How quickly time passes by…
Winry mused as she looked out of the window of her room.

Three full years had passed since Edward Elric's mysterious disappearance. So many things changed at a dramatic speed around Winry, and she was tired.

Tired of smiling. Tired of pretending she was fine. Tired of looking at the newspaper to see if Ed's name appeared somewhere. Tired of clinging to the memories of Ed, in hope that he was still alive, somewhere.

The letters he sent her was still inside the drawer of her desk. In fact, it was still one of her most prized possession.

But she no longer read them. She didn't need to…She read them too many times that she remembered every word by heart. She could recall any line from any letter, and recite it without pause.

And she was also tired of doing that.

In fact, there was not a single thing she could think of that she was not tired of. Even automails lost their appeal since the disappearance of Ed. She was now a living ghost…an empty shell with the name of Winry Rockbell.

Winry was in apathy, as people called it. Maybe the loss of her loved one was too much for the girl to hold. And so many of the neighbors looked at her with pity. She neither cared nor noticed.

Whenever something was bugging her, she usually wrote a letter to Ed. Even if she never really put everything she wanted to say, just the act of writing helped her organize her thoughts. And a reply from Ed would encourage her, and showed her out of the mess she was in.

But wasn't it just plain ironic that the person she was supposed to write to was the one causing all this trouble? And that he was gone…somewhere where she couldn't send a letter to. So she'd also never get an answer. She sighed in self-mockery. No matter how hard Winry tried, there was always something inside that prevented her from forgetting, or laughing, or smiling, or feeling happy.

She reached out to the drawer where she kept all of her previous letters…and drew back. Because she knew, deep down, that the reason why she never looked at them anymore was not because she memorized them. It was because when she saw them, she saw Ed. And when she saw Ed, it hurt.

Then how was she supposed to ever, ever move on?

She reached out for a clean sheet and a pen, like countless times before. Her heart ached at every motion she made.
Even if she couldn't get a reply, maybe writing would help…
She thought detachedly, and wrote the first two letters of the name she always thought of.

Then the words just came out.

xoxox

Ed,

Three years have already passed since you disappeared. I want to believe you are still alive, and I do, but sometimes a dark thought creeps into my mind, whispering to me that you are dead. I don't want to believe it, but it is proving to be harder than I thought. Why did you disappear from that place? If you're alive, how come you never came back? Or at least write a letter? Did you get too hurt that you couldn't even write? Or did you forget everything that happened? Where are you? What are you doing? …Too many questions, all unanswered. But the one question I really want the answer for is… Are you alive?

You have missed so much. I handle most of the customers in the shop now, since Pinako bachan is seriously considering retiring. She still works, of course, but only for her really old customers. I take the orders for everyone else. Den is still fine, but he is also getting old. He doesn't run or play as much anymore, but is still as loyal as before.

Rose stayed with us for a while, but she went back to Lior. She wants to put the city back in order. She also wants to help the children who were orphaned in the war. Lior is now on the way to restoration. It's probably going to be a long and rocky path, but I'm sure they will do it. "Stand and walk, move forward." She said that you told her that before. Just like you, always looking forward, heading towards a set goal. I'm sure she can follow what you said, but I don't think I can. I keep looking back, thinking about you.

Izumi-san passed away about a year ago. Her funeral was only modest, and I'm sure she would've wanted you there. No use saying this now, though. Her grave lies now in Dublith, beside the unmarked stone which stood for her lost son. She never said anything, but she was always worried about you.

Speaking of Izumi-san, did you know Al went to her to learn alchemy again? Yes, you succeeded in bringing him back, so don't worry. Except that he was 10 when we found him…making him 13 at the moment, and remembers nothing about his 4 years. Izumi-san thought that those 4 years, from the day you transmuted your mother, was taken. "Equivalent Trade". He wants to learn alchemy to see you again. I'm scared he might try transmuting you. I hope he won't… Heaven knows what equivalent trade would ask from him then.

You know, I never found out what really happened that day in the Underground City. Yes, Rose was there for most of the time, but you told her to go back first. So she didn't see the whole thing. As for me, I didn't see one little bit of what was going on, so I am just plain clueless. Did you ever get my note? Did you make the "right" choice? Every time I think about you, more and more questions come to my mind, all of them left unanswered.

Sometimes, I look back to the past, when all of us were just carefree kids here in Resembool. When my parents and you mom were still here, and all we did was fool around. Remember the doll you gave me on my birthday? I remember how scared I was when you transmuted it, and how I started crying. I'm so sorry about that. It's in my room now, and it's really important to me. It's one of the few things that remind me of you.

Ed, did you ever know that I loved you? No, it shouldn't be in past tense, because I still do. And I probably will for as long as I am alive. The first time I realized that was when you told me in the train station, the day you left for Central, that you won't come back home. It was in that moment when I really understood how much you meant to me. I guess I just took for granted that you will always be there. Now I know that nothing stays forever, I regret that I never told you. It probably would have been a burden on your part, and that we never would have talked normally after. But this feeling becomes heavier and more desperate by each passing minute, and I just want to see you again and tell you how much I love you.

I bet you never noticed, and I don't thing you ever will. That is exactly the kind of indelicate bastard you are. You've probably found someone by now. I mean, no matter how short you may still be, you are already 18. You probably would remember me only as the girl next door, the automail freak, but that is okay. As long as you won't forget that I exist. I'd never get on with my life, couldn't if I tried, but I want you to get on with your life. Just don't forget about us.

We may never meet again. But if you will ever come back, I will always be waiting for you. You still have a home to come back to. Or even if you don't come back, at least let me know you're alright. Somehow. See how desperate I am, writing this letter not even knowing what to do with it? I just miss you too much. I don't think I can go on like this much longer…

Winry

xoxox

Winry was surprised that tears hadn't blotted out the paper yet. Or maybe she wasn't, since she was tired of crying too. She sighed, and smiled involuntarily remembering all the times she had written a letter before…and stopped dead in her tracks.
Wait, did I just smile? A real smile, not plastered on my face for the sake of everyone else?
She was surprised, if that started describing what she felt. She was stunned…at the fact that she still remembered how to smile. It had been so, so long since she last did.

She rushed to the bathroom to look at the mirror. And though the smile was gone…who could maintain a smile through the surprise and confusion she was in? …she thought her eyes looked less tired than they did before.

She moved her lips, without saying the words…
"Thank you, Ed."

And the letter she wrote, neither to be sent nor to be answered, was neatly folded, and kept in the same drawer with all the letters from Edward.

It was no longer time to despair for the past, but to hope for the future. She finally realized that memories were not there to kill her slowly, but to support her through her life.

Fin.

Did you see that? Fin? It's finished...finally.

I'd like to thank you all for reading this, and special thanks to my reviewers: C.A.M.E.O.1 and Only, DarkInuHanyou, hEnKa N kYoUkA GuRlz, windwhisprer, Darkest Alchemist, eureka its mika, Kaean, FruitsBasketFreak44, A Crazy Girl of Many Names, sucks-2-b-u, Baby Panda-chan, and Danielle Lotzof!
You guys rock! Without you, I would NEVER have gotten through this!

Thanks again, and I hope you enjoyed the story...