to Orochimaru and held out his dog for him to take.

"…Really? I can have him just like that?" Orochimaru asked, confused, because he was expecting that at the very least he would have to steal the doggy. "You do realize that with his body, I'll be unstoppable and will destroy all of Konoha, right?"

"So? Does it look like we're in Konoha at the moment?" Ninja Bunny, the sixth Hokage, asked. "It's not like it would affect us."

Orochimaru tilted his head like a confused schoolgirl. The Hokage was letting him destroy the village. "So you're sure that I can have the dog?"

Akamaru shifted his head to look at his master, his partner, his Kiba. Tears poured out of his eyes. The doggy didn't want to be killed and made into Orochimaru's new body. He didn't want to die.

"Just take him," Kiba said. "I don't want him anymore. He took a shit on my bed."

Lee's eyes suddenly darted back at forth. "Hey, what are you guys looking at me for? Huh?" he said with much paranoia. "Fine, alright! I took the shit on Kiba's bed! Big whoopdy-doo!"

Everyone gave Lee a what-the-fuck-did-you-just-say? kind of look.

Orochimaru took this opportunity to snatch Akamaru away from Kiba's outstretched hands. He then took the opportunity to jump out the window. His plan had been successful. Soon, he would be unstoppable.

Lee was soon sent flying after him, via a kick in the head from Kiba.

Gai sensei then willingly followed, jumping out of the window as well.

"You know what?" Ninja Bunny spoke. "Let's just wrap things up here. The Lovers team obviously wins this challenge."

"Wait!" a super squeaky voice… squeaked. Literally floating down the stairs was Shikamaru. He had taken so many laxatives that he was lighter than air.

Soon the boy flew over the weigh-in scale. Asuma walked over and pressed the on button.

Everyone waited for the scale to compute a number. And it did.

Shikamaru weighed negative four hundred thirty-seven pounds.

Gasping could be heard across the room. The boy with an IQ of 200 had done the impossible. He was lighter than nothing.

"… Okay, I'm too lazy to do any math right now, so let's just say it was a tie between the Freaks team and the Lovers team," Ninja Bunny announced. "That means that Lovers group is in the lead with nine points and the Freaks and Perverts groups are tied in last with six points each.

"And now, it's Easter! So let's all go outside and have an Easter egg hunt for the next competition. The hunt will last three hours. At the end, the group with the most eggs wins. Begin!"

"Hey, Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto exclaimed. "I found this giant swirly orange Easter egg but I can't get it out of the ground! Could you lend me a hand?"

"Sure," the silver haired ninja replied. He walked over and followed Naruto's finger. His eye lead him to an egg-shaped object lying in the grass that was bright orange and had black lines spiraling into a black hole that was towards the left side.

Kakashi and Naruto both bent down ad tried to get a firm grip on the egg.

"On three we lift," Kakashi stated. "One-two-three!"

On cue, the two lifted up with all their strength, pulling out the Easter egg.

"Geez! Don't rip my head off!" a voice exclaimed from the Easter egg. A body in black clothes came flying out of the earth. As it turned out, the giant Easter egg wasn't an Easter egg. It was a certain someone's head.

"Tobi is a gooooooooooood boy, so don't try to kill him by decapitation!"

A/N: That's it for now. Happy Easter! Please review.